Peter King And The Throbbing Groin
When we last left championship cake baker Peter King, he was 20 minutes late to a live chat over at Deadspin, then proved a rather good sport with most of the questions. I’d like to congratulate Big Jim Slade for asking Peter how the Bowers were doing. Peter’s response was a simple, “Fine.” It’s the little things.
Someone also asked Peter if the criticism he gets online bothers him, to which Peter replied that it comes with the territory. He doesn’t like it when it goes too far, but he accepts it. Well, thank God for that. NOW I CAN MAKE FUN OF THAT DOUCHEHAT WITHOUT IT WEIGHING ON MY CONSCIENCE ONE BIT! WOO HOO!
So what about this week? Will it be another Steelers Sunday for Peter? Will he and Bob Costas rattle a cage or two? Will he show up in my Junior Jumble? Read on, people…
I remember the first time Brett Favre mentioned the V word in the summer of 2008.
Indeed. Vaginosis. It’s no joke when your vagina secretes an “odorous discharge”. In fact, I find any and all unwanted discharges troubling.
Favre told me he pulled or strained his groin in practice on Wednesday and took it easy in practice for the rest of the week.
Oh, Brett’s groin. So firm. So supple. Like a leg of lamb pulled fresh from the oven. Pulled and strained and pulled and strained and pulled and strained UNTIL IT SIMPLY CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE. PETER MUST HAVE YOU, BRETT’S GROIN.
There was never any question he’d play, he said. But about an hour before the game, during pregame warmups at Lambeau with the groin wrapped tightly, he aggravated the muscle on the field. “I told T-Jack [backup Tarvaris Jackson] and [offensive coordinator] Darrell Bevell I may not be able to do it,” he said. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to drop back very well. After I aggravated it, there was no way I was going to be able to move around in the pocket very much. We never called one bootleg the whole game. But we made it through OK.”
“Peter, between you and I, I had an injury that NEVER would have kept me out of this game. But I wanted to let you know about it, so that people could have even greater respect for my legendary toughness. OUCH! Oh, man! Did I tell you about my very light earache? I played with that as well. Oh, a mighty ache it was. WOULD FELL A DOZEN MEN WEAKER THAN I.”
And now, I wondered, how was the groin four hours and a lot of lost adrenalin later?
And what could I do to nurse it back to life? Could I rub it with rosemary balm? Could I kiss it gently? Read poems to it? COME BACK, GROIN! COME BACK TO YOUR LOVER.
“It’s throbbing right now,” he said.
IT THROBS FOR YOU, PETER.
Now hold on here. A pulled groin? Is this the magic bullet, the injury that starts the 40-year-old Favre’s decline?
Because I had a pulled groin back in 7th grade and hoo wee, did it hurt. I did no physical therapy for it. AND TO THIS DAY, IT STILL BOTHERS ME. You athletes out there know what I’m talking about!
Is this the injury that, with Favre on the doorstep of his historic 300th consecutive start, finally rips him out of a starting lineup for the first time since Percy Harvin was 4?
Could this be the final nail in his coffin? I don’t know. Will the groin magically heal and begin to sprout precious white truffles? I don’t know. Is the core of the Earth really made of old tennis balls? I don’t know.
Favre’s laid a couple of pretty big eggs in recent years, both when playing hurt and feeling fine. He gift-wrapped the NFC title game to the Giants two years ago. But there’s something about the games that have personal stuff on the line. Maybe it’s a coincidence; maybe the three-game sample size is just too small. But three decisive wins, 11 touchdowns, no picks — I sense a trend.
And is it me, or does he just look like he’s enjoying himself more in those games? Something to think about.
He can compartmentalize the things that matter and those that don’t. It’s simple. Or at least it sounds simple. He’d make millions traveling the country, maybe as Tony Robbins’ warmup act. Topic of his talk: Don’t sweat the small stuff — or the big stuff, for that matter.
In fact, don’t sweat anything. Just walk around aimlessly, constantly oblivious to all outside elements around you: people, objects, oncoming traffic. You need not worry about any of those things. So says Breddha.
One of the things Favre doesn’t often show is how much he wants to be liked in Green Bay. But he does.
He wants to be liked there so much that he decided to play quarterback for the team they hate the most! Know why? Because the man and his groin don’t sweat the details. OR the big picture. Or the sweat itself.
I got no sense he took any great joy in beating Green Bay for vengeful reasons
Favre to King a while back: “Part of me coming back last year, yeah, was to stick it to Ted Thompson.”
How can a player have a more redemptive day than Ted Ginn Jr.?
He redeemeth!
Troy Aikman did the game for FOX Sunday, and he thinks Favre won’t need much else to leave football a happy man. “No matter what happens from here on out,” he said last night, back home in Texas, “I think with these two wins over the Packers, Brett could walk away from football pretty satisfied at the end of the year. Now, he won’t admit that. But I think for him, to win these games was huge.”
Oh, well thank God for THAT. HOORAY, SEASON’S OVER! THE VIKINGS ARE DOUBLE PACKER BOWL CHAMPS!
Baltimore sent blitzing ‘backers more often Sunday in the the win over Denver, and it worked. Defensive coordinator Greg Mattison knew the front wasn’t getting the pressure it needed, and from the start, particularly on early downs, extra defenders like Jarrett Johnson surprised Kyle Orton around the edge. Good idea. They’ll need to keep that up, for a couple of reasons. Deion Sanders isn’t walking through the locker room door to save the beleaguered secondary.
Sanders played with the Ravens in 2004 and 2005. The Ravens went 9-7 and 6-10 those two years. He sucked.
Two very good tackles — Chris Samuels and Walter Jones — are nearing the end, and that shouldn’t be something just in small type this weekend.
It should be on Page 1! Preferably in a very small portion of the bottom right hand corner! Shame on you, New York Times, for laying off employees when you aren’t making money. SINCE WHEN IS PUBLISHING A BUSINESS?
New Orleans (6-0). My friend from Montclair, Mike Norman, and his two boys, Ben and Josh, can’t get over how they were treated as Giants fans in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago.
Oh, the Normans! You remember them, don’t you? Mike was at our Easter party last year. He’s the one who had the three fingers. Remember?
I wouldn’t be too alarmed about the so-called struggling Colts on the heels of their narrow win over San Francisco.
Oh, thank God. Because I was just about to declare that team DOA. All downhill from here!
The Eagles’ weaponry is so diverse. Think back to the preseason, when all wondered how long it would take Brent Celek, DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin and LeSean McCoy — all third-year players or younger, all 24 or younger — to contribute as a group. Well, in putting up 40 on the Giants, those four touched the ball 24 times for 278 yards and four touchdowns. I guess chemistry class is going well, Professor McNabb.
Professor McNabb’s First Grade In Chemistry 101
LECTURE SCHEDULE:
MONDAY: What Is Chemistry? We Study The Rituals Of The Navajo Indians To Learn More
TUESDAY: Let’s Try Bringing In That Dog Killer Guy!
WEDNESDAY: Time Is Evil: Why Hurrying Up Makes People So Unchemistratic
THURSDAY: Guest Lecturer Peter King Discusses The Bonding Chemistry Of The 2004 Red Sox
FRIDAY: Black-on-Black Chemistry: Why Can’t We Brothers Find A… Solution? Get It?
LAB SCHEDULE
MONDAY: Concrete Cyanide
WEDNESDAY: Agrarian Vomiting
FRIDAY: Steeler Anatomy
Atlanta (4-2). Seems odd that it’s Nov. 2, and the Falcons have played only six games.
Who ARE these men? They’re like a group of cat burglars! Do they even exist? Is it any coincidence the very, very quiet Matt Schaub used to play for them? THEY COULD BE OUTSIDE MY HOME RIGHT NOW.
Esoteric But Meaningful Stat of the Week: Texans lead the league on defense with 36 three-and-outs.
Esoteric def.: Understood only by a chosen few or an enlightened inner circle. Oh, sage Peter, tell me more about these “three-and-outs”! I KNOW THE SECRET PASSWORD TO YOUR CIRCLE! LET ME IN AND SHARE MORE OF YOUR DRUID TEACHINGS! WHAT IS A SAFETY?
A really impressive loss at Indy. When you lead for 41 minutes against the Colts, and hold Peyton Manning touchdown-less, you’ve done something. Not enough, but something.
Did you win? I don’t know. Does the loss even count? I don’t know. Are you awarded a gold tablet of some kind? MAYBE.
Quote of the Week I
“We’re 3-0 in the division … and it still goes through us!!!”
-Miami coach Tony Sparano, in the victorious Miami locker room after the 30-25 win over the Jets.
Indeed it would, if you weren’t two games behind New England in the standings. Couple that with Sparano’s decision to go for two with an eleven point lead, and you have yourself a fucking mathemagician.
Quote of the Week III
“No, Brett Favre did not lay down to give me a sack. Doesn’t happen in the NFL, man.”
-Michael Strahan, on KHTK radio in Sacramento
“Except for that one time when it did!”
Offensive Player of the Week
Brett Favre, QB, Minnesota.
AND HIS GROIN!
Really, could the day have been any more perfect?
And we got to cap it off with Heineken Lights on my deck on Montclair, surrounded by woods and meadows! And the, we made love under a Japanese Maple. The knots pressing into my back… they hurt. But they felt good when they hurt. Does that make sense?
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
This is not a travel note per se, but more of an event note in a place I traveled to. Does that count?
No.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame held two concerts at Madison Square Garden Thursday and Friday, and I was lucky enough to be in the crowd on the second night, the most interesting night of music I’ve ever seen in person.
Hugely interesting music. Semi-Chinaesque.
These concerts get big acts to do a few songs — on Friday, it was Aretha Franklin, Jeff Beck, Metallica and U2 — then bring out guest stars to accompany them on songs. What a parade: Lenny Kravitz and Annie Lennox with Aretha, Sting and the ZZ Top guy, Bill Gibbons, with Beck, Lou Reed and Ray Davies of the Kinks and Ozzy Osbourne with Metallica (my first exposure to Metallica, and when I woke up Sunday, 32 hours after the show, my ears still had some weird hummmmmm going on in there) … and then the incredible U2 guests. Bruce Springsteen and Patti Smith, then the Black Eyed Peas (now there’s some energy)
NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL EXTREMELY WATERED DOWN HIP HOP!
and then, drumroll please, Mick Jagger. Each artist was onstage for seven to 11 songs, with a short intermission between each mini-show, making for a ridiculously memorable four-hour night.
It was like visiting the Texas State Book Depository… IN SONG.
The five best songs:
“Gimme Shelter,” by U2, Mick Jagger and Fergie, of the Peas
Oooh, Bono AND Fergie got to join in? That improves that song by at least –4,000,000%.
2. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” by U2 and Bruce Springsteen. A King dream: the two giants of my music life crooning together into the same mike.
If only the mike had been made of a recycled Illy can, it would have been greatest King dream of ALL..
“Sweet Jane,” by Lou Reed and Metallica. Metallica’s good. Good and loud.
This just in: Metallica plays music called METAL. How about that? What a democracy.
“You Really Got Me,” by Ray Davies and Metallica. My God. We’ve forgotten how great the Kinks were.
Oh, the Kinks? They fucking su… WAIT! No, wait! Peter is right! I had forgotten! I thought they had turned into Canned Heat when I wasn’t looking.
I’ll be having a signing in my old hometown, Montclair, N.J., at the Yogi Berra Museum and Learning Center on Nov. 21, a Saturday, late in the afternoon.
Fuck off. There’s a real place named that? Really? Jesus. Here’s the website. Here’s part of their mission statement:
Our Vision is to provide a creative and enjoyable educational environment for all learners…
Oooh, ALL learners? Even that them there little folks who go to learning buildings?
We particularly choose to focus on children so that they may understand how baseball, our national pastime, and other sports, teach social and cultural values that are as important off the field as they are on.
I expect nothing less from THE GREATEST LIVING BASEBALL PLAYER IN THE UNITED STATES, AS NOTED BY MR. KING.
Good friend Dave Kaplan is organizing.
With the Normans?!!!111!!!1!!
Tweet of the Week
“Just noticed this on my Packers credential: It’s Green Bay home game No. 4. Of course it is.”
@LATimesfarmer, Sam Farmer, NFL beat writer for the Los Angeles Times, Tweeting from the press box at Lambeau Field Sunday.
And if you put a zero on the end of 4, you get 40. BRETT FAVRE IS ADAM DUNN AND MAY ALSO BE CEDRIC BANSON.
Good start, Vince Young. Very good: 15 of 18, and looking quite sure of yourself.
You, sir, are flowering.
Quietly, Dallas has crept back into the NFC pennant race.
I forgot they were even there! The Cowboys are the Kinks of pro football.
Now that’s the way to make big plays, Julius Peppers.
Can I have your gloves?
For a veteran who’s surely been mugged on more than a few pass routes, Derrick Mason of the Ravens went way over the top on a jersey grab by Denver cornerback Alphonso Smith. Hedeserved the 15-yard flag for unsportsmanlike conduct after throwing his helmet. Calls get missed, Derrick. Relax a bit.
I expect more from such a wonderful autograph signer.
Are you kidding, FOX? The moment the game of the year ends and Brett Favre is hugging his way across the field, we hear Thom Brennaman say: “We send you to bonus coverage.”
You do what? You send us to Carolina 34, Arizona 21? For God’s sake — FOR WHAT?!!!!!! What you should be sending us to is Pam Oliver for a live interview with Favre instead of making people wait.
Wait for what? What does Favre have to say that anyone will give a flying shit about? I’d far prefer to watch actual football. I had Jonathan Stewart going in that game, you prick. HEY FOX, THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SHOWING REAL FOOTBALL WHEN I WANT TO LINGER AROUND AN ALREADY OVERCOVERED STORY?!
Throw it downfield, Matthew Stafford. Bombs away, Calvin Johnson or not.
Don’t sweat it! Just launch it and see what happens!
I get the sense no one really believes in Iowa.
Nor do I. It’s one of those made up places you always read about, like Atlantis, or Oz, or Doggie Heaven.
Coffeenerdness: Funny thing happened walking to get the papers and coffee Saturday morning in Manhattan. Guy walks up to me at a newsstand on 7th and 53rd and says, “Peter King!”
“YOU’RE A COCK!”
I turn and shake his hand, and he said, “Jeff Catlett. I’m the one who won the Joe Namath jersey at the Dr. Z auction last spring.” Wow, I say, and ask what’s he doing here in the city, out so early. Seems he lives in Kuwait, works in the oil business, and his wife gave him a trip to World Series Game 2 to see his beloved Yanks, and he was out for a stroll before he had to get to the airport and go back home.
We went to Starbucks and got coffee, and I asked him about Starbucks over there. Turns out he’s quite the Starbucks aficionado. “We have 76 Starbucks in Kuwait,” he said proudly. “Seven in one mall!” So Howard Schulz is taking over the world after all.
What a story. Peter ran into a guy who bought something at an auction. Turned out he liked coffee! What a world. This man might be the next Mitch Puin.
I really like FOX’s sideline guy, Ken Rosenthal, on TV. He’s smart and cool.
I hope I get to rock climbing with him one day!
“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.” Now, if there was a Brian spinoff …
I’d pop my gum!
There’s something about the Falcons that’s a little disconcerting
I think they might all be GHOSTS.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:35 pm
god. damn.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I’m an Eagles fan, and seeing “Professor McNabb” in print made me want to gut myself with a butter knife.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:38 pm
“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.”
Especially since all they did was rip off Tony Dungy. Or is it Jimmie Walker?
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Was there any chance in hell that PK wasn’t going to be fellating Brett Favre after Brett Favre Week?
BTW, good of PK to add the “throbbing groin” injury angle for when the old Land Baron is going 31-65 with 2 TDs and 5 INTs to end the season. Nothing like an preemptive injury notice to let us know why Favraro isn’t having fun and playing like a kid when it counts.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Brett Favre’s groin has more grit than any groin in the NFL.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
“IT’S A FLIPPER!”
-Three finger guy
I’ll put a buck in the pot for the guy that takes Petey out at his signing. An extra buck if his kids see the explosion.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
If PK wants to see a Brian spinoff he should pick up some of Family Guy’s DVD releases where Brian gets to be himself opposite Stewie (Brian really works best when he can rag on Stewie).
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Only this fucking asshole would complain that Fox sent the viewers to another game in lieu of a bit of Favre-sucking.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I would give anything to see Brett Favre sucked into a jet engine.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
God dammit King, Favre wasn’t even the best QB in that game, let alone the offensive player of the week.
Peter King : Logic :: BrittFar : Decision Making
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Peter King can make normal people who like football want to swear it off. FFS.
Also I had an image of him in a chef’s hat poking Favre’s groin with a giant fork. And drooling.
/it was a nightmare
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
A Oilman who’s also a fan of the Yankees, Starbucks and Peter King? Congratulations Jeff Catlett, you are the biggest douchebag ever.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
That’s what those fucking Normans get for invading England. What a bunch of douchebags.
Between their billions, tax-evading Bono and housefrau-banging Springsteen couldn’t spring for an extra mike. Cheap fucks.
Metallica-loud? get outta here!
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.” Now, if there was a Brian spinoff …
I feel a bit like a douche for knowing this, but SBTB: The New Class lasted 7 Seasons. Of all the random spin off shows to pick, Peter picks one that lasts 7 years (probably longer than 95% of all tv show). Only PK could be this terrible.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Another 4,000 words of garbage.
Please, colon polyps, take PK from us.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:08 pm
@ Nate Newton’s Van:
Nope. Greenberg, too, was bemoaning the fact that Fox dare cutaway from the post-game Favre circle-jerkery on Mike & Mike this morning. I’ll give you a sec to pull your jaw up off the floor.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.”
So its going to last 7 years?
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Oh man, how’d you leave out this immense piece of dbaggery:
“2. He got emotional after the game. I was surprised to see him choke up a couple of times to Pam Oliver on the field, but that happened in part because he’d just left an embrace with longtime Packer director of security Jerry Parins, one of his favorite people. “I knew it’d probably be the last time I’d ever step foot on Lambeau Field, and it got a little emotional,” he said.
OK, now: the last time? You sure?
Nope. “I’m reluctant to say that,” Favre said. “You know me. At this stage, I’m game to game. That’s it.””
———————-
This has all the elements: pointless numerical indexing; Favre saying something completely ridiculous about his planned future retirement (”game to game”? So maybe you’re retiring before next week, maybe you’re not, lets all just hold our breath and see what Deanna thinks?); and King accepting Favre’s absurd comment without challenge and with the expectation we will do the same.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Would’ve liked to see Pam Oliver ask him on live TV–
Was it worth giving up undying lifetime adoration from Packers fans for sticking it to Ted twice?
Yeah, I would have paid money to see that.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I guess I’m slow, how is Favre’s groin in any way referenced by the phrase “the V word”? Other than the obvious, which I’m assuming is not what King means.
RE “Are you kidding, FOX? The moment the game of the year ends and Brett Favre is hugging his way across the field..”
Jesus, really? Isn’t it a little premature to be naming the game of the year already? I mean, the year’s not over. In fact, there are two months of football left in the year. Furthermore, I thought the game of the year was (technically) the Super Bowl. Which is, technically, next year. So I guess the game of the year this year was played 10 months ago, when the Steelers won the Super Bowl. Hasn’t King been covering football for some time now? Shouldn’t he know these things already?
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
And that trend is that he’s a selfish prick who plays best when his petty revenge fantasies are at stake, but is perfectly willing to throw terrible passes when it’s just the season on the line.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
“my old hometown, Montclair, N.J” – This explains it all for me.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Throw it downfield, Matthew Stafford. Bombs away, Calvin Johnson or not.
We might have to re-name the column “Monday Morning Sex Cannon” if PK keeps it up.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:15 pm
“And we got to cap it off with Heineken Lights on my deck on Montclair, surrounded by woods and meadows! And the, we made love under a Japanese Maple. The knots pressing into my back… they hurt. But they felt good when they hurt. Does that make sense?”
Not at all, especially when PK lives in Boston now, which is definitely not surrounded by woods and meadows. The overall premise, however, is 100% accurate.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Peter King appeared in my Junior Jumble, but Smithers had it laminated so I couldn’t possibly find out how he fit in there.
/gratuitous Simpsons reference
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
“f. New York Post A-Rod passage of the week: The paper on Saturday wrote that US Weekly found an ex-flame who said Rodriguez had two paintings of himself as a centaur — man from the waist up, horse from the waist down — in his bedroom at home. This from the Post on the man who, at the time, was hitless in the World Series: “Rodriguez — who has been hitting more like My Little Pony than a mighty centaur so far in the World Series — has had a penchant for public displays of narcissism, such as when he was spotted sunning himself topless in Central Park in 2006.”
He promptly went out Saturday and jacked one into the FOX right-field camera position for a home run. Some pony.”
How could this be missed sir? Jump on it, lets do it, the saddle is waiting.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
@Slash -
My guess is the “V-word” is “Vicodin”
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
You forgot his response to my question about letting Westin off the hook:
“Don’t think I did. They all do the same thing at hotels. I also spoke to the Starwood CEO and told him he needed to institute a policy where all people close to getting closed out get a call or email asking if they’re showing up. If that had happened to me, I’d have not gotten shut out. ”
PETER DEMANDS A PERSONAL PHONE CALL
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
How is PK an authority on cartoons? I might be in the minority, but I actually enjoy The Cleveland Show.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Brett Favre throws up a duck into triple coverage, and the 3 defenders magically run into each other and take each other out, leading to a touchdown.
I had a real point to this, but I just dry-heaved worse than McNabb.
//Panicking Giants fan
//Why can’t this luck happen to us?
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
(1) I asked him about the Bowers before Big Jim Slade.
(2) I was the one who asked him how he felt about online criticism.
WHERE’S MY CREDIT BDD?
I’LL TAKE AWAY YOUR MELTY KIT-KATS IF I HAVE TO.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
King also made Eli his “goat of the week”, because ya know, it was his fault that the defense gave up 40 points.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@Rakibul Islam: The Giants used up all of their luck when that errant pass bounced off of Witten’s heel and into the arms of the defender he had soundly beaten. I think the Giants scored a TD on the next play
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Guest Lecturer Peter King Discusses The Bonding Chemistry Of The 2004 Red Sox
Pretty sure the real expert on the Sox’s chemistry in 2004 would be Jimmy Bedford. Bonus point: he’s dead.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm
He gift-wrapped the NFC title game to the Giants two years ago. But there’s something about the games that have personal stuff on the line.
Did PK just suggest that Favre plays better in these kind of games than in conference championship games because he cares more about personal vendettas than going to the fucking Super Bowl?
I mean, we all know that. I’m just surprised PK would say it.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Samuels and Jones deserve attention – but first here’s 2 pages of Favre cock-sucking! Your entire HoF careers were ALMOST AS IMPORTANT as Favre’s groin.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
“Why can’t this luck happen to us?”
Didn’t you win a Super Bowl two years ago, you big baby?
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Wow. Just not that funny this week. Same old tired stuff.
November 2nd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
@BDD:
But that was because of a fluke play, not luck. YUGE difference. YUGE.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Peter King And The Throbbing Groin
Sounds like a Harry Potter Book
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
^^
/Attell’d
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
“Peter King And The Throbbing Groin”
Sounds like a Hardy Boys novel gone bad.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I got no sense he took any great joy in beating Green Bay for vengeful reasons
Much like I sense that PK has no shame that he wrote he this and actually believed it on some level.
Professor McNabb
The same Professor McNabb that loses track of time outs and didn’t know games could end in a tie? That one?
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
“Quietly, Dallas has crept back into the NFC pennant race.”
So the Cowboys have a chance of winning the World Series? Holy fuck King, pennant race equates to baseball, football=NFC title, NFC championship, etc. Know the jargon or shut the fuck up. Actually, just shut up anyway.
“Are you kidding, FOX? The moment the game of the year ends and Brett Favre is hugging his way across the field, we hear Thom Brennaman say: “We send you to bonus coverage.”
Of course he was pissed, he wasn’t done masturbating while watching Favre hug all the men out there, picturing himself in their place. But then I’m sure he remembered good old Jeff Catlett and finished polluting the Earth.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@johndewar: to be fair, McNabb is an adjunct professor
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
@BDD: To be fair, that was against the then-undefeated Patsies and led to all of us experiencing the joy of shouting, “18-1.”
It’s deserving of something extra from the football gods.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:38 pm
@Rudeboy: True, and then Kenny Phillips went on IR, sending our secondary to shambles.
@Drew: Yes, well, insert random quote about how that was in the past, have to turn the page, NY fans are fickle bastards, Mickey from Rockaway, etc etc. I’d make a Favre-to-Vikings joke, but I’m sure hearing the media slobbering over Favre being the key to the Vikes’ success this season is enough to make you kill kill kill.
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Wait, Brett Favre isn’t dead? Then just who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb? If only a nationally known “journalist” would track his every bowel movement for us? I mean, he is bigger than the game, right?
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm
“I got no sense he took any great joy in beating Green Bay for vengeful reasons.”
“Favre’s laid a couple of pretty big eggs in recent years, both when playing hurt and feeling fine. He gift-wrapped the NFC title game to the Giants two years ago. But there’s something about the games that have personal stuff on the line.”
Favre plays well, but without joy – sweet, innocent child-like joy -, in this type of game. Brett Favre is so complex, only PK truly understands him.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Hey Peter, Brian is a racist.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Dolphin pummeling Ryan and Sporano in the same house?…..
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
In every game in which I had something particularly personal at stake, the Bears have outscored the opposition 144 to nothing. Granted so far the sample size is a little on the small side, at 0, but maybe it will teach PK a thing or to about cherry picking games based on a meaningless, subjective standard, aggregating numbers from them, and calling the result a “stat”.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Also, why is everything a “magic bullet”. Do people like Peter King even remember where that term came from? I vote that whenever someone tosses around “magic bullet” lightly, they should be made to watch the “magic loogy” episode of seinfeld on a continuous loop, doing absolutely nothing else until they die of natural causes.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
“Throw it downfield, Matthew Stafford. Bombs away, Calvin Johnson or not.”
No shit. Throw it to those other Lions vertical threats. PK’s Recipe for Matthew Stafford success: throw deep to John Standeford, Bryant Johnson, Dennis Northcutt, and Derrick Williams. That sounds like quasi-Professor McNabb-esque advice!
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Uh, if Miami wins out, they do win the AFC East. That would require a lot, but, technically, they still control their own destiny. Somehow. With Chad Henne at quarterback.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
RE Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:
“My guess is the ‘V-word’ is ‘Vicodin.’”
Or maybe Viagra. I’m kind of ashamed that didn’t occur to me, as King WAS talking about another man’s groin.
RE “magic bullet” – yeah, I agree. I’d like to magic bullet everybody who uses that phrase. It’s almost as played out as ending every “scandal” in “-gate.”
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Could this be the final nail in his coffin? I don’t know. Will the groin magically heal and begin to sprout precious white truffles? I don’t know. Is the core of the Earth really made of old tennis balls? I don’t know.
Why don’t you do some investigative reporting and find out the answers to these rhetorical questions you’re so fond of you fat tub of spam covered crisco. I’m sure if I was on that Deadspin chat he would have ignored all of my questions like “If you had to design an airport toilet, how much weight should it be required to support?”
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I’m think about buying a copy of PK’s book just so I can test his limits on what he’s willing to write when he signs it
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I’m thinking, not think. Jesus, I’m beginning to take on Peter’s writing style
/takes bath with plugged-in hair dryer
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I thought the Magic Bullet was what the missus used to mix her fruirty frozen drinks.
/Billy Mays’d
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Of course the Stormin’ Norman’s were treated bad in New Orleans, that place is a little on edge when it comes to storms.
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Dear God, Peter King lives only a few blocks from me. Is Sycophantic Douchetard contagious? I’m more worried about this than swine flu.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Dolphins fans: “But, seven goes into 28 four times!”
Tony Sparano: “Uh, this is a ‘magic’ seven.”
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
One thing we need desperately is MOAR FAVRE COVERAGE. Peter King is just saying what we are all thinking.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:22 pm
“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.”
For God’s sake, PK must be the laziest sack of shit journalist I’ve ever seen. Before the internet age, this might be somewhat excusable, because it’s a careless off-hand thought that no one gives a shit about. But it takes literally 10 seconds to search Wikipedia and see that The New Class lasted for 7 fucking seasons.
And if quality equated to longevity on the FOX animated block, then The Simpsons would’ve been cancelled 10 years ago.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:57 pm
“Wow. Just not that funny this week. Same old tired stuff.”
This from a guy whose handle is ‘whatchatalkin’boutwillis’. Current!
November 3rd, 2009 at 12:49 am
New Orleans (6-0). My friend from Montclair, Mike Norman, and his two boys, Ben and Josh, can’t get over how they were treated as Giants fans in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago.
Oh, the Normans! You remember them, don’t you? Mike was at our Easter party last year. He’s the one who had the three fingers. Remember?
Looks like PK is paying back Mike Norman for posting a positive review of his book on Amazon.com by mentioning him in his column. Norman’s review of PK’s book is pure douchebagery. On a side note how much fun can be had with the amazon page for this book.
http://www.amazon.com/Sports-Illustrated-Monday-Morning-Quarterback/dp/1603200800/ref=pd_ts_b_25?ie=UTF8&s=books
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:37 am
Ugliest jerseys in the NFL: Jets’ throwbacks.
Seriously? The Jets’ generic, average-looking throwbacks are worse than Denver’s mustard-yellow/doo-doo-brown combo?
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:24 am
Or Seattle’s Lime Green UFL throwbacks?
November 4th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
yeh u dont want vaginosis..haha