Hines Wald — He Who is Uncrean!
Hines Ward: I am no berieve peeper say that numbell one smaltest leceivel arso numbell one dilty prayer.
Clazy! This not having sense. Evelytime, I am making pray extla crean. No othel prayer in reague make pray as crean as I make pray. Give smirre upon compretion of selvice. You see and think to youlserf, “Wow nevel have a seen so crean a pray. I courd eat dinnel light off this pray.”
So why othel footbarr prayer make vote for me be numbell one diltbarr? Jearousy is most rikery the leason. They rook and see they-ul pray not as crean as Hines Wald pray. Say to themserves, “HE IS THINK HE IS SO CREAN! I AM SHOWING HINES WALD BY VOTE HIM DILTY MAN!”
Werr, I am vote 11.6 pelcent of the reague as the most jearous 11.6 percent of the NFR. HOW DOES THAT FEER? TWO CAN PRAY THE ANG-LEE VOTE GAME!
[Door marked "Push" is pulled for two minutes, then flies open]
Ben Roethlisberger: HI HINES
THE BEN IS HELLA STOKED FOR NEW CALL OF DUTY NEXT WEEK! THIS TIME THE WARFARE IS MODERN FOR THE SECOND TIME! I’M GONNA PEW THEN PWN THEN PEW THEN MAYBE UNLEASH KNIFE PWNAGE! BUT IN MODERN STYLE!
WAIT – THAT’S NOT A STOKED FACE! WHY HINES HAS A SAD?
Hines Ward: Rongrastname, rook at rist of dilty prayer foll this yeal. Who you am seeing at top?
Ben Roethlisberger: THAT’S YOU! YOU WIN!
Hines Ward: No, you am not undelstand. Is bad rist! Is not rist you want to be on! Is rist that say to wolrd – this man is dilty man. He shamefurr with dilt! No ret him mally youl daughtel.
Ben Roethlisberger: UH OH
Hines Ward: What?
Ben Roethlisberger: BEN SCREW POOCH
Hines Ward: What you do?
Ben Roethlisberger: I THINK THE BEN VOTED FOR YOU ON THE BAD LIST. SEE, THE MAN ASK THE BEN TO VOTE FOR DIRTY GUY. AND I ‘MEMBERS THIS ONE TIME I SAW YOU DIVE FOR THROW AND GET UP COVERED IN THE ICK. HINES IS A DIRTY GUY! I VOTE FOR HINES!
Hines Ward: I am hoping you not expecting brockers on colnel britz when we pray the Bloncos.
Ben Roethlisberger: DOES THIS MEAN YOU’RE MAD?
Tags: ben rongrastname, blocking is so dirty!, hines wald is stirr me favolite steerel, rittle bit lacist, xmas ape
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November 4th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Who’s the 1 person who voted for Vince Young? Was he giving someone an dirty look from the bench?
November 4th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Words of wisdom from Hines Ward, “Two Wongs make it white!”
November 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
[Door marked "Push" is pulled for two minutes, then flies open]
BWAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA
November 4th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
So the big, bad defensive backs are scared of a little, slow, 33-year-old receiver? Cool.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I’m just waiting for McDaniels to call up whale and dolphin from the practice squad to get in Hines’ head. FUCK YOU WHARELL!!!! FUCK YOU DORPHIN!!!!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Pew then pwn. Awesome!!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
@Crosshair: Or they could just play the Dolphins.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Ben’s right about one thing, Modern Warfare 2 is going to be sweet.
November 4th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
THEN MAYBE UNLEASH KNIFE PWNAGE! BUT IN MODERN STYLE!
That made me chortle like a fat girl.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I was hoping Breet “Dirty Block” Favre would poll hire. Oh well. If you’re afraid of a 33 year old smaller WR you have problems.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Nice wolk Ape! Youl skirrs with Hines Wald glow stlongel evely time Hines gleets us with a haldy herro.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Peezy third on a list?! THAT’S DISRESPECT!! Peezy gon be jumpin on piles and stompin hands extra hard this week.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
That list is bullshit since everyone knows chop blocking O lineman and headhunting safeties (Brian Dawkins) should be leading this list. Can’t believe that defensive players everywhere are scurred of a WR. Bitches.
/Cowboys fan
//Surprised Flozell wasn’t on this list
///Fuck da Eagles
November 4th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
“BEN SCREW POOCH”
Why is he talking about his trip to Reno again?
November 4th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
as someone who teaches ESL high-school koreans to write essays, aside from the R/L spelling inversion, i can honestly say that hines’ speech pattern exactly matches my students’ writing.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Brandon Spikes plans on winning this poll in the near future.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
It feels like the ending is cut off. Still, nice work.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
NFR made my day.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Beautiful… Couldn’t say it better myself, Hines Wald…
That shit cracks me up!
November 4th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
Ah, how I’ve missed you, Hines.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Come on, Brian Fired Russell didn’t make this list?
Oh wait, he has to actually bring someone down to be considered dirty.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
diltbarr FTW!
November 4th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Rodney did pretty good for being retired.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
yeah sorry….gotta say this guy’s the nastiest…
http://www.madgame.com/videos/702/brian-dawkins-highlight-reel-.html
yet I still love him so
November 4th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
What, no “disrespectful to dirt” Simpsons reference? You guys are slipping.
/should probably be dislespectfur terr dilt
November 4th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Classic.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Aww man. Do I have to be the troll that pisses Ape off this time?
HEY SHITSMAS GRAPE!! HINES HITS MY TEAM’S DEFENSIVE PLAYERS TOO HARD AND HURTS THEM! 2005 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!
/Did I do it right?
November 4th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
NFR is the funniest thing ever put in print.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
If your gonna do the whole asains speak english poorly joke, you might as well do it properly. Hines should never be saying “the”.
That said, I don’t think its very funny.
November 4th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Hines begs for the return of Lodney Hallison.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I am sulplised Ben wasn’t eating a choco-taco when he came in.
Maybe he’s storing them up for a massive COD marathon.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Joey Porter says: Better FIX YO’ POLL SI. Don’t you know PEEZY is the dirtiest MO FO in the league!!!!
November 4th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Whenever I read THE BEN’s lines, I imagine a cross between Patrick from Spongebob, and Carlos Mencia’s “retard” voice – it makes is so much more REAL.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Jon Runyan thinks the guys on this list are a bunch of pussies.
/Hines Ward? Really? Bunch of Homos.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Flozell “If they aren’t blocked, kick them” Adams is gonna be pissed. He’s gonna need to try harder next year. In 2010 expect him to grab a handful of dirt and throw it in the face of the defender he’s supposed to be blocking’s eyes at the snap.
November 4th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
This post made me ROR!
November 4th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I love the Hines posts, and Ape posts in general, so don’t take this as criticism/an excuse to stop making the funny. That said, you people do realize that a player who is half-black and half-asian is functionally just the same thing as a white dude, right?
Okay, just checking.
November 4th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
@ ITouchdownThere
I dunno, those hits looked pretty clean on that video. The “music,” however, is terrible. Just terrible.
November 4th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
I love that, with abbreviations, hines also switches L’s and R’s. The NFR was a great subtle touch.
And i was kinda hoping for a gunfingaz shot, since last time Ben went to the Broncos turf thats what we got.
/hopes for more Gunfingaz this week.
November 4th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Even reague’s smaltest leceivel can’t plonounce “wolrd”
November 4th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Hines Wald has glit. He is glitteriest prayer in NFR.
November 4th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
If I can be selious for a moment…
Does anybody else think it’s really fucked up that the man with more receptions, receiving yards, and touchdowns than Lynn Swan and John Stallworth is only going to be remembered by most people for his blocking/”dirty play”?
November 5th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Shoosh you Flick.
Hines Wald is the best brindside brocker evel. Evel I say!
November 5th, 2009 at 1:24 am
@ Grimace says: “Hines begs for the return of Lodney Hallison”.
I almost read “Rindsey Rohan”. That would have worked too.
He cheat and rye. Rye I terr you!
November 5th, 2009 at 9:43 am
I knew there was a logical, unbiased explanation for this “award” being bestowed upon Hines Ward. Thanks Ape!
November 5th, 2009 at 10:56 am
[Door marked "Push" is pulled for two minutes, then flies open]
This, sir, is humorous.
November 5th, 2009 at 11:17 am
You people do realize that a player who is half-black and half-asian is functionally just the same thing as a white dude, right?
White dude are too busy being gritty and scrappy to actually be as talented as Hines. So to answer your question…uh…no.
November 5th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Because Hines runs a 4.2 and is 6′3″. Ward defines Gritty and Scrappy.
November 5th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
If Hines wants to impress me, he’ll take out the opposing teams quarterback who is having a career year in the AFC Championship game. Kneeaspolde.