In Which We Interrupt Peter King To Make Fun Of Dipsh*t Boston Fans
When we last left professional groin watcher Peter King, he was growing up before our very eyes, stomping all over poor Taylor Swift’s red dress with his size 14 circus feet, and finding himself entranced by Peyton Manning’s words. Oh, Peyton Manning’s words and stories. I could spend weeks in your semi-sirenesque thrall.
So what about this week? What does Peter have to say about Belichick’s 4th down call in the great city of Manning? Did Peter JUST discover the thrilling sounds of the Postal Service? Will we ever see Philip Rivers squint? Read on. BUT FIRST… a letter. This letter has nothing to do with Peter King. And it was submitted for tomorrow’s Deadspin mailbag. But I want to make fun of it NOW, because I’m a dick.
This is from reader Joseph R, with the subject PISSED OFF NEW ENGLAND FAN (cue the bacteria-sized violin):
It just had to be that way. Lakers are the champs, Yankees are the champs, and the Patriots are now blowing games and letting the team that consists of Hoosiers basketball and Vols football fans get their shit eating kicks some more.
Aw, poor baby! Truly, no fanbase has ever suffered from such a terrible run. Not only have your sports team not won a title for a wrenching fifteen months, but all the teams you greatly dislike are winning them! HORRORS! THE CLOUDS ABOVE MAY NEVER PART!
You listen to me, you stupid fucking Boston fans. I don’t GIVE A FLYING FUCKING FUCK about who your rivals are. I don’t care about the history you have with them, and I don’t sympathize with you. AT ALL. Ever. Those aren’t my rivalries. I don’t give a shit. In fact, BULLY FOR THE YANKS AND COLTS AND LAKERS. GO BOSTON RIVALS! WOOHOO! YOU GUYS DEFINE CLASS!
We could’ve just done the normal, fuck we suck lost, I could’ve shut the game off around the 10 min mark, caused some accidents in NASCAR practice mode to vent my frustration, and then gone to bed, ready to start my fucking job that doesn’t pay me enough to afford a place in the damn Boston area without either working weekends or selling my nutsack to the mafia.
You must live in the Back Bay!
No, we had to take a big lead, I had to start saying OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG, and then only to see retarded thing after retarded thing happen, only for that fucking system product superstar Reggie DA U Wayne put the final dagger in…
Indeed. When I watch Reggie Wayne play, all I can think to myself is, “Well, Todd Pinkston easily could have put up similar numbers in this system.”
…allowing me another yell to dwell in my hatred of that team and their shitty fucking 95% female fanbase whose knowledge of football is Peyton Manning and Spygate.
So I’m fucking stuck Drew, there’s babies to be punched, and shit to be thrown, and you know what the worst part of this all is?
No, and I don’t give a fuck. You lost. Your coach made a retarded gamble because he’s so smart, and your team choked because of it. Now go die in a ferris wheel accident.
Now, to Peter…
Three o’clock in the morning, and I’m still rolling Bill Belichick’s call around in my head. I wonder how many people in New England aren’t asleep yet … and how many won’t be able to sleep all night.
BECAUSE OW-AHS IS THE MOST TAHHHHCHAHHHED FANBASE IN ALL OF SPARTS! I COULDN’T SLEEP AT ALL! I HAD TO GO PUNCH A DAHHHKIE IN THE CUNT JUST TO CALM MY NERVES! LET’S SEE WHAT THE FACKIN’ STOOL HAS TO SAY ABOUT IT!
First of all I have no idea how we lost that game. Like no fucking clue. Like you can’t dominate a game more than we did and lose. And yes it was a horrible use of the 2 timeouts on offense before we went for it on 4th down. But let me just say this loud and clear. I LOVE the decision to go for it. LOVE IT…LOVE IT….LOVE IT. Anybody who critcizes that move is just a fool. If we punt that ball Peyton Manning takes it right down the field and scores. Doesn’t matter whether he has to go 60 yards or 30 yards. Our defense was gassed. We had ZERO chance of stopping them. So the right move was to try to end it with our best players on the field. And guess what? It was a horseshit call by the refs. Sure Faulk juggled the ball but he juggled it for a nanosecond and then caught it. The spot was full yard and a half off. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is Belichick made the right decision. I go for it 100 out of 100 times there. Just look back to the AFC Championship game when we blew that huge lead. What happened then? We punted it and it took them 3 seconds to go the length of the field and score. Bottomline is that our offense is our moneymaker. Let Tom Brady and company win it or lose it and that’s exactly what Belichick did. The only thing that sucked was the timeouts because we should have been in a position to get the ball back after the score and get a game winning field goal. But the call to go for it on 4th was absolutly the right call. I literally can’t say that enough. It took balls of steel to make that decision and that’s why Belichick is the best coach in the league.
PS – We’re still a team to be reckoned with in the playoffs.
PS – the Bar Stool Sports guy has a buttpussy the size of the Mariana Trench. I LITERALLY CAN’T SAY THAT ENOUGH. It’s like reading Harry Knowles defend and Uwe Boll film. Know what other genius coach would have made that ballsy call, Boston fans? Mike Martz. Back to King.
Belichick’s too smart to have something so Grady-Littlish on his career resume
Some may say the call was even semi-John McNamaralike.
He trusted Brady to get two yards. Let’s place the odds of Brady getting two yards at 60, 65 percent. The odds of Manning going 72 yards to score a touchdown in less than two minutes … that’s maybe 35 percent.
Reader Mike P.:
OK, so if he thinks the Colts have a 35% chance of scoring that TD, that means that they have a 65% chance of NOT scoring that TD, meaning the Pats win, right? That’s the same percentage he gives for converting the 4th and 2! So he’s arguing that one call was horrible but gives the same percentage for a Pats victory with either decision.
Defensive Player of the Week
Charles Woodson, CB, Green Bay.
First, Woodson winning this is an achievement in itself, because the Bengals had about five guys who deserved this.
But YOU won it, Charles! And now you get Peter’s special prize of a SPICY CORNCOB! Ross Tucker only ate half of it!
Goat of the Week
Jay Cutler, QB, Chicago.
I hear the natives in the Loop are beyond restless, and they’re not naming sandwiches after Trader Jerry Angelo anymore.
What about the veal Cutler? ZING
Stat of the Week
The ESPN documentary on Jimmy “the Greek” Snyder was absolutely terrific the other night — insightful and accurate.
Except for the part where they hired a voiceover to IMPERSONATE JIMMY’S FUCKING GHOST. That part, not so insightful.
As I tried to think of a way to put the importance of The Greek and his show in perspective, I thought of one word: volume.
As in, he was often both loud AND wrong, not unlike today’s NFL analysts. Truly, a pioneer.
For those too young to remember the significance of “The NFL Today” and Jimmy The Greek, or for those of you reading this in a college dorm and who know Brent Musberger only from the big college games on Saturday, take a minute to learn history.
It’s important history you should know, on par with the history of both World Wars.
The Greek, angry at a perceived lack of TV time, once slugged Musberger in a bar. He was fired after the 1987 season for making racially divisive comments. The ESPN show focused on the tragic life that Greek’s became. Good viewing.
Lofty viewing.
People ask me what the biggest difference is in covering the NFL today versus the early years I covered it; my first season as an NFL beat guy was…
I’m sorry. This is boring me. I’m gonna have to pull an Elvis Costello here and change the tune. Get a load of this piece of shit from pock-marked, pubic headed retard Dan Shaughnessy. Keep in mind that King moved to Boston specifically to read this man’s work.
This was as bad as anything the Red Sox ever did. Had it been a playoff game, it would be right up there with Bucky Dent, Bill Buckner, Aaron Boone…
HOLY GODDAMN SHIT, DO YOU ASSHOLES EVER NOT LINK ANY EVENT TO THE HISTORY OF THE FUCKING RED SOX? “Honey, the dishwasher’s broken. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TIME CALVIN SCHIRALDI LET GAME 6 GET AWAY FROM HIM! Oh no! I broke a glass. This is reminds me of the fragility of a Red Sox lead in the AL East!” Jesus fucking Christ.
And Bill Belichick played the part of Grady Little.
That’s TWO assholes now comparing Bill Belichick to some baseball manager you and I don’t give a shit about. Stop doing this. STOP. This is not some historical tapestry you are fucking weaving for the world.
Even the legions of zombies who say “In Bill We Trust’’ and the formidable pay-for-play Patriot media machine will have a hard time defending the brilliant coach on this one.
Oh, I see. So the reason Boston fans trust Bill Belichick’s judgment is NOT because he won three Super Bowls, but because he’s William Randolph Hearst.
This one will linger for a while, maybe into the winter. This was a horrible loss. It changes everything.
I’LL NEVER LOOK AT ANYTHING THE SAME WAY AGAIN! IT’S AS IF A PARENT DIED, WHICH IN TURN TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING THE RED SOX DID.
Die.
Back to King.
Access to players and coaches is monumentally different. The NFL landscape is under siege from reporters, producers, anchors and editors, all wanting to do something different, something new, and all wanting time with the big players of the day. I don’t get angry about it, and I don’t pound my fist on desks of PR guys or agents, screaming for access.
The perfect example is the Peyton Manning story that graced the cover of Sports Illustrated last week. Manning had no interest in cooperating or dining or sitting down with me.
And he never ate the boxed chocolates I sent!
Today, it’s rare to talk to a player the night before the game, and actually being in his room, having an in-depth interview?
Why can’t I be in the player’s rooms anymore? Where’s the companionship? The spooning? The bathrobes I steal and then go home and never wash, only smell deeply?
Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Three Kindle readers in my Amtrak car to New York on Saturday.
AND THEY ALL CHEWED GUM!
I had the thinish John Grisham book of short stories…
Semi-skinnyesque.
…and the Kindles were thinner — and they contained up to 200 books. I peered over the shoulder of the woman in front of me for a minute and saw bright, easy-to-read type, and I thought of every bookshelf in our apartment being full, and I thought: I know exactly what I want for Christmas.
AND I’LL GET IT, BECAUSE I HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF DISPOSABLE INCOME AND I DO NOT USE AUTOMOBILIZED TRANSPORT, SO I EARNED IT.
Tweet of the Week
“The Who?!?! What’s their target market? CSI fans?”
–@fillbish, Bill Fishof New Jersey, soon after news broke on SI.comthat the British rockers from another lifetime would be the halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl in south Florida in February.
What an odd choice.
The NFL choosing a very old band to perform at halftime? BIZARRE.
Why, oh why, would Bill Belichick have arguably his most important pass-rusher, Tully Banta-Cain, playing special teams in Indy?
Because he always has starters play on special teams. Check out the punt returner.
When we talk about the great tight ends, we too often forget Antonio Gates.
Who? Never heard of him. Oh, the mean the tight end who always goes to the Pro Bowl and is usually the first or second tight end drafted in fantasy? BUT HE’S SO QUIET!
When’s the last time you heard Patrick Kerney’s name?
Does it matter?
I think Todd Haley’s going to blow a gasket on the sidelines soon. Good for him, winning his second NFL game in Oakland Sunday…
No, not good for him. Todd Haley is a cock. He doesn’t deserve to win. He deserves to be shot in the back by his own men.
…but if he wants to last in this job, he needs to learn to swallow some of the anger. He really laid into Matt Cassel at one point in Oakland — and that’s in a win.
Because he’s a dick.
Not bragging or anything…
BUT I ALREADY KNOW I’M GETTING A KINDLE!
LaDainian Tomlinson had some special inspiration Sunday, his wife leaving the positive results of a pregnancy test for LT at the stadium so he could find it before the game.
“Fuck. I need a new contract now.”
e. Play of the Day I: Buffalo running back Fred Jackson takes a Wildcat snap, pauses, rears back, throws a perfect spiral 35 yards in the air, hitting Lee Evans in stride in the end zone. You talk about your basic amazing play. That’s one right there.
You talk about your everyday miracle!
Ricky Williams is very much alive and well.
This just in: Ricky Williams? ALIVE.
Why the timeout with 14 seconds left, Tony Sparano?
Because he might have wanted to punt.
Department of Redundancy Department: ESPN’s Jesse Palmer referred to the Western Athletic Conference as the “WAC Conference” Saturday night. Does he know he was saying the “Western Athletic Conference Conference?” If you say the WAC, you’re saying Western Athletic Conference. But Palmer added an extra “conference” on the end. Same as announcers who call the Mid-American Conference the “MAC Conference.”
This item brought to you by Gregg Easterbrook’s Department of Nitpicking.
Hilarious “Rear Window” spoof on “Saturday Night Live” the other night.
And so timely! Can’t wait for their West Side Story riff!
Coffeenerdness: Saw Dan Marino early Sunday morning outside the Manhattan hotel the NBC and CBS crews use on NFL weekends. Good ol’ Dan — sucking down the Starbucks.
Then spilling it on himself, and blaming everyone else around him for it.
In honor of him (Dan always loved the green tea in our HBO “Inside the NFL” days), I went with the China Green Tips Sunday morning at my West 57th Street Starbucks while working.
Good to know.
Stay, Jason Bay.
You say…
Come, Adrian Gonzalez.
Let me touch your groin.
UPDATE: I loved this comment over at ESPN:
monsterdog5 says:
November 16, 2009, 2:27 AM ET
Live by the sword, die by the sword. The Patriots’ decision to go for it on fourth down will pay ample rewards later on. Belichick just flat-out told his defense “I believe in you guys”. Come playoff time, that’s going to matter.
I believe he told his D the exact opposite there, monsterdog.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, boston haterade is the tastiest haterade of all, FJM style, fun with peter king
November 16th, 2009 at 10:50 am
This post was up quickly. In fact, it kid of reminds me of when the Red Sox led the league in stolen bases in…
November 16th, 2009 at 10:50 am
The Shaughnessy rant left me in tears.
“…the fragility of a Red Sox lead in the AL East.”
Lofty Boston Globe-esque writing.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:55 am
“This is not some historical tapestry you are fucking weaving for the world. ”
LMFAO.
As a Boston fan, I can say that is definitively true, we totally compare everything to something the Sox did. At least those of us who are baseball fans.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Plagiarism scandal!
Here’s a quote from the Boston Globe’s lead columnist Dan Shaughnessy on “the call.”
DS: “And Bill Belichick played the part of Grady Little [...] Belichick gets the blame. Too smart for his own good this time. The sin of hubris.”
PK: “This call reminds me a lot of Grady Little’s call in the 2003 playoffs [...] All in all, I hated the call. It smacked of I’m-smarter-than-they-are hubris.”
Yeesh, which middle-of-the-road opinionator is stealing from the other? ARE THEY THE SAME PERSON? We’re through the looking glass here, people.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:03 am
and their shitty fucking 95% female fanbase whose knowledge of football is Peyton Manning and Spygate
Oh dear Jesus. How low to you have to sink to start ripping on the female fans of your rivals? This asshole supports the same teams that started the “Pink Hat” trend for female fans and then pisses all over everyone else.
Fuck yourself and die in a fire your prick.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:05 am
It’s been difficult for me to feel happy that Belichick’s decision directly led Pey-Pey beating his team. I mean the Cowboys loss reminds me of every time the Texas Rangers got to the playoffs just to lose out to a better team in the end. The comparison is valid and ironic.
/doesn’t give a shit about the Rangers
//Boston media reflects its douche sparts fanbase
///Cowboys shitting the bed early this year…FUCK!
November 16th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I swear to God I’ll never understand why Boston fans think that everyone on the planet is intimately concerned with how the Boston sports teams are performing. For fuck’s sake, Simmons wrote an entire BOOK about his Red Sox fandom. No other fanbase in the world is so unbelievably narcissist.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:05 am
damn you drew, damn you for putting that abortion of a song in my head.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:09 am
“get their shit eating kicks” whaaaa? Maybe it was the truncated nature of the email but the whole thing was barely comprehensible.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Antonio Gates? Didn’t he play basketball or something?
November 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am
…allowing me another yell to dwell in my hatred of that team and their shitty fucking 95% female fanbase whose knowledge of football is Peyton Manning and Spygate.
well, wtf else do they need to know?
/Pats Fan
//giggled this morning when I saw the score
///laughing more now
November 16th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Not to toot my own horn, but in terms of depressed emails from fans of teams who lost a heartbeaker the night before, Joseph R can suck my dick. In fact, I deserve some sort of sexual favors as payment for that son of a fuck completely ripping off an email I sent to Drew that made it into the first DS mailbag of the year.
I’m not claiming that my original email was anything special, but at least it was fucking original. Joseph R, die in a fucking tire fire, you unoriginal, whiny piece of shit.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I’m surprised Joseph R. didn’t choke to death on his tears while writing that e-mail. Last nights game must have reminded him of 2006 when the Red Sox didn’t make the play-offs.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:18 am
It blows my mind that Boston scum bring up Graddy Little’s managing in ‘03 as an example of THA WHAAAWST DECISION EVVAHHH like it was some goddamn seminal moment in their lives…..the Sawx won the World Series the NEXT FUCKING YEAR!! and AGAIN in ‘07!!!!
Do you hear Colts fan’s fans reliving in agony their liquored-up kicker missing against the steelers in ‘05 like it was the worst moment in their life? NO, because they won the goddam super bowl the next season. Dear Sawx/PAts nation…shut the fuck up
November 16th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Joseph R,
Nice job making the oldest fucking argument in the book when your team shits the bed. “DURR, ALL YOUR FANS IS WOMEN.” Sit down.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:21 am
“Don’t you know who Antonio Gates is?”
“I don’t listen to hip hop!”
November 16th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@pissedoffbillsfan – “not to toot my own horn, but permit me to quote myself at length, link myself, and then discuss why i am awesome and deserve attention”.
/does not care about the “original” email you sent to drew.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:23 am
take out the “fan’s”
goddamnit I was pissed off, Fuck you new england
November 16th, 2009 at 11:23 am
seriously, peter? the “rear window” sketch? the one in which the ONLY joke was january jones as grace kelly farting repeatedly? that defines quasi-inanityness. if you’re gonna do puerile humor at least do it well.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:25 am
That Shaughnessy article doesn’t even begin to show just how retarded Sox fans are about comparing other sports to the failures of the Sox. It never fucking stops, we hear about the Sox all fucking year. It’s fucking insufferable. Doc Rivers is Grady Little, Belichick is Grady Little, Claude Julien is Grady Little. Jesus.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I actually think Belichik made the right call, but knowing those Boston facks hate the decision makes me tingly in the dangly bits.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:30 am
My pissed off email to Drew will be like a Lester fast ball on the outside corner.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Speaking of nitpicking, SNL already DID a parody of West Side Story. “While you were singing and dancing, I got stabbed in the head by a puerto rican.”
November 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@TB, pats fans that aren’t retarded know it was the right call, there is no way on the planet the mediocre pats D was going to stop a Manning 70 yard march with 2 minutes and a timeout on the clock. The ones that think it was the wrong call are the ones…comparing BB to Grady Little. Cause they’re stupid.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@gary busey’s face: Are you aware of what “quote” means? I’m not exactly positive, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t do it at all in my post, let alone “at length.” And I linked to the original DS post with my email for reference, so anybody who gave a shit could see just how similar they are.
I wasn’t trying to show was a brilliant fucking wordsmith I am, asshat, simply showing that not only were that douchebag’s emotions completely unfounded, but his prose wasn’t even his own. I apologize if that so offended you.
Wait, wait, hold on, that’s wrong; I’m not the least bit sorry. “Go fuck yourself with a rusty tire iron, and die slowly from internal bleeding.” That’s what I meant to say.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
First off, Peter King is a retard. The only thing more retarded than Peter King is Clone Peter King.
Second of all, Boston fans are the biggest bunch of bandwagon asscats in pro sports. I mean really, who gave a shit about the Pats in 2000? People were going Old Yeller on the Red Sox in 2003. And no one gave a single shit, much less two, about the Celtics until Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen showed up.
And as the 5% of Colts fans that are, apparently, neither female nor lacking of football knowledge, allow me to say EAT A DICK.
Thank you, that is all.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
As a boston fan I couldn’t be happier today to hear all the borderline retard douchebags crying about last nights game. To listen to the radio you’d think the terrorists had landed on castle island, it’s the end of the world wah wah. Shut the fuck up all you god damned front running little cock wranglers.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:43 am
The New England sports fans that do represent the subset thereof in the KSK bashing of them should die in a fire. I agree. Yeah, last night’s game really was a disappointment. But you know what? The sun still fucking comes up tomorrow, the day still happens, and life goes on. Get over yourselves, you tools. And this is coming from a New England sports fan, too!
November 16th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@pissedoffbillsfan – yeah, cause your email wasn’t a complete ripoff of anything Simmons has ever written after a Pats loss. Nope, not at all. STFU.
This week’s SNL was regarded as one of the worst ever, so naturally Peter King finds the “Rear Window” sketch hilarious.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Ah, nothing better than sitting down at my local office dumping hole, logging on to KSK, and be greeted by Peter King and his lofty face. Thank you
November 16th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
It seems to me the bigger error was in not letting Adai score after he clinched that first-and-goal at the two with a minute left. Oh, NOW you trust your D to turn back Manning FOUR times from the two? Me, i’d rather have Tommy Brady with about 50 seconds to get in field goal range — in a dome.
But what the fuck do I know?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
so peypey having to go 70 yds is worse than him having to go less than half of that if the pats don’t convert on 4th? really?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@pissedoffbillsfan – i just want to reemphasize that no one gives two fucks about any email you sent drew.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Seems like according to New England Fan’s logic, all MMA needs to be a ‘legitimate’ sport is a fighter with the nickname “The Boston Brawler” or somesuch bullshit. HE’S-AW THE GREATEST FIGHTAHHH EVAHH!! HE’LL-AH BEAT THE SNAWT OUTTA BRAWK LESNAHHH!!! I mean, it fits: nothing says a sold out arena full of douche bags like a sports event in Bawstahn.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
All the raging against Boston fans made this column really hard to read. At least it gives you a chance to be racist and pretend it’s ironic.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
In the 2006 AFC Championship game, New England led, 21-3 in the first half and 21-6 at intermission, but managed to lose, 38-34. It was a crushing defeat that motivated the Patriots’ 16-0 season in 2007.
That should really read “the Patriots’ 18*-1 season in 2007″. Just so no one forgets what’s really important.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
“He deserves to be shot in the back by his own men.”
So, you’re saying Todd Haley deserves to be fragged? Rike 15 yalds for unsportsmanrike conduct?
Also, yes on Lisa Loeb, as long as she doesn’t sing.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I couldn’t give a fuck less about Boston anything (which, as it turns out, means I may not exist), but good fucking God this has to be the most schaudenfraudelicious regular season anything ever. I know there were other games yesterday, but can we just have more posts about how awesome that was?
That call was so fucking stupid KSK Ochocinco must have made it.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Re: The angry emailer. The diatribes by Boston fans that start with something like, “We live in a world where…”, are petty and even moreso, nonsensical. Simmons latest article had that tone, and now this fuckin guy and I’m sure countless others. There is no “normal” state of the sports world. Anything can happen. Crazy shit happens every game, every week, and that’s why sports are awesome. Gut-wrenching way to lose, yes. Effect on the rest of my life, none.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
http://riveraveblues.com/2009/11/open-thread-you-have-the-red-sox-19930/
November 16th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Joseph R: “So I’m fucking stuck Drew, there’s babies to be punched, and shit to be thrown, and you know what the worst part of this all is?”
That your impotent rage is so douchetastic that it’s being mocked and panned ad nauseum on KSK?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I’m sad I only learned of this site this year. As a Giants fan I wish I could have read the post-Superbowl bashing of whiny Patriots fans…i
November 16th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
@longball larry – you know, it IS possible to search the archives.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
“LaDainian Tomlinson had some special inspiration Sunday, his wife leaving the positive results of a pregnancy test for LT at the stadium so he could find it before the game.”
I know that PK is a bad writer, but this really reads as if LT’s wife left the peed-on stick itself at the stadium.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
As stated by a friend of mine upon hearing that LTs wife was preggers and the way she let him know:
“If I’m a pro football player and someone left a positive pregnancy test in my locker, my first thought isn’t “Oh hey, my wife is pregnant!”. It’s “Who the fuck left a pee stick in my locker?”.”
I could probably live for a thousand years on the tears of Boston sports fans.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Touche Busey…i need to keep up the appearance that I am working
November 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Aaron shatz just tweeted me to chastise because i agreed with him about the call and called king an egomaniac for not seeing the opposing point of view. Aparently king is the nicest guy since jesus. . .
Fuck him, fuck boston, fuck Christina Simms. Fuck being at work . . .
But much love for the bashing of bostonians and their crazy doom and gloom attitude.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
@ longball larry – this was prob. my fav.: http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/02/just-quick-reminder-to-patriots-fk-you.html
November 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Why would the mafia pay for a Mass-hole’s ballsack?
Is the world out of cocaine? Maybe. Will licking a Masshole’s nutsack fuck you up? I don’t know.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
“The Who?!?! What’s their target market? CSI fans?”
I’m guessing “fans of the Who”, but clearly I’m missing a deeper point here. Maybe, if I may put my tinfoil hat on, it’s part of the conspiracy towards British expansion, and having one of the biggest English bands in music history (biggest bands period, for that matter) will engender support and convince more people to tune in! OMG CONSPIRACY!
…actually, saying that, that does actually make sense.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Holy crap. A Boston fan saying the Indy fan base is 95% female and only knows of Peyton Manning? That takes some huge balls to say from an area that produces more pink Red Sox hats than anything and only know Tom Brady.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@StuScott – Steelers Nation would like a word with you.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Josh Elliot railed against Merril Hoge on SC today and called him out on his bullshit. Hoge is a dipshit and should be kicked off that team.
I know that it’s SC and all, but Josh Elliot seems like the only dude that sounds like he knows what he’s talking about (apart from Adam Schefter).
Merril Hoge is fucking retarded.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
You know what’s quasi-Grady Little-esqe? Ending such a brilliant (Like Pedro in his FACKIN’ PRIME!) post with a Lisa Loeb video.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
SNL was so bad this week that they let the Black Eyed Peas play three songs (!!!) to chew up airtime. Naturally, Peter finds it hysterical.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
“Todd Haley is a cock. He doesn’t deserve to win. He deserves to be shot in the back by his own men.”
It’s sad when your team is known for its coach’s temper and nothing else. Just plain sad.
/Chiefs won, right?
//Checks box scores a second time
November 16th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Of course PK would love a sketch that’s just a parody of Rear Window but Grace Kelly is farting the whole time. Good flatulence. Lofty flatulence.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
“Three o’clock in the morning, and I’m still rolling Bill Belichick’s call around in my head. I wonder how many people in New England aren’t asleep yet … and how many won’t be able to sleep all night.” And it would’ve kept rolling
around King’s otherwise empty ehad if it hadn’t collided with images of various QB’s groins therein.
Massholia, calm down. The AFC East is still a lock given the stupidity of the rest of the division, the only legit threat which has officially pussytubed it’s season away. The only thing last night means is they will probably play the AFC title game in Indy. The Pats will probably still be there.
Re-The Who(or what’s left of them). Understand actual rock’n'roll cannot compare to Jay Z’s droning kareoke rap filled with unintelligible lyrics about capping people in their drugdealing asses, gunplay, hos, uzis, excessive use of the “n” word, etc. Can the guys that actually pay the bills and watch the NFL get something they like? ANyone want to give me the lyrics to the Jay Z gibberish they played all World Series?Yeah, I’d really rather hear that over “5:15″. “Love Rein O’er Me’ and anything on “Tommy” or “Who’s Next”.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
This has been discussed before but:
King must be doing some kind of meta-commentary on sports writing. With all the Brittfar groin references last week, bemoaning lack of quality hotel room time with players this week, and his % analysis (65%=65%) it’s like he’s leaving clues for us.
He’s begging us to get in on the joke, right? Right, Dad?
November 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
2 great things happened last night:
1) Colts come from behind to beat Pats
2) Casselhoff’s TD Machines rallies in fantasy land down by 39 to win by 0.29 with Wayne’s last second TD.
A day that will live in infamy…..
November 16th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Man, it is really difficult to decide who the most annoying people in the world are. There are so many: women who are planning weddings, new iPhone owners, Blackberry owners of any vintage, couples who just started fucking, dog owners, anti-vaccination people, vegetarians, members of fraternities and sororities, old people who hate everything and can’t wait to tell everyone about it, really super religious people…
But right now, I have to go with rabid sports fans as THE most annoying. Athletic competition isn’t a high-stakes game of cat and mouse with all the subtle nuance and gut-wrenching strategy of a Grand Master chess game. You don’t have to parse every fucking play and every ref’s call. Just cheer or shrug and move on with your life. And for fuck’s sake, don’t write in to a blog whining about how unfair life is because your team lost.
Also, it is highly amusing when someone, recalling that their team did not score as many points as the other team, says something like “The better team lost.” Um… No, the better team scored more points. Isn’t that the whole point of keeping score? So that we’ll know which one is the better team, ie, the one that scored more points?
November 16th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Dear God, if only I could get Peter King alone. Him, me, and a claw hammer.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
The keenness of his football insights is matched by the keenness of his coffee insights.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
I am actually going to partially agree with asshole Pat fans. *GULP* I think going for it there makes at least as much sense as punting. You have a Hall of Fame QB and you only need three yards to basically end the game. Giving Manning the ball on a punt is probably a 50-50 proposition. This also puts me on the side of Gregg Easterbrook. Fuck. Me.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@LongBallLarry: this one is my favorite
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/02/special-ksk-valentine-to-patriot-fans.html
November 16th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
@ Flip it Rub it Down,
if i read Silver’s column correct, she DID leave the positive pregnancy test at his locker, not just news of it….
http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news;_ylt=Ag_ujdI3zx.FOxJvKEkLEeY5nYcB?slug=ms-morningrush111609&prov=yhoo&type=lgns
November 16th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I love how the Barstool post is pretty much a carbon copy of last night’s Tawmmy post, just longer and without the accent. (And if you try, you can hear that, too.)
November 16th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
“SNL was so bad this week that they let the Black Eyed Peas play three songs (!!!) to chew up airtime.”
That doesn’t strike me as an improvement.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I watched SNL for the first time in about 5 years last week and that Rear Window spoof was beyond terrible. Fuck you Peter King
November 16th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
I feel the love…thanks for all the article links. Also, I feel more time should be being spent talking about Peter King’s size 14 shoes…did he mention the size to let us know the dress now had giant hoof marks on it, or was he subtly hinting at the size of his member?
November 16th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I kind of like the NFL’s decision to go with The Who. I saw them live a couple of years ago and as old as they are, they STILL sound fucking great.
And I fully support BB’s decision to go for it on 4th down. The D had just given up a TD drive in about a minute and a half. I don’t see what they would have done to stop Peyton from doing that with 2+ minutes and 2 timeouts (counting the 2 minute warning). Whatever, we lost, but we’ll still probably be in the playoffs when all is said and done.
And fuck the Pats fans who don’t know shit about football.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
And just when I thought I couldn’t hate Bawwwston sports fans anymore… This is absolutely ridiculous, fuck Bawwwston and their faggot fans. And I found it hilarious that Angry Boston Guy bashed the female fans of rival teams. “OW-AH FEMALES AH-N’T FACKIN’ STUPID, MY WIFE KNOWS WHY I HIT HER AFT-AH THE SAWX AND PATS LOSE!”
2 part question for Bawwwston sports fans. Red Sox suck ass, and go fuck yourself.
Also, who the fuck still watches SNL? It’s like with the Simpsons: Long-running classic that has sucked shit for the past 10 years but people still watch because the show used to be great.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I don’t feel strongly one way or the other about The Who…They’re another “safe” choice, like the Stones and McCartney. I just want to know what the fuck the NFL is going to do in another decade or so when all these guys are dead.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
@goesto11… nickelback?
November 16th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@DaydreamBilliever: That is not funny. Not one fucking bit.
/You’re probably right
//Them or Coldplay
November 16th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
This overused argument that “nobody cared about these Boston sports teams until they got good” is weak and can be applied to any currently good/formerly bad sports francise. Cavs (pre-lebron,) Colts (pre-Indy,) Yankees (pre-Ruth,) Bengals (pre-functional defense,) Cardinals (pre-Warner/Fitzgerald) etc. With all the legitimate things to make fun of Boston fans for, let’s not sell ourselves short here.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
But right now, I have to go with rabid sports fans as THE most annoying
Can I put in a vote for people who post a comment with the results of their fantasy weekend, including the amount of points they won by? At least the rabid sports fan had an actual GAME to mourn.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
“The ESPN show focused on the tragic life that Greek’s became.”
Wow, some fabulous writing there.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I hate it when people say “literally” instead of “figuratively”. Especially since I’m one of those people. It literally makes me want to punch babies.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Enough of these geriatric longhairs. Give me “Hooray for Everything!”
They’ve got such a great attitude.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
If only I could get between Lisa Loeb NOT saying anything and Natalie Imbruglia lying naked on the floor.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Although I generally think Peter Kings columns are pretty stupid and much prefer Drew’s weekly takedown of him, I must disagree with the analysis of his made up percentages. If the made up percentage they convert the 4th and 2 and end the game is 65% and the made up percentage they stop the Colts if they punt is 65%, that doesn’t mean the two decisions are equal. Because if they don’t convert the 4th and 2, they give the Colts the ball on the 28. The made up percentage that Peyton converts that into a touchdown has to be at least 75%, right? However its not 100%. Therefore, in his analysis the chances of the Colts scoring a TD if Belicheck goes for it is actually less than 35%, because you have a less than certain chance (say 75%) they will get a touchdown if the 35% outcome of not converting the 4th and 2 comes to pass. However in PK’s analysis they have a 35% chance of scoring if the Pats punt to them. So actually PK’s “expert” statistical analysis would argue that Belicheck should have gone for it like he did, since that was the decision that would lead to a smaller made up percentage chance of Colts scoring than punting it.
That said, I think going for it was a hilariously bad decision and made my football watching weekend so much better than it would have been (I’m a Bears fan)
/yes, I’m a nerd
November 16th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
that was by far the worst of all the SNL skits, but the January Jones rules for hosting a party was pretty good.
I don’t get the ‘4th & 2 from your own 30 is the right call’ nonsense. It wasn’t a shootout, the Colts scored 4 times all game. Belichick is a cocky SOB, and finally paid for it. Long overdue. I agree it takes balls of steel to make the call, but that doesn’t make it right. It was amateur.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
BB going failing on 4th and 2 reminded me of the time Ted Fawkin Williams’ frozen head got knocked around in a science lab with a baseball. It was comical.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
@Slash
Last week, the Bucs (who are now 1-8) scored more points than the Packers. Does this make them the better team?
November 16th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
“allowing me another yell to dwell in my hatred of that team and their shitty fucking 95% female fanbase whose knowledge of football is Peyton Manning and Spygate.”
I think retard Joey’s trying to claim that New Englanders are more knowledgeable about football than those in the midwest. Everyone denies this.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Reading King beckon my favorite ballplayer, Adrian Gonzalez, to the Red Sox enrages me more than if he had forced himself upon my sister.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I want to thank Drew for the Lisa Loeb video…havent seen that in forever and i forgot how much i dig that broad. She is one sexy little nerd.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Holy shit that was a funny ass line…
“Then spilling it on himself, and blaming everyone else around him for it.”
very lofty
November 16th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
RE Nick Says:
“Last week, the Bucs (who are now 1-8) scored more points than the Packers. Does this make them the better team?”
If they scored more points in one game, yeah, they’re the better team. For that game. Which is really all that matters at the time. Why does getting beaten by a shitty team not count, but getting beaten by a good team does? It’s still a loss. Still counts towards the total. They don’t assign points based on who’s got the consistently better team. They assign points based on, you know, scoring. During a game. Against another team. Shitty or not.
If being the “better” team counted for anything other than the rousing locker room speech before the game and at halftime, the Patriots would have won the Super Bowl in 2008. But they didn’t.
Just pointing out the ridiculousness of the concept of the “better” team losing. “Better” doesn’t count for shit at the end of the game if you don’t have enough points for a win.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@GoesTo11 re: SNL: that was my point. I don’t know what’s worse: listening to the Black Eyed Peas or seeing a sketch that got cut from a really shitty episode of SNL.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Belichick’s too smart to have something so Grady-Littlish on his career resume
Some may say the call was even semi-John McNamaralike.
More like Robert McNamara. HA HA HA HA.
It’s funny because he was responsible for the Vietnam War.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I honestly don’t think it was a bad call at all to go for it on fourth down, I just think it was dumb to pass the ball on 3rd and 2 if you were going to go for it on 4th down anyways. Say you don’t get the first down on the run, if you get positive yards, you have even less to go, and it opens up your playbook even more. You can run or pass and the defense won’t be able to key in on one or the other. Also take in mind that the average play in the NFL is over 5 yards a game. You punt the ball, you’re giving Manning a chance to win…you gain the 2 yards he can’t beat you.
Basically, the only person in the NFL that can get away with a ballsy call like that is Belichick, he’s not worried about someone looking over his shoulder ready to fire his ass.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
eh, whatever.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@ Nick. There is no such thing as a ‘better’ team. That is all subjective. As Slash says, the only thing that counts is who wins. That’s why the Giants’ Super Bowl was so sweet! /Steelers fan
November 16th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Difficult game. I didn’t sleep very well last night. But PLEASE, KSK, understand that not all Pats fans are as big a douche as the ones that constantly have their letters demolished by Drew. I promise.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I think for as much heat as people are spewing over the 4th and 2 call, that pointless timeout was even worse. At least he could have challenged a dubious spot.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
The Simmons podcast reacting to this game is everything I thought it would be and more.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Of course Boston fans are self-centered and narcissistic — what do you expect from a fanbase that calls its own city “The Hub”? No one outside of Boston calls it that, you T-riding chowder-snorting fucks.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Holy crap, Simmons sounds like he’s 13.
/had never heard his voice before
//should have kept that streak going
November 16th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Tomlinson’s first words upon finding a positive pregnancy test in his locker:
“Fuck! Nobody tell my wife!”
November 16th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
“Know what other genius coach would have made that ballsy call, Boston fans? Mike Martz. Back to King.”
Dear Lord, that is about the most hilariously apt comparison I’ve ever heard. If Martz had done that, he’d be ripped from asshole to ears for the next decade.
My bris? No, hubris!
November 16th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
When the Patriots snapped the ball on 4th down, I barfed. When Wayne scored the TD, my barf barfed.
That said, the mere notion of Peter King and Dan Shaughnessy speaking for me is worse than that loss, every Red Sox loss, and every Bruins game I’ve ever watched put together.
November 16th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
@Kid Moe:
You obviously don’t have a sister.
November 16th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Hey assholes…going for it was at worst defensible and at best the correct call.
November 16th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
I took a dump the other day that came out slightly sideways and I couldn’t help but be reminded of Dice K’s pitching.
November 16th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
too lazy to check, but isn’t this the same assclown who constantly laments his inability to find an “ATM Machine” in his aggrevating travel bullshit?
November 16th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
@Bitter Pats Fan
That’s my one caveat to people about KSK, the rampant generalization. As soon as a couple fucktards show up on behalf of a team the rest of that team’s fanbase is pretty much pigeonholed with the fucktards.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Worst “Fun with PK” post in a long time.
Stick to King, ok Drew? There are a lot of other a-holes in the world. In Boston, and across the country. But they’re not what makes this column awesome.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
You ah, er um, evah have that nawt so fresh feeling? My ah, er um, centah just passed out as I was ah, er um, hiking the bawl to him.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Cutlerfucker said: Also, who the fuck still watches SNL? It’s like with the Simpsons: Long-running classic that has sucked shit for the past 10 years but people still watch because the show used to be great.
It’s worse than that. Even a new episode of the Simpsons has a few jokes worth laughing at even if the overall episode sucks. SNL’s only funny moment anymore comes during the Digital Short, and even that’s hit-and-miss.
The Marino comment in today’s PK breakdown was hilarious.
November 17th, 2009 at 6:42 am
Fuck Joseph R and his irrational hatred of Vols fans. When’s the last time New England-area college football mattered? Not since ‘59, when ‘Cuse beat Texas for New England’s last CFB title (and ‘Cuse barely counts as New England anyway, but we’ll give it to the little fairycake).
So New England cheated their way into a good recent run. BFD. Arizona was in the Super Bowl last season, which goes to show any cuntflap of a team can eventually find a limited run of success. Looks like Belichick’s run is coming to a close, though, which means that soon enough, New England can go back to sucking the balls and ass of the football world just like they used to. Maybe they can even go back to calling themselves the “Bay State Patriots”?
November 17th, 2009 at 9:58 am
“In honor of him (Dan always loved the green tea in our HBO “Inside the NFL” days), I went with the China Green Tips Sunday morning at my West 57th Street Starbucks while working.”
This idiot is more self-absorbed than a large sponge.
Douche.
And isn’t this the same lunkhead beating one off 5x a day to the old Irish guys U2, covering his cassette of Boy in little China Green Tips?
November 17th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@Pat Patriot: Took you all day to think that one up?
November 17th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Drew, can you do some of these with Gene Wojciehowski?
Because he has written some truly fucktarded articles. I just read his last two today.
They were about how Belichick didn’t do the math right when going for it on fourth down (even though everybody who actually did the math said he was right), and how the Bears should bench Jay Cutler (because ya know Caleb Hanie is likely to do so much better).
November 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
There’s actually a term for redundant phrases like “WAC Conference:” RAS Syndrome, wherein the ‘S’ *also* stands for syndrome!
I think you’ll find that the folks who call people out for repeating acronyms are usually false purists, like the oh-so-enlightened pricks who have been ruining baseball for everyone since the game was old enough to cling to its own bullshit sense of ‘tradition.’
Good to know we can count America’s loftiest wordsmith among them.
November 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Im a Pats fan but I still want to kick this guy in the nuts grow up and stop being a whiney little bitch
November 18th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Belichick for Bosox manager! With 2 out in the bottom of the 9th, runner on 3rd, he can try to STEAL HOME!