‘But We Let ‘Em Off the Hook!’ Your Week 9 Early Game Thread


A rundown of today’s early games. Check the TV distribution maps at the 506 for local coverage.

Cardinals at Bears — The last time these two teams met, Dennis Green’s Buzzsaw jumped all over an error-prone Rex Grossman (SIX turnovers! Let’s see you do that, Jake Delhomme) and staked out a three-touchdown lead going into the second half of the Monday night game. Then Arizona blew the game without allowing a single offensive touchdown, which is really kind of an impressive feat when you think about it. Without Green or Grossman in the mix, this game lacks the same potential for hilarity, but we can still hope for some nice ass-crowning.

Dolphins at Patriots — Could be a tough day for Miami, as LB Channing Crowder and NT Jason Ferguson are both doubtful. Also, they needed two return touchdowns from Ted Ginn to eke out a win against a rookie quarterback last week. Oh, and Chad Henne is still their starting QB.

Ravens at Bengals — First-place Cincinnati looks to keep its perfect division record intact. Hey, when you get the chance to write “first-place Cincinnati,” you take it. Unrelated fun fact: the Ravens have scored more points than any other team in the AFC so far this season.

Texans at ColtsTwo of the conference’s best offenses square off in an AFC South showdown! is what I would write if I didn’t loathe the Colts so much. Good news for Houston: Bob Sanders and CB Marlin Jackson are out for the season. Bad news: Owen Daniels is done, too.

Redskins at Falcons — Washington’s two victories this season: 9-7 over the Rams and 16-13 over the Bucs. Shitty teams that have beaten them: Lions, Panthers, and Chiefs. The Redskins are fucking TERRIBLE.

Packers at Buccaneers — Eh, at least the Bucs have sexy cheerleaders.

Chiefs at Jaguars
— This game is why fantasy football is so important. Ordinarily, I couldn’t possibly give a shit about this matchup of two crappy teams. But I’ve got MJD and Jamaal Charles starting on one of my teams. Suddenly it’s thrilling: GO BOTH TEAMS’ RUNNING GAMES!

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104 Responses to “‘But We Let ‘Em Off the Hook!’ Your Week 9 Early Game Thread”

  1. Arctic16 Says:

    I still like Jim Mora’s underrated speech when he was with the Saints. “That second half, we just got our ass kicked, we got our ass totally kicked. We couldn’t do diddly-poo offensively.” Later: “It was a horseshit performance in the second half. Horseshit.”

    I always thought this was way better than “Playoffs?!”

  2. Mortimer Says:

    For years Al Davis had a monopoly on total team disfunction, but the Redskins and Browns suddenly decided to get a piece of that action. Out of the three, the Raiders are the best team. Fortunately, both the Browns and Redskins play the Raiders this season, so they’ll all have a chance out-suck each other.

  3. bbbbrian Says:

    What a terrible interview with Pat Tillman’s wife. She did a great job, I just thought some of the question’s were poor. “How did you feel upon discovering details of his death were covered up?” “Well I think it’ s best to be honest” = I don’t want to fucking talk about it; followed by “Well, honestly, how did you feel?” Crafty question dick.

  4. Slideshow Bob Says:

    Good news everybody, Joe Buck is back from doing baseball!

    /fuck Anquan Boldin for his year long boning of my fantasy team.

  5. spalding Says:

    hey look, tommy harris! oh wait, ejected. figures.

  6. joe wade Says:

    aaaaaaannnnnd tommy harris is ejected.

  7. Giggity Says:

    There’s a Mexican reffing the Ravens game. Is it still Hispanic appreciation month? I’ve never seen the guy before.

  8. David the Underpants Gnome Says:

    Rodgers!

  9. Giggity Says:

    What’d Harris do?

  10. Flip it Rub it Down Says:

    Never understood the ol’ punch a guy in the helmet move.

  11. Flip it Rub it Down Says:

    seems ineffective. go for the throat tommy!

  12. spalding Says:

    or gouge the eyes

  13. Christmas Ape Says:

    Ray Lewis grossly ineffective without a great nose tackle in front of him? When did he become a linebacker of a vengeful God?

  14. Giggity Says:

    Kool Aid touchdown

  15. spalding Says:

    worst running offense in the league? play the bears!

  16. Giggity Says:

    Fabian Washington is a waste of space.

  17. Rikadyn Says:

    Fucking hell, Chicago needs to get Forte into the pass game then, because if I don’t get some points, I’m gonna drive over there and burn the damn town to the ground…

  18. Christmas Ape Says:

    Great stick, Ed Reed. Though in his defense, the easiest way to get Coles to the ground is to wear a Pennington mask.

  19. David the Underpants Gnome Says:

    As a Packers fan, I always enjoy watching Ron Turner call a WR screen or reverse for Hester.

  20. spalding Says:

    as a bears fan, i always enjoy watching ron turner coach the illini.

  21. Clockwork Orange Says:

    Chicago’s defense is making the sulkface right now. Arizona is just shithammering them.

  22. Babe Edick Says:

    How are the Packers not covering this spread…I think we gotta fly Rex Ryan out for a halftime pep talk/pussy tubing instructional

  23. Giggity Says:

    Hey Texans, the Colts have a fucking terrible run defense. But by all means, keep throwing the damn ball.

    /picked up Ryan Moats
    //1 fucking carry so far

  24. Clockwork Orange Says:

    Awww fuck, there goes Chris Henry’s pimp hand.

  25. Arctic16 Says:

    Chris Henry just completely snapped his left forearm in half in the second quarter. You could see the arm clearly broken in the replay.

  26. Tom Says:

    Any time is a good time to play that video.
    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch the Cards curb stomp the Bears, currently in progress.

  27. Bugg Says:

    If the orange-uniformed Bucs played the neon green Seahawks, HD televisions and eyeballs would explode.

  28. Giggity Says:

    Since when is Carson Palmer the white Michael Vick? This fucker should not be able to scramble every damn play.

  29. spalding Says:

    yes bears fans, you should boo.

  30. Clockwork Orange Says:

    Yeah, it’s probably just a coincidence, but wherever Jay Cutler goes, the team’s defense falls apart. When he took over in Denver, Al Wilson’s career ended in his first start and the Broncos defense couldn’t stop a pop warner team thenext two years. He’s traded to Chicago and the Bears lose Urlacher for the season in his first start and now they can’t seem to stop anyone. Just sayin’.

  31. Babe Edick Says:

    As that guy who picked up jamal charles for todays game, l will go ahead and punch myself in the balls.

    /thanks Fitz for carrying his team

  32. Ed Reed's Gloves Says:

    Is that sum spread option by Pat “White”?

  33. Rikadyn Says:

    Hmmm…Perhaps I should of started Moats…(I had an open spot and grabbed him to keep others from grabbing him, just incase…)

  34. Clockwork Orange Says:

    When Earl Bennett is the one drawing double teams, your wide receiver situation is officially fucked.

  35. Rikadyn Says:

    perhaps not…

  36. Giggity Says:

    The fuck is goin on in the Indy game? Gamecast is having a seizure. Did the Texans score yet?

  37. gailthesnail Says:

    Are the Bengals playing this good or are the Ravens playing terrible?

  38. Georger Says:

    “The fuck is goin on in the Indy game? Gamecast is having a seizure. Did the Texans score yet?”

    Nope.

    Texans get it to the one yard line, tackled out of bounds, ball comes out. Indy doesn’t challenge, even though it’s clear he fumbled. Instead of running a play so that Indy can’t challenege, the Texans let the clock run thirty seconds to the two minute warning. During the three minutes of commercials, the Colts look at the replay and decide to challenge. Fumble out of the endzone, touchback, Colts ball.

    Horrific coaching by the Texans.

  39. Giggity Says:

    Bengals are playing good. The Ravens O-Line and defensive speed and Fabian Washington suck.

  40. Rikadyn Says:

    hah, KC kicker goes to make a tackle, and hurts himself…

  41. Christmas Ape Says:

    Oh no, the Bengals look good. It’s been a very thorough ass-stomping.

  42. Georger Says:

    Laser Rocket Interception!

  43. Giggity Says:

    Dallas Clark only has 11 catches in the 1st half. Fucker is more valuable than Purple Jesus in PPR leagues

  44. Georger Says:

    Texans have had I think four or five offside penalties this half. The last one? On a receiver, I cannot remember the last time I saw that called. What a well coached team.

  45. porky1 Says:

    C’mon Dallas Clark, I summon you from Hell!

  46. Georger Says:

    Texans try a 56 yard field goal to end the half. Colts block it. Wait no, they don’t, because they brilliantly did the icing right before the snap move and called a timeout. Brown drills the next attempt. That move has backfired far too many times to justify it.

  47. MagnificentBastard Says:

    “The Ravens felt disrespected before the Broncos game” yeah but not disrespected enough near the bottom of the AFC north to actually show up today.

  48. Slideshow Bob Says:

    oh gee i wonder wht Cutlerfucker gets hit so much, maybe its because they know ur throwing it. HAND FORTE THE BALL U FUCKERS! yah they r losing but 3 carries is never enough

  49. Ben Says:

    Week 9 of “non-Redskins fan living in DC” schadenfreude. HAIL!
    And enjoy your franchise QB until 2013, Chicago!

  50. spalding Says:

    we like our qb. we just hate the rest of the team.

    fitty has 9 for 119 with 25 minutes left in the game. the cards are 8 for 8 on 3rd-down conversions. wait, they just failed to convert a 3rd down? the fans give the bears d a standing o.

  51. Slideshow Bob Says:

    WOW, anyone else remember a time where they pulled u away from the main game a couple minutes into the third quarter?

  52. Human Mailbox for Hire Says:

    As a Bears fan I’d just like to say FUUUUUUUUUUCK

  53. David the Underpants Gnome Says:

    Da Bearz

  54. Giggity Says:

    @Slideshow Bob

    That is my dream for every Redskins game. But it never happens

  55. Clockwork Orange Says:

    Sorry Visa, I can’t suspend my disbelief enough for your commercial after you tried to slip a black Pats fan in there.

  56. IrishCream Says:

    Sooooooooo I benched Kurt Warner in favor of Marmalard because I thought the Bears were tough against the pass. Wow I hate fantasy football this year

  57. Drew's Unused Press Pass Says:

    Favre, Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre. FAVRE!

  58. Drew's Unused Press Pass Says:

    Sorry, Sunday just didn’t seem right without Favre.

  59. David the Underpants Gnome Says:

    @IrishCream:

    Where did you ever get the idea that the Bears are good at pass D?

    They’ve been awful all year.

  60. mrCTC Says:

    ah, the joy of trading steve slaton 2 weeks ago.

  61. IrishCream Says:

    @David:

    I think a midget told me the other night while I was puking my brains out at the bar

  62. spalding Says:

    and cutler picks up a personal foul for bitching to the ref. season over, thy name is bears.

  63. spalding Says:

    ‘course, that could have been said several weeks ago.

  64. Giggity Says:

    Esteban Ochocinco uncoverable right now.

  65. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    The story in Washington today: contusions.

  66. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Everyone should check out the Favre cam. He’s mowing his lawn!

  67. Christmas Ape Says:

    I love Ed Reed fumbling on that punt return. ZOMG ALL HE DOES IS FIND THE ENDZONE!

  68. wilson Says:

    i’ll watch the farve cam when he’s dying of syphilis.

  69. Babe Edick Says:

    eat shit Rodgers.

  70. Ben Says:

    I need 21 points from houston and indy to have any shot at getting my teaser. uh oh.
    and hey, the redskins look frisky all of the sudden! BINGO!

  71. NO ONE DENIES THIS! Says:

    The Bengals are just dominating the Ravens on all sides of the ball. I dont think there has been one play the entire game in which a Ravens fan was happy after the end of the play.

    It’s amazing that it’s only 17-0 to be quite honest.

  72. Drew's Unused Press Pass Says:

    Yoder-A-he-who!

  73. Babe Edick Says:

    oo how i love it when my receivers get stopped at the 1 and get injured on the same play!

    /still upset about starting jamaal charles

  74. Giggity Says:

    Fuck you Steve Slaton. Now your a fucking touchdown monger. Asshole.

  75. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Is it just me or does Chad Henne look like Philip Rivers?

  76. Clockwork Orange Says:

    And Steve Slaton vultures the touchdown just to piss off everyone who benched him. And by everyone who benched him, I mean me. Eat a bag of shit, Slaton.

  77. Georger Says:

    Enjoy those interception points, everyone who has Reggie Wayne. What a stupid play.

  78. Giggity Says:

    How the fuck did Reggie Wayne throw an INT?

  79. David the Underpants Gnome Says:

    Great day to start Greg Olsen.

    /hates Bearz
    //wants to win FF

  80. Christmas Ape Says:

    Bernard Pollard is still my hero. NO MEAST FOR YOU THIS WEEK, FETUSHEAD!

  81. Travis Says:

    Touchdown, Packers! Nice championship belt taunt, Rodgers.

  82. Georger Says:

    “How the fuck did Reggie Wayne throw an INT?”

    With a combination of that legendary U Swagger and the throwing motion of the gay javelin thrower in Revenge of the Nerds.

  83. obit_rice Says:

    Bears still alive? Does Whisenhunt channel Denny Green? FILM AT 11

  84. Giggity Says:

    OCHOCINCOFAIL

  85. Clockwork Orange Says:

    They may have to switch back to the Chicago/Arizona game.

  86. Giggity Says:

    Hey Bengals, just cover Ray Rice. He’s the only who is doing shit.

  87. Rakibul Islam Says:

    @Clockwork Orange: You’re not the only one. I’m among many fellow Slaton owners (in multiple leagues no less) who wishes to strangle him and Gary Kubiak with a power cord.

  88. gailthesnail Says:

    Bengals are trying to lose this game but the Ravens fuck up with a missed field goal

  89. manofsteele5443 Says:

    wow did you see that spot in the ravens bengals game…im not a ravens fan but a blind person could have spotted that better than the refs

  90. Slideshow Bob Says:

    i just got snake-dicked

  91. Georger Says:

    Henne pulls a CWebb. Well, at least he’s not John Beck.

  92. Giggity Says:

    Chris Chambers seems to like KC.

  93. Giggity Says:

    Packers about to end the winless. Freeman gonna win his debut.

  94. mrCTC Says:

    thank you cassell for costing me $550

  95. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    thank you cassell for costing me $550

    Having $550 on the line on a Chiefs/Jags game? You might have a gambling problem.

    /foxworthy’d

  96. H Cuz Says:

    I’ll be shocked and disappointed if Ted Thompson is still employed next year.

  97. je Says:

    PEW PEW PEW

    /loves having rivers and V jack

  98. je Says:

    also, why does coughlin keep the challenge flag in his sock? he doesn’t have a fucking pocket or something

  99. MagnificentBastard Says:

    Thanks Aaron Rodgers you homely looking chucklefuck. Here’s to another 10 years of mediocre seasons and people looking at Ted Thompson like he is Matt Millen for letting Favre get away.

    Also good to see Kansas City still finding ways to lose games. Apparantly noone told them what that sign outside their locker room actually meant.

  100. Monkey Business Says:

    Holy fucking shit, what an afternoon. I fully expect a LOLNFL of Eric Foster acting like a wind up gorilla.

  101. LT's Happy Feet Says:

    The Least of the Week might be full of candidates, but Tommie Harris getting ejected in the first 3 plays of the Bears/Cardinals game definitely has gotta be a finalist.

    /peyton meast comment
    //dick joke

  102. Addai's Happy Feet Says:

    reggie wayne is no joseph “158.3″ addai

  103. gemma barnes Says:

    pretty shitty move

  104. Gross Rexman Says:

    I like how David the Underpants Gnome kept making posts about the Bears sucking, yet his activity tapered off around the time that the Packers lost to a previously winless team.

    Schadenfreude is apparently a 2-way street.

    Nice job by the Packers against Favre this year too.

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