A rundown of today’s early games. Check the TV distribution maps at the 506 for local coverage.
Cardinals at Bears — The last time these two teams met, Dennis Green’s Buzzsaw jumped all over an error-prone Rex Grossman (SIX turnovers! Let’s see you do that, Jake Delhomme) and staked out a three-touchdown lead going into the second half of the Monday night game. Then Arizona blew the game without allowing a single offensive touchdown, which is really kind of an impressive feat when you think about it. Without Green or Grossman in the mix, this game lacks the same potential for hilarity, but we can still hope for some nice ass-crowning.
Dolphins at Patriots — Could be a tough day for Miami, as LB Channing Crowder and NT Jason Ferguson are both doubtful. Also, they needed two return touchdowns from Ted Ginn to eke out a win against a rookie quarterback last week. Oh, and Chad Henne is still their starting QB.
Ravens at Bengals — First-place Cincinnati looks to keep its perfect division record intact. Hey, when you get the chance to write “first-place Cincinnati,” you take it. Unrelated fun fact: the Ravens have scored more points than any other team in the AFC so far this season.
Texans at Colts — Two of the conference’s best offenses square off in an AFC South showdown! is what I would write if I didn’t loathe the Colts so much. Good news for Houston: Bob Sanders and CB Marlin Jackson are out for the season. Bad news: Owen Daniels is done, too.
Redskins at Falcons — Washington’s two victories this season: 9-7 over the Rams and 16-13 over the Bucs. Shitty teams that have beaten them: Lions, Panthers, and Chiefs. The Redskins are fucking TERRIBLE.
Packers at Buccaneers — Eh, at least the Bucs have sexy cheerleaders.
Chiefs at Jaguars — This game is why fantasy football is so important. Ordinarily, I couldn’t possibly give a shit about this matchup of two crappy teams. But I’ve got MJD and Jamaal Charles starting on one of my teams. Suddenly it’s thrilling: GO BOTH TEAMS’ RUNNING GAMES!
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I still like Jim Mora’s underrated speech when he was with the Saints. “That second half, we just got our ass kicked, we got our ass totally kicked. We couldn’t do diddly-poo offensively.” Later: “It was a horseshit performance in the second half. Horseshit.”
I always thought this was way better than “Playoffs?!”
For years Al Davis had a monopoly on total team disfunction, but the Redskins and Browns suddenly decided to get a piece of that action. Out of the three, the Raiders are the best team. Fortunately, both the Browns and Redskins play the Raiders this season, so they’ll all have a chance out-suck each other.
What a terrible interview with Pat Tillman’s wife. She did a great job, I just thought some of the question’s were poor. “How did you feel upon discovering details of his death were covered up?” “Well I think it’ s best to be honest” = I don’t want to fucking talk about it; followed by “Well, honestly, how did you feel?” Crafty question dick.
Good news everybody, Joe Buck is back from doing baseball!
/fuck Anquan Boldin for his year long boning of my fantasy team.
hey look, tommy harris! oh wait, ejected. figures.
aaaaaaannnnnd tommy harris is ejected.
There’s a Mexican reffing the Ravens game. Is it still Hispanic appreciation month? I’ve never seen the guy before.
Rodgers!
What’d Harris do?
Never understood the ol’ punch a guy in the helmet move.
seems ineffective. go for the throat tommy!
or gouge the eyes
Ray Lewis grossly ineffective without a great nose tackle in front of him? When did he become a linebacker of a vengeful God?
Kool Aid touchdown
worst running offense in the league? play the bears!
Fabian Washington is a waste of space.
Fucking hell, Chicago needs to get Forte into the pass game then, because if I don’t get some points, I’m gonna drive over there and burn the damn town to the ground…
Great stick, Ed Reed. Though in his defense, the easiest way to get Coles to the ground is to wear a Pennington mask.
As a Packers fan, I always enjoy watching Ron Turner call a WR screen or reverse for Hester.
as a bears fan, i always enjoy watching ron turner coach the illini.
Chicago’s defense is making the sulkface right now. Arizona is just shithammering them.
How are the Packers not covering this spread…I think we gotta fly Rex Ryan out for a halftime pep talk/pussy tubing instructional
Hey Texans, the Colts have a fucking terrible run defense. But by all means, keep throwing the damn ball.
/picked up Ryan Moats
//1 fucking carry so far
Awww fuck, there goes Chris Henry’s pimp hand.
Chris Henry just completely snapped his left forearm in half in the second quarter. You could see the arm clearly broken in the replay.
Any time is a good time to play that video.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch the Cards curb stomp the Bears, currently in progress.
If the orange-uniformed Bucs played the neon green Seahawks, HD televisions and eyeballs would explode.
Since when is Carson Palmer the white Michael Vick? This fucker should not be able to scramble every damn play.
yes bears fans, you should boo.
Yeah, it’s probably just a coincidence, but wherever Jay Cutler goes, the team’s defense falls apart. When he took over in Denver, Al Wilson’s career ended in his first start and the Broncos defense couldn’t stop a pop warner team thenext two years. He’s traded to Chicago and the Bears lose Urlacher for the season in his first start and now they can’t seem to stop anyone. Just sayin’.
As that guy who picked up jamal charles for todays game, l will go ahead and punch myself in the balls.
/thanks Fitz for carrying his team
Is that sum spread option by Pat “White”?
Hmmm…Perhaps I should of started Moats…(I had an open spot and grabbed him to keep others from grabbing him, just incase…)
When Earl Bennett is the one drawing double teams, your wide receiver situation is officially fucked.
perhaps not…
The fuck is goin on in the Indy game? Gamecast is having a seizure. Did the Texans score yet?
Are the Bengals playing this good or are the Ravens playing terrible?
“The fuck is goin on in the Indy game? Gamecast is having a seizure. Did the Texans score yet?”
Nope.
Texans get it to the one yard line, tackled out of bounds, ball comes out. Indy doesn’t challenge, even though it’s clear he fumbled. Instead of running a play so that Indy can’t challenege, the Texans let the clock run thirty seconds to the two minute warning. During the three minutes of commercials, the Colts look at the replay and decide to challenge. Fumble out of the endzone, touchback, Colts ball.
Horrific coaching by the Texans.
Bengals are playing good. The Ravens O-Line and defensive speed and Fabian Washington suck.
hah, KC kicker goes to make a tackle, and hurts himself…
Oh no, the Bengals look good. It’s been a very thorough ass-stomping.
Laser Rocket Interception!
Dallas Clark only has 11 catches in the 1st half. Fucker is more valuable than Purple Jesus in PPR leagues
Texans have had I think four or five offside penalties this half. The last one? On a receiver, I cannot remember the last time I saw that called. What a well coached team.
C’mon Dallas Clark, I summon you from Hell!
Texans try a 56 yard field goal to end the half. Colts block it. Wait no, they don’t, because they brilliantly did the icing right before the snap move and called a timeout. Brown drills the next attempt. That move has backfired far too many times to justify it.
“The Ravens felt disrespected before the Broncos game” yeah but not disrespected enough near the bottom of the AFC north to actually show up today.
oh gee i wonder wht Cutlerfucker gets hit so much, maybe its because they know ur throwing it. HAND FORTE THE BALL U FUCKERS! yah they r losing but 3 carries is never enough
Week 9 of “non-Redskins fan living in DC” schadenfreude. HAIL!
And enjoy your franchise QB until 2013, Chicago!
we like our qb. we just hate the rest of the team.
fitty has 9 for 119 with 25 minutes left in the game. the cards are 8 for 8 on 3rd-down conversions. wait, they just failed to convert a 3rd down? the fans give the bears d a standing o.
WOW, anyone else remember a time where they pulled u away from the main game a couple minutes into the third quarter?
As a Bears fan I’d just like to say FUUUUUUUUUUCK
Da Bearz
@Slideshow Bob
That is my dream for every Redskins game. But it never happens
Sorry Visa, I can’t suspend my disbelief enough for your commercial after you tried to slip a black Pats fan in there.
Sooooooooo I benched Kurt Warner in favor of Marmalard because I thought the Bears were tough against the pass. Wow I hate fantasy football this year
Favre, Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre. FAVRE!
Sorry, Sunday just didn’t seem right without Favre.
@IrishCream:
Where did you ever get the idea that the Bears are good at pass D?
They’ve been awful all year.
ah, the joy of trading steve slaton 2 weeks ago.
@David:
I think a midget told me the other night while I was puking my brains out at the bar
and cutler picks up a personal foul for bitching to the ref. season over, thy name is bears.
‘course, that could have been said several weeks ago.
Esteban Ochocinco uncoverable right now.
The story in Washington today: contusions.
Everyone should check out the Favre cam. He’s mowing his lawn!
I love Ed Reed fumbling on that punt return. ZOMG ALL HE DOES IS FIND THE ENDZONE!
i’ll watch the farve cam when he’s dying of syphilis.
eat shit Rodgers.
I need 21 points from houston and indy to have any shot at getting my teaser. uh oh.
and hey, the redskins look frisky all of the sudden! BINGO!
The Bengals are just dominating the Ravens on all sides of the ball. I dont think there has been one play the entire game in which a Ravens fan was happy after the end of the play.
It’s amazing that it’s only 17-0 to be quite honest.
Yoder-A-he-who!
oo how i love it when my receivers get stopped at the 1 and get injured on the same play!
/still upset about starting jamaal charles
Fuck you Steve Slaton. Now your a fucking touchdown monger. Asshole.
Is it just me or does Chad Henne look like Philip Rivers?
And Steve Slaton vultures the touchdown just to piss off everyone who benched him. And by everyone who benched him, I mean me. Eat a bag of shit, Slaton.
Enjoy those interception points, everyone who has Reggie Wayne. What a stupid play.
How the fuck did Reggie Wayne throw an INT?
Great day to start Greg Olsen.
/hates Bearz
//wants to win FF
Bernard Pollard is still my hero. NO MEAST FOR YOU THIS WEEK, FETUSHEAD!
Touchdown, Packers! Nice championship belt taunt, Rodgers.
“How the fuck did Reggie Wayne throw an INT?”
With a combination of that legendary U Swagger and the throwing motion of the gay javelin thrower in Revenge of the Nerds.
Bears still alive? Does Whisenhunt channel Denny Green? FILM AT 11
OCHOCINCOFAIL
They may have to switch back to the Chicago/Arizona game.
Hey Bengals, just cover Ray Rice. He’s the only who is doing shit.
@Clockwork Orange: You’re not the only one. I’m among many fellow Slaton owners (in multiple leagues no less) who wishes to strangle him and Gary Kubiak with a power cord.
Bengals are trying to lose this game but the Ravens fuck up with a missed field goal
wow did you see that spot in the ravens bengals game…im not a ravens fan but a blind person could have spotted that better than the refs
i just got snake-dicked
Henne pulls a CWebb. Well, at least he’s not John Beck.
Chris Chambers seems to like KC.
Packers about to end the winless. Freeman gonna win his debut.
thank you cassell for costing me $550
thank you cassell for costing me $550
Having $550 on the line on a Chiefs/Jags game? You might have a gambling problem.
/foxworthy’d
I’ll be shocked and disappointed if Ted Thompson is still employed next year.
PEW PEW PEW
/loves having rivers and V jack
also, why does coughlin keep the challenge flag in his sock? he doesn’t have a fucking pocket or something
Thanks Aaron Rodgers you homely looking chucklefuck. Here’s to another 10 years of mediocre seasons and people looking at Ted Thompson like he is Matt Millen for letting Favre get away.
Also good to see Kansas City still finding ways to lose games. Apparantly noone told them what that sign outside their locker room actually meant.
Holy fucking shit, what an afternoon. I fully expect a LOLNFL of Eric Foster acting like a wind up gorilla.
The Least of the Week might be full of candidates, but Tommie Harris getting ejected in the first 3 plays of the Bears/Cardinals game definitely has gotta be a finalist.
/peyton meast comment
//dick joke
reggie wayne is no joseph “158.3″ addai
pretty shitty move
I like how David the Underpants Gnome kept making posts about the Bears sucking, yet his activity tapered off around the time that the Packers lost to a previously winless team.
Schadenfreude is apparently a 2-way street.
Nice job by the Packers against Favre this year too.