NOW THAT IS A LEGALLY BINDING CONTRACT FOR LONG-TERM EMPLOYMENT! THAT IS OUTSTANDING BOILERPLATE LEGALESE! I’M GONNA CALL THIS GUY “THE NEGOTIATOR” Why, God, whyyyyyyyy? F*ckface cliche machine Jon Gruden has reportedly agreed to a long-term deal to remain in the Monday Night Football booth, thus ensuring that we will be subbing more future live blogs to the Sunday night game. He’s also going to contribute to college football coverage, but who cares? He can ruin that all he likes so long as he quits telling me about THIS GUY on Monday nights.
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Tim, shouldn’t you be leaving 20 comments under every post over at The Big Lead?
Also why would insane cowgirl return to work at Harrah’s last month, only to quickly resign? Again, why would you want to return to work at a place where you claim people tried to cover up an episode of you being raped? Because she was hoping she would be treated poorly or harassed by coworkers, which would only be a cheap way to bolster her case.
@Tim
Sigh.
If you’re so convinced everything in the league is rigged, the solution is simple – stop watching. Please. Or just stop subjecting us (or me) to these warmed-over conspiracy theories.
I don’t notice any flagrant holds on the Bengals return TD Sunday. But since you’re convinced there were, why would the NFL be suddenly going against the team you claim they assist in winning every week? I look forward to your convoluted explanation. By which I mean, I don’t.
My bad on the Berman front. Should have read the comments on this entry. Mailbox was right; I remembered a jaw-dropping poll from ProFootballWeekly a few months back that said the majority of their readers didn’t hate his guts. Pity.
Ape and I will never see eye to eye on the “interests of the NFL” thing, but hey, who else is looking forward to that SEC championship game? Good thing for that league neither of them got upset by unranked foes, allowing TCU into the title game…
Oh, and responding to your points in another thread, Ape, the reason the woman submitting the affadavit no longer works for Harrah’s is because even in Vegas they aren’t stupid enough to reward an employee who is still on their books. That would open them up to massive damages in the civil suit from the insane cowgirl. Instead, some friend of the owner will take care of the girl submitting the affadavit. Like I said, the insane cowgirl will get a paltry settlement, Harrah’s will continue with business as usual and Rothlisberger is now on his own with the league (did you enjoy the two blocks in the back and the holding on that kick return Sunday?)
Can you guys cut Gruden some slack. I mean he’s one of the best MNF broadcasters currently in the game. Plus, he hands down leads all ESPN employees in smiles. I mean this guys smile is just beaming with unicorns and rainbows. This guy has one of the nicest smiles I’ve ever seen.
/ Accepts the fact that he will be waiting another couple of years to once again watch a MNF game with volume
/ suddenly doesn’t mind rooting for a horseshit Jets team that’s not going to on MNF anyways.
Gruden’s first few broadcasts were awesome I thought. He was pretty reserved, and made really insightful comments that only a recent NFL coach could make, like how they would gameplan for the strengths and weaknesses of particular opposing players.
Then he caught Announcing Booth Aids, in which you end up saying the same shit everyone else does for no fucking reason, like “National Football League.” NFL announcers these days are like listening to the Bill Brasky guys if they were stone cold sober. You could throw Keith Jackson in an NFL booth and by halftime he’d be spouting out shit like “THIS guy has what it takes to be a quarterback in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.”
Could directTV give us a package where we can just watch the games without any audio commentary? I’d pay real money for that. I’d settle for even the stadium PA guy (although even that guy is kind of a twat).
I know that Chucky gets up at something like 3:30 am, but I wonder if he stayed up late to watch THE SHERIFF restore law and order to Lucas Oil Stadium last night at about 11:40 pm.
I guess even Gruden didn’t want to coach the Redskins next year.
I demand John Gruden pay me back for my worn-out mute button.
Just go all out and bring Kornheiser and Dennis Miller back. I mean, really.
Everybody to Applebee’s! Chucky’s paying!
When Notre Dame comes knocking Gruden will have the option to slip out of this contract like a frat boy out of a freshman chick’s dorm room.
ooooh, I can’t wait for years more of creepy home videos during MNF games!
/shudders
I like to think that Gruden is just a younger version of John Madden.
Its never going to end.. well it will for at least a week because who the fuck wants to watch the Ravens and Browns in the Mediocre Bowl?
THIS GUY will be infiltrating MNF with over generalizations for years to come!
I think Tim has this confused with a far shittier website.
They have Brent Musberger. At least put him on MNF. Then at least it’ll give a little credibility.
Gruden >> Kornheiser.
While Gruden is over the top with cliches and his suit pants are too tight while he spreads eagle for the camera and he’s waaaaaaay too overenthusiastic in the booth…he’s light years better than Tony Kornholer ever was. Do we need to hear about Brett Favre’s dick in his mouth during games in which Favre isn’t even playing? Has it been that long that we can’t remember how fucking bad TK was? I’ll never forget and I beg that you don’t either.
/Dey >> Stillers? Dey >> Stillers
Schefter escapes ridicule because he’s Mort’s closest colleague in NFL reporting for ESPN. Being teamed with Mort is a sure-fire recipe for being perceived as likable and competent. Mort should be on every political ticket.
Any why does no one ever rip on Adam Schefter? Yet another douche “analyst” who never played the game (or probably ANY sport by the looks of him). Where do these people come from?
You’d rather they brought back TK? Be glad its Gruden.
His performance bonus is based on the widest angle he can spread his legs and how close the camera is zoomed. 135 degrees on a three-shot and that man has a new vacation home in Cabo!
Tim the Enchanter CAN GO ALL THE WAY down on me.
Just kidding, but why do you say such hateful things, dude?
I think ESPN just wants to see how far they can push fans to the edge.
Who’s their competition? FOXSports? Versus? A monkey has been making management decisions pver there for at least the last 10 years.
I think Tim has this site confused with some other site.
@Tim the Enchanter: Lay off the deux-deux-deux, homeslice. That is wayyyyyyyyy fuckin’ off base.
This makes me want to ingest (concrete) cyanide.
Who the fuck has ever claimed to like Berman?
And yet the majority of people on this site like Chris Berman… bizarre…
Whither Tony Kornheiser? Who knew we’d be longing for the halcyon days of that idiot?
Holy shit. If ever i saw a one and done, this was it. ESPN is just fucking with us at this point.
You mean Chucky has discovered that working about 10% of the hours he used to work, while still getting paid a ridiculous sum of money, is pretty cool? NO WAY!
Football is a game best played by football players, and this guy is a football player, so he is a good candidate to play football in the National Football League. I shall call him “the Riddler.”
/face MF’in palm
Is it so much to ask that MNF put normal fucking broadcasters in the booth?