Some people sincerely want to push Carolina as an upset possibility over the unbeaten Saints because cornball Cajun bag of suck Jake Delhomme has never lost a start in the Superdome and John Fox is 7-0 there as a head coach. And hey! They’ve won three of their last four. Even if two of those wins were against the Redskins and the Bucs, while the loss came to the goddamn Bills. They’re primed for the role of spoiler!
All right, fine, Sedrick Ellis and adopted fake-Asian Scott Fujita are out, so conceivably Jonathan Stewart and DeAngelo Williams could run wild and propel Carolina to victory, but it would have to be so dominating a performance that it accounts for the inevitable backbreaking Delhomme pickerception.
San Diego at New York –
[Heart surgery flies open]
Philip Rivers: Hey, have you tried my cardboard box of Killer F*cking Cock?
WELL YOU CAN’T BECAUSE I HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART WIFE AND 14 LASERFACE JUNIORS AND WE’RE ALL ABSTINENT!
[Murmuring instructions heard off camera]
Chicken?
But I go to Chick Fil-A for my chicken. THEY’RE FROM THE SOUTH, LIKE ME! And they’re never open on Sundays, because they love Jeebus. LIKE ME!
Screw your Christ-hating, Hell-roasted demon birds. Let that gimpy asswipe Brian Westbrook burn for eternity for endorsing it. KING PHILIP THE LASERFACED HAS MORAL RECTITUDE AND WILL SHOW IT BY DICKWHIPPING THIS BIG APPLE FULL OF FORNICATING WORMS!
[Still collects check for ad]
Detroit at Seattle — For the first time in more than a month, the Lions “Big 3” (that’s cute, Detroit) of Megatron, Kevin Smith and Matt Stafford will be starting together, meaning the Lions will be at least slightly more entertaining in defeat.
Tennessee at San Francisco — This week, Rodney Harrison called the Titans the dirtiest team in the league. For this grievous insult, a shirtless Vince Young will pin him down while Jeff Fisher, dressed in a Peyton Manning jersey, fistpumps Harrison in the throat and LenDale White stomps on his Always Sunny in Philadelphia-patented dick towel.
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I just love your posts Ape, no homo. They’re usually filled with hate, which is something us Western PA yinzers know all too well.
hahaha pure gold
Hahaha I knew picking Seattle would pay off today in the suicide. Yesss. Who has seen the new awesome Reebok commercials? I want to buy womens’ shoes!!
http://whowhatwherewheny.wordpress.com/2009/11/05/hot-girls-and-marketing-now-with-100-more-video/
Who did the Lions beat again?
Uffgasm. And my suicide pick of Seattle finally doesn’t look stupid.
In other news: Lions continue to fail at life.
Now that’s what I call an asschurching.
It was worth every second of the Giants’ and Jets’ respective hot starts and the talk of an all-New York Super Bowl to see both of their seasons go down in flames.
Awesome, Norv will win just enough games to not get fired for another year, thus ensuring the continued demise of the Chargers.
/raperaperaperape
WTF, I change rooms… and SD scores…
As much as I enjoy watching the Giants lose, watching them lose like that is so, SO, much better.
Victory float.
That doesn’t sound nearly douchy enough in writing.
And he just went all PHILIP RIVERS on them.
HUH? WHAT?
CATCH MY TINY DARREN CATCH!
Laserface. FTW.
Someone should ask Deangelo Williams if it is difficult to rush the ball with both hands wrapped around his neck like that.
also, a big FUCK YOU to Mort et al who said Megatron would go today. 2.6 points. awesome.
Welcome back, Alex Smith. We missed you.
Seahawks looking to ice the game with an ineffective ground game and holding calls.
Panthers epic fail.
And DeAgnelo Williams fumbled at the 2. Saints recover and score!
fucking san diego…fucking fucks from fuckville…
TURNER FACE
Way to roll over and die, Chargers.
Way to float out of Tuck’s way, Marmalard.
Ahhahahahahahahaha, LaToeInjury an Norv. Again and again, you prove how much you both suck.
Breesus is dry humping the Panther defense up and down the field.
If its a Seahawks game, and its Charles Davis, you bet your sweet ass I’m drinkin’!
NFL Media: “We’re sorry for doubting you, Vince Young.”
Vince Young: “I exempt your misogyny, NFL medias.”
Float interference
King Laserface I breaking out all the float weapons tonight… that was somewhere between regular float and laser float.
To tell you the truth, I miss Rodney decapitating a defenseless reciever or two. Ah, the good old days.
That’s some terrible playcalling by carolina…1st and goal from the 1 and you don’t give the rock to deangelo or stewart. Apparently John Fox has not watched the game film of delhomme from the last 8 games.
Tiny Darren = Gimli?
@Taxman: Dwarves are known for their stoic defense…
Man, Tiny Darren is actually a pretty decent pass blocker.
Gates was clearly expecting a regular float, and not the laserfloat.
GODDAMMIT GATES…
Coughlin is going to dismember Dockery
FLOAT
Finally, Rivers pays for his floatability.
Phil Simms admitted he has no clue what’s going on in this game. Finally, an honest announcer.
GoodfuckingLord the Seahawks cause my liver to tremble in fear at the amount of alcohol it faces during games.
Scott Fujita.
I didn’t know Asians were allowed to adopt healthy white babies. Must be some kind of California thing.
Seriously, how does Rivers float the ball as far as he does?
Jesus fucking Christ. Just put the QB in a dress and be done with it.
Every person involved at every level of that Civic commercial deserves to be murdered in his sleep
Isn’t Harrison calling someone dirty like Hitler calling calling Pol Pot a murderer?
FUCKING COVER GATES.
/playing against him in fantasy
The Giants are fucking retarded. There is no reason Baby Fetushead should being throwing while Brandon Jacobs averages less than 10 carries a game.
There is no possible way this Giants-Chargers, Eli-Laserface game can let me down, is there?
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/philip-rivers.jpg
/pew pew pew
A Hall of Fame Caliber 15-yard penalty by Darren Sharper. Don’t even wait until he retires, induct him now, he’s that good!!
/every TV announcer ever
With 13:16 to play in the second quarter, Tom Coughlin threw the challenge flag to save five yards on second down. Sadly, the NFL saved him from himself and the play can’t be challenged.
Looks like Breesus picked today to have a shitty start.
Who the hell are these people playing for the Lions today and when did they start impersonating a competent football team?
Laserface TD to jackson was a… well, laser.
But the UBERFloat screen pass might be the greatest pass I’ve ever seen.
Philip Rivers: /floatfloatfloatfloatfloatfloatfloatfloat
HUH? WHAT? TOUCHDOWN VINCENT JACKSON
Seattle manages to make it to a 4th down without a fumble or pick.
But then they decided to go for it on 4th and 1 on their own 38, and lose a yard. Turnover on downs.
This is going to get very ugly folks
STAFFORD! *drink*
1. seven
2. word
3. recap
4. can
5. suck
6. my
7. nuts
Prepositions, Rosen? How uncreative are you?
Detroit up 14-0 early.
Somebody break up the lions
Seahawks INT. Then the lions score a TD.
First play next possession: fumble lost.
Play this sloppy was totally unexpected in this game.
GET 49ERS-TITANS OFF MY TV SCREEN GODDAMN RED ZONE CHANNEL!!!
(P.S. I love you)
Did the Giants secretly replace their usual kicker with a Gramatica?
C’mon Giants Fail!
The Panthers will look back on this 42-14 loss with pride.
3rd & 1 and they don’t give it to Brandon Jacobs. I’m glad you dropped the snap on the field goal you gutless dumbshits.
SOMEONE STOP THE PANTHERS JUGGERNAUT
Apparently Tom Coughlin took a play out of Norv’s playbook. “Lets rush our smallest back up the middle with 1 yard to gain”
Packers OL: Shitty offensive line, or the shittiest offensive line in the history of professional sports?
STAFFORD TD! *drink*
What the hell. The Bucs are gonna’ fucking win a game. Nobody goes winless this year apparently.