Always Be Covering: Especially If Your Daughter’s Love Hangs In the Balance
Welcome back for another fun week of poorly thought out wagers. While you’re sitting there reading this I’m locked in a very large warehouse counting a lot of stuff while trying to limit my dust intake. Good times. Anyway, I was able to find three of the world’s foremost football prognosticators to assist with this week’s picks.
Smooth Jimmy Apollo: I hereby declare the Lions Smooth Jimmy’s Lock of the Week. When you lose 90% of the time you’re bound to win 10% of the time.
Unnamed Sportscaster: I declare the Colts to be my Shoe-In of the Week. And I really wish that Jay Kogen had given me a name. I am so lonely.
Professor Frink: After analyzing millions of pieces of data, the Gamble Tron 2000 says the winner is… the Falcons, by 200 points?!
In all seriousness, I have a machine that tells me to pick the Falcons every week. It has become sentient, and I have come to fear for my well being. Enjoy the games, and please never listen to anyone’s gambling advice. People are stupid. Stupider than machines.
Tags: Always Be Covering, bad MS Paint, Gambling, gratuitous simpsons references, Unsilent Majority
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November 20th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Hmmm. I don’t know. That is a pretty big lock.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Falcons, by 200 points?! Glavin!
November 20th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I’ll admit: I was sad when the Simpsons stopped rebroadcasting the Super Bowl gambling episode every year when they would badly redub the names of the two teams involved.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
/covers mouth with mug
“Denver Broncos”
“Atlanta Falcons”
November 20th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
This is LS calling for HS
November 20th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
just ask lisa simpson. she seems to know what she’s doin.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
We’d better call the coach’s hotline to see how fast the wind is blowing at Ford Field.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Time killing tip for UM:
Try seeing how many things you can count in an hour and then try to beat that record.
November 20th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Will there be an inventory luau tonight?
November 20th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet. Now it’s the smell of victory!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
If only Maj was better at betting, then he’d get to whiff Moe’s sweaty feet. It’s the smell of victory.
November 20th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
You know its a poor sign for Cleveland when the lock of the week involves betting ON the Lions.
Or should they take it as a positive sign that they are only .5 point dogs when you eliminate the 3 points home field advantage?
November 20th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
The wind is blow-ing, at, a, speed, of, 4 (miles per hour) teen, (miles per hour), knots.
Homer: Don’t you know this is costing me money!
November 20th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
In the game… of… Mi… am… i…Versus Cin…cin…nat…i…
November 20th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Smooth Jimmy Apollo looks like he’s going to punch out Brent Musberg— ahem, Unnamed Sportscaster at a bar any day now.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
I’ll take the Raiders, because they always cheat.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Is that Peter King’s shoe?
November 20th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
*whistles*
What a gambler!
November 20th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
“I was sad when the Simpsons stopped rebroadcasting the Super Bowl gambling episode every year when they would badly redub the names of the two teams involved.”
I thought that was “Sunday Cruddy Sunday” that they did that in, with Moe holding the beer mug in front of his face.
November 20th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
And what’s wrong with Professor Pigskin? Not kosher?
November 20th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I wonder if that Gambletron 2000 is a pleasure model?
November 20th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
The blond who’s second from the right in the front has got the perfect bend and hand position going on in that pose. The other girls are just mailing it in and need to step up their effort. Take notes, ladies
November 20th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it’s okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh… Somewhere in the back.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
“The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved Unsilent Majority. I call him ‘Gamblor’, and it’s time to snatch Maj from his neon claws!”
November 20th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Awwww … the Denver Broncos!?!
November 20th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
picking the falcons has been a deathwish of late.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
I thought that was “Sunday Cruddy Sunday” that they did that in, with Moe holding the beer mug in front of his face.
I think you’re right.
For “Lisa the Greek”, they redubbed Dallas for Washington, but they were able to keep using Buffalo as the AFC rep.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I’m willing to put aside my seething hatred for the Colts for this comment: Fantastic, fucking fantastic picture of the cheer squad. I have no clue why I love the outfits so much, but god damn…sexy friday has arrived early.
November 20th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Sunday Cruddy Sunday:
“This episode was animated long before anyone knew who would go to Super Bowl XXXIII. The producers emphasized this by the deliberately obvious audio splicing in Moe’s Tavern, and the awkward way the men held the beer mugs in front of their mouths (so you could not read their lips). “
November 20th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
I heard President…Obama…will be watching the games with his wife…Michelle…
November 20th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Is Atlanta really minus 7 at the Giants? Without Turner?
November 20th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Uh oh, looks like someone said Voldem-, I mean… Sexy Friday out loud.
November 20th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Yeah, that’s the best view of the Colts cheerleaders. There isn’t a decent looking cheerleading squad in the state.
/would probably consider trading a 3rd round pick for the San Diego Charger Gals
//4th for the Eagles Cheerleaders
November 20th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
mmm… Cheerleaders *drools*