At least there was some entertaining kicker fail at the end. Kris Brown will make sure the Texans finish 8-8 again if it’s the last thing he does in the NFL. Then there was the wondrous mixed metaphor by Jon Gruden, who said Vince Young “found his wheels and got on his horse.” Unless he’s referring to heroin that makes no sense. All told, not the worst game ever. Could have done without that Slaton touchdown though.
First, the Colts had to go back to Baltimore on Sunday, now the former Oilers return to Houston (not to forget the Buzzsaw’s trip to St. Louis). IT’S RELOCATION WEEK! Did Bud Adams take out a full page ad in the sports section to apologize to Houston too? Soon Bud Adams apology revenue will be all there is to keep newspapers afloat. So keep dropping the double deuce on people. FOR JOURNALISM!
No matter how much the Titans want to turn tail and head back to Nashville, Bernard Pollard says YOU STILL GOTTA PLAY THE HOUSTON TEXANS!
Anyway, this is the bastard middle child live blog nudged between Pats-Colts last week and Pats-Saints a week from today. But the Texans are still fighting to stay in the playoff hunt. And Steve Slaton getting the start will have duped enough fantasy owners into playing him again that we will delight in their anguish. The likely Chris Johnson stat line of 180 yards and two touchdowns on 15 carries will provide adequate Meastliness. It’s no madcap Detroit-Cleveland game, but it could be fun. But when’s Vince Young gonna hurry up and implode? He doesn’t even have a negative touchdowns to interceptions ratio! What manner of sorcery is this? No better moment to start the shirtless insanity like a prime time game in his hometown.
LOOKS LIKE CHICAGO POISONED THE WRONG STEELERS FAN. From Joey Porter to James Harrison now to local rube William Woodson, the Steelers shameful legacy of pit bull abuse continues. Forget Gay Zorro, trade for Vick! Woodson stomped his girlfriend’s puppy to death because it wouldn’t pipe down prior to the loss to the Chiefs. In a society that believed in creative punishment, we’d let Peezy and Deebo sic their savage killer dogs on him and turn him into so much kibble. Instead, he’ll probably just get raped in prison. Just not the same zing, you know?
Also, some guy in a Steelers jacket showed up at a Sarah Palin rally in Columbus, OH (:35 second mark) lisping something about her being the eepitome of conthssssservativenssssth. WE SHOULD LET HER COACH SSSTHPECIAL TEAMSSSTH!
When we last left basic amazing columnist Peter King, he analyzed Bill Belichick’s decision to go for it on 4th and 2, which totally reminded me of this ONE TIME THE FACKIN’ RED SAWX AWLSO DID SOMETHING VERY SIMILAHHHHH AND I ANALYZED IT AS WELL!
So it’s time to break down King Gordo’s most recent batch of Illy-infused drivel, but FIRST. Another email from Daniel Steele! Yes, that’s right. Remember Daniel? He demanded we make Tom Brady Meast of the Week that one time, and used all sorts of fancy (and wrong) records to back up his choice. Well, Daniel’s back for more punishment. He has a new Meast of the week in mind, and you’ll never guess who. All spelling errors from this email (and there are many) are sic:
BECAUSE HE’S MOONING THE CAMERA! “NEW MOON”! GEDDIT?!
Aw, of course you don’t.
One of the better surprises of the 2009 season has been the quiet, ninja-like efficiency of Cris Collinsworth in the color commentator’s chair for NBC’s Sunday Night Football. Everyone was aware of the large ass-groove that Cris was assigned to fill with the departure of John Madden, and Collinsworth has clearly made that ass groove his own. He’s brought insight, humor, and criticism to each Sunday Night game that he has covered, and we’re better for it. Read the rest of this entry »
We have four late afternoon affairs to keep you from venturing outdoors today, including three divisional contests. The Jets are in New England, and they’ve already learned that OWAH TAWMFOOLAHRY IS MOAR DISRUPTIVE THAN YOUAH TAWMFOOLAHRY.
Zoe noes! Jessica Simpson was spotted wearing a Cowboys hoodie again at some point this week. That might be considered a jinx in some instances (if such thing actually existed) but it will take far more than superstition to counter the staggering collective forces of fail that emanate from the Redskins and their fans who are now finally permitted to wave bitchy signs.
On a day where our very own Matron Saint was implicated in a tawdry scandal, I think we all deserve a hot injection of Adriana Lima into our evening. Thanks to reader Crista for the pics. WOOHOO!
(more mildly NSFW after the “yump”)
Welcome back for another fun week of poorly thought out wagers. While you’re sitting there reading this I’m locked in a very large warehouse counting a lot of stuff while trying to limit my dust intake. Good times. Anyway, I was able to find three of the world’s foremost football prognosticators to assist with this week’s picks.
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