You + Peter King = Chemistry
10.28.09
Tomorrow, in a convergence that is bound to shake the very foundation of these here internets, Peter King will be having a live chat over at Deadspin with Deadspin readers. Good chat. Lofty chat.
Anyway, here’s your chance to query the man in person. I’ll probably abstain from asking Peter any questions, lest it turn out he’s very friendly and an uncommonly good sport. Then I wouldn’t be able to hate his guts, and no one wants that.
So take the time now and then to consider your queries. Prepare the most semi-LeBronesque questions you can. I doubt PK will answer many of the questions you REALLY want to ask, such as, WHEN WILL YOU DIE? I suggest you err on the side of gentle subversion. Peter, how often does your proctologist have to use the shoehorn? Things like that.
So buckle in. Prepare yourself in the comments. It’s fun with Peter King. LIVE.
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Peter King at Deadspin? Thanks for reminding me why I don’t bother with that dump anymore. Jesus, why don’t they just merge with Fanhouse already?
Heh, he actually answered my question
/assuming it’s actually him and not a poser
that chat is the biggest fail ever
Question:
If a train leaves Boston at 945AM with an average speed of 65MPH, and another train leaves NYC at 1045AM with an average speed of 45MPH, in which train are you sucking Brett Favre’s cock?
I expect a lot of exciting build-up and then pure softballs.
Who is currently leading in smiles in the NFL?
You wanna SuperSize McCafe to go with that bag of ten sausage biscuits, Mr. King?
Mr. King, I have a three-part question:
- How did you ever master the art of bullet points?
2.) Is there a real Toone P. Wiggins?
(c.) I’m going to go make a sandwich now.
Why do you make a “ridiculous” amount of money?
Can I have your gloves?
That’s our winner, gang.
@BabySexCannon
That’s the point. PK used it wrong a few weeks ago. Without that, it almost seems like a real question.
Cheers.
Can I have your gloves?
Hi, Peter. Me again. Yeah, um, any chance your daughter becomes Brett Favre’s personal chauffeur? Like, this winter. When it’s icy. Thanks.
I give the quasi-subtlety award here to Pack Mark and City of Industry Football Corporation. I would love to see those questions asked and then answered in full seriousness.
Peter: When was the last time you saw your dick, without a mirror? And what do you use to wipe that land whale ass of yours?
Where do you rank yourself on your personal pride power rankings when you agree to chat to a site that hates you just to sell your book?
Hi, Peter. Big fan. Umm….if the sun melts your Kit Kat, does it lose your respect?
Peter, big fan from the City of Industry here. If you had to make a list of the Top 10 football teams that don’t exist, which quasi-team would be your #1? I hate to be a homer, but there is NO WAY you leave Los Angeles off that list, despite the traffic.
@ Ant Baby
“enervate” means the opposite of what you think it means. I know this because I was using it wrong for years too.
Please tell me this thing will be saved to read for later in case some of us can’t make it.
“Is it true that you have attempted to perform oral sex on Brett Favre?”
“IT WAS CONSENSUAL!”
I have never laughed so hard i my life reading these comments…
Sexual Peanutbutter Says:
October 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
How big is Romo’s smile when you toss his salad?
HAHAHAAH
Tony who?
English grammar rules too rigid. Looking forward to day sentence no longer need subject verb. Aren’t?
PK, I’m pumped for Farve Revenge 2. Does the prospect of Brett sweeping his old team enervate you too?
Peter, big fan, is there a collection somewhere of “Monday Morning Quarterback” tidbits that did not make the final cut? It seems like you do rigorous job of self-editing and whatever you left out probably is pure gold.
Peter, how many stolen baseballs can you fit in a pair of size 46 chino shorts?
Johnny “Thai Sized” Damon or Mark “Citrus Peddler” Sanxhez.
WHO YA GOT?!?!?!
@Brando
I eagerly await King’s advice on how to best score anal.
“No, Peter, I’m trying to figure out how to GET the ass, not GIVE UP the ass.”
New York, 14:00 EDT
Gawker Media is reporting that their popular sports blog Deadspin has collapsed. Investigators are trying to look for clues, but early reports indicate that the main suspects are Peter King plus his massive ego, commentators trying to out-snark each other and exploded pieces of human blubber laced with an inordinate amount of bacon. The explosion is the most puzzling, but the search is on for a Drew Magary, who’s nowhere to be found. Drew is one of the most vociferous critics of Mr. King and was kindly asked not to participate in the chat session preceding the collapse. Apparently, it was too much for him to hold back.
More on this developing story….
This seems like a good opportunity to get a different perspective on our fantasy football/sex questions.
Peter: your columns are routinely filled with rambling, logically bankrupt arguments, tragically misguided observations about the world at large and thinly-veiled lusting towards a number of professional athletes. I don’t have a question.
Peter, unlike your former colleague Dr. Z, I am neither rich, nor eligible for medicare, nor covered by a major medical health plan through Time-Warner Publishing. I am however, available for a series of benefits. How does the first of every month sound?
You and Favre. Who’s the big spoon?
That clueless, self-absorbed, spoiled twatwaffle thing you do. Is that just schtick?
When lying to small children, do you feel it’s more effective to look them in the eye and smile or to distract them by point at a baseball so they won’t notice you’re stealing from them?
You realize everyone in the known universe hates Boston, right?
As a football writer, what makes you think your audience cares what you think about baseball? Or cares about baseball?
Do you have an editor? Did he or she pass freshman English?
Why don’t you wash Brady’s jizz out of your hair?
Is it true that Dr. Z at this moment knows more about the current NFL season than you do?
If AirTran and Acela were to have a transportation love-child, would it be quasi-Segwayesque?
How big is Romo’s smile when you toss his salad?
Peter, I’ve never seen you and BDD in the same room together. Are you the same person?
J.L. White wins.
Two part question: Starbuck’s sucks and go fuck yourself.
Peter, marry kill fuck. Brett Favre, Tony Romo Tom Brady
Count me out. Last time there was a chat with one of Deadspin/KSK’s traditional media punching bags, it resulted in me having more respect for that person (Bissinger).
And if I can’t hate King, then who’s left? Reilly? Easterbrook?
damnit, @freesoup
Have you screwed any little kids out of foul balls lately?
How was your coffee this morning?
Peter: How do the tears of children taste after you’ve taken all their baseballs?
Peter: Could you please tell Mary Beth to stop calling and texting me at all hours? I already told her it was a one time thing.
this chat defines clutch.
Question: Is Brett Favre the most semi-LeBronesque player in the NFL?
A Chargers late season resurgence: Maybe, or Maybe Not?
Peter, would you feel more comfortable with your daughter working for brazzers or naughty america
/checks calendar to make sure it’s not April 1st. Verifies.
What the hell!?!? PK can’t be this masochistic.
So Peter, what is it like being Brett Favre’s personal roll of Charmin?
Peter: Kit Kats. Lofty? Or Loftiest?
Peter, just how lofty is the city of Boston? Loftier than New York? Perhaps the loftiest city ever? Could use more lofting? Please detail.
Are his slaves Mexican or Black?
Finally, I can get an update on the status of the Bowers family.
Isn’t it hard to watch the games with a different dick in your mouth in every city?
Peter, have you ever watched a football game or even seen a fucking football in your life?
Follow-up question:
Brett Favre!
in a generally non-specific way, it would be entertaining if not one question related to football.
What is Tony Dungy REALLY like?
Me: Suppose for a second that your house was ransacked by thugs, your family tied up in the basement with socks in their mouths; you try to open the door but there’s too much blood on the knob…
Peter King: What is your question?
Me: My question is about instant replay, sir.
Could you please ask him to clear up this whole Nutmeg in Lasagna controversy?
Which would you rather have: coffee-flavored water or chocolate-flavored water? Or perhaps the mysterious Donnie Brasco feces-flavored water?
Ask Peter if he thinks Favre eats a lot of pineapple.
Mr. King: I haven’t watched last week’s House episode yet, so no spoilers! kthkbi.
This would have never happened if Will Leitch was still alive.
Peter, have you ever heard of Kissing Suzy Kolber or Drew Magary? No? Nevermind.
Oh this will end badly indeed…
No way PK figures out how to post on the gawker sites. It took him weeks to figure out Twitter.