It makes you wonder how Flacco didn’t make this post.
The Browns are hanging with the Ravens through the first quarter, even if that isn’t likely to continue. Making Bawlmer burn their entire complement of first half timeouts in eight minutes will probably be the top Cleveland accomplishment of the evening, not that the Ravens will really need them. Mike Tirico did sneak in a Bert Flacco reference, however, which can’t begin to atone for Gruden dubbing (before even kickoff, mind you) Jarret Johnson “The Anvil,” Terrell Suggs “Clubber Lang” and Ray Lewis “The Master of Disaster” but then with this booth you take anything worthwhile you can get.
UPDATE: Upon further review, I suppose Tirico is saying “Birk-Flacco”. That’s what I get for thinking anyone in this booth could say something halfway interesting.
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Between ksk, deadspin, and withleather, all I hear is bitching about football broadcasters. Wahhh, Gruden says “this guy” a lot. Wahhh, Jaws sounds too much like an announcer. Boo hooo, why don’t commentators sound like commentators anymore? “Oh dear lord, Collinsworth has a nasally voice, how can I possibly take him seriously? Plus, he comes across as smug at times. To the Gallows with him!” You guys are nitpicky fuckbaskets. Just enjoy the games.
@Otto: I definitely agree with you on that one. As a former head coach he’s got some really good insights into the game which reminds me why he’s light years better than TK ever could have been. then he goes dropping the “That Guy right there” comments and the “Ray Lewis is the Masta of Disastah” comments and I wonder if he was really like that in the locker room or if he’s just going over to top because he’s on TeeVee.
There’s only one Master of Disaster and he name was Apollo Creed (R.I.P.)
That Quinn play on Suggs was some dirty shit. Diving at a guy’s knees who is nowhere near the play when he isn’t looking is fucked up. If the roles were reversed, Suggs would probably be facing a fine and/or suspension.
It’s time to take away the Cleveland franchise again.
I think Quinn is still expecting someone to yell ‘SURPRISE!’ and Jeff Smardjza (sp?) is going to walk through the door.
I have to say I have mixed feelings about Gruden in the booth. He does, on occasion, drop some nice little bits of football wisdom and offers good analysis, but those goddamn nicknames are killing me.
As for Brady Quinn, someone might want to tell him about a radical new development called “the forward pass.” You don’t have to lateral it every time, Brady! Amazing!
Did someone tell Brady Quinn that the football was made of Vaginaskin, because he wanted nothing to do with it? He was chucking that thing as soon as he touched it, whether someone was open or even visible.
Calling last nights game a shit show is an insult to actual shit shows.
OK! I think that’s the last mandatory attrocity until the Raiders play on Thanksgiving!
Russell or Gradkowski??? Suspense!!
Thanks to this vomit-inducing preview, eagerly awaiting Thursday Dec. 14th game Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland (thank you NFLN for not showing this game to 99.99% of the nation) with penis in hand.
Ray Rice and Baltimore D give me a win by .02. Fuck yeah. In the words of a screaming black man, ANYYYYYYYYTHING IS POSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIBLE.
Bert = uni-brow = caveman = Flacco
I’m a football fan.
Generally speaking, I enjoy watching NFL football.
But if you were watching this abortion of a game instead of “WWII In HD,” then you really need to re-examine your life.
Jesus God, Brady Quinn couldn’t even throw a hail mary within the 53 yard width of the field.
That’s one empty stadium.
You know, these Monday Night games featuring dejected fanbases in open revolt against their current ownership/management while their team is embarassed on the field are actually starting to grow on me.
What’s worse is that we are subjecting ourselves to this shit storm. I think we’re all a little masochistic.
This Mike Fury person is going places.
you know what is gonna get cleveland back in this game….. more 3 yard runs
Not like there’s a competitive game going on, Ape.
“That was my first time seeing (LeBron’s) physical stature in person, and let me tell you…”
**smokes cigarette**
“I call him ‘The Tripod’. Y’know, cause he’s got a ginormous…”
**ESPN finally cuts Gruden’s mic**
But he’d be a great tight end!
Hey – a few minutes of blather about LeBron for no reason!
Couldn’t flex this sucker out could they? Couldn’t they give us…oh I don’t know…
- King Laserfaced vs Emo Iggles?
- Goth Rodgers vs Double-J
- Bengals going for the AFC North sweep
- sex with supermodels
ANY of those options would have been preferable to this atrocity.
This game was much better when Jaws was calling out Mangini. Now they’re making excuses for him.
The Browns are worse than genital warts.
Contracted from your Grandmother.
Who’s dead.
Maybe all Ryan influenced teams practice their clipping drills…good to see somone doing it properly.
did you guys know Josh Cribbs was a former college QB?
Did Brady Quinn just injure Suggs?
There may be hope for him yet.
It was noted last night how the ‘boys and packers game was going to be the first to not score any points in the first half. Of course the packers had to ensure that the dubious honor would go to a game involving the Browns. The football community would be shocked otherwise.
So the old Browns are beating the new Browns? I’m so confused.
oo and chansi stuckey*
and they just gave Gruden a new 4 year tv contract.
Listening to Jaworski AND Gruden coupled with the fact of watching this fucking godawful atrocity of a game.
Oh look Ray Rice runs it in and they score on yet another horrible pass from Brady Quinn. Aaaand a blocked extra point.
Good god this is the worst game ever played.
Cleveland couldn’t have thought building a team off of Jets rejects was a good strategy…reject punter (hodges), reject defensive linemen (coleman), reject db’s (Poteat, Elam), reject reject qb (ratliff), reject ryan twin..its like sorting the garbage out of the garbage.
They needed to institute a North American blackout for this travesty. They showed games like this at Gitmo.
Browns fans are booing because they expected Brady Quinn to drive 60+ yards with less than 2 minutes left in a 0-0 game against the Ravens defense.
Chris Burman is the Jamal Lewis of broadcasting.
You forgot some dude as The King of Sting!
Hey Gruden, what’s an interpratator?
Gruden made up and used the word “Interpretator”. How ever much they’re paying this guy to do commentary, it’s not nearly enough
Ha.
Flacco gets the benefit of a bullshit Tom Brady Rule penalty. After so much Ravens fan bitching…
Upon further review, I guess he’s saying Birk-Flacco, but I can pretend otherwise.
Yeah, so glad you decided to liveblog last night instead of this shitfest.
Fun with Chucky and Co., middle of the 2Q:
Gruden (responding to some childhood letter the production team dug up): “You gotta stop calling my mom!”
Someone else: “We love your mom!”
…
It’s funny because Joe Flacco looks like Bert from Sesame Street