In Which Readers’ Lives Play Out Like Popular Films: the KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Advice Mailbag
We had some great questions submitted after lunch today, and that’s too bad, because the bulk of the mailbag is always written the night before. Wednesday, people. That’s the best time to submit questions.
Now, on to the mailbag! Some compelling stuff this week, including HPV, the trade deadline, the Nuva Ring, my dong, shrooms, Chad Henne, Rod Tidwell, veterans in college, high school handjobs, and MILFS! MILFS! MILFS!
Hi,
Long time (female) reader, first time writer. So, I went for an annual exam a few weeks ago and tested positive for HPV. Apparently, something like 75% of sexually active adults will contract it at some point in their lives. A few more facts: Most people will shed the virus within 6 months or a year and never suffer any ill effects. You don’t have to have sex to spread the virus. Condoms aren’t 100% effective at stopping transmission. Guys can’t even be tested for it; the only way to know is if genital warts appear.
Some more facts: condoms aren’t 100% effective at stopping anything, but you should still use them. Oh, and the strains of HPV that aren’t harmless cause cervical cancer. Cancer kills people.
Now there’s a guy in the picture and I want to know whether the Gay Mafia thinks he needs to be told. We used to live in the same area (but have stayed in touch since moving); now we’re about six hours apart. We’ve never had sex, but have been intimate otherwise. In fact, odds are that I picked this up from him, or I’ve already exposed him to it. He’s planning to visit soon and I’m unsure what to do. I really care about this guy and want to do the right thing: should I tell him the whole situation or keep my mouth shut? If I tell him, I’d prefer to do so in person, but would he rather know before he drives 350 miles to see me? So many questions!
Thanks,
Confused
Guhhhh. Don’t you at least have an easy fantasy football question?
You’re right that HPV is widespread and usually harmless. And frankly, he’s likely never going to know if he has it — unless you share a warty strain with him, in which case: you’re the girl that gave him genital warts. Not the best way to ingratiate yourself to someone you care about.
As usual, I think honesty is the best policy. Tell him about your annual check-up, and let him know that there’s a good chance that he gave it to you/you shared it with him already because you’ve only had X number of sexual partners since your last check-up, where X is the smallest believable number you can get away with. The good news is that this conversation is best held in person, so wear a low-cut top while breaking the news and you’ll be breaking out the condoms for a weekend of safe sex in no time.
Dear KSK,
My girlfriend uses the Nuva Ring for birth control, and it’s fantastic–it’s just as effective as the pill but she doesn’t have to remember to take it every day, and I don’t have to wear a condom. Awesome. And 99% of the time, you never know the thing is in there. However, once in a while when we have sex that’s a little more frisky than the usual, I will wind up with the Nuva Ring around my cock at the end. I find this hilarious and like to pretend I just won a ring-toss game at the fair. No real question, just wondering if yourself or any of the commenters have had any similar experiences with the Nuva Ring. Thanks.
-Ringer
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the Nuva Ring. A few years back I got my then-girlfriend pregnant while she was on it, and more recently I dislodged one during sex, leading to a lost Nuva Ring that knocked my girl’s cycle out of whack and forced an unscheduled trip to the gynecologist.
However, my experiences are not the norm, as most men are less virile and incapable of the sexual gymnastics I perform. Oh, and to answer your question: my penis has too much girth to get the Nuva Ring around it. Call me, ladies!
Dear Men of KSK,
Sex: I’ve been going out with this girl for nearly a year and our anniversary is coming up. When I met her she was a total hippie but she’s made a lot of changes and is always doing things for me. For our anniversary she wanted to have sex on shrooms because she said it was one of the best feelings she’s ever had. I’ve never done shrooms and I’m not exactly comfortable with the idea. Am I being unfair if I don’t do this one thing for her?
Nope. Whether it’s drinking, smoking, or doing drugs, a person in a relationship shouldn’t feel pressured to adopt their partner’s vices. If sex on shrooms is one of the best feelings your girl’s ever had, she can take them and you can focus on providing the sex.
On the other hand, relationships are about compromise, and your girlfriend is trying to share with you what she considers to be a wonderful experience. Now, I’m not recommending you take illegal hallucinogenic drugs here, but if you decide to demur then you should at least consider her feelings and intent with the proposal — and the possible repercussions of turning it down.
Football: My fantasy team is doing well, so I wanted to ask a general football question. Is Chad Henne really a long-term solution at QB for the Dolphins?
No.
He makes terrible Cutlerfuck decisions sometimes but then again his wide receivers have worse hands than people who hold on to fireworks too long.
-CJ
The Dolphins score touchdowns because of the Wildcat. Chad Henne only plays to mix the offense up.
Gents:
Football: Drafted Hightower and Beanie Wells. Wells sucked, dropped him on waivers. Wells starts taking carries away from Hightower. Kinda looks like Wells is going to get most of the carries. Picked Wells back up. Do I drop Hightower or keep both? Please advise.
Keep them both and hope one gets injured.
Sex: More of a general question. Asked my girlfriend to marry me (she said yes, the poor girl), let the world know, all the sudden every girl I’ve ever fucked is coming out of the woodwork and wants a piece of my cock. What is up with this shit? This is confusing. It’s not that I want to get back with any of these girls, there’s a reason I’m not fucking/dating any of them now, it’s just confusing that now i can’t go 5 minutes without another former crazy texting me about how she wants my dick inside her. What the fuck? Please advise.
Thanks!
(insert creative moniker here)
Have you not heard? Bitches be crazy.
You, sir, have just made yourself unavailable to all other women on the planet — and if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man that they can’t have (to a certain extent, the gender-reverse of this is true as well, but I’m writing as one male to another, so bear with me). Sure, the relationships you had with all these previous exes didn’t work out, but as long as you were single and they were single, there was still a CHANCE they could have you again — a chance that they didn’t really consider until they couldn’t have you again.
Does that make sense? Of course it doesn’t. This concludes Understanding Women 101.
KSK:
Football: I need 1 RB, 2 WR, and 1 Flex out of the following: Slaton v. Ten; Beanie @ STL; Harvin v. Sea; DeSean Jackson @Chi; Kevin Walter v. Ten. Right now I’ve got Walter as odd-man-out, but something is nagging the back of my mind. Our league is standard scoring except yards are 1 per 25 instead of 1 per 10, so touchdowns are at a premium. I’m leading the league in points, yet am on a five-game losing streak thanks to Bye Week Madness, so I really need to get this one right.
The fuck? 1 point for 25 yards? Who are you people?
Because of your fucked up scoring system, I’d play Walter instead of Slaton. You think Fumbly McButterhands is gonna get goal line carries? Hell no. Walter at least stands a chance of getting into the end zone, especially with Owen Daniels out.
Sex: I’m boning a divorced chick with kids. First time I’ve ever dated a mother. Relationship is pretty casual, but she wants it to be more. I’m worried because I feel like if we get to the point where all of a sudden I know her kids (I’ve been pretty well avoiding that), there is some magical line there that is hard to cross back over. Am I being worried for nothing, or is this tread-softly territory?
Signed,
Thanking God Each Day I Drafted Chris Johnson
Oh Christ. Now I have to embed this:
Unless Larry Fitzgerald is willing to write a guest column, that’s the best advice you’re getting from a Cardinals wideout this season.
What it comes down to is this: if you want to keep it casual and she wants more, get the hell out and don’t waste her time, you selfish ass. If you like her and decide that you want more, then meet her kid and become an important part of that family’s life. Don’t be the guy who dicks over a single mom. You don’t want her frumpy Bonnie Hunt-like sister judging you.
Douchebags,
Fantasy Question first: Due to my level of intoxication during my league’s draft, I am stuck with a plethora of mundane running backs. Select two from this list of inconsistent asshats: L. Betts (@DAL), L. McCoy (@CHI), J. Stewart (MIA), R. Grant (SF). Grant has been my one stable starter, which isn’t saying much.
I’m pretty staked at WR,
Staked?
pick 3 in a non-PPR league: R. Williams (WAS), The NYG Smith (ATL), Colston (@TB), Chambers (PIT), Edwards (@NE), Austin (WAS)
WR: Smith, Colston, Austin. At running back, you should start Grant at one slot and wait and see who’s going to get the reps on Sunday. Betts has run pretty well over the last two games since Portis’s concussion, and if he gets the start for the Skins he should get the start for you. Of course, Brian Westbrook has been listed as Questionable every fucking week for the last three years and he randomly misses every fifth game or so, so keep an eye on the Eagles’ situation as well.
Sex: I’m 25 and recently separated from the Army after 4 years of service, and am back in college. My question is: Is it wrong for me to fuck 18/19 year old broads that attend my school? I feel that since I missed what would have been a productive college career by deploying to Iraq, I should be entitled to make up for it. Your thoughts?
-Scarecrow
You are absolutely correct. Fuck away, soldier. Think about the friends you lost in that shithole: what would they want you to do? That’s right, they’d want you to nail all the hot college ass you possibly can. And you know what? If you didn’t exploit your legal drinking age and harrowing war stories to sleep with those hot young college girls, do you know what they’d do? They’d just end up with a lesser sexual experience with some 20-year-old douchebag who never fought for his country. Bang them for America, Scarecrow.
*hums “Battle Hymn of the Republic” while watching porn*
Gay mafia,
Football first, of course. Pick 2 out of these- Moreno (vs SD), Forte (vs PHI), Maroney (vs NYJ), Snelling (NYG), Forsett (MIN), Breaston (STL) or Roy Williams (WAS)- I’m leaning towards Snelling, Forte and Maroney. And yes I did get royally fucked over by Forte by drafting him 4th.
Those three sound good, except you said pick two.
Sex: This isn’t exactly sex, as I’m in highschool and haven’t hit the jackpot yet. I’m getting with a sophomore girl (I’m a junior), and we hook up most weekends. It goes pretty well (making out, I finger her, what have you) but then it gets awful. She can’t give handjobs. They are terrible. The first time I assumed she just didn’t know she had to go until I finished, but then it happened again. It’s the worst. Most recently I just made her stop. So, should I just ask her to blow me next time? (I’m not sure how comfortable she’ll be with that), or if she says no should I just guide her? Because honestly, she can’t do it as well as I can. I have years of practice goddamnit!
P.s. we are not dating (yet- I’m probably going to ask her out soon), so there’s no deep connection here.
Evan
My God, you’re getting handjobs from a high school sophomore and the two of you aren’t even dating? I may need to think twice about ever having kids.
First, on handjobs: Handjobs suck at any age. In fact, as you get older, a handjob becomes an insult. “Really? You’re really going to try to give me a handjob?” Welcome to high school, pal: frustrating and unsatisfying pseudo-sexual encounters is part of the experience.
Now, for the advice: Frankly, I don’t condone casual sex among high schoolers, but if you can muster up some respect for this girl and start dating her, and assuming you want some sexual release, then you’re going to have to give her some guidance regarding oral sex. You don’t want her going off to college and blowing other guys without ever having learned to give head, do you? C’mon, do her future boyfriends a favor.
Hey fellas who like football and females,
Fantasy: I have a pretty good group of receivers and some decent matchups this week, and I’d like to avoid being the guy who leaves 20 points on the bench. Would you help me decide? Start 3: Housh at MIN — Colston at TB — Big Steve Smith vs. ATL — Breaston at STL.
I’d go with Colston — ALWAYS Colston — Housh, and I guess the Giants’ Steve Smith. Breaston’s been finding the end zone recently, but as a policy I’ll play a #1/#2 guy in a solid passing attack over a #3 guy, even if he can be as productive as Breaston.
Sex: My wife has an incorrectly healed episiotomy and not only is sexual contact excruciating for her, but even mental stimulation or non-contact stimulation (increased bloodflow to the area) causes pain. Reconstructive surgery is planned, but imagine the dry spell after THAT. No question here, just wanted to say FML. Because I cannot FMW.
An episi-whatty?
/Googles episiotomy
//feels ill
Yo, you people,
Fantasy: PPR league, .1 point per carry, 1 point per 10 yrds rushing, 1 point per 15 yards rec. Options at RB (start 2): Gore @ GB, Grant v SF, Mendenhall @KC. Gore seems obvious, I’m a bit stuck between the other two.
.1 per carry and only 1 point for 15 yards receiving? Seriously, some of you people have absolutely retarded commissioners. Gore and Mendenhall.
Sex: I’m a college student and spend my summers/breaks at home. At the end of last summer, I was at the bar with friends and saw my neighbor there–a 50 year old cougar. We’re chatting, I buy her drinks, we smoke (”I don’t often do this!” yeah, ok woman), one thing leads to another, and we’re exchanging uglies later that evening. The sex is great–she was fiending for that youth. I mean GREAT. But there are a couple issues:
-This woman is good friends with my mother, who provides the shelter while my poor ass puts all my money to tuition. They have tea or some shit, whatever older women do, once or twice a week.
-She has a daughter I know. Well. As in we fucked before I fucked her mother.
-College pussy doesn’t compare for the most part. There have been a few, but GOD DAMN this woman knew how to work it. And most girls think I’m fairly awkward, while this MILF thinks I’m God’s gift to personality or charm (don’t ask, I don’t know), so it’s not like I have it available on hand every weekend–I gotta work hard for a college girl. I’m not ugly but no model either, so girls just don’t flutter their eyelashes at me with every Crest-approved smile. The MILF has made it well known I have permission to land whenever, and I have been going home every other weekend, or roughly that, to park my engine in her landing strip.
I read this column every week and I know how you emphasize how much us youngins should be taking advantage of that shaved poon the academics run with, but this woman is moving soon and I may not come across a cougar as hungry for all that in the future. Shit, this may be a last time. It isn’t like she’s some Marlboro Light chain smoking hooker type–she’s a natural woman with natural beauty and a natural sex drive. There aren’t many of those that aren’t botoxed to the face, and when I do get older I’m afraid they won’t go for the older man, or as fiercely as they go for this. But at the same time, if my mother or her daughter find out, it could mean some terrible things for my social and regular life. (Mother could kick me out of the house or never let me back there for breaks, etc.–she would–and daughter knows some dirt I’m not willing to let out, she may not figure it all out as she is in college too, but that’s also the risk factor).
Is it worth it to keep going back home for the consistent crazy sex until she moves and risk jeopardizing many aspects of my life, or should I strain myself with awkward jokes and bad flirting and only get it that once a month/every couple months, while always knowing there’s a woman back at home that will go nuts for the nuts, nuttier than any nut here would?
Help me, Poony Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.
flubby: I would watch a movie about this email.
Many of us already have.
The Graduate is crazy overrated, but dammit if I couldn’t watch Katharine Ross ’til my eyeballs dried out.
Anyway, my first reaction is: congratulations, sir, on the rare — and rarely desirable –mother-daughter combination. That’s a box, so to speak, that most of us will never check.
As for what to do: certainly your Mrs. Robinson is also turned on by the illicit nature of the relationship, and I don’t see a problem with saving money in college while having mind-blowing sex. And since she’s moving, you have a pre-programmed end date to the fling, which is helpful since this isn’t the sort of thing with a future, unless you’re Ashton Kutcher and pretending to be straight.
The downside, of course, is that every weekend that you risk your ass by getting your ashes hauled by Mrs. Robinson, you’re removing yourself from the environment that provides you with many young single ladies your own age — and even if you don’t date them in college, those are important connections to make as you enter the real world and end up in the same city or working for the same company as some sexy acquaintance you know from some a cappella festival or a Phish concert or whatever crappy things college students like these days.
I’d suggest keeping the visits to Cougar Town to once a month. Find a happy medium between the hot, dangerous older-woman sex and making the most of your time in college — even if that means striking out with some stuck-up Tri-Delts from time to time.
Tags: captain caveman, episiotomies, Katharine Ross should have been way more famous, the KSK football sex advice mailbag
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
November 19th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Cancer can kill most multi-cellular animals.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
“Bang them for America, Scarecrow.”
Good advice. Lofty advice. Patriotic advice.
God bless our men in uniform… with hot, dumb 18-20 somethings.
/has actually said “If we don’t fuck, the terrorists win.”
//almost worked
November 19th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Let’s hope this is the last time we see the “episiotomies” tag.
/glad my wife didn’t need one.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Colston netted me 1.4pts last weekend, Vincent Jackson netted me 1.5pts
These two are sole reason I lost for the 6th straight week.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
/IMDB’s Katharine Ross
//sees she was the hypno-therapist in Donnie Darko
///jerks it to Married… With Children-era Christina Applegate
November 19th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
“A few years back I got my then-girlfriend pregnant”
Whoa. That’s heavy info.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
CC did you get a scmushmortion
November 19th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
My wife had an episiotomy while birthing my melon-headed, square shouldered progeny…and still tore clear through the other hole. It was six months before she could take a dump without screaming bloody murder.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Katharine Ross should have been way more famous
Damn straight. I tried to find naked pictures of Ms. Ross, but the only thing I found was her breast-feeding a baby. Not the same.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
@Scarecrow – bang away. I took 2 1/2 years off to “find myself” during college and by the time I went back I was 23, 24…
The dudes hanging around the 18 yr olds aren’t nearly as wise and worldly as you – especially with your military background. Use that to your advantage. And, have some fucking fun – you deserve it.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I have a daughter who’s a high school sophomore. Clearly my only choices are to kill myself or kill her…
November 19th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
So, woman with HPV, say you kept quiet and the guy you’re with manages to pick up your strain of HPV. Maybe it slipped through the condom, maybe you were drunk one day, I don’t really care about the specifics because I’m not getting any. That guy then fucks another girl who was previously HPV-free and gives her HPV. Maybe that guy gives it to another woman. Maybe that woman gives it to another guy. Maybe the whole thing spreads and turns into a pandemic like in the game of the same name, and we all have to evacuate to Madagascar, which would suck. Tell him, for the love of Christ, tell me and make him wear a condom. Remember: Only you can prevent forest cancer.
I’ve been John McCain, and I approve this message.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Scott – your third option is “kill everyone else in the entire world”. You may want to bear that in mind.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
/has a son
//who is a junior in high school
///has stroke
November 19th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Scarecrow – Is it fair that our boys win a battle in the sandstorm and the guys they take out get 72 frickin virgins? The least you boys have earned is drunk 19 year olds who Evan taught to give hand jobs after homeroom or that cougar hunter is too lazy to chase.
That and our enduring thanks.
Thank you, sir.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
@El Nene – Well, you’ve ruined my appetite for the rest of the day. [shudder]
November 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
@Evan – sit down with your “girlfriend” (or whatever you are calling her) and watch some porn together.
Show her a couple handjob videos and tell her they really turn you on. Then ask her to surf around and find something to watch that she likes.
Definitely offer to perform oral on her – even if you don’t know what the fuck you are doing. No guy does the first time. That might entice her to go South on you.
Oh, and if you are using either of your parents’ computers, there’s a thing called CCleaner you will want to be aware of.
/did I really just give sex advice to a 16-yr old?!
November 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Scott – Don’t be so harsh. I saw this episode of Survivorman where Les stroud lived in the Canadian Wilderness for 7 days. She can surely survive 5-7 years with occasional airdrops of supplies. And there is NO ONE else out there. And I can’t imagine it’s too easy to give a Grizzly Bear an HJ.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
God bless you Scarecrow for your service. You should bang 19 year olds until you turn 30 and not a day after.
And as for the Graduate, you are playing with Fire, scratch that, lava. Limit your interactions and pray no one finds out.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I can’t wait for the Dateline episode with FearTheBuzzsaw.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Chris Hansen already has the transcript and a nice turtleneck/blazer combo ready.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
FeartheBuzzsaw – not only did you give him sex advice, I think you advised him to break the law. Is it legal for HS Juniors to get porn?
/keeping my episiotomy horror stories to myself
//Just remember NEVER ALLOW YOUR WIFE TO GIVE BIRTH IN A TEACHING HOSPITAL
November 19th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
There is nothing better than fucking a woman who just wants to be fucked. MILF,cougar, whatever are old enough to not worry about the bullshit head games, and just want some dick. I cannot emphasize enough to you young guys. If a MILF wants you, and you find her attractive, go for it. The only young girls (18-25) who are good in bed tend to be straight psychos outside of it. Just wish I was young enough, and single, to enjoy this phenomena.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Shrooms guy – why not give it a go? Provided you don’t have to take a piss test in month or so, give it a shot!
Your flexibility and willingness to try something new with her give you leverage when you want to try something new (anal, 3some, asian…whatever man)
November 19th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Sex-shrooms fellow; it’s been several years since my Sid ‘n Nancy days, but shrooms were the one hallucinogen that always freaked my shit out (I remember one time where I was convinced I had to hold onto the floor for dear life, or else I’d go flying off). Perhaps the strength or dosage levels have weakened since, but I’d recommend you pass.
Now, if she offers you E? Oh, Chester, that’s a good evening right there. Just be sure to flex your jaw now and then to prevent the worst day-after cramping you could imagine.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
There is almost never a reason to have an episiotome (fuck the spelling). If a doctor says they are standard, run away from them as fast as you can.
Oh, and the wannabe Graduate guy, it is obvious you don’t have a real problem, but instead were just writing in to gloat. Gloat away good sir, but really, you do not have a ‘problem’ to be solved.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Shroom Sex: So I’ve only tried shrooms twice, but have had the discussion with others who have done shrooms and I really can not see how sex would be possible. I barely could get a grip on it to pee because it had major shrinkage during the whole trip and that’s definitely not normal. When i talked to the others who did shrooms with me the following day it seemed that all the guys had that same problem. We agreed without any scientific evidence that there is so much blood rushing to other places and to your brain causing so much stimulation for your senses, that none of it is going to the penis. well, either way, for what its worth, i had a great trip both times, but don’t think sex was possible either time.
November 19th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Crazy in Bed
Crazy in the Head
November 19th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I’ve never won the ring toss, but we’ve had the nuvaring shoot out like a rubber band several times. If I was single, I would say it kills the moment. But when you’re married, you just stick it back in and keep going.
/Wife goes off birth control permanently next week
//got snipped 3 months ago
November 19th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
heehee, I too used to giggle every time I ‘won’ the ring toss fuckfest whenever I pulled out the Nuva Ring. Always made me dive back in for more.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Shroomsexguy: I don’t know much about hallucinogens except that trying to repeat a specific trip experience is doomed to failure and frustration. Each trip is different, so it might have been amazing for her last time and a complete nightmare the next time.
If she wants to shroom with you, I say do some reading, and make an informed choice as a couple to do it (or not do it) together. If you’re both up for it, see where it goes, but forcing yourselves into a specific trip narrative is a bad idea imho.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
i hate being that guy, but Ladell Betts (@Dal), or Ryan Moats hosting Ten?
November 19th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
“A few years back I got my then-girlfriend pregnant”
I am interested to see how this ended. Rick Pitino? Karl Malone abandonment?
November 19th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
fearthebuzzsaw – Take it from a vet, its your GOD DAMN DUTY AS AN AMERICAN SOLDIER TO RUN THROUGH AS MUCH COLLEGE POON AS POSSIBLE. Its social responsibility. You let me know and i have a Damn purpler heart i will lend you to leverage for a 3some.
Cougar town is not a place you want to live. Visit rarely, but dont live.
Episiotomy stories should be banned.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
@Enrico – miscarriage leading to the relationship falling apart. Really awesome time in my life.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
tell the dude about your dirty
nuva ring sounds awkward, sex on shrooms would be fun.
Engagement is a great aphrodisiac, while marriage takes it to a whole new level. Be careful out there, the newfound powers can be disorienting.
You don’t have to dump the divorcee if you want casual, just make sure she knows where you stand.
If you can get the 18/19 year olds at 25, more power to you, but you’re fast approaching the point where you’re worldliness starts to just be oldness.
Nothing wrong with a proper handjob in high school, but teach the blowjob soon.
Glad my kid came out early (and a little smaller).
Get the heck out of cougar town and work harder on the younger tail. When you are soldier boy’s age you are going to kick yourself for spending so much time with grandma.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Cancer doesn’t kill people; people kill people.
/NRA’d
November 19th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Shrooms guy:
I took shrooms twice. First time = awesome. Second, not so much. I spent 4 hours in a bathroom convinced if I left I would become violently ill. At some point, I decided the only way to fix the situation was to get the shrooms out of my system by pissing, shitting, and puking all at the same time.
The night ended poorly.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Lost in the Office: Come off it already, dude. Like there’s a boy who made it to Junior in High School without accumulating a porn collection?
Hell, I didn’t make it to Junior High School before starting on mine.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Slothrop-
Dead on. Having a set plan and any serious “set-in-stone” type expectations is just asking for anxiety and a bad trip.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Shrooms guy:
Sex on shrooms is FUCKING AWESOME! Heightened awareness of your body’s workings (for lack of a better word (functions makes is sound like shitting!)) means that SHIT IS VISCERAL! I highly recommend it.
It would be a good idea to do shrooms first without the idea of sex being on the agenda, just to make sure you don’t obsess over it too much (one of the main dangers of shrooms in social situatuions) and freak the fuck out. However, if things go alright and you’re not freaking out, you should be in quite an excellent mental state to bone about 3-4 in.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Slothrop nails the ’shroom experience. It’s a crapshoot.
The cougar thing, see, college girls can tell if you’re getting any. They can smell desperation and figure if no one else is fucking you why would they? Bang the old broad enough to take the edge off, then walk around with a smug, could-give-a-shit look on your face.
And if your mom finds out, well, give her a chagrined smile, look down at your dick and just shake your head, like, “Look what it’s come to.” Your mom will forgive you.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
3-4 as in hours.
November 19th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Scarecrow: trust me, I was in your exact situation four years ago. You have NOT BETTER SITUATION than the one you have now. Please, for the love of God and everything holy, capitalize on your extreme advantage. You will have no better era in your life than the one you are about to have. Enjoy yourself. Plus, I know this is a tired expression, but it’s very very true: chicks dig scars- especially ones that come with stories about the Army.
/remember to wear your pro-mask in a chemical environment
November 19th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
CC, oooooh, my bad. That’s not even funny on the internet. How about a DickTowel?
November 19th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
@Ryno
How exactly do you propose that he uses his leverage to get some “asian”? Is she supposed to tape her eyes back, roll her R’s, and peepee in his Coke?
November 19th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Shrooms sex for guys don’t work…You won’t focus, won’t want to focus and your equipment may not respond…However, Christmas lights will never seem cooler ever. Hell, you may even discover the secret of life…Then forget it…Then discover a new Better secret…Then dismiss it, then go for a walk and EVERYTHING WILL BE AWESOME!!! Except for sex.
Nuva ring toss is also a favorite game of ours as well! It comes out now and again like it’s wearing a little hat!
November 19th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I can’t even fathom the thought of sex on shrooms. The last (which will forever be the last) time I took them I was on the summer solstice at the zoo in Amsterdam and the button came off my shorts moments after I ate them. A helpful zoo employee provided me with a needle and thread, but attempting to sew with a shroom trip bearing down on you when failure means you’ll be wandering around with your shorts around your ankles around Dutch people and their children is not a fun situation to be in. Later on I threw up on the lawn and also on myself (I have never felt like such a degenerate druggie in my entire life) and fled back to my hotel to lie in bed for four hours waiting for it all to end. The moral of the story, as Sean Bateman so wisely said, “never shroom again.”
Strangely enough, I ended up having sex with a Finnish girl that very same night. But the shrooms had long since worn off.
I’ve never encountered a nuva ring before, but the idea of “nuva ring toss” really cracks me up.
Also, why in God’s name did anyone want resolution on Ufford’s pregnancy story? Did you really expect it to have a happy ending?
November 19th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I too have speared my Nuva Ring a couple of times. I call it a “ringer”. I always celebrate this as evidence that my cock must be bigger than most. The sad truth is more along the lines of my wife has a shallow puss.
November 19th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I didn’t think it was THAT shallow.
/gets yanked off-stage
November 19th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
My wife and I came back home last year for the Phillies World Series parade. We stayed at my sisters house. We ended up getting hammered and nearly breaking my sister’s futon during an extended session. Fast forward to the next day in the airport, my wife comes out of the restroom and declares that her NuvaRing is “missing”. Needless to say we didn’t tell my sis about this issue, and I am waiting to receive it in a christmas or birthday card at some point.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
As someone who had (and shed, thank jeebus – by the way, I think wanking it 4-5 times a day gets all those nasty cells out, along with possible future generations of me…I digress) the HPV thing, I can say TELL HIM. It’s a nightmare. I was seeing two girls at the time (broke up with one, but was still going back for the occasional trip to bowchickawowtown) – and got a call from her that she had it (assuming I got it from the new girl, but who knows), so I had to take the new girl to the doctor, and she came back positive…then later developed cervical complications…all of that led to us breaking up, and she started sleeping with a friend of mine (or had been doing it before…whatever), and didn’t tell him, so HE got it, too (I didn’t know or I’D have told him) – long story short, if you don’t take precautions and/or tell your partners, you will be giving it to a lot more people than just him – within two months SOMEONE I was connected to had passed it to at least three people. Not cool.
\after 8 years, no outbreaks (and no positive tests)
\\wife still HPV free
\\\TELL HIM
November 19th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
tri delts were indeed the only fuckable things at penn. And stuck up. are they stuck up everywhere?
November 19th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I would be shocked that a girl doesn’t understand the concept of a proper handjob if I didn’t go through the same experience early in high school. It was her first dick. She actually put her hand down around the top of it. Like a goddamn gear shift. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t MY dick that wasn’t getting off. Anything sexual scared the shit out out of her because she didn’t know what she was doing. And I regret never saying anything because it would have saved us both some trouble.
After college I reconnected with her and we hooked up a few times. Whoever finally taught her how to act, if you’re reading this: thank you, sir. I owe you one.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Hey kommentariat, I have an urgent FF question for you guys, I’ve been offered Marmalard and Sidney Rice for Breesus. My trading deadline is tomorrow. I’m one place out of the last playoff spot and I need help at WR b/c just traded away Roddy White for Cedric Benson. Also, I’m last in the league in points so I need all the points I can get. What do you guys think?
November 19th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
what kind of fucked up person has sex on shrooms. that’s the last drug i’d want to bang on. it makes you want to go outside and do kids shit, not bang. weird.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
@Virgin Connie Swayle: PPR league or what? Sidney Rice isn’t scoring many touchdowns, and now that LT is starting to look like his old self, Marmalard might not need to throw as much. The Saints defense has been absolutely destroyed by injuries so Brees won’t be able to sit on leads – he’ll be throwing it just as much (if not more) during the second half of the season. I’d decline.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
How do you strike out with a tri-delt?
November 19th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
I’m sorry, but I’m not letting anyone with scissors in their hands go near my hoo-hah.
Oh, cougars. My school is a mere 7 miles from Wazzu, so I always get a kick out of townies/elderly fans using the phrase “This is Cougar Town.” If they only knew.
November 19th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
I didn’t think it was THAT shallow.
I heard it was fairly sophisticated. Worldly, but with a concern for her fellow man.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
There’s no way The Graduate was overrated.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Thanks for the advice, but if Grant puts up 5 pts against SF I blame you.
@newhopeinKC: Copy all, I’ll be going in at MOPP Level 4
/no longer feels guilty for having banged a sophomoric last week
//acquiring additional targets, stand-by for Fire Mission
November 19th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Add another voice to the chorus saying Shrooms sex is a HORRIBLE idea, especially for someone who isn’t down with drugs in the first place.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
@Zack, it is PPR. Brees’s turnovers have been killing me the past 4 weeks or so, and on paper, it’s a pretty fair trade. The two things I’m hung up on is the thought of giving up Brees, and I’m afraid Favre is going to revert back to the Gunslinger and fuck up Rice’s productivity.
I swear this has been the most difficult decision I’ve had to make in the past few months. I need to get out more.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Virgin Connie, Make the trade.
HPV Girl: Tell him.
Scarecrow: Bang away and thank you for your service.
Shrooms: I liked the suggestion of giving it a try first before sexy time. Suggestions. Make sure you have at least 2 days off after taking. Keep at leat a full case of beer on hand. Christmas lights are indeed awesome. Pre-select your music or you will get lost for three hours staring at the CD/Album cover art. Musical suggestions include: Talking Heads “Remain in Light” as well as “Fear of Music”. Any Pink Floyd will do. David Byrne and Briam Eno did an album called “My Life in the Bush of Ghosts” that will blow your shit up. Any time you write a song to go along with a recording of an actual exorcism, well that’s right up my fucking alley. Around 5:00 AM while you are coming down, make a nice breakfast while listening to King Crimson “Beat”.
Why no, I have no actual experience. Why do you ask?
November 19th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Also, for high school guy, avoid using so many parenthetical expressions in your writing when you go to college (it tends to demonstrate an inability to organize your points/argument)
/English major
November 19th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
BriaN Eno, you long winded shit head.
November 19th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
I’ve won the ring toss. Kinda funny at first, but then it got awkward when I had to stuff the ring back inside her.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
Hey guys, It’s High School Handjob guy. For starters, getting a handjob junior year *nowadays* is no big deal. In fact I’ve been getting shit for not getting a blowjob. It’s creepy, but it’s starting younger- there are plenty of really trashy freshman/ soophomores (wouldn’t call my almost girlfriend that) and yes, even eighth graders. So watch out for your kids make sure you don’t fuck them up too much. Lest you find your 13 year old daughter going down on some dude in your bed once you come home from work.
More personally, I’m gonna ask this girl out this weekend or next, and probably just gonna throw down the gauntlet- blowjob or let me help you with a handjob. I will not be blue balled again!
November 19th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Evan – Good luck with that. Might possibly be the only time in your life that it will work.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
@Evan
Demanding a BJ might be an overly aggressive approach dude, I would definitely go with the assisted handjob. Make sure to phrase it as a SUGGESTION though
November 19th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
However, a trans-parenthetical statement, a parenthetical statement, within a parenthetical statement, within a parenthetical statement, is a great way to condense an entire paragraph into a single, confusing, barely English sentence.
/engineering major
November 19th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Shit dude, My senior year, I dated a friend of a friend cause he vouched for her, Come to find out this bitch (a junior) had been pregnant twice already (miscarried). Was nice thing to find out after she cheated on me and got knocked up again. She miscarried that pregnancy too, but before I graduated that spring, she had cheated on her girlfriend at the time and had another kid (this one I guess she was able to carry)
November 19th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
@The Virgin Connie Swayle: Sidney Rice has been a solid 12-15pt getter for me since I picked him up(got 23 against detroit .5ppr 25yrdspp), and San Diego’s still a primarily pass first offensive whether LT is healthy or not.
I’d prolly make the trade, but then I was able to trade Flacco and Manningham for Vincent Jackson and Percy Harvin :P
November 19th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
very true about demanding it. The guiding will probably be how it goes the next time
November 19th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
@ Shroomguy. If this interests you, try the shrooms with her first, without necessarily planning on the sex. Go off by yourselves, outside at a park is good. You’ll be able to gauge your reaction to them, and maybe you’ll be in the mood for some outdoor sex. Just be careful, when I took them, it always exaggerated features in people. For example, if she has cute, chipmunk cheeks, you may open your eyes and have a half human/half chipmunk squeaking away on top of you. It might make the sex weird after that.
November 19th, 2009 at 9:58 pm
@ Soldier/College guy. Fuck’em, fuck’em all. Fuck two or three at a time so you can crank up the body count (yes I said that). Do it with all of our blessings.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:55 am
@BigRedEd: I like the direction you’re going. I have a friend who says watch “Alice In Wonderland” I know, he’s high too. I personally prefer Apocolypse Now or Clockwork Orange but you really can’t go wrong with any Stanley Kubrick.
You fucking kidding me? Clockwork Orange? 2001? Full Metal Jacket, Dr Strangelove? The Shining?
This will keep you entertained.
I have walked many a mis-guided soul through their first right of passage. I am like Carlos Castaneda but I have retained a small amount of my sanity. Been over been back.
Hey who wants bacon?
Can’t go wrong with the Coen Bros either. “Fargo”? Holy shit!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:59 am
@Scarecrow
Like Sherman through Georgia…
/Thank You
November 20th, 2009 at 2:18 am
RE Evan Says:
“More personally, I’m gonna ask this girl out this weekend or next, and probably just gonna throw down the gauntlet- blowjob or let me help you with a handjob. I will not be blue balled again!”
Hey, Evan, what have you done for her lately? You’re bitching about a crappy handjob, but what exactly has SHE gotten out of these encounters (other than the no doubt very fullfilling finger)? And why would you be surprised that a high school chick is not great at jerking it? You have 24/7 access to your dong, she doesn’t. So maybe you should cut her some goddam slack. Better yet, do something really wild like take her out in public and treat her like a person, without any expectation that she is obligated to service you afterwards. Shit like that tends to make a chick feel like a hooker, which, despite what you’ve seen in any movie, is not a good thing.
Also, if she can’t do a handjob to your liking now, what makes you think you’ll meet with greater success with a blowjob? Clearly, you have some experience in masturbation, but unless you’ve also sucked your own dick, I’m guessing you’re probably not gonna be able to talk her through a blowjob any better than failed attempts at wankery. Besides, if she asks anyone how to suck a dick, it should be a gay man. They’re the only ones who’ve both sucked a dick and have a dick to suck. That’d be my go-to person for helpful dick-sucking hints, not a high school kid.
Obligatory “sophomore girl should not be jerking or sucking a dick” comment. She should be pining away in a sexless, romantic manner for that Twilight vampire dipshit.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:29 am
RE Rikadyn Says:
“Shit dude, My senior year, I dated a friend of a friend cause he vouched for her, Come to find out this bitch (a junior) had been pregnant twice already (miscarried). Was nice thing to find out after she cheated on me and got knocked up again. She miscarried that pregnancy too, but before I graduated that spring, she had cheated on her girlfriend at the time and had another kid (this one I guess she was able to carry)”
Um… you do realize how very unlikely it is that a teenage girl miscarried 3 times in a row, right? She was either never pregnant to begin with, or she was a frequent patient at the abortion clinic. Just sayin’.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:31 am
fuck off, fifteenkeys!
my rookie obgyn didn’t give me the necessary pussy cutting procedure until after my first born TORE the shit out of my beautiful box. repairing that and the recovery was messy and painful. to delicately cut is a preemptive strike against female genital shredding during child birth.
cougar bait? have at it, son… it’s a good thing but keep your peer group options open. i mean, as open as they will be…
November 20th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Just want to toss a little advice Scarecrow’s way: I ended up returning to college at 24 after taking a couple years off to do a whole bunch of things that had nothing to do with fighting for my country.
And do you know how much I regret leveraging those extra years of experience so I could fuck 19 & 20 year-olds? “Not” and “at all.”
As CC said, fuck away, Scarecrow.
And send me pictures.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:06 am
If this interests you, try the shrooms with her first, without necessarily planning on the sex. Go off by yourselves, outside at a park is good.
What he said. I *love* shrooms, but shrooming and trying to do anything else at the same time, is definitely not the situation you need for your first trip. Find yourself a nice area outside–parks are great, particularly if you can find a spot without anyone nearby–and just hang out.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:09 am
@ Shroomguy – the time to partake in sexual activity on shrooms is on the way down, well after the peak. Do not try it while the walls are melting, that will only be problematic/embarrassing/scarring. As mentioned previously, spend that time outside. However, after things have calmed down, but you are still under the effects in a very wide awake state, it can be amazing. BTW, this is the same time that you can drink a case of beer in 15 minutes.
@UU – I wouldn’t go bragging about your wife not needing an episiotomy, if you catch my drift.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:28 am
@ Nuva Ring ~ My ex had a nuva ring and it made the chick bat shit crazy. I cannot tell you how bi-polar the girl became as a result of it. But even when having sex it was the weirdest feeling getting out of bed to learn that I had won a prize. Very close calls to getting her pregnant, she goes on the pill, everything works out.
@ Shrooms guy – A buddy of mine dropped E with this girl and told me that it was the best sex he had ever had. Hes kind of a hippy himself so hes done a lot of experimentation, however after getting into a great debate over this issue, he told me that the effects of E were 10x better when having sex.
@ Army dude ~ College Girls = Hot sluts/crazy chicks/ripe for the picking/”AMERICA ….FUCK YEAH!!!!”
@ Cougar Bait ~ one word = cougarhunter.com / read the article about what “type of car” your cougar is (i.e. ferrari, jeep, etc)
@ HS sophmore ~ Chicks still give handjobs? What is this world coming to…….
Fuck Cutler, as a Bears fan, I have never been this disappointed since Dick Jauron was head coach.
November 20th, 2009 at 9:54 am
@Cougar guy: Unless she is married, then I don’t know what you’re problem is. If she is married, on the other hand…well, you’re just an asshole.
And by the way, “The Graduate” is not overrated (although saying it is makes you sound smarter….sort of like having a British accent), but the generation of Baby Boomers who constantly flog that movie are so fucking annoying it just seems overrated.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
“For example, if she has cute, chipmunk cheeks, you may open your eyes and have a half human/half chipmunk squeaking away on top of you.”
If you put it that way, hell, now I’m interested in getting some shrooms. And some hot hallucinogenic rodent poon.
November 20th, 2009 at 10:59 am
“the generation of Baby Boomers who constantly flog that movie are so fucking annoying it just seems overrated.”
What’s the difference?
November 20th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Scarecrow – Wear that college poon out. Bend those asses in half. Bend those asses like Beckham. They are of age, consenting, and if you don’t, the fucking terrorists have won.
Drafted Chris Johnson – Tread very lightly; no amount of pussy from a woman with whom your feelings are at best uncertain is worth messing up some little kid’s life. I am a family law attorney (yikes) and I too often see the damage heaped upon the innocent victims (the kids – the divorcing parents made their own beds, so fuck them) whereas the kids have done nothing wrong. Most of them are dealing with various sorts of guilt/insecurities/general issues from the divorce itself, having the cool new guy in their life who only leaves again does even more harm. Don’t get involved with the kid unless you think there is a legitimate prospect of a future with mom – just do the honorable and manly thing.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Evan – If you have not taken her out at all, then she is not someone you want to be your girlfriend. Be a man and let her go and find someone you do like. If you keep messing around with her on the side, she is going to begin to have deeper feeling so for you than you have for her and when you do dump her she is going to be f’d up big time for the next kid. Let her down easy now and find someone else. It’s what adults are supposed to do but don’t always. Nothing is wrong with fooling around between gigs, but it sounds like she likes you more than you like her. The first rule is to never leave the other person worse off, emotionally, physically, and/or sexually, than when you met up with them.
Cougartown – I was doing a gf’s mother while I was still dating the daughter and for a little after we broke up. You have the perfect scenario, chase bald pussy at school and come home once or twice a month to get your mind right. Also, pay attention to what gets her off and ask her to tell you. It will be the things that work with most other women too and the young ones at school will appreciate you more. As far as you Mom finding out, her friend is the one who is supposed to know better not you.
Scarecrow – Thanks for your service, get as much as you can get!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
FF help. I need to win this week and I’m torn between starting Gore (@ GB) or Kevin Smith (vs. CLE).
HELP!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Millen’s eyes. Choose the one who has the break-away speed to outrun Shaun Rogers. (HINT: not K Smith)
November 20th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
He should keep banging the MILF for as long as possible. That’s my advice. A very lucky few can say they’ve done what he’s done.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Shrooms Dude: You should do them together once without the sex involved. Shoorms are all about the state of mind you have going into the trip, if all your thinking about is pleasuring your lady friend than it probably will take a turn for the worst the second you cant get your dick to move. Go out to the woods on a nice sunny day with her and have a crazy trip and look at the leaves and talk to little woodland animals. If all goes well then try again with the sex.
Also agree that if she is down with the E than go for the E sex. Much better without as much going on in the head.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Ah, the Nuvaring. I remember the first time I found out what one was…when I accidentally pulled it out with my fingers. fun times!
November 20th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
“…where X is the smallest believable number you can get away with.”
Good reply. Lofty reply. Nearly laughed myself out of a Friday meeting.
November 20th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Consecutive sentences from PussyMangler Ferguson:
“The first rule is to never leave the other person worse off, emotionally, physically, and/or sexually, than when you met up with them.
I was doing a gf’s mother while I was still dating the daughter and for a little after we broke up.”
You sir have ruined any legit advice ever given in the comments. Also, if you’re gonna have sex on shrooms, make sure you know how much you’re taking. A whole 1/8th of shrooms is too much drugs for a newbie. Write that down.
November 21st, 2009 at 11:39 am
Comment on the last guy….I say college girls are kind of overrated a little bit, I’d keep hitting that MILF. Also, it’ll give you experience that you can use to hit those college girls. You’ll be in college for a few years, so you’ll have plenty of time to get some college tail….also, good thing about college girls…as you get older, they stay the same age.
November 21st, 2009 at 11:46 am
Leave it up to Slash to go all woman’s lib on some poor kid. While I completely understand your sarcasm in general (hell I relish the comments) with the majority of the questions on here, those are normally from men who are semi-crazy to begin with. But this kid admittedly doesn’t have much experience and came on here for some advice. As one of a few female posters on this site, you were in a position to give him some legitimate advice from the woman’s perspective instead of coming off as a raging biatch.
\excited about the backlash from this one
\\obligatory kids shouldn’t be fooling around line
November 22nd, 2009 at 8:16 pm
I have an 8 month old daughter…who I’m totally crazy about. Thanks to my obsession with the fantasy football/sex mailbag I have learned today that in 14-ish short years she could be giving handy’s to some 17-yr-old jackass who she’s not even in a relationship with. Sweet.
November 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 am
hpv worrier-your dude probably already has it and doesnt know it. most of us do. if he gets the warts, blame it on him and see if he confesses to cheating on you.
shroomsex-can be radical but i only reccommend it when its spontaneous. otherwise the pressure may ruin your trip, big time. also, if shes looking to revisit an experience she had on shrooms, i say no go. you can rarely do that on mushrooms. you dont strike me as a big drug doer so try getting stoned and having sex. if you’ve never done it before the first time is like magic.
dude banging divorced chick with kid(s)-if you are not seriously interested in this girl i say get the hell out and stay out. all kinds of badness could emerge from this.
army guy-i appreciate what you’ve done for our country but are you fucking serious? if you turn down even one hot 18 year old who would have sex with you, you ought to be punched in the cock multiple times. i dont care if your 25 or 65.
highschooler-a little direction never hurt anyone. she’ll be fine.
courgar nailer-you mess with the bull, you get the horns. there are plenty of other older women out there if that’s what you’re into. don’t shit where you eat…or your parents eat. catch my drift?