Semi-Fictional Jay Cutler Is the New Semi-Fictional Philip Rivers
All I wanted to do was call Vanderbilt gay, but I like the direction this went. And while it doesn’t fit in with the “Whatever” version of Jay Cutler we’ve envisioned at KSK, the @NotJayCutler Twitter feed is probably as close to reality as good ol’ @KingLaserface. Which is to say: VERY close.
Tags: captain caveman, Jay Cutler
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November 9th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Those are fuckin’ great!
Jay Cutler just stole the job you told him you applied for.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Jay Cutler didn’t know she wasn’t 18. Well, I mean, he kinda knew. Just didn’t wanna say anything ya know? Plausible deniability and shit.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Awesome…
Jay Cutler just deleted all the “Always Sunny” episodes off your DVR because you were at 83% capacity.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Jay Culter drives on the shoulder of the road during traffic jams.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Jay Cutler drives a Harley. Fag.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Jay Cutler filled your DVR with PokerStars episodes.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Jay Cutler’s buying a house in Naperville.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Jay Cutler spent the night at your girlfriend’s apartment, “She just needed someone to talk to, bro.”
November 9th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Jay Cutler always calls shotgun.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Jay Cutler always gets in the 10-items or less lane with twenty items.
/I had a roommate who fucked a prostitute in my bed (when I wasn’t home … just in case you thought otherwise)
//He couldn’t understand why I was annoyed
November 9th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Jay Cutler ruined the ending to a movie you were watching..after being told not to ruin the ending.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Jay Cutler orders coke with no ice
November 9th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Jay Cutler dropped the bag of Tostitos you asked him to pick up and didn’t bother swapping it out for a new one. Also puts bread and eggs on the bottom of the bag.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Jay Cutler dumped in your toilet, didn’t flush, and wiped his ass with your toothbrush.
/might have to friend Ufford on facebook
November 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Jay Cutler only takes pennies, and never leaves them.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Jay Cutler talks loudly on a blue tooth ear piece while waiting in line at the bank.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Jay Cutler intentionally spits while blowing out the candles on his birthday cake.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Jay Cuter drives his Dad’s Jaguar X series and call it his car.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Jay Cutler keeps a cigarette tucked behind his ear, though to date nobody has ever seen him smoke one.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Jay Cutler looks forward to the next game because somebody said it was easy as taking candy from a baby and he likes taking candy from babies.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Jay Cutler thinks the ShamWow guy is a rock star.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Jay Cutler wears a filthy, white three-bar “Cocks” hat.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Jay Cutler never donates to the Salvation Army because those bells are too loud and stuff.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Jay Cutler things his Ed Hardy jacket is “tight,” bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Jay Cutler was already sitting here, bitch.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Jay Cutler bought your girlfriend two tickets to the gun show
November 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Jay Cutler’s brother knows a guy who was an extra in “Swingers”
November 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Jay Cutler tips 10%.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Jay Cutler eats the last slice of pizza.
November 9th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Jay Cutler still does Austin Powers impressions.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Jay Cutler kills prey mantis’s BECAUSE they are endangered.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Jay Cutler “will get you next time, bro.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Jay Cutler always roots against your team. He doesn’t care about that particular sport, he just thinks it’s funny when you get mad after your team loses.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Jay Cutler thinks Dane Cook is hilarious.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Jay Cutler has a personalized license tag on his Tahoe.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Jay Cutler insists he’s more of a Vince and wants you to be his Turtle.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Jay Cutler eats all of the drumstick wings.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Jay Cutler bought a WOW account on e-bay and thinks he’s the shit.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Jay Cutler gave his mom an autograph for her birthday.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Jay Cutler really hates it when people say he sulks, or, ya know, whatevs.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Jay Cutler wants you to smell his fingers.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Jay Cutler is a well known Juggalo.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Jay Cutler played lacrosse in high school and “totally could’ve played in college.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Jay Cutler didn’t know your dog couldn’t have brownies. Sorry, bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Jay Cutler taped over all your Bill Hicks stuff with Carlos Mencia.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Jay Cutler unscrews the salt and pepper shakers at Denny’s at 3:00 a.m.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
More and more, this is turning out to be about my 23 year old baby brother. I could say nearly every one of those things about him.
Seriously.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Jay Cutler left for Bonnaroo without you.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Jay Cutler won’t tell his roommate again that if the Bears aren’t playing on Monday Night he’s watching RAW.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Jay Cutler thought you were picking up the tab, bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Jay Cutler thought he could skip your i-phone all the way across the pool, sorry bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Jay Cutler had to be restrained when someone said American Dad was better than Family Guy
November 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Jay Cutler calls his dick “a game of inches.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Jay Cutler bought 20 copies of the Chris Weaver Band’s 4-song demo which they well selling in those ultra-thin jewel cases out of the back of their tour van.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Jay Cutler tells the homeless people outside the bar to “get a job.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Jay Cutler drew dicks on your face when you passed out, took pictures and posted them on his facebook.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Jay Cutler just told you to listen to a band you recommended to him five months ago.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Jay Cutler is going to break up with his girlfriend, but not until after they go to her dad’s place in Aspen to ski.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Jay Cutler told your sister he pulled out but didn’t.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Jay Cutler fucked Mother Nature and didn’t call her back.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Jay Cutler checks “Other (Please Specify) __________” on surveys and then fails to specify.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Jay Cutler backs into parking spaces.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Jay Culter just drank your whole bottle of Grey Goose.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Jay Cutler just doesn’t understand why you’re being so uncool about his 3:00 AM drumming drumming circle.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Jay Cutler thinks those E-Trade baby commercials are funny
November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Jay Cutler borrowed your car and left you with 3 miles to empty.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Jay Cutler drank half the goddamn keg even though he refused to even kick in for the deposit.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Jay Cutler thinks you’re a fag.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Jay Cutler didn’t read The Football Fan’s Manifesto because the new Glenn Beck just came out!
November 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Jay Cutler still does the Borat voice.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Jay Cutler wears a stocking cap when it’s 65 degrees out.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Jay Cutler uses terms like “Man Cave”, “Man Date” and “Chillax” without the slightest hint of irony.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Jay Cutler majored in finance.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Jay Cutler pressured her into “taking care” of the pregnancy even though she wanted to keep it.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Jay Cutler went to Vegas with Bill Simmons and they stayed up later than everyone.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Jay Cutler tells girls he was in the military.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
On April 1st of every year, Jay Cutler removes ALL the doors from his Jeep TJ. It’s not that cold, you pussies!!
November 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Jay Cutler thinks YOU’RE the douche.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Jay Cutler always puts the dishes in the sink, even when the dishwasher is right next to it.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Jay Cutler does curls in the squat rack.
(no, not him – http://www.hirepgym.com/images/jay-cutler/jay-cutler3.jpg)
November 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Jay Cutler is selling Ron Turner on Larry Johnson as we speak.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Jay Cutler wears sunglasses indoors.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Jay Cutler thinks Brett Favre is just having fun out there.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Jay Cutler is the next “Bachelor.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Jay Cutler can recite entire Tucker Max stories verbatim. He’s even written Tucker Max fan fiction.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Jay Cutler’s dad totally owns a dealership. He will HOOK YOU UP, bro!
November 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Jay Cutler calls Michael Bay a visionary.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite restaurant is the Cheesecake Factory.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
“Jay Cutler measures in centimeters”–Ashley Burns
A funny chick? No. That was to be a male Ashley. Like Lelie.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Jay Cutler works for his dad’s real estate company.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Jay Cutler stood up and applauded after he saw Transformers 2.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Jay Cutler loves Jaeger bombs, bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Jay Cutler refers to himself as a “celeb”.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Jay Cutler refuses to get his STD cleared up due to lack of insurance, but still complains that his coupled friends don’t “hook a brother up” with any available women.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Jay Cutler bragged about having a high enough LSAT score to get in-state tuition at Ole Miss even though he is from out-of-state.
(this actually happened to me in a history class in college).
November 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Jay Cutler loosened the cap on the salt shaker before he left the restaurant.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Jay Cutler rocks out with his cock out.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Jay Cutler has you bail him out from jail and has to be reminded to pay you back.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Jay Cutler farted and blamed the dog.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Jay Cutler tried to hook up with your sister and said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, bro, but I’d totally let your sister suck my cock.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Jay Cutler thinks paying back the money he owes you is doing you a favor.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Jay Cutler wears long sleeve t-shirts with rhine stones and the douche font.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Jay Cutler has a tramp stamp.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Jay Cutler is getting his Tahoe lifted for his birthday.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Since the age of 17, Jay Cutler has left an “upper decker” in every restaurant restroom he’s ever been in
November 9th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Jay Cutler reads Peter King for his insightful football analysis
November 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Jay Cutler loves Michael Jordan cologne.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Jay Cutler makes his date order extra breadsticks at the Olive Garden so he doesn’t look like a dick.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Jay Cutler says Top Gun is the greatest movie of all time.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Jay Cutler gave me super AIDS
November 9th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Jay Cutler orders more “apps for the table.”
November 9th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Jay Cutler wears No Fear t-shirts.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Jay Cutler owns a Mac
November 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Jay Cutler always repeats the answers to every Jeopardy question like he already knew them.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Jay Cutler “pulls more chicks” than you.
November 9th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Jay Cutler will “hand you your ass” at any sport. Go ahead, name one!!
November 9th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite wrestler is Zack Ryder because he identifies with him
November 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Jay Cutler has two Members Only jackets.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite show is Entourage, because it’s really like Hollywood, bro!
November 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Jay Cutler has a subscription to Maxim magazine.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Jay Cutler masturbates to his mother’s old workout videos.
/Jay Cutler = me
November 9th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Jay Cutler watches horse racing with Jim Rome.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Jay Cutler orders the most expensive meal on the menu, then insists that splitting the bill is the fair thing to do.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Jay Cutler bought Natty Ice and pocketed the rest of the cash instead of buying the good stuff.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Jay Cutler traced his cock on your John Elway poster.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite show is ‘According to Jim.’
November 9th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Jay Cutler doesn’t like the NBA because ‘they don’t play defense’.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Jay Cutler takes insulin from your bathroom cabinet.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Jay Cutler ranks girls attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Jay Cutler tells you to go deep, then throws to the checkoff.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Jay Cutler never takes out the trash, then bitches at you when its full.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Jay Cutler never has any clean towels when you stay over at his place.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Jay Cutler wants to play for Tom Cable.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Jay Cutler forgot his wallet…again.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Jay Cutler’s primary mode of communiction is texting.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Jay Cutler ‘totally could have gotten with Lisa last night, but you know, Bros before hoes, right?’.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Jay Cutler forgot his ’sweet gold (plated) Joe Camel’ money clip … again. That’s better.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Jay Cutler self-excuses his asshole statements with “just sayin’…”.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Jay Cutler wants to remind you that if Jesus is your co-pilot, you need to change seats.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Jay pays with checks.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Jay Cutler eats half an apple then puts it back in your fruit bowl.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Jay Cutler says “HOLLA” like it’s still funny.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Jay Cutler says “adios amigos” all the time, but like the way Jeff Spicoli says it in Fast times.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Jay Cutler will abandon you at the bar when you’re in the restroom, and he’s ready to leave.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Jay Cutler laughs hysterically at every single Bud Light Jimmy Football commercial.
“THANKS DOG! OH MAN THAT’S FUNNY BRO!”
November 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Jay Cutler has an Ed Hardy tattoo of Jay Cutler getting an Ed Hardy tattoo.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Jay Cutler wears a NY Titans Favre jersey.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Jay Cutler sucks dick for coke.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Jay Cutler eats the whole box of Oreos, except for the last one, cuz then he would have to throw the box out and take out the trash.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Jay Cutler loves him some him.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Jay Cutler told Brett Favre to unretire.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Jay Cutler wants to know if the hot chick in Matt Ufford’s facebook profile pick is single.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Jay Culter drinks your milkshake. He drinks it up.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Jay Cutler waxes his back hair.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Jay Cutler asks you to front him money for weed and then he doesn’t pay you back or smoke you out
November 9th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Jay Cutler calls waitresses “sweetheart”, then stiffs them on the tip.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Jay Cutler says ‘it’s so good! Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!’ every time he hits the keg.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Jay Cutlet loves autofellating himself.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Jay Cutler thinks that Pedro was carrying the torch for Red Sox Nation.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Jay Cutler is “KSK SUCKS”
November 9th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Jay Cutler watches Accidentally on Purpose.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Jay Cutler thinks nut-shots are hilarious.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Jay Cutler begins and ends every play he calls with “Yo”.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Jay Cutler signed your name on a love letter he mailed to Jeff Garcia.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Jay Cutler goes to Hooters, and not for the wings bro
November 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Jay Cutler goes to gym just to work his abs.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Jay Cutler picked himself first overall in his fantasy football draft.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Jay Cutler skips strait to the money shot
November 9th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Jay Cutler pops Tylonol PM right before a long roadtrip.
“I had to catch up on my Zs Bro”
November 9th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Jay Cutler’s dream is to open his own bar someday.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Jay Cutler learned everything he knows about sex from Rocco Siffredi.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
@babysexcannon – who didn’t?
November 9th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Jay Cutler says, “Take it sleazy” when getting off the phone with his mom.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Jay Cutler thinks Ryan Leaf was kind of underrated.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Jay Cutler parks in handicap spots and limps to the entrance.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Jay Cutler wipes his boogers on the back of your couch.
November 9th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Jay Cutler uses a glitter phone.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Jay Culter got high and completely missed the special dinner his grandmother made for him.
//Jay Cutler frowned when he read this entire post, looked at a picture of Chuck Norris, shrugged and said, “Whatever”.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Jay Cutler invited you to a party as his apartment and when you showed up he was at a different party at a different apartment. Sorry bro, gotta go where the night takes me.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Jay Cutler stole a foul ball from a kid
November 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Jay Cutler refused to report to camp until he got traded somewhere else.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Jay Cutler always calles women’s vagina their “gash”.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite band is Incubus.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Jay Cutler drives an Escalade HYRBID!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Jay Cutler wears visors not hats when he plays golf.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Jay Cutler takes beer pong WAY to seriously.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Jay Cutler still thinks that Jager Bomb video is funny.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Jay Cutler has one of those shocker foam fingers.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Jay Cutler always says “his diabetes is acting up” when you ask him to help you move shit.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Jay Cutler refers to San Francisco as “Frisco.”
November 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Jay Cutler always takes forever at the airport check-in line trying to get upgraded.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Jay Cutler uses Nelly’s “Number one” as his ringtone
November 9th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Jay Cutler gets all gussied up for GQ magazine.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Jesus, is work fucking over yet?
November 9th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite band is Coldplay.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Jay Cutler can’t find his own pictures of naked girls online so he needs sexy friday and he also thinks drew is the best writer on this site.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Jay Culter sent Chris Berman 1,000 new nicknames for himself to use on Sunday NFL Countdown. They’re hilarious, brah!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Jay Cutler posts at Kissing Suzy Kolber as i cheer for the lions yay.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Jay Cutler sack-wacked your little brother in the junior high stairwell and laughed after he dropped his books. “Quit coughing and pick up your books, bro.”
November 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Jay Cutler fucks guys from behind and doesn’t even have the courtesy to give them a reach around!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Jay CUtler picks up women during yoga class because “they’re flexible.”
November 9th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Jay Cutler doesn’t believe in Santa Claus
/or Indiana either
November 9th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Jay Cutler drives solo in the HOV lane, then complains about the “fucking nazi pigs” when he gets a ticket.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Dammit! How did I miss this!
Jay Cutler loves Robin Williams movies.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Jay Cutler jacks-off to The View
November 9th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Jay Cutlet leaves chewing gum under bus seats
November 9th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Jay Cutler likes to drop his soap in the shower and ask his teammates to pick it up for him.
November 9th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
Jay Cutler liked The Proposal.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Jay Cutler totally should have taken that guy outside and beat the shit out of him.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Jay Cutler replaced your girlfriend’s birth control with tac tacs and then he got her pregnant. And then he tricked you into raising the fucker but thats how he rolls, bro.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Jay Cutler thinks that if he was too drunk to remember doing it, he shouldn’t have to apologize for it.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Jay Cutler leaves his dip spitters all over the place.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
Jay Cutler doesn’t consider it cheating if it happens in a different zip code.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Jay Cutler masterbated while filming Erin Andrews.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Jay Cutler pisses in your shampoo bottle everytime he uses your bathroom.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
This has described every 18-25 year old douche bag male I know.
Jay Cutler left his used condom on the floor just so you can bring it up.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Jay Cutler wonders if you know where he can get his hands on some HGH.
November 9th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Jay Cutler would totally hit that.
November 9th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Jay cutler’s dick tastes like Heath Ledger
November 9th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Jay Cutler drives by your house at night just to bump Kanye.
November 9th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Jay Cutler thinks that MTV is great now that they’ve got all those bitchin’ reality shows, brah.
November 9th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Jay Cutler eats all the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms.
Jay Cutler doesn’t wash his hands after he goes to the bathroom. “employees only, bro.”
November 9th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Jay Cutler wakes you up at all hours of the night blasting Sublime. “Its like total chill music, bro!”
November 9th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Jay Cutler bets on the Special Olympics…”Twenty on the drooling kid, bro!”
November 9th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Jay Cutler upperdecked your grandma’s toilet.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Jay Cutler wants to know if you’re going to finish that thing you’re still eating.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Jay Cutler writes into the mailbag asking how to get your sister to try anal.
November 9th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Jay Cutler thinks this post is totally gay.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Jay Cutler has a bachelor’s degree in human and organizational development. True story, brah!
November 9th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Jay Cutler just threw another interception
November 9th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Jay Cutler drives with his windshield wipers on when it’s not raining.
Jay Cutler gave your mom Swine Flu.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Jay Cutler’s favorite Marx Brother is Zeppo.
/Vaudeville’d
November 9th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Jay Cutler makes you take your shoes off when you enter the house.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:10 am
was that on twiiter??
November 10th, 2009 at 3:31 am
Jay Cutler didn’t bring enough for everybody.
November 10th, 2009 at 3:34 am
Jay Cutler gave my dog herpes, yeah I don’t know either.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:38 am
Jay Cutler only eats sugar free oreos.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:21 am
@The Whole F’n Show
Jay Cutler ranks girls on how many shots it will take for him to fuck them.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:44 am
Jay Cutler has two Facebook accounts.
November 10th, 2009 at 8:36 am
Jay Cutler doesn’t learn ppl’s names, he just calls every1 Ace.
November 10th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Jay Cutler doesn’t do cunnilingis. He’s not into that brah.
November 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Jay Cutler thinks The Man Show was better with Doug Stanhope and Joe Rogan.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Jay Cutler leaves the toilet seat up. Damn-near fell in again!@#$%^
November 10th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Jay Cutler thinks that Brett Favre is just having fun out there.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Jay Cutler uses Staind lyrics as his Facebook status.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Jay Cutler needed a minute alone with that YouTube video of the one soccer chick pulling the other soccer chick down by her hair.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Jay Cutler roundhoused kick Chuck Norris
November 10th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Jay Cutler WRITES EMAILS IN ALL CAPS.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Jay Cutler bought movie tickets to see “Meet the Spartans” 5 times.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Jay Cutler totally likes to MILF hunt soldier’s wives while they’re deployed.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Jay Cutler likes to “test” your food out in the drive through before passing it back.
November 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Jay Cutler loves to catch you off guard while holding his sack through his fly and asking… Want a piece of bubblegum brah?
November 10th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Jay Cutler makes fun of homeless people within earshot.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Jay Cutler hopes they serve beer in hell.
November 11th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Jay Cutler says “like” after every other word.
Jay Cutler shops at Hot Topic.
Jay Cutler doesn’t let little kids take a turn at playing Guitar Hero at Best Buy.
Jay Cutler doesn’t use his turn signal.
Jay Cutler will totally rape your ass at Halo 3.
Jay Cutler believes 9/11 was an inside job.
Jay Cutler plays Farmville.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Jay Cutler thinks Jar Jar Binks is funny.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Jay Cutler put his pubes on your toothbrush.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Jay Cutler only wears sleeveless t-shirts, because “sun’s out, guns out!”
Jay Cutler dips pouches.
November 11th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Jay Cutler thinks D-Day was the day he was offically traded by Denver
Jay Cutler pissed on Iwo-Jima
Jay Cutler had 9 deferments from Vietnam
Jay Cutler only crusies for military wives, cause there husbands are like overseas, brah.
Jay Cutler’s favorite movie is Shaving Ryan’s Privates
Jay Cutler thinks it great what your doing brah… Uh where are you stationed at again, Turdastan?
Jay Cutler wrote in a vote for Bush in 2008 cause he likes his War President style
Happy veterans day everyone. Be sure to thank a veteran
November 11th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Jay Cutler wears a cheetah styled snuggie
November 12th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Jay Cutler emailed you Chuck Norris jokes.
November 12th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Jay Cutler likes Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
November 12th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Jay Cutler shaved his pubes with your razor and when you confronted him about it he told you he tottally doesnt have dark facial hair brah so it wasn’t him
November 13th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Jay Cutller like a knife, but it feels so right
November 13th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Jay Cutler has a gluten allergy. “It’s totally not made up, brah!”
November 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Jay Cutler pooped in your microwave and put it on ten minutes.
Also Jay Cutler’s gets sacked every ten steps that he is not running because the Bears O-line is the 3rd worst in football.
November 13th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Jay Cutler tells his receivers to run the wrong routes on purpose because he hates them.
Also, the WORST O-line is the bills.
November 13th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Jay Cutler was so mean he once killed a man just for snoring.
November 13th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Jay Cutler LOVES the Jeff Dunham Show.
November 14th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Jay Cutler dresses up as a pimp for Halloween and thinks its original/funny.
November 18th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Jay Cutler stole Peter King’s Pot of Gold!
November 22nd, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Jay Cutler is really happy for you and will let you finish, but thinks that his meltdown the other night was one of the greatest of all time
January 13th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Jay Cutler was the one who came up with the idea to put Jay Leno back in Conan’s spot.
January 16th, 2010 at 11:39 pm
Jay Cutler throws interceptions in the post season when his team didn’t even make the playoffs.
January 19th, 2010 at 4:16 am
Jay Cutler parks his tahoe in two spaces.
Jay Cutler drinks “frat water” and nails “slam pieces”
January 19th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Jake Cutler drives around a parking lot for ten minutes looking for an empty space close to the doors, and then acts as if he is in a hurry.
January 24th, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Jay Cutler likes Hub 51 and doesn’t care what you think, broseph.
January 30th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Jay Cutler likes playing COD because when he throws a grenade, he HOPES the other team gets it
January 30th, 2010 at 6:12 pm
Jay Cutler likes playing COD because when he throws a grenade, he HOPES the other team gets it.