Peter King Shall Never Corrupt Us
When we last left blood and guts reporter Peter King, he was asking Roger Goodell all the tough questions, like what his favorite constellation is, and which dipping sauce the commish enjoys with his McNuggets (Sweet and sour? That’s crazy talk).
So what about this week? Will Peter demand even more Funkhauser in his life? Will he be stunned by the sight of B&T trash flipping the bird to a camera? And whose car will Brad Childress smell? Read on, but FIRST. A message to our lofty compatriot.
I’ve been doing these MMQB breakdowns for a while now, and in the past few weeks Peter King has reached out to me over email. And I must say that Peter, all in all, is a nice guy and a good sport about all this. BUT THAT’S HOW HE PULLS YOU IN. One second, you’re trading friendly emails with Peter, the next thing you know, you’re together in the Nutmeg Suite at the Marriott Laguna Cliffs together, sharing Heineken Lights. IT’S WITCHCRAFT. Well, I’m sorry Peter, but you’re dealing with a man who is UTTERLY INCORRUPTIBLE UNLESS MONEY IS SOMEHOW INVOLVED. We must continue to FJM your column every week, for three reasons:
1) People like it.
2) You made fun of Prince once. I’ll never let you get away with that, you porky bastard.
3) I hate coffee. It’s true. I can’t stand it. My wife puts on the coffee machine in the morning and the smell damn near makes me retch. Even Zulu Blend cannot tempt me. I don’t like coffee, and I never will. And the worst part is that everyone around me is always trying to convince me to like it. OH, YOU’LL LIKE IT ONCE YOU DRINK IT 47 TIMES. Well, that’s not for me. I prefer to wake up each morning the old-fashioned way: by popping grannies and dunking my head in a bucket of iced tea.
So that’s how it is. The breakdowns must go on, Peter. Even if I have to work ALL YEAR, WHICH IS A COMPLETE INJUSTICE.
There’s much to dissect this morning. Concussions, Canton, Jim Caldwell, Colts, Bill Cowher, and later in the alphabet, Vince Young’s drive, Dennis Dixon’s mistake, Rex Ryan’s challenge, San Diego’s streak, the MVP storm and the latest Game of the Year tonight in New Orleans.
And the Miraculous Bra, of course.
I peg you as a D cup who tries to get away with rocking a C cup, Peter. Fun fact: Brett Favre can open Peter’s bra using only ONE HAND.
(Won’t the Victoria’s Secret people be excited to make the second graph of Monday Morning Quarterback!)
They sure will. And the gun control lobby will be even happier about the speech you give about automatic weapons on page 32!
I’m a sap, which you may have figured after reading this column for a while. I like sappy stories.
Like the time Jack Bowers watched “Marley and Me” and called me afterwards. “Peter,” he told me, “I should have been a better owner to Mr. Kibbles.” Broke my heart.
“In a situation like that, everything’s a blur,” Britt said. “I found out [I'd been hit] when I took off my shoulder pads and got in the shower. I’ve got this big bruise on my left shoulder, and I’m like, ‘How’d that get there?’ ” Then he reconstructed the play, and people told him he got waylaid in the end zone, and Britt had no idea. Cool stuff.
It’s awesome because he was concussed!
Seems like we’re making head-trauma news almost by the week now. A top league source insisted to me Sunday that the Ben Roethlisberger and Kurt Warner benchings Sunday due to mild head-trauma residual effects are not the beginning of a sea change with how individual teams deal with brain injuries. But it sure seemed that way.
In other news, HOW ABOUT THAT KENNY BRITT NOT REMEMBERING ANYTHING AFTER HE GOT CRUSHED? What a game.
You know the ethos of the locker room: suck it up, spit on it…
Rub it… work the shaft… gently make circles with your finger at the very tip…
…tape it up and get back out there. You can’t tape up a brain.
Not that Terry Bradshaw hasn’t tried.
The next most logical modern-era candidate (for the Hall of Fame)? I’d make an educated guess of Richard Dent and/or (Charles) Haley.
I, for one, am all too excited for Charles Haley to openly masturbate on a dais in Ohio. WHY Y’ALL WATCHING CHARLES MASTURBATE? YOU PEOPLE ARE FAGGOTS!
Spin the spinner: Where will Weis land once he’s fired by Notre Dame?
Golden Corral? ZING!
Well, eliminate Cleveland in the increasingly unlikely event that Eric Mangini keeps his job. Weis and Mangini coached together in New England but are not pals. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Al Davis go hard after Weis, by the way, seeing that the Raiders won’t exactly be picking from the Shanahan-Cowher tree of top candidates.
Oh, what I’d give to see Charlie Weis coaching the Raiders. It would be like making Emmitt Smith a speechwriter for Bush. DOUBLE ZING!
Kansas City. The Chiefs don’t have a coordinator in the wake of the midseason departure of Chan Gailey. GM Scott Pioli and Weis worked together with the Jets and Pats. Not sure if Todd Haley and Weis, both strong personalities, would be oil and water.
Or dick and asshole, which can sometimes be a perfect fit.
Indianapolis. Surprised?
ZOMG I AM NOW!
I don’t see it happening, but it’s intriguing.
Would you be surprised to see Charlie Weis end up in Indy? So would I! Because it won’t actually happen. But still, A SHOCKING POTENTIAL NON-DEVELOPMENT.
12. Pittsburgh (6-5). Don’t fret — assuming Ben Roethlisberger’s back Sunday. Steelers will make playoffs if they go 4-1 in their last five: Oakland, at Cleveland, Green Bay, Baltimore, at Miami.
Don’t fret, Steelers fans. All your team has to do is basically win out despite their inconsistent play and questionable health at QB. No worries, at all.
Quote of the Week I
“I’d say somebody’s on our shoulder.”
– Tennessee offensive coordinator Mike Heimerdinger, to me, an hour after the Titans stunned Arizona on the last play of the game on Young’s 10-yard touchdown pass to Britt.
Somebody angelic.
Emily Deschanel?
Factoid of the Week That May Interest Only Me
You want to know why the Saints love Brees so much?
Because he’s really good?
The clue is in the commercial that aired at halftime of the Sunday night Ravens-Colts game on NBC — the one with Brees throwing a pass to President Barack Obama as part of the NFL’s “Play 60” initiative, which urges kids to exercise or play outside for 60 minutes a day.
On Nov. 2, the Saints played a Monday-night game at home, beating Atlanta. After the game, Brees went home; he fell asleep well past midnight. At 7 a.m., he was on a commercial flight to Washington. He spent almost five hours at the White House taping the ad with Obama, Troy Polamalu and some kids. Then he was on a plane back to New Orleans. At 6 p.m., 20 hours after walking off the field following the win over Atlanta, Brees was back at the Saints’ suburban practice facility in Metairie, La., watching video of the Carolina Panthers, the next week’s opponent.
And you wonder why Sean Payton wouldn’t trade Brees for Manning or Brady.
Yes, that’s precisely why the Saints love Drew Brees. It’s not his cool demeanor or his ability to quickly read defenses and get the ball out accurately. It’s because he filmed a public service announcement. If Brees takes time to sign autographs, then he may very well be some sort of quasi-diety.
Quite a nice midseason refresher trip to Seattle for Thanksgiving. It’s hard to imagine a prettier American city — when it’s not raining, of course.
Man, this city sure is pretty if you don’t factor in a climate element that’s omnipresent. CHARLIE WEIS COULD END UP COACHING THERE, EXCEPT THAT HE WON’T. Wouldn’t that be a shocker?!
But a Friday noonish walk…
Semi-middayesque!
around Green Lake, just north of the city, was a 3.2-mile slice of heaven, with about a dozen different pines and other trees with late-turning leaves ringing a pristine lake.
Excuse me, are we still reading a Peter King column? Because I swear this can only be the writing of Thoreau.
There’s something very different about cities like Seattle, Portland, Spokane and Salt Lake City, from my experience in the last 10 or 15 years. They’re less electronic. People read. People walk.
THEY DON’T USE CARS!
People talk.
THEY OPEN THEIR MOUTHS AND MAKE NOISES WITH THEM!
People are outside a lot more…
THEY HAVE LAND!
…doing things that require less human-tethering to the almighty Blackberry.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to make seven phone calls to Ross Tucker while driving.
Tweet of the Week
“So will you call Harbaugh’s 4th and 5 play boneheaded or will you be consistent and blast him for going for it instead of punting?”
–iypoon, Ivan Poon, on the call by Baltimore coach John Harbaugh in the fourth quarter, extending the game-tying Baltimore drive.
Oh, Ivan Poon. You brightened my day in so many ways.
I think I have no idea how Lovie Smith and his coaching can’t be in trouble.
That’s because they are.
I think the demotion of Kerry Rhodes has mostly to do with work ethic and commitment, and some to do with Ryan wanting him to be more physical. “I got the message. The message was sent,” Rhodes said after picking off two passes against Carolina. What I liked about the move was Ryan was blunt about it and sent a message to his team as well as to Rhodes. The message was: When we’re losing, I’m going to shake things up– and I’ll have no sacred cows.
“NOW KILLLLL THAT FUCKING COW, MEN!”
6. I think this is what I liked about Week 12:
The NFL Films wiring of Matthew Stafford. In a word: wow. The best thing was the moaning
Oh, I bet.
Dennis Dixon. More good than bad in his first NFL start. Throws a good-looking ball, if not very accurate.
Dennis Dixon throws a beautiful pass, as long as you don’t mind if the pass hits the ground.
7. I think this is what I didn’t like about Week 12:
The awful pass-interference call that gave the Colts life –and a 43-yard gain — on the first drive of the third quarter. Jacque Reeves barely arm-barred Pierre Garcon, and a drive-sustaining flag came flying. Manning doesn’t need your help, zebras. This is really saying something, but that’s the worst PI call of the year.
People, I come not to criticize this passage, but to hail it. King is right. If you haven’t seen the call, go to nfl.com and watch the highlights. It’s a fucking abortion.
Ball security, Chiefs. I guarantee you Todd Haley will have a few periods in practice this week to harangue his team about that.
In fact, six hours of Haley’s daily practice regimen is reserved specifically for haranguing.
I think it’s getting to be the time of year when we 44 voters on the Pro Football Hall of Fame selection committee get bombarded with the pleadings of fans and teams about their candidates for the Hall. This is how silly it gets: I answered a Tweet Friday from a follower who asked why Floyd Little isn’t in the Hall of Fame. I replied: “1 1,000-yard season, career 3.9 yards per carry, 54-yard average rush yds per game.” I didn’t say I didn’t support him, or he wouldn’t he get in this year as one of two Seniors Committee nominees. I was asked a question about why he wasn’t in and answered why, in my opinion, he has never been voted into the Hall.
I’m going to guess that the next three or four hours brought 50 responses, most of them outraged that I would dare to question Little’s qualifications, many of them offering reasons why he should certainly be in the Hall. Thanks for your input, folks. I have a Floyd Little file at home. Most of those reasons are it. Haranguing doesn’t help. Calling me names doesn’t help.
Oh yeah, Elephant Butt?
I’m not saying some people don’t respond positively to being called a know-nothing dillweed.
Like Stephen A. Smith!
I’m not going to shout back at you, but rest assured your point doesn’t get better the louder and angrier you get. Thank you.
Try all you like, Peter. This will only piss Mark Cuban off all the more.
Sometimes the media does the darndest things.
Like lie! And manipulate footage! And host cooking segments!
On Wednesday, anchor Suzanne Malveaux teased an upcoming story about safety measures to avoid the repeat of a tragic 2008 stampede death on Black Friday on CNN. Two seconds later, a commercial began with these stern and excited deep-throated words: “Friday doorbusters at Joseph A. Bank!”
There are no loftier words than deep-throated words.
d. Michaele and Tareq Salahi, you are pathetic. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. You want to be on a reality show, and so you crash a White House state dinner. A state dinner! Which one of you moronic 8-year-olds got this great idea? Did you sit around one night thinking, “How can we get on some sad reality show that no one will watch?” And you have a publicist, and a camera crew as part of this, and Larry King booked you? Larry King? What do you have to say for yourselves? Speak! I can’t wait to hear whatever reason you have for this immature cry for attention and fame.
You people are pathetic for wanting to go on television and call attention to yourselves. Now, what time are you on Larry King again? I want to pay close attention to you.
Can you please speak, Tiger? Say something. Anything.
“BITCH IS CRAZY!”
Coffeenerdness: Well, at least the Egg Nog latte is skim this year. At least that’s what one of the midtown Manhattan baristas told me this year. As in past years, it tastes different depending on where you buy it, because there’s no universal flavor for egg nog.
Except for egg nog flavoring.
But the couple I’ve had in the past week are lighter than I recall last year.
Or am I so used to heavy cream and whipped egg yolks coursing through my system that I merely IMAGINE it’s lighter?
I always add three or four shakes of nutmeg, which helps.
NUTMEG IMPROVES EVERYTHING. I even put it in my scotch. MY LATTE IS NOW QUASI-LASAGNAISH.
It’s not good enough to replace hazelnut in my life, but it’s a good diversion.
Better than China Green Tips!
h. How great would a Boise-TCU national championship be?
Almost as cool as Charlie Weis becoming an astronaut! It won’t happen, but still. Intriguing.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
November 30th, 2009 at 10:39 am
If I can go Scripps-Howard on you, it should be “quasi-deity.”
“Quasi-diety,” meanwhile, is an adjective that refers to Peter King’s plan to lose weight through a strict regimen of little chocolate donuts.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Ball security, Chiefs. I guarantee you Todd Haley will have a few periods in practice this week to harangue his team about that.
Yeah, if I were on the Chiefs, I’d be concerned about the security of my balls right now, too. Haley’s going to suckersackpunch that whole team.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:47 am
“He spent almost five hours at the White House taping the ad with Obama, Troy Polamalu and some kids.”
Shouldnt Obama be doing something more important instead of fucking around in the yard for 5 hours?
November 30th, 2009 at 10:48 am
“Yeah, if I were on the Chiefs, I’d be concerned about the security of my balls right now, too. Haley’s going to suckersackpunch that whole team.”
He just uses the Schwartz.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:51 am
“around Green Lake, just north of the city, was a 3.2-mile slice of heaven, with about a dozen different pines and other trees with late-turning leaves ringing a pristine lake.”
is he trying to say pines are quasi-deciduous? for fucks sake, hes a professional writer, and the way i read this he says pines have leaves.
i may be semi-retarded, but you would think he could construct a better image than this.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:51 am
It kind of takes the fun out of it knowing PK is reading. I say, switch to Simmons.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Who thought he was talking about Britt Favre originally? This guy.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Shouldnt Obama be doing something more important instead of fucking around in the yard for 5 hours?
That brush ain’t gonna clear itself! Rope them steers!
November 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am
People, I come not to criticize this passage, but to hail it. King is right. If you haven’t seen the call, go to nfl.com and watch the highlights. It’s a fucking abortion.
True, but despite this call the Texans would have found a way to go all Texans anyway. That call would never have changed the outcome.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Shouldnt Obama be doing something more important instead of fucking around in the yard for 5 hours?
Yeah, I really doubt Obama was sitting out there for five hours. Brees, sure, but not Obama.
Given how packed his schedule is, they probably threw him a quick slant route on his way between the Oval Office and Marine One.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:58 am
“Yeah, I really doubt Obama was sitting out there for five hours. Brees, sure, but not Obama.”
Chalk another one up to PK arbitrarily making up numbers. Or words. Or stories.
I wonder if he just makes all this shit up? This could be a great work of quasi-fiction.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:59 am
“around Green Lake, just north of the city, was a 3.2-mile slice of heaven, with about a dozen different pines and other trees with late-turning leaves ringing a pristine lake.”
Long walk with no snacks. PK morphed into a beaver?
November 30th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Ivan Poon? Blumpkinfarts?
My friends, Peter King is self-aware… and now he’s fucking with us.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Best AFL throwbacks: 1. San Diego; 2. Buffalo; 3. Denver.
He likes the Denver throwbacks???
But he doesn’t like the Jets ones.
Has anyone considered colorblindness?
November 30th, 2009 at 11:15 am
“Fun fact: Brett Favre can open Peter’s bra using only ONE HAND.”
Yeah, like PK wears a bra around his Bretty. Or underwear even.
“Larry King? What do you have to say for yourselves?”
Larry King? That degenerate is still alive? Who the holy fuck still watches that turds interviews?
November 30th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Drew, I kind of want to steal you away from your wife and kids, you hilarious bastard.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:22 am
“Larry King? What do you have to say for yourselves?”
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO GALOSHES?!
November 30th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Why is Peter so fond of Nutmeg? Perhaps this is the answer. From Alternet.org:
Nutmeg Dose: 10-15 grams – PEAK INEBRIATION (hours 8-12): The peak generally sets in around the eighth or ninth hour following ingestion and usually continues for three or four hours. At this point the user may experience auditory hallucinations, closed-eye visuals and possibly mild open-eye visuals, including walls breathing and disturbances in the peripheral vision. The user’s speech may become slurred and he or she may experience loss of coordination similar to drunkenness.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Peter, all in all, is a nice guy and a good sport about all this.
Dammit, don’t tell me that! I need to believe that PK is an obnoxious, self-centered, Favre-loving, SOB. What’s the fun in this if he’s a “nice guy”?
Ugh. I’d say target Mike Lupica next, but we all know he only cares about baseball — like a good senile person should!
November 30th, 2009 at 11:32 am
The Steelers deserve to lose out simply because Troy had the chance to light up Obama and didn’t take it. Dem or Rep you have to admit that Troy remaking: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=24743091 with Obama would have been great.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@ twoeightnine: That’s right America, I’ll be working 24/7. That’s 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
I hope you meant popping greenies, because, well, popping grannies in the morning (or any time, actually) is just wrong.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
“People, I come not to criticize this passage, but to hail it. King is right. If you haven’t seen the call, go to nfl.com and watch the highlights. It’s a fucking abortion.”
Seconded. The only way the refs could have made it worse is by actually fellating Manning while throwing the flag. And this is coming from a Colts fan.
Still, it’s the Texans. You knew they were going to fuck this up. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
November 30th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Seattle’s Land Barons are more land barony than your Land Barons. NOONE DENIES THIS.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:52 am
The Saints are good because Drew Brees runs himself ragged? O-kay.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:57 am
If enjoying sweet and sour sauce with my McNuggets makes me crazy, then panda bear shoehorn tomato radio, my brother.
By the way Drew, there’s something pretty badass about telling us about how PK has reached out to you, and how nice of a guy he is, only to call him a D cup in the next paragraph. Big Daddy Balls, indeed. You must lead the blogz in grit.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@Monkey Business: You’re a Colts fan?
/also under the impression Ape liked the Bills
November 30th, 2009 at 11:58 am
h. How great would a Boise-TCU national championship be?
Has Vegas ever made a line where both teams were underdogs? I’m pretty sure BCS haters would have a seizure from excitement.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Wherever Weis lands, that’s where we’ll send the earthquake relief funds
November 30th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I was really hoping for:
Coach Caldwell: “On the den in my basement is a picture of George Halas, Dick Butkus and Gale Sayers.”
… I CALL IT BEARS PLAYING POKER!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
If there’s one thing I need…it’s a $30 coach handbag!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
“The awful pass-interference call that gave the Colts life –and a 43-yard gain — on the first drive of the third quarter. Jacque Reeves barely arm-barred Pierre Garcon, and a drive-sustaining flag came flying. Manning doesn’t need your help, zebras. This is really saying something, but that’s the worst PI call of the year.
People, I come not to criticize this passage, but to hail it. King is right. If you haven’t seen the call, go to nfl.com and watch the highlights. It’s a fucking abortion.”
———————————————–
Everyone knows the home team is supposed to hire their own refs, if the Texans can’t even get that right they deserve all the losing seasons they get.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
i couldn’t pass up this part from the article.
3. Drew Brees, QB, New Orleans. It’s going to be hard, but not impossible, for Brees to propel himself past Manning and Favre because the Saints’ running game is such a prominent part of their offensive success. Monday night’s the kind of game, if Brees dominates, that could vault him into a better spot for the MVP.
Um, doesn’t Brett Favre have Purple Jesus? I’ll give you Manning doesn’t have a running game that’s great, but cmon now King, you’re already forecasting you will give it to Favre.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
“Moaning”? “Ball security”? I think Pete is seeding his columns for KSK spoofing.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
PKSK?
November 30th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Egg nog, hazel nut? That’s not coffee, it’s a fucking melted candy bar in a cup. I’m surprised PK doesn’t put Kit Kats in his coffee.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Listening to Merrill Hoge talk about the dangers of concussion.
Funny on so, so many levels.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
4) You stole a foul ball from a little boy.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
I appreciate the honesty Drew, but do you have to be so nice?
November 30th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
In fact, six hours of Haley’s daily practice regimen is reserved specifically for haranguing.
Bonus fact: 4 of those hours of haranguing are delivered to the mirror.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
you’re dealing with a man who is UTTERLY INCORRUPTIBLE UNLESS MONEY IS SOMEHOW INVOLVED.
What does it say on my badge? CASH. BRIBES. ONLY.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
@SteelersPride
Do you seriously believe that, given half the chance, the media will select anyone OTHER than fuckface Favre? All he had to do was get the Vikings to the playoffs to be a lock. He’s having a very good year, but the question has never been in doubt.
November 30th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Emily Deschanel? I beg to differ, hefty sir. Zooey is your huckleberry.
DeSisFlaWa?
November 30th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Ivan Poon vs. Blumpkinfarts vs. Droppinadeuce…WHO YA GOT?
November 30th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Drew Brees, can I have your gloves?
November 30th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
@Rowdy Roddy: Yeah! Isn’t there some switch grass that needs clearing? I hear it’s getting awfully jungly out there.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
awww man, PK was in my city and I didn’t even get to see his fat ass in starbucks?!? Lame. That does explain the sudden surge in kit-kat wrappers strwen about. Also, Spokane sucks dong. Oh, and guess what? There are technophiles here too, you moron.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Charlie Weis for Manager of the Cubs. You heard it here first, folks.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Things are just slower in Seattle, home of Microsoft. The city harkens back to a simpler, less tech-savvy time.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Drew is a name dropper.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@ Brady’sLeftKneeCap
Its a quasi-jungle at the semi-whiteish house.
What would fix the economy and health care?
NUTMEG.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
granted the media love for Favre was greased given the Vikings only glaring need…but i just wanted to poke at PK for using a stat selectively to diss one MVP candidate from another that he personally favors.
only BAHSTUHN writers CANA DO THAT!
November 30th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
“I think I have no idea how Lovie Smith and his coaching can’t be in trouble.”
Do kids still diagram sentences in school? Because I would love to see the spider web that results from trying to make sense of that piece of… godknowswhat.
November 30th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
“What kind of name is Poon anyway?”
“Comanche Indian.”
November 30th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
NUTMEG IMPROVES EVERYTHING.
Peter King finds this video quasi-instant-Christmas-classic-esque.
November 30th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@ Newton’s Van
Don’t you know, unlike the human tethering RIM (Blackberry) company, Microsoft makes their bucks by severing human contact and encouraging people to take 5k walks.
November 30th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Kristofferson Kriskristofferson might be the best commenter handle anyone has ever had.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
So which would be worse, hours of being harangued by Todd Haley, or by Jackie Earle Haley?
November 30th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
“I think we started to see the real Lawrence Timmons Sunday night for the Steelers”
We saw him last year when he was trucking Derrick Mason, among others. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNTUJHBGdCo
This is first week of the season he hasn’t been nursing an ankle injury. He is one fast, strong motherfucker, and everyone who watches the Steelers has seen it plenty.
November 30th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
@Big Black Richard: Or being masturbated on by Charles Haley?
November 30th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
“There’s something very different about cities like Seattle, Portland, Spokane and Salt Lake City, from my experience in the last 10 or 15 years. They’re less electronic.”
http://www.forbes.com/2009/01/22/wired-cities-2009-tech-wire-cx_ew_0122wiredcities.html
“Move over, Atlanta. Seattle, Microsoft and Amazon.com’s home base, is now the country’s most wired city.”
And Portland is 8th. What the fuck, Peter King. What. The. Fuck.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Where will Charlie Weis land? I don’t know. Will Larry King ever retire? I don’t know. Can you scramble Brett Favre’s voicemails and create the Da Vinci Code? MAYBE.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
So people didn’t like Drew Brees until week 4 of this season, when the Brees-Obama ad aired? Get fucking real Peter King
And agreed, doesn’t Obama have anything better to do than fuck around on his lawn for 5 hours?
November 30th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
Otto Man beat me to the Poon gag from “Fletch”. Don’t you hate it when someone beats you to a reference you were going to pass off as your own?
“Using the whole fist, doc?”
November 30th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
I’m still waiting eagerly for Petey to campaign for Martin Gramatica for the the Hall of Fame
December 1st, 2009 at 1:42 am
Big Daddy Drew Says:
November 30th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Kristofferson Kriskristofferson might be the best commenter handle anyone has ever had.
yinka double dare is the best i’ve seen
December 1st, 2009 at 11:55 am
I read PK and actually thought it was pretty good. i thought to myself, gee, Drew’s gonna have a hard time finding anything this week. You did not disappoint, good sir. Outstanding.
December 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
So… to summarize your intro.
Peter’s a nice guy. His pointless rambling column doesn’t hurt anyone. He’s reached out to you and probably asked you to stop saying really mean things about him.
But you won’t. Because lowlife scumbags such as myself enjoy anger, cynicism and general nastiness on the internet. Ok? Sounds good.
December 1st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
@ Xappy McShitz Says:
Where will Charlie Weis land? I don’t know. Will Larry King ever retire? I don’t know.
THIRD BASE!
/obscure Marx Bros. reference
December 1st, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@Sweater Kittens Inspector
It’s Abbot and Costello, you ‘tard!
December 1st, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Yeah, I’m not softening my stance on PK. I still think he’s one of the worst writers working for a major publication. And that’s some stiff competition.
December 1st, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I beg you reader to scroll back up to the top and stare for a moment at that picture of PK.
Tell me that’s not what John Madden’s life size turmor would look like.
December 1st, 2009 at 6:45 pm
Drew, he’s sucked you in. He is being superaholenice to you on the emails to do so. It is a psych trick.
His objective is for you to soften your column. Which you did. He’s taking away your raison d’etre, bro. He f’ing with your chi.
Column was good but lacked edge. Why are you speaking to him directly? I thought you were writing to the reader or to the third person.
See? He’s already taken your style.
Get back up on that horse bro and spew jism all over his rumpus ass next week.
I love you man.