NOW THAT IS A LEGALLY BINDING CONTRACT FOR LONG-TERM EMPLOYMENT! THAT IS OUTSTANDING BOILERPLATE LEGALESE! I’M GONNA CALL THIS GUY “THE NEGOTIATOR” Why, God, whyyyyyyyy? F*ckface cliche machine Jon Gruden has reportedly agreed to a long-term deal to remain in the Monday Night Football booth, thus ensuring that we will be subbing more future live blogs to the Sunday night game. He’s also going to contribute to college football coverage, but who cares? He can ruin that all he likes so long as he quits telling me about THIS GUY on Monday nights.
Tags: Eye discipline, Jon Gruden, mnf, this hit leads the league in quickness
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November 16th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Is it so much to ask that MNF put normal fucking broadcasters in the booth?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
/face MF’in palm
November 16th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Football is a game best played by football players, and this guy is a football player, so he is a good candidate to play football in the National Football League. I shall call him “the Riddler.”
November 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
You mean Chucky has discovered that working about 10% of the hours he used to work, while still getting paid a ridiculous sum of money, is pretty cool? NO WAY!
November 16th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Holy shit. If ever i saw a one and done, this was it. ESPN is just fucking with us at this point.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Whither Tony Kornheiser? Who knew we’d be longing for the halcyon days of that idiot?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
And yet the majority of people on this site like Chris Berman… bizarre…
November 16th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Who the fuck has ever claimed to like Berman?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
This makes me want to ingest (concrete) cyanide.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@Tim the Enchanter: Lay off the deux-deux-deux, homeslice. That is wayyyyyyyyy fuckin’ off base.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I think Tim has this site confused with some other site.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
I think ESPN just wants to see how far they can push fans to the edge.
Who’s their competition? FOXSports? Versus? A monkey has been making management decisions pver there for at least the last 10 years.
November 16th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Tim the Enchanter CAN GO ALL THE WAY down on me.
Just kidding, but why do you say such hateful things, dude?
November 16th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
His performance bonus is based on the widest angle he can spread his legs and how close the camera is zoomed. 135 degrees on a three-shot and that man has a new vacation home in Cabo!
November 16th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
You’d rather they brought back TK? Be glad its Gruden.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Any why does no one ever rip on Adam Schefter? Yet another douche “analyst” who never played the game (or probably ANY sport by the looks of him). Where do these people come from?
November 16th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Schefter escapes ridicule because he’s Mort’s closest colleague in NFL reporting for ESPN. Being teamed with Mort is a sure-fire recipe for being perceived as likable and competent. Mort should be on every political ticket.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Gruden >> Kornheiser.
While Gruden is over the top with cliches and his suit pants are too tight while he spreads eagle for the camera and he’s waaaaaaay too overenthusiastic in the booth…he’s light years better than Tony Kornholer ever was. Do we need to hear about Brett Favre’s dick in his mouth during games in which Favre isn’t even playing? Has it been that long that we can’t remember how fucking bad TK was? I’ll never forget and I beg that you don’t either.
/Dey >> Stillers? Dey >> Stillers
November 16th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
They have Brent Musberger. At least put him on MNF. Then at least it’ll give a little credibility.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I think Tim has this confused with a far shittier website.
November 16th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
THIS GUY will be infiltrating MNF with over generalizations for years to come!
November 16th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
I like to think that Gruden is just a younger version of John Madden.
Its never going to end.. well it will for at least a week because who the fuck wants to watch the Ravens and Browns in the Mediocre Bowl?
November 16th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
ooooh, I can’t wait for years more of creepy home videos during MNF games!
/shudders
November 16th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
When Notre Dame comes knocking Gruden will have the option to slip out of this contract like a frat boy out of a freshman chick’s dorm room.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Everybody to Applebee’s! Chucky’s paying!
November 16th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Just go all out and bring Kornheiser and Dennis Miller back. I mean, really.
November 16th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
I demand John Gruden pay me back for my worn-out mute button.
November 16th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I guess even Gruden didn’t want to coach the Redskins next year.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I know that Chucky gets up at something like 3:30 am, but I wonder if he stayed up late to watch THE SHERIFF restore law and order to Lucas Oil Stadium last night at about 11:40 pm.
November 16th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Could directTV give us a package where we can just watch the games without any audio commentary? I’d pay real money for that. I’d settle for even the stadium PA guy (although even that guy is kind of a twat).
November 16th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Gruden’s first few broadcasts were awesome I thought. He was pretty reserved, and made really insightful comments that only a recent NFL coach could make, like how they would gameplan for the strengths and weaknesses of particular opposing players.
Then he caught Announcing Booth Aids, in which you end up saying the same shit everyone else does for no fucking reason, like “National Football League.” NFL announcers these days are like listening to the Bill Brasky guys if they were stone cold sober. You could throw Keith Jackson in an NFL booth and by halftime he’d be spouting out shit like “THIS guy has what it takes to be a quarterback in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.”
November 16th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Can you guys cut Gruden some slack. I mean he’s one of the best MNF broadcasters currently in the game. Plus, he hands down leads all ESPN employees in smiles. I mean this guys smile is just beaming with unicorns and rainbows. This guy has one of the nicest smiles I’ve ever seen.
/ Accepts the fact that he will be waiting another couple of years to once again watch a MNF game with volume
/ suddenly doesn’t mind rooting for a horseshit Jets team that’s not going to on MNF anyways.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
My bad on the Berman front. Should have read the comments on this entry. Mailbox was right; I remembered a jaw-dropping poll from ProFootballWeekly a few months back that said the majority of their readers didn’t hate his guts. Pity.
Ape and I will never see eye to eye on the “interests of the NFL” thing, but hey, who else is looking forward to that SEC championship game? Good thing for that league neither of them got upset by unranked foes, allowing TCU into the title game…
Oh, and responding to your points in another thread, Ape, the reason the woman submitting the affadavit no longer works for Harrah’s is because even in Vegas they aren’t stupid enough to reward an employee who is still on their books. That would open them up to massive damages in the civil suit from the insane cowgirl. Instead, some friend of the owner will take care of the girl submitting the affadavit. Like I said, the insane cowgirl will get a paltry settlement, Harrah’s will continue with business as usual and Rothlisberger is now on his own with the league (did you enjoy the two blocks in the back and the holding on that kick return Sunday?)
November 17th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
@Tim
Sigh.
If you’re so convinced everything in the league is rigged, the solution is simple – stop watching. Please. Or just stop subjecting us (or me) to these warmed-over conspiracy theories.
I don’t notice any flagrant holds on the Bengals return TD Sunday. But since you’re convinced there were, why would the NFL be suddenly going against the team you claim they assist in winning every week? I look forward to your convoluted explanation. By which I mean, I don’t.
November 17th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Also why would insane cowgirl return to work at Harrah’s last month, only to quickly resign? Again, why would you want to return to work at a place where you claim people tried to cover up an episode of you being raped? Because she was hoping she would be treated poorly or harassed by coworkers, which would only be a cheap way to bolster her case.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Tim, shouldn’t you be leaving 20 comments under every post over at The Big Lead?