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Always Be Covering: Where ‘Perfect’ Is a Relative Term

perfection is fleeting

Now that I’m done poring over photoshops of Andy Reid’s face on some of the internet’s more iconic images I can return my focus to gambling. Sweet income-sapping gambling. You’ll help me get rid of all these nasty bills, won’t you? Yeah, you’ll treat me right this time. I know you will. Because if you don’t I’m going to beat you to death with a prosthetic limb and leave you to rot in a motel bathroom.

- New Orleans -13 vs. Carolina

The undefeated Saints may be 7-0, but their bid for true perfection went up in flames last week when they failed to cover the spread for the first time all season. What a bunch of useless fucking losers they are. I like them to get back on track this week against a Panthers team coming off of their first third win. It was nice to see Jake Delhomme go a whole week without an interception, now he can get back down to business.

- Atlanta -10 vs. Washington

Yep, it’s time to start betting against the Redskins. What’s that? Everybody else has been doing this since September? Very well then, carry on.

- Tennessee +4.5 at San Francisco

Sure the Titans have only won two games against the spread this year, but I hear that this Vince Young guy is a “winner.” That ought to be good for a few extra points, right?

- Ted Ginn Jr. Over 22½ (-150) yards per kickoff return

Hell, Rock Cartwright does better than that on an average day, and he has all the explosiveness of your average fart. Ginn should average 30 ypr with ease. Just don’t ask him to run an out route.

- Tony Romo Over 1 (+140) interception vs. Philadelphia

The payout (bet 100 to win 140) seems a bit light when you consider that Romo has only been picked off in two games so far this season (for a total of four interceptions). Regardless, The Eagles intercept more passes (14) than just about anybody in the league, so it’s still a pretty good bet. Plus you get to spend the whole game hoping for a Romo interception, which you were probably going to be doing anyway. Might as well make the big moment all that much more enjoyable when it does happen.

Enjoy the games, and please abstain from questioning the relative perfection of the cheerleaders pictured thereby ruining Sexy Friday for everyone.

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This entry was posted on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 2:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

14 Responses to “Always Be Covering: Where ‘Perfect’ Is a Relative Term”

  1. Andy (steeler fan in peru) Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Yes, perfection in cheerleaders is relative indeed…. relatively hot!

    And well i’ll be gay and say first.

  2. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    Those are definately perfect!

  3. Nate Newton's van Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:25 pm

    I don’t know, my average fart is pretty explosive.

  4. Eric Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    how about just “motel bathroom”, Mr. Redundant?

  5. Unsilent Majority Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    fixed

  6. Eric Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    I does what I can for the internets.

  7. semper_ubi_sub_ubi Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Fantasy Football / gambling question:

    Does anyone here set their fantasy lineups based on the props (ie. KC is +450, 4th highest) for lowest scoring team, I’ll pick up the Jags defence)?

    Does it seem to be a reasonable guideline for deciding on starters?

  8. BabyCarruth Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    It was the Panthers third win, goddammit.

    /drinks

  9. PirateSloth Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I have no idea what you wrote in this post because I was staring at boobs.

  10. LaFvre's Next Drink Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    How could anybody in their right mind complain about those three relatively perfect cheerleaders? They have tits!

  11. joejoejoe Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    It looks like the picture with this post was taken with the new Autoboobfocus from Nikon. Technology is amazing.

  12. Bubby Brister's Mop Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    What I don’t understand is how a city with an overwhelming African-American and Creole population like Naw’orleans can field a cheerleading squad comprised entirely of Barbie dolls straight from Der Fuhrer’s wet dreams.

    Not that I’m complaining, mind you. The camera panned to the sidelines on Monday and I was like “Whoa, when did the Saints get such hot cheerleaders?” They’re thisclose to cracking the NFL Holy Trinity of the Chargers, Titans, and Bucs squads.

  13. Zack Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    I’m right there with you on Tennessee, Maj. And I’m glad to see you didn’t fall into the Green Bay trap – every instinct in me tells me that Green Bay is going to absolutely murder the Bucs…which means stay away. Stay very far away.

  14. Monica Dickey Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    Yeah I think Green Bay is definitely poised to do a surprise take down on the Bucs here.

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