Wooo, Sunday Night Football! Oh wait, Steelers-Ravens? Can I downgrade that “Wooo” to a “Meh”?
Yes, it’s Pittsburgh versus Baltimore in the race for second place in the AFC North. The Steelers are without Ben Roethlisberger, backup QB Charlie Batch, and Head & Shoulders spokesmodel Troy Polamalu. In place of Roethlis-Batch will be rookie fifth-round draft pick and former Oregon Duck Dennis Dixon, who — as Cris Collinsworth will tell you several times tonight — has only thrown one pass in the NFL until now.
Thus, in order for the game to stay interesting tonight, we’ll need to cull all the hate these two teams inspire. I hate the Steelers. Christmas Ape hates the Ravens. Ravens fans hate Christmas Ape. Ed Reed hates not throwing laterals. 21st century industry hates both cities. And EVERYONE hates Ray Lewis. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!!!
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This thread should give Monkey Business ample opportunity to discuss the Colts.
I would pay $$ to see Ray Ray and/or Ed Reed fight Hines Ward. That being said Steelers are in big trouble if they lose to Baltimore tonight.
I hate the Ravens. I hate people who think Hines is a dirty player. I hate anyone with the last name of “Harbaugh”.
//doing my part
I’m gonna chime in now while I’m still soberish. I’ll be drinking with 2 Steelers fans…. which is difficult given my hatred of the Steelers. Yet I can’t bring myself to toot for the Ravens…
In conclusion, I want the game to end early with a terrorist attack on Baltimore. A dirty bomb in the stadium should suffice.
Or a tie.
That being said Steelers are in big trouble if they lose to Baltimore tonight.
Not really. Jags lost. Miami lost. Texans lost. Steelers don’t have that hard of a schedule left and another game at home against Baltimore.
Errrrr… *root for the Ravens. But toot works just as well. Damned iPhone automatic spelling and alcohol don’t mix.
Fries don’t belong on sandwiches. Similarly, Old Bay does NOT belong on everything.
Willie Beamen’s first NFL start. Woo?
I’m betting the under. It’s like betting on both teams to lose!
/HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
SMIRRE! I THROW RONGRASTNAME UNDER BUS!
Seriously, Hines needs to STFU. Don’t diss your QB when he’s not medically cleared to play with a friggin’ concussion.
Tonight, Dennis Dixon joins the proud fraternity of Oregon NFL quarterbacks… and immediately the best NFL quarterback to come from Oregon.
It’s amazing how Brett Favre plays within himself, all while playing with a great pass-protecting unit, the best RB tandem with whom he’s ever shared a backfield, and an ultratalented set of receiving weapons. MVP!
@ Savetofavorites
Agreed. But Old Bay DEFINITELY goes on french fries.
/eats a bucket or two of Crabfries
Didn’t Fouts play at Oregon?
Steelers have to leapfrog Baltimore and Denver. It might come down to the last Baltimore Game at Heinz, but can you count out the Titans? Not after this week. If they get in (Pitt), can Steelers win on the road at Colts, NE, San Diego? They can, but thats some massive odds.
I know it’s already been discussed in the 4 PM thread, but…
God DAMN, that was an entertaining last drive in the TEN-ARI game.
They have the tiebreaker on Denver. Don’t have to leapfrog them.
Faith Hill, like me, hates pants.
@ Danger Guerrero
I’ll grant that the first couple of becrabbed fries are tasty. After a while, though, it’s tough to get down all that seasoning on something bland like potatoes. Fries want something savory– like cheese or gravy– or sweetish on ‘em.
Would I be way out of line mentioning that Dennis Dixon pretty much had the Heisman sewn up until he tweaked his ACL?
THAT”S REAL FOOTBALL ANALYSIS!
@ Rob: Whoops. Lost Beardy among all the Grazianis, Akilis, and Joeys.
God DAMN, that was an entertaining last drive in the TEN-ARI game
Media common knowledge went from “Vince Young is crazy, and possibly gay” to “Vince Young is a legitimate NFL quarterback” awfully quickly.
@DeepFriar: No, because I agree with you.
They have the tiebreaker on Denver. Don’t have to leapfrog them.
So even if they finish with a worse record than them they’ll still get in?
Of course. BECAUSE THE LEAGUE IS RIGGED FOR THE STEELERS! Didn’t you hear?
@ Leigh: “Crazy and gay” and “legitimate NFL quarterback” aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. Hell, he might be just the Kordell-cum-Namath that’ll SAVE this league in a post-Glee America.
@ DeepFriar
You’re right, but your football analysis is a little off. Needs more all caps and “THIS GUY RIGHT HERE.”
“Ben’s health is my first priority. I have no intention of getting Ben Roethlisberger injured further… unless my other two QBs get killed.”
[www.youtube.com]
I think this is what you’re going for, PirateSloth.
I’ve never wanted both QBs on one team to be injured more than tonight*.
*Does not include Patriots games.
The doctor Tomlin’s been conferring with looks suspiciously like House.
Looks like Neil O’Donnell is too busy in Utah to help out the Steelers tonight.
[www.legacy.com]
I love it, Pitty’s O-Line is tissue paper when The Ben isn’t taking snaps
SavetoFavorites Says:
November 29th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
@ Rob: Whoops. Lost Beardy among all the Grazianis, Akilis, and Joeys.
Completely understandable. Don’t forget Terry Baker, who actually won a Heisman.
Clearly the refs are to blame for that Ravens personal foul.
That’s right Flacco, don’t throw to your best receiver so much.
And McGahee owners everywhere rejoice
Perhaps we can put the Best Buy singers behind the Pittsburgh o-line.
Dammit Willis, you’re stealing all of Ray Rice’s precious fantasy points! HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
Carl Winslow’s a Pittsburgh fan? No way.
Dixon with his SECOND NFL PASS EVER.
Am i crazy or was that Ape standing right by Dennis Dixon’s family?
survey says… Benny comes on in the second half to steer the Stillers to victory…
/I’m drunk…
//again
///bacon infused bourbon is the devils work…
@ Punch Rockgroin
There was a Tomlin/Omar Epps joke on House last week
Way to go, Pitt. Right when Dixon starts making things happen you have to fuck it up
Beware Bruce Arians’ vast array of screens!
You’re crazy. All white people look alike when standing next to black people.
Alright, the Smoggies (without The Ben) vs the Stabbies. This should be thoroughly…something.
I wish Dennis Dixon or Flacco would hurry up and do something of note so we could build a hilarious character around a fictional assumption about them.
/really likes making fun of Cutler
@ape… vast? Bruce knows not the screenage that emits from greg marrone…. the next NFL head coach to be culled from the college ranks…
/I’m drunk…
//again…
@ twoeightnine
Yep. They all look anxious.
Dennis Dixon’s Dad craps bigger than you.
Dennis Dixon looks ready for the Haters Ball.
Dixon hasn’t been murdalized yet. This is good.
Oops, based on the pic they just flashed. And that was followed by Big Ben looking earlier like Elf…not a good thing.
Baltimore is a town full of cocsktains.
cockstains
Skinny brack man throw barr as good as Rongrastname. Smirre.
SMIRRE
That change of direction was kind of a dick move.
/Ha-cha-cha!
UH-OH. DENNIS IS TRYING TO TAKE THE BEN’S JOB WHILE THE BEN HAS AN OUCHY IN MY HEADBONE.
So confused, was god or Malcolm X responsible for that TD pass?
Getting kids healthy with Hines Wald? With — what, lessons on dirty hits?
Damn I hate rooting for Pittsburgh, but when the choice is between them and that open sewer on the Chesapeake Bay I’m down with Steely.
Taking care of business…taking care of business…
What, you don’t know this marvelous Bachman Turner Overdrive gem? You weren’t born in the late fifties or mid sixties? Hmmm. We better rethink that soundtrack …
@Boatdrinks
I was born in ’77 and still know BTO. Or am I missing the joke.
@ ROHTC… Lofty…
/not so drunk anymore…
“michael oher is the subject of a hit movie” is the new “jerome bettis is from detroit”
/book was better
//haven’t seen the movie
@ Rob… I remember watching SUPERBOWL 1… and I was only 3 days old!!!
/mmm… bacon….
Yinzers love black quarterbacks.
/Kordel’ed
The Dolphins may have a mascot that looks like it has Down’s syndrome, but at least it isn’t Steely McBeam.
Phil Collins is the National Football League.
Nah, I just wonder about producers using music that is basically from the 70′s in 2009. Seems like it would not appeal to the average 20 something demographic.
Ray Lewis and the Felons getting raped by Dixon is delicious.
Everyone pointing out blitzes and hot routes… how sweet. It’s like Dixon’s quarterbacking in CPU-Help mode.
Question for all….
I need receptions by Miller, and a big defensive night by the Crows…. I’m so conflicted! Can I have both?
/probably not
//I have an enlarged heart
///more bacon
@Boatdrinks
Maybe… but the most important thing is that it won’t offend anyone.
ZOMG THE FUKKIN REFSSSSS!
Alas, too true.
@ boat @ rob
The average 20something has never heard any of that music… its all new to them…
REFS.. CALL.. AGAINST STEELERS!!! SO… CONFLICTED!
I would think the average 20something would recognize it as “Mom and Dad’s music”
@ Lack of Foreskin: Yes. Lots and lots of yards, along with red-zone turnovers/a defensive TD or two.
How likely is it? Well, you might want to put another pound of back meat on the griddle.
stairway to freebird heaven… with shooting stars
Mewelde Moore’s Aikido is strong.
Dixon playing very very well so far. See what a competent Oregon QB can do fellas?
/from Oregon
//Only watching tonight because Dixon’s playing
@ ROHTC
Married to a Beaver… but she likes webbed feet too…
In fairness, it’s been at least 25 years since we last saw a competent Oregon QB.
Floatacular Flacco!
fuk mi
Mark Clayton!?!?!
@savetofavorites
I’m out of backbacon… I’m reduced to the front stuff….
/why can’t the stillers throw to miller ffs?
TD Stabbies!
throw the ball you pussies!
/ashton kutcher is a dink
@Foreskin: A friend of mine calls themselves a Platypus since one kid goes to U of O, one kid goes to OSU.
Where’s Olbermann? D:
@ ROHTC
Platypus… love it…
Olbermann’s under Bob’s desk…
you know what I need? I need Mendenhall to stop doing that retarded spin move and get some positive yards,
Mendenhall is just twirling…twirling toward freedom!
Mendenhall is just making up for us not getting our Freeney spin fix today.
It’s Mendenhall’s tribute to The Byrds.
Twirl happens
Mendenhall is French for ‘spin, twirl and twist’
and german for ‘men in the hall’
“Twirling” isn’t entirely inapt. But I tend to think of Mendenhall’s spin move as the “Graveled Washing Machine.”
Play Sam Cooke to seduce women. DO NOT play Sam Koch to seduce women.
With Woodley heating up, the Ravens may need to resort to the rare double-unbalanced offensive line.
I motherfucking hate this game.
SMIRRE AT HINES WALD’S BIATCH ED REED
Ed Reed still sucks at tackling. I think Hines just carried him 10 yards.
I motherfucking hate this game.
No one motherfucking cares.
Polamalu > Reed
I don’t motherfucking care about Jay Leno’s show.
One fucking touchdown, Smirre. You cunt.
/fantasy frustration
@ ROHTC: Well, the Civil War trophy (that isn’t being used anymore, wtf?) *IS* a platypus.
/has been wishing for years that they would bring it back
Does anyone else do a quick Marino flashback when they hear Mark Clayton’s name? And the Steve Smith thing is worse.
Sometimes I wish the NFL would adopt the Screen Actors’ Guild naming rules, where middle initials/name variants are used to keep confusion/fraud to a minimum. Also, I sometimes wish my brain worked better.
Reed actually playing > Polamalu watching game from sidelines
@save
You mean its not the same guy?
I get confused with all the guys named Mark Duper in the league.
Schwedes
James Harrison is either incredibly smart or incredibly stupid.
And when did Matt Suhey start playing baseball for the Yankees? Who moved my shoes? Who put this dirty supper plate in front of me? WHO STOLE MY SUPPER?
So how much longer before Baltimore fans start bringing their own penalty flags to the games, and covering the field with their referee-hating, ball-bearing-weighted outrage 4-5 times a game?
Because the best irony would be seeing Ravens fans throwing penalty flags onto the field, as an homage to Bart Scott throwing the penalty flag into the stands against NE in 2007…
Meh, I’m all discussed out.
But hey, we’re in the playoffs, which is more than I can say for one, maybe both, of these teams.
But hey, we’re in the playoffs, which is more than I can say for one, maybe both, of these teams.
We’re all excited for the Colts to lose their first playoff game again.
fuch mei
Ray-Ray-quality shot in the back to a prone Flacco from Silverback there. He IS a burgeoning defensive leader!
WTF? No penalty on the Ravens player for shoving after the whistle? I’m sure even Ravens fans thought that was unnecessary.
Oh, right, Ravens fans aren’t reasonable.
Nah, I think the Colts make it a little further and have their shit ruined by Laserface and Tiny Darren.
Mendenhall! Mendenhall! Mendenhall!
Superbowl… Dreamboat vs. Purple Jesus
The Ravens’ ancestral crest at the 50 just screams class!
Ravens being the dirty birds that they are cough up a hairball in the shape of a football. Steelers being from the outdated once industrial city won’t progress it.
Ape: As long as we can get Marmalard as Pey-Pey’s opponent in that first playoff game, that result would seem to be destined to happen. If so, I look forward to a second consecutive “Most Valuable FAIL” LOLNFL picture for my work desktop’s background…
DENNIS DIXON WILL RAPE YOU IN THE STREET!
AND… Separate Entirely.
promise?
Hey Dennis, I hear the other Maryland football team is looking for a new QB…
For what it’s worth, since I’ve heard confusion about the field logo a few times recently:
[www.50states.com]
THE BEN HAS CALLED PLAYS IN GOOD TO THE DENNIS DESPITE INJURY TO THE BRAINSPOT
Looks like Hochuli’s Gun Show is closed this evening.
Usually, I’m not one to complain about the music selection, but was that REALLY fucking Jackson Browne at the commercial bump?
Block In The Back. I knew I should of brainstormed for a better KSK commenting name.
Great use of timeouts, Harbaugh.
Go for it, do you think you’ll get the ball back?
Ray Rice might be good.
The Ravens went for it…Greggggg’s notebook is confused…
How does the DENNIS system work for quickies?
Jeff Reed is anxious because this game is cutting into date-raping time.
At least Cuntliff got the 4 points I needed, now the Ravens need to lose this fucking game.
Jesus H. Rice!
At least Sepulveda isn’t a pussy.
T-Good had no problem with contact from behind when he was on the 7th Floor.
Dixon has been terrific tonight. What’s the over/under on him taking the backup job for good from Batch?
That punter should teach Jeff Reed how not to look like a pussy while covering kick returns
Looks like the refs stopped hating Baltimore.
Illegal contact, then PI? Isn’t that essentially like ticketing a driver for speeding, then giving him another ticket for egregious speeding?
@Ape: How about that hip check?
and there’s the make up call
Nice hands by the wide receiver coach
ZOINKS!
Wow
so close…….
They better get a good backup, with the new concussion rules they’ll implement who knows how much playing time Roethlisberger will miss in the coming seasons. He’s just a concussion freak.
The Steelers, minus Big Ben, his backup, Polamalu and one of their starting linemen, forced OT in Baltimore. Even if the Ravens win, this is an embarrassment.
C’mon tie!
Ape: Is commenting here your release valve, since you can’t yell, scream and wave the yellow towel from the press box??
/Steelers ‘deserve a result here’
what the hell is al michaels talking about??
Big Ben, his backup, Polamalu and one of their starting linemen are the new penalty flag.
You could say that.
Dixonfloat
has anyone else noticed that since Mcnabb got made fun of for not knowing a game could end in a tie, the refs point out during the start of O.T. that after 15 minutes the game will end in a tie. just saying is all
Nice pass, Flacco
Peter King doesn’t think it’s fair that Pittsburgh got the ball first in overtime. Even though Baltimore now has the ball.
Joe Flacco sucks ass. It had to be said.
Flacco’s trying so very hard to Cutler this game away.
Dirty bomb!!!! Where is my misguided Ackbar? (besides avoiding obvious Imperial traps)
Dixerception!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw nutbunnies.
Don’t throw it to the guys in purple, Dennis!
Kruger! My son tells my that your company sucks!!
Sorry Dixon. Thanks for playing.
So much for that.
No mole smirre fol Hines…
Wah, we have injuries, wah, we have a better team, wah. Just saving Ape some time.
Well Cuntliff was a Brown earlier in the year, so he has that losing taint yet.
Meh, Dixon still looked better than Sanchez has at times.
Wah, we have injuries, wah, we have a better team, wah. Just saving Ape some time.
Why would I steal that from Pats fans from all last season?
Loethrisbelgel concussion = no smirres fol Hines, no smirres for Stirrels. No smirres for Chlistmas Ape.
KSK is dead on balls accurate on the comments about Collinsworth. I dont like the guy but damn does he call it like he sees it “how many times are you gonna take a shot before kicking the game winner” is dead on. The fuckin ravens just kept crammin in ther, just end this bitch already (as they have done while i drunkenly typed here!)
Think it’s true that Paul Kruger has ties to the Nazi Party?
What the fuck did Stabby say?
ugh.. brb buying a Favre jersey and acting like I’m not from Pittsburgh
The Steelers, like the Giants, might still make the playoffs, but they’ve both had rough years and I’m not optimistic about either team’s Super Bowl hopes. Goddamn I miss the 2008 season
/pours beer for Ape, leaves light on at the bar
HARF HARF HARF OWIE
“The Steelers, minus Big Ben, his backup, Polamalu and one of their starting linemen, forced OT in Baltimore. Even if the Ravens win, this is an embarrassment.”
I find it hard not to agree with you, but Dixon surprised me and played with a decent amount of composure considering his experience.
A win’s a win. Our schedule is cake after GB next week minus our final matchup with the stillers. I hope Ben’s healthy for our next match-up.
God damn it the dirty bomb never went off!
ONLY BAWSTAWN TEAMS AHHHH AFFECTED BY INJURIES! NO ONE ELSE IS! ONLY THE LEGENDARY BEANTOWN THANKFUL CAN COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM! FACK YOU! THE 2008 SEASON IS FOHEVAH MAHHHHKED WITH AN ASTERISK! YAN-KEES SACK! YAN-KEES SACK! LEN BIAS!