Peyton Manning in ‘The Accidental Racist’
PEYTON MANNING: Hey Reggie, look at this.
REGGIE WAYNE: Look at what?
PEYTON MANNING: This. Right here.
REGGIE WAYNE: Right where, man? I don’t see anything.
PEYTON MANNING: This. Right here. Right where my finger is on the page here.
REGGIE WAYNE: I’m lookin’ right at it, man! I don’t see anything!
PEYTON MANNING: Here! Right here! See my finger moving! Look! Right! Here!
REGGIE WAYNE: I see your goddamn finger, bitch! I don’t see nuthin! That’s a blank piece of paper!
PEYTON MANNING: LOOK RIGHT HERE YOU FUCKIN’…Oh wait, that is blank.
[flips page over]
REGGIE WAYNE: So what is that shit?
PEYTON MANNING: This is the Google Maps to my house. I don’t want you to get lost on the way to Thanksgiving dinner this weekend.
REGGIE WAYNE: Hold up now. Say what?
PEYTON MANNING: Mama’s made a big ol’ turkey for all of us, it’s gonna be real good. She said we could bring someone, so I’m bringin’ you.
REGGIE WAYNE: Hey that’s great and all, but I got my own thing going on for Thanksgiving, man.
PEYTON MANNING: And Archie knows a great fried chicken place up the road, so he’s gonna bring some fried chicken, just for you.
REGGIE WAYNE: Hey, I told you I can’t…What the fuck did you just say?
PEYTON MANNING: And Eli’s friends have this watermelon patch the next county over, so he’ll bring you a big juicy watermelon. You like watermelon, right?
REGGIE WAYNE: You better shut your honky mouth right now, sucka. I don’t gotta take this shit. I don’t care how many cell phones you gave everybody.
PEYTON MANNING: Aw, don’t get all fussy now. See here, you just drive down I-65 for about seven hours, and then you go–
REGGIE WAYNE: Hey Alfalfa! I ain’t going to your house!
PEYTON MANNING: Would it help if I got you a bus schedule?
REGGIE WAYNE: FUCK YOU! [walks off]
PEYTON MANNING: Jeez, what’s his problem? Oh, well. He’ll be in a better mood soon. It’s almost the first of the month.
[Fin.]
TONY DUNGY: So Rodney, what did you think of this post with Peyton Manning as a bumbling white guy trying to make friends with an African-American player on his team?
RODNEY HARRISON: I don’t get this post at all. What, are we really supposed to believe that Peyton has no idea how to talk to black people at all? Plus, it’s not really that funny. It’s just a list of tired black stereotypes, and it’s almost embarrassing to read. You can really tell this blog can’t operate at the same level without its star performer. These guys are really gonna have to get out of their funk if they want to get through the second half of the season.
TONY DUNGY: I couldn’t agree more, Rodney. As a matter of fact, I don’t even like fried chicken.
RODNEY HARRISON: Don’t like fried chicken? Bitch, what’s wrong witchu?
Tags: indianapolis colts, MMP, peyton manning, the accidental racist, yeah we had nothing ready this morning
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
November 24th, 2009 at 10:55 am
What, no sweet potato pie?
November 24th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Tony Dungy is clearly Indian.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:02 am
As Dave Chappelle once said, “If you don’t like fried chicken and watermelon, then the problem may be with you.”
November 24th, 2009 at 11:05 am
You know what Marvin Harrison likes with his fried chicken?
Mama’s homemade Bullets.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Professional suntman Rex Kramer approves.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Shit. STUNTman. Fuck my typing.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Where’s the grape soda?
November 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am
If lovin’ Popeye’s chicken is wrong, I don’t wanna be white
November 24th, 2009 at 11:32 am
What about the collard greens and pig’s feet? And what colored dranks will there be?
November 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Seriously, who doesn’t like fried chicken?
Furthermore, it’s been a while since I’ve seen the, “yeah we had nothing ready this morning” tag. Sometimes these are the funniest.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Love the commentary from Dungy and Harrison…lofty insight.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Korean-style fried chicken is awesome, ten thousand times more awesome and delicious than any other fried chicken, ever.
Pig feet? Yes, please, Brazilian style, with black beans
Collard greens? No, thanks, they smell like feet.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:43 am
I wonder if Rodney has yet employed the services of TONY DUNGY: MAN MENTOR?
November 24th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Shit. Even my parrot likes fried chicken. He don’t care if that’s his cousin.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:45 am
He calls his dad “Archie?”
Stupid cracker
November 24th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Now replace Reggie Wayne with Dwight Freeney and rewrite. It really won’t be funny then.
November 24th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@ JAFO
Shit. STUNTman. Fuck my typing.
Nope, sunt is still a word. Ask Bobby Knight
November 24th, 2009 at 11:55 am
@ CobraCommander: So, you won’t eat something that, in your opinion, smells like feet, but you will eat actual feet? This is what we call missing the forest for the trees.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Popcorn smells like feet, greens smell like they are gonna make my ass grow another two inches…
November 24th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
It’s probably for the best, they’re from different worlds.
All the stories around the Manning table involve family members getting limbs stuck in animal traps, whereas all the stories around the Wayne table involve that damn Loch Ness monster always asking for tree fiddy.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
I don’t like fried chicken.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
What? All the Colts get paid on the first. The Irsays don’t believe in game checks.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Yeah, you guys really didn’t have anything prepared, did you?
November 24th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I knew there was something wrong with Rocco.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Not too bad for having nothing ready. The Rodney and Tony commentary made it for me plus the ‘Hey, I told you I can’t…What the fuck did you just say?’, that simple phrase nearly made diet coke come out of my nose.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I hate when a blog posts something so racist I choke on my breakfast of grape soda and BBQ pork rinds.
Fried chicken, the lofty white meat!
November 24th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Star performer? You mean Footsteps?
November 24th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
If you hate fried chicken, you hate America.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I tried pigs’ feet at a bar once (of course it was at a bar)…don’t care how drunk I ever get, that ain’t happening again.
And MiamiDiesel, it’s not “colored drinks”, it’s “drinks of color.” Fuckin redneck.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I never understood the black people/food stereotypes. Isn’t that all just southern food?
November 24th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@SonOfSpam: ahem, do you call it “purple drink” or “drink of purple”? Actually, no need to answer, I already know what you would say queermo
November 24th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Thing is, Peyton really is that white.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Look on the bright side. Since Reggie won’t be coming down, Elisha can sit with the grown ups.
November 24th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
No ghetto juice?
November 24th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Imma have the chicken…Burnt to a crisp. The imma need you to spit on that witha lil bit a that hot tabaski, and imma wash all that down with a forty dog a schlitz malt liquor.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
In all fairness, Manning is from New Orleans and went to Tennessee. So, he’s probably more Southern than basically all of us.
/loves him some fried chicken
//okra too
///maybe some cornbread
////grape soda ain’t bad neither
/////and some watermelon
/////doesn’t really like chitlins though
November 24th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
RE Reggie Bush’s Pimp Says:
As Dave Chappelle once said, “If you don’t like fried chicken and watermelon, then the problem may be with you.”
I was gonna say something very much like this, but as usual, Dave said it first and better. Goddam, I’d love some fried chicken right now… and some fried okra. Fuck…
Just FYI, the best fried chicken is pan fried, in a cast-iron skillet. I’ll eat fried chicken prepared in other ways, but it’s not as good. Just thought I’d share.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
i laughed, but i did have three maker’s mark manhattans for lunch. what was i talking about again?
November 24th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
This reminds me of the time that the Red Sox were last team to integrate in baseball.
November 24th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Seeing as they’re homeboys, I think they were arguing over who has the best oyster po-boys.
November 24th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Ain’t nothing wrong with some nice southern fried chicken, homemade sweet tea, cornbread, greens and some swwet potato pie. I actually just read half of Christmas dinner…oh yes…there will be MORE food.
@UU: +1. I told you I eat all kinds of pies thank you very much!
November 24th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Hehehe. Alfalfa.
It missed a “There ain’t no racism in the National Football League!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA”
at the end, though.
November 24th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Turns out Reggie Wayne is genetically predisposed to liking chicken
November 24th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
You spelled collard greens wrong. Its colored greens. It makes sense!
And not a single kool-aid reference?
November 24th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Tony Dungy’s black? Since when?
November 24th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@ Mortimer
Tony Dungy is technically classified as an oreo double stuff.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
I was at the store getting Q-tips and two Latina clerks were talking to a black guy clerk about Thanksgiving.
Black guy: I can’t wait to have some of my Aunt’s dressing.
Latina #1: Is dressing the same as stuffing?
Latina #2: Yeah. That’s what they call stuffing.
Black guy: What do you mean, ‘they’?
Latina #2: Black people. That’s what you call it, right?
Black guy: Yeah, I guess.
Everybody: [laughs]
November 24th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
White peole don’t tell racist jokes in Indy. In Indy white people are the racist jokes.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
i’m as brown as the day is long and I love fried chicken. Im all for junking the turkey and having some popeyes on Thanksgiving. Us Mexicans just use it as another excuse to DRANK.
November 24th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Did I miss “Ben Rothlesberger: Accidental Rapist”?
November 24th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
As an aside, it’s Purple Soda, not Grape Soda
November 24th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
No colored greens??
November 24th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Dungy and Harrison are full of win.
No orange soda, though?
November 24th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
this post is makin me hoongraay!
November 25th, 2009 at 12:28 am
The Mannings live in Louisiana, which has parishes not counties. Everyone knows that…
November 25th, 2009 at 1:48 am
Souse meat and Tripe. Wif a Colt .45.
No, I am not kidding.
November 25th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Fuck Thanksgiving Dinner…I’m loosening my belt for more of this. Well done.