When we last left championship cake baker Peter King, he was 20 minutes late to a live chat over at Deadspin, then proved a rather good sport with most of the questions. I’d like to congratulate Big Jim Slade for asking Peter how the Bowers were doing. Peter’s response was a simple, “Fine.” It’s the little things.

Someone also asked Peter if the criticism he gets online bothers him, to which Peter replied that it comes with the territory. He doesn’t like it when it goes too far, but he accepts it. Well, thank God for that. NOW I CAN MAKE FUN OF THAT DOUCHEHAT WITHOUT IT WEIGHING ON MY CONSCIENCE ONE BIT! WOO HOO!

So what about this week? Will it be another Steelers Sunday for Peter? Will he and Bob Costas rattle a cage or two? Will he show up in my Junior Jumble? Read on, people…

I remember the first time Brett Favre mentioned the V word in the summer of 2008.

Indeed. Vaginosis. It’s no joke when your vagina secretes an “odorous discharge”. In fact, I find any and all unwanted discharges troubling.

Favre told me he pulled or strained his groin in practice on Wednesday and took it easy in practice for the rest of the week.

Oh, Brett’s groin. So firm. So supple. Like a leg of lamb pulled fresh from the oven. Pulled and strained and pulled and strained and pulled and strained UNTIL IT SIMPLY CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE. PETER MUST HAVE YOU, BRETT’S GROIN.

There was never any question he’d play, he said. But about an hour before the game, during pregame warmups at Lambeau with the groin wrapped tightly, he aggravated the muscle on the field. “I told T-Jack [backup Tarvaris Jackson] and [offensive coordinator] Darrell Bevell I may not be able to do it,” he said. “I didn’t know if I’d be able to drop back very well. After I aggravated it, there was no way I was going to be able to move around in the pocket very much. We never called one bootleg the whole game. But we made it through OK.”

“Peter, between you and I, I had an injury that NEVER would have kept me out of this game. But I wanted to let you know about it, so that people could have even greater respect for my legendary toughness. OUCH! Oh, man! Did I tell you about my very light earache? I played with that as well. Oh, a mighty ache it was. WOULD FELL A DOZEN MEN WEAKER THAN I.”

And now, I wondered, how was the groin four hours and a lot of lost adrenalin later?

And what could I do to nurse it back to life? Could I rub it with rosemary balm? Could I kiss it gently? Read poems to it? COME BACK, GROIN! COME BACK TO YOUR LOVER.

“It’s throbbing right now,” he said.

IT THROBS FOR YOU, PETER.

Now hold on here. A pulled groin? Is this the magic bullet, the injury that starts the 40-year-old Favre’s decline?

Because I had a pulled groin back in 7th grade and hoo wee, did it hurt. I did no physical therapy for it. AND TO THIS DAY, IT STILL BOTHERS ME. You athletes out there know what I’m talking about!

Is this the injury that, with Favre on the doorstep of his historic 300th consecutive start, finally rips him out of a starting lineup for the first time since Percy Harvin was 4?

Could this be the final nail in his coffin? I don’t know. Will the groin magically heal and begin to sprout precious white truffles? I don’t know. Is the core of the Earth really made of old tennis balls? I don’t know.

Favre’s laid a couple of pretty big eggs in recent years, both when playing hurt and feeling fine. He gift-wrapped the NFC title game to the Giants two years ago. But there’s something about the games that have personal stuff on the line. Maybe it’s a coincidence; maybe the three-game sample size is just too small. But three decisive wins, 11 touchdowns, no picks — I sense a trend.

And is it me, or does he just look like he’s enjoying himself more in those games? Something to think about.

He can compartmentalize the things that matter and those that don’t. It’s simple. Or at least it sounds simple. He’d make millions traveling the country, maybe as Tony Robbins’ warmup act. Topic of his talk: Don’t sweat the small stuff — or the big stuff, for that matter.

In fact, don’t sweat anything. Just walk around aimlessly, constantly oblivious to all outside elements around you: people, objects, oncoming traffic. You need not worry about any of those things. So says Breddha.

One of the things Favre doesn’t often show is how much he wants to be liked in Green Bay. But he does.

He wants to be liked there so much that he decided to play quarterback for the team they hate the most! Know why? Because the man and his groin don’t sweat the details. OR the big picture. Or the sweat itself.

I got no sense he took any great joy in beating Green Bay for vengeful reasons

Favre to King a while back: “Part of me coming back last year, yeah, was to stick it to Ted Thompson.”

How can a player have a more redemptive day than Ted Ginn Jr.?

He redeemeth!

Troy Aikman did the game for FOX Sunday, and he thinks Favre won’t need much else to leave football a happy man. “No matter what happens from here on out,” he said last night, back home in Texas, “I think with these two wins over the Packers, Brett could walk away from football pretty satisfied at the end of the year. Now, he won’t admit that. But I think for him, to win these games was huge.”

Oh, well thank God for THAT. HOORAY, SEASON’S OVER! THE VIKINGS ARE DOUBLE PACKER BOWL CHAMPS!

Baltimore sent blitzing ‘backers more often Sunday in the the win over Denver, and it worked. Defensive coordinator Greg Mattison knew the front wasn’t getting the pressure it needed, and from the start, particularly on early downs, extra defenders like Jarrett Johnson surprised Kyle Orton around the edge. Good idea. They’ll need to keep that up, for a couple of reasons. Deion Sanders isn’t walking through the locker room door to save the beleaguered secondary.

Sanders played with the Ravens in 2004 and 2005. The Ravens went 9-7 and 6-10 those two years. He sucked.

Two very good tackles — Chris Samuels and Walter Jones — are nearing the end, and that shouldn’t be something just in small type this weekend.

It should be on Page 1! Preferably in a very small portion of the bottom right hand corner! Shame on you, New York Times, for laying off employees when you aren’t making money. SINCE WHEN IS PUBLISHING A BUSINESS?

New Orleans (6-0). My friend from Montclair, Mike Norman, and his two boys, Ben and Josh, can’t get over how they were treated as Giants fans in New Orleans a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, the Normans! You remember them, don’t you? Mike was at our Easter party last year. He’s the one who had the three fingers. Remember?

I wouldn’t be too alarmed about the so-called struggling Colts on the heels of their narrow win over San Francisco.

Oh, thank God. Because I was just about to declare that team DOA. All downhill from here!

The Eagles’ weaponry is so diverse. Think back to the preseason, when all wondered how long it would take Brent Celek, DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin and LeSean McCoy — all third-year players or younger, all 24 or younger — to contribute as a group. Well, in putting up 40 on the Giants, those four touched the ball 24 times for 278 yards and four touchdowns. I guess chemistry class is going well, Professor McNabb.

Professor McNabb’s First Grade In Chemistry 101

LECTURE SCHEDULE:
MONDAY: What Is Chemistry? We Study The Rituals Of The Navajo Indians To Learn More
TUESDAY: Let’s Try Bringing In That Dog Killer Guy!
WEDNESDAY: Time Is Evil: Why Hurrying Up Makes People So Unchemistratic
THURSDAY: Guest Lecturer Peter King Discusses The Bonding Chemistry Of The 2004 Red Sox
FRIDAY: Black-on-Black Chemistry: Why Can’t We Brothers Find A… Solution? Get It?

LAB SCHEDULE
MONDAY: Concrete Cyanide
WEDNESDAY: Agrarian Vomiting
FRIDAY: Steeler Anatomy

Atlanta (4-2). Seems odd that it’s Nov. 2, and the Falcons have played only six games.

Who ARE these men? They’re like a group of cat burglars! Do they even exist? Is it any coincidence the very, very quiet Matt Schaub used to play for them? THEY COULD BE OUTSIDE MY HOME RIGHT NOW.

Esoteric But Meaningful Stat of the Week: Texans lead the league on defense with 36 three-and-outs.

Esoteric def.: Understood only by a chosen few or an enlightened inner circle. Oh, sage Peter, tell me more about these “three-and-outs”! I KNOW THE SECRET PASSWORD TO YOUR CIRCLE! LET ME IN AND SHARE MORE OF YOUR DRUID TEACHINGS! WHAT IS A SAFETY?

A really impressive loss at Indy. When you lead for 41 minutes against the Colts, and hold Peyton Manning touchdown-less, you’ve done something. Not enough, but something.

Did you win? I don’t know. Does the loss even count? I don’t know. Are you awarded a gold tablet of some kind? MAYBE.

Quote of the Week I

“We’re 3-0 in the division … and it still goes through us!!!”
-Miami coach Tony Sparano, in the victorious Miami locker room after the 30-25 win over the Jets.

Indeed it would, if you weren’t two games behind New England in the standings. Couple that with Sparano’s decision to go for two with an eleven point lead, and you have yourself a fucking mathemagician.

Quote of the Week III

“No, Brett Favre did not lay down to give me a sack. Doesn’t happen in the NFL, man.”
-Michael Strahan, on KHTK radio in Sacramento

“Except for that one time when it did!”

Offensive Player of the Week

Brett Favre, QB, Minnesota.

AND HIS GROIN!

Really, could the day have been any more perfect?

And we got to cap it off with Heineken Lights on my deck on Montclair, surrounded by woods and meadows! And the, we made love under a Japanese Maple. The knots pressing into my back… they hurt. But they felt good when they hurt. Does that make sense?

Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week

This is not a travel note per se, but more of an event note in a place I traveled to. Does that count?

No.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame held two concerts at Madison Square Garden Thursday and Friday, and I was lucky enough to be in the crowd on the second night, the most interesting night of music I’ve ever seen in person.

Hugely interesting music. Semi-Chinaesque.

These concerts get big acts to do a few songs — on Friday, it was Aretha Franklin, Jeff Beck, Metallica and U2 — then bring out guest stars to accompany them on songs. What a parade: Lenny Kravitz and Annie Lennox with Aretha, Sting and the ZZ Top guy, Bill Gibbons, with Beck, Lou Reed and Ray Davies of the Kinks and Ozzy Osbourne with Metallica (my first exposure to Metallica, and when I woke up Sunday, 32 hours after the show, my ears still had some weird hummmmmm going on in there) … and then the incredible U2 guests. Bruce Springsteen and Patti Smith, then the Black Eyed Peas (now there’s some energy)

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL EXTREMELY WATERED DOWN HIP HOP!

and then, drumroll please, Mick Jagger. Each artist was onstage for seven to 11 songs, with a short intermission between each mini-show, making for a ridiculously memorable four-hour night.

It was like visiting the Texas State Book Depository… IN SONG.

The five best songs:

“Gimme Shelter,” by U2, Mick Jagger and Fergie, of the Peas

Oooh, Bono AND Fergie got to join in? That improves that song by at least –4,000,000%.

2. “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” by U2 and Bruce Springsteen. A King dream: the two giants of my music life crooning together into the same mike.

If only the mike had been made of a recycled Illy can, it would have been greatest King dream of ALL..

“Sweet Jane,” by Lou Reed and Metallica. Metallica’s good. Good and loud.

This just in: Metallica plays music called METAL. How about that? What a democracy.

“You Really Got Me,” by Ray Davies and Metallica. My God. We’ve forgotten how great the Kinks were.

Oh, the Kinks? They fucking su… WAIT! No, wait! Peter is right! I had forgotten! I thought they had turned into Canned Heat when I wasn’t looking.

I’ll be having a signing in my old hometown, Montclair, N.J., at the Yogi Berra Museum and Learning Center on Nov. 21, a Saturday, late in the afternoon.

Fuck off. There’s a real place named that? Really? Jesus. Here’s the website. Here’s part of their mission statement:

Our Vision is to provide a creative and enjoyable educational environment for all learners…

Oooh, ALL learners? Even that them there little folks who go to learning buildings?

We particularly choose to focus on children so that they may understand how baseball, our national pastime, and other sports, teach social and cultural values that are as important off the field as they are on.

I expect nothing less from THE GREATEST LIVING BASEBALL PLAYER IN THE UNITED STATES, AS NOTED BY MR. KING.

Good friend Dave Kaplan is organizing.

With the Normans?!!!111!!!1!!

Tweet of the Week
“Just noticed this on my Packers credential: It’s Green Bay home game No. 4. Of course it is.”

@LATimesfarmer, Sam Farmer, NFL beat writer for the Los Angeles Times, Tweeting from the press box at Lambeau Field Sunday.

And if you put a zero on the end of 4, you get 40. BRETT FAVRE IS ADAM DUNN AND MAY ALSO BE CEDRIC BANSON.

Good start, Vince Young. Very good: 15 of 18, and looking quite sure of yourself.

You, sir, are flowering.

Quietly, Dallas has crept back into the NFC pennant race.

I forgot they were even there! The Cowboys are the Kinks of pro football.

Now that’s the way to make big plays, Julius Peppers.

Can I have your gloves?

For a veteran who’s surely been mugged on more than a few pass routes, Derrick Mason of the Ravens went way over the top on a jersey grab by Denver cornerback Alphonso Smith. Hedeserved the 15-yard flag for unsportsmanlike conduct after throwing his helmet. Calls get missed, Derrick. Relax a bit.

I expect more from such a wonderful autograph signer.

Are you kidding, FOX? The moment the game of the year ends and Brett Favre is hugging his way across the field, we hear Thom Brennaman say: “We send you to bonus coverage.”

You do what? You send us to Carolina 34, Arizona 21? For God’s sake — FOR WHAT?!!!!!! What you should be sending us to is Pam Oliver for a live interview with Favre instead of making people wait.

Wait for what? What does Favre have to say that anyone will give a flying shit about? I’d far prefer to watch actual football. I had Jonathan Stewart going in that game, you prick. HEY FOX, THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SHOWING REAL FOOTBALL WHEN I WANT TO LINGER AROUND AN ALREADY OVERCOVERED STORY?!

Throw it downfield, Matthew Stafford. Bombs away, Calvin Johnson or not.

Don’t sweat it! Just launch it and see what happens!

I get the sense no one really believes in Iowa.

Nor do I. It’s one of those made up places you always read about, like Atlantis, or Oz, or Doggie Heaven.

Coffeenerdness: Funny thing happened walking to get the papers and coffee Saturday morning in Manhattan. Guy walks up to me at a newsstand on 7th and 53rd and says, “Peter King!”

“YOU’RE A COCK!”

I turn and shake his hand, and he said, “Jeff Catlett. I’m the one who won the Joe Namath jersey at the Dr. Z auction last spring.” Wow, I say, and ask what’s he doing here in the city, out so early. Seems he lives in Kuwait, works in the oil business, and his wife gave him a trip to World Series Game 2 to see his beloved Yanks, and he was out for a stroll before he had to get to the airport and go back home.

We went to Starbucks and got coffee, and I asked him about Starbucks over there. Turns out he’s quite the Starbucks aficionado. “We have 76 Starbucks in Kuwait,” he said proudly. “Seven in one mall!” So Howard Schulz is taking over the world after all.

What a story. Peter ran into a guy who bought something at an auction. Turned out he liked coffee! What a world. This man might be the next Mitch Puin.

I really like FOX’s sideline guy, Ken Rosenthal, on TV. He’s smart and cool.

I hope I get to rock climbing with him one day!

“The Cleveland Show,” as spinoffs go, should last as long as “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.” Now, if there was a Brian spinoff …

I’d pop my gum!

There’s something about the Falcons that’s a little disconcerting

I think they might all be GHOSTS.