Always Be Covering: Hasty Last Minute Gambling Advice Is the Best Gambling Advice
There’s still plenty of time to get your bets in before the games begin, so wipe the crap out of your eyes, heat up the last of your leftover stuffing, and continue after the jump for some questionable picks.
Minnesota -11 vs. Chicago
Jay Cutler’s Tour of Sulk stops off in Minnesota where Antoine Winfield is expected to play for the first time in a month. Purple Jesus is questionable, but should that even matter? Original Jesus (OJ) was listed as doubtful when he resurrected that Lazarus character, and that turned out pretty well.
Houston +3.5 vs. Indianapolis
The Texans are always game when the Colts are in town. That’s analysis you can take to the bank!
Arizona +3 at Tennessee
Assuming Kurt Warner is able to go Arizona will bring the Titans back down to Earth, and we’ll all be chided for sleeping on the Cardinals. Peter King calls them the quietest defending conference champions of the year.
San Francisco -3.5 vs. Jacksonville
Fuck if I know, I have red wine running through my veins right now. The tannins are complex, yet approachable.
MNF Special: Quarterback worship -7 vs. Cogent analysis
“Did you see how he released that ball before the receiver made his cut? This guy defines foresight! Had he been born in a less enlightened time he surely would have been tried and convicted of witchcraft.”
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November 28th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
I find your analysis of tannins to be shallow and pedantic.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:16 am
Did that chick have hip removal surgery?
November 29th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Cap’n – I find reading Maj’s gamlbing advice to be about as much fun as a lecture on ontological empiricism…
November 29th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I demand to know the name of that Texans cheerleader.
/too hungover to google
November 29th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Holy jesus, the texans have twins as cheerleaders I demand more teams actively recruit hot twins to dance on the sideline.
http://ultimatecheerleaders.com/2009/10/twin-texans-cheerleaders-immersed-in-education/
/random article
// don’t care just look at the pic
November 29th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Needs more eye discipline
November 29th, 2009 at 10:20 am
KSK post on the twins…
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/6/cheerleader-twins-duet-of-pleasures.html
November 29th, 2009 at 10:29 am
“…and continue after the jump for some questionable picks. ”
I read that wrong and was frantically scanning the article for links to more pics of that monkey and the bikini girls.
November 29th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Maybe don’t wear a bra next time.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I was just looking at that KSK post on the twins and I would like to point out that “homemade vanilla” to people from Texas does not mean vanilla ice cream made at home. It’s a flavor from Blue Bell that is the best vanilla ice cream you’ll ever have because it’s not just plain vanilla (I’m pretty sure the secret ingredient is maple syrup).
If the Texans don’t beat the Colts today, they’ll probably finish .500 again and it will be the end of the Kubiak era.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:17 am
That cheerleader in the pic above is absolute perfection. Oh my.
Plus, her left elbow seems to hyperextend, so that bodes well for the rest of her joints.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Oscar, wtf are you talking about?
November 29th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@Oscar: you’re right. Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla is exactly why I hate it when people use the term “vanilla” to describe something boring. It is, in fact, one of the best things about living in Texas. That, and everything’s bigger in Texas!
/know what I’m sayin’?
//everything’s NOT bigger in Texas… except for the average Cowboy fan’s ass size
November 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@Forte Knox: he’s referring to flubby’s linked article about the Texans’ twin cheerleaders. Marisa said she likes “homemade vanilla” ice cream ( http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2007/6/cheerleader-twins-duet-of-pleasures.html ).
Enjoy the sexy twin-ness.
November 29th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@flubby
Just wanted to thank you for the retro moment at deadspin in BDD’s Thanksgiving post. Fuji and Tanaka, fuck I hated those bastards, but they were fun to watch.
November 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This is the best Mayne Event ever, all because of the Patron Saint.
November 29th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I cannot believe I typed that wrong. Matron*. Please don’t kill me.
November 29th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Yes, The Matron Saint made that usually unwatchable segment funny as hell!
Little Suzanne Kolber played football?!? Didn’t know! Love her even more.
November 29th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
“Original Jesus (OJ) was listed as doubtful when he resurrected that Lazarus character”
OJ Simpson resurrected Lazarus? Did he stab him first?
November 29th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
KSK’s prayers have been answered. Delhomme returns to his LEASTy ways.
November 29th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
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November 29th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Jesus Christ, really?!? I hope ahfieahiioef dies in a fire.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
A man like ahfieahiioef’s already dead. Just waitin on his body to follow.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Al Michaels is comparing the Ravens going for it on 4th down just now to the Pats going for it against the Colts. Great comparison Al except the Pats were, you know, winning at the time.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I think this is her
http://www.houstontexans.com/tv/index.asp?mm_file_id=2441&play_clip=Y
What?
November 30th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Those twins look so pure, so demure, so sweet.
Nothing a nasty bukkake can’t fix.
November 30th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Bobafet7 Says: ……..
Wow she has some grinders on her. She looks like she could eat an entire Anglican Cathedral with those things. But it only serves to make her that much more approachable and sexy to me.
November 30th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
My KSK won’t refresh!
November 30th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Me neither! Where the fuck is Big Daddy Balls and Pk?
November 30th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
yea.. i’m not familiar with what uproxx has to offer for-profit bloggers.. but a quality software product can’t possibly be on the list. they’ve had issues since day one.. and it seems like a good bit of their product is dependent on Google’s Blogger
November 30th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
this site sux now. where’s my hines ward concussion jokes?
November 30th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Drew Brees and Tom Brady on MNF and no KSK for two days? Fuck you guys.
November 30th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Yeah, fuck you guys! Taking a couple days off around Thanksgiving shouldn’t be allowed! And who cares if Uproxx hasn’t been working well across the board today so it might not be your fault? You guys suck! This blog is the only important thing in my life, dammit!
November 30th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I have KSK in my RSS reader, and they did in fact have a few updates the past two days. But I can’t see that on the site. A couple people have the same problem, but is there anyone that can?
November 30th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
If you can’t see the updates, scroll up this post to the “Recent Posts” in the right sidebar – they’re all there
November 30th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
We just changed servers, so there’s an issue some readers have run into with that. We’re working on resolving it.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
i for one was being sarcastic.
December 1st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@ Christmas Ape:
Issue!? So, I can still read the new posts, but now every time I come to the page I have to be greeted by a picture of a hot, smiling cheerleader? I’m okay with that.