Wedding Hookups, Single Moms, and Degrees of Cheating: The KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag
I thought we’d be a bit short on quality submissions this week, then the reminder went up and we were slammed with dozens of emails. Obviously I couldn’t include all of them, but thanks to those of you who sent in questions. Especially those that didn’t suck. Let’s get started…
Dear KSK,
I’ve emailed the ‘bag before, as the “Is the finger in the butt during a bj ok?” guy.
Of course, nice to hear from you again.
That issue is in the past, and a new one has come to the forefront. What is the policy on consistently banging a chick that has a kid? I’m all of 24, and don’t have the slightest bit of interest in becoming a father/father figure for a very long time. However, this girl is very hot and I can actually put up with her for more than 30 minutes at a time. But whenever I’m around, I’m forced to hang out with a 3-year-old that I don’t want any part of. Should I just quit being a heartless pussy and suck it up?
If she’s bringing you around her kid then she’s probably more serious about the relationship than you are. Talk to her about the situation and find out where she stands. It’s entirely possible that she has zero interest in you as a father-figure for her child, in which case you’re free to keep seeing her without the pressure of playing that role. However, if you aren’t comfortable being around the kid at all, regardless of your role, then you should probably move on for everyone’s benefit. Surely you can find another potential mate whose presence you can tolerate.
And I’m torn between starting LaToe or Mendenhall. LT has the tougher matchup, while Mendenhall is now sharing with WillieToe Parker (see what I did there?)
-Andrew
This is easy enough. LaDainian has been crap all year and he goes up against Denver’s defense this week. Start Mendenhall against the Browns and don’t waste another minute mulling it over. Parker will get some carries, but not enough to warrant benching Mendenhall.
Finest Gentlemen on the Internet,
I have probably somehow the biggest pile of wide receiver crap in fantasy history (Berrian, Driver, Wallace, Moore) and I have to start 3 of these stiffs per week. I am ok at RB w/Forte, Bradshaw and the Gore/Coffee Combo (start 2). I have had a trade proposed to me where I would receive Bowe and Moreno for the San Fran duo. Would you pull the trigger?
Do it. Bowe immediately becomes your second best wide receiver, and he has plenty of room to improve this season.
Also, I have in a wedding this weekend any recommendations to score a little tail?
Single girls at a wedding want to get laid as badly as you do, so be prepared. Have a few drinks, but don’t get drunk. Make the rounds at the reception and be sociable with everyone. Then identify the best target and move in with some champagne. If she’s at all receptive to your advances then you’re going to have to do a little dancing. If you have skills, then good for you, dick. Otherwise grab another drink and try to maintain your confidence, even if feel like an asshole.
For further information on bagging a coveted bridesmaid check in with our friends at Holy Taco.
Thanks
High Council of Dickheadery,
Fantasy first: I’ve got a WR and a flex spot open this week, with the following possibilities: D Mason, S Rice, M Manningham, S Morris, C Taylor. Mason’s donut last week helped me to a 4-point loss, my first of the fucking season, so I feel like I’ve gotta bench him. I’m leaning towards Rice and Morris, but am not nearly overwhelmed by either option. What do I do?
Oh that’s a fucking crapshoot. Don’t bench Mason just because he’s coming off of a bad week, that’s how you wind up getting burned twice in a row. Morris is going to get consistent touches (19 last week) without Fred Taylor around, so I’d stick with him at the flex.
Now sex. I’m a senior at a good. small college with infamously unattractive girls. I’ve done fairly well myself, but in a place where girls look like they’re Steelers fans and where every guy is not only smart but is most likely an athlete, it can get rough even for a former football player like myself.
That’s an oddly douchey revelation.
Now I’ve got two girls this semester who I like and think are potential slampigs.
Oh, now I get it. You are a douche.
Girl A is younger, more attractive (short girl, was a dancer, grade A teetahs, funny), but is definitely a relationship type and girl B is a much MUCH less attractive senior who would be good for a fling but that’s about it. Oh ye Gurus of the Gay Mafia, to which of the two should I direct my time and effort? Time is of the essence.
Butterpants
Oh how I hate questions like this. Is it such a bad thing that Girl A is a “relationship” type? I understand that you may not be actively looking for a relationship, but if the options at your college are so limited then perhaps spending time and having sex with somebody you like isn’t the worst thing in the world. If you really are trying to avoid a relationship then why not just go after both? You’re in college, I’m pretty sure that’s allowed.
KSK,
Fantasy: 5 mediocre receivers (Eddie Royal vs SD, Torry Holt vsSTL, J.Maclin vs. Oak, Nate Washington vs NE, Anotnio Bryant vs Car) I can start 3, PPR league.
Philly spreads the ball around so much that you never can tell who is going to put up the numbers. Maclin exploded last week while DeSean Jackson didn’t do shit. Royal and Bryant are the two safest plays, after that it’s anybody’s guess. Holt will always be good for points, but he still hasn’t scored this season. Fuck it, play Maclin and hope Nnamdi Asomugha locks in on Jackson.
Sex: Do you believe that there is a difference between first degree and second degree cheating? I think that if you are going out of your way to meet up with another girl while you are married/have a girlfriend (premeditated or first degree cheating) it is inexcusable. However, a drunken hook-up or something of that nature, where you didn’t call the girl before hand and wouldn’t call her again (not premeditated, or second degree cheating) while wrong, shouldn’t destroy a relationship. Thoughts?
Whether or not there is a difference (of course there is, it’s similar to the difference between first-degree murder and voluntary manslaughter) it all depends on your significant other and your particular relationship. For a lot of girlfriends/wives (and boyfriends/husbands for that matter) cheating in either form is a deal-breaker, while other couples might be able to work things out over time.
KSKers,
Fantasy first: I’ve got Drew Brees and Joey Flacco on my fantasy team. Which one do I bench this week? vs. the Giants and vs. the Vikings if you don’t want to look offhand.
Brees.
Sex? Well if you say so…:
My girlfriend likes to pick fights with me after she knows my favorite team has lost (since it’s the goddamn Dolphins, that happens a lot) because it usually results in a cat fight and then what my neighbor calls ‘the best girl fights ever’. But I can’t go to work with marks on me (there’s only so much I can blame on my cat) and my boss already has warned me about “exposed nail marks”. It’s the best sex of my life but it could get me fired. And my girl is a wee bit…um…sensitive? Yeah, we’ll go w/ that. If I complain, it could be NO sex for a bit and a *real* argument. What do I do?
-TankGal
Oh lord, that’s hot. God damn, I wish I had some advice to offer but my brain seems to have stopped working.
You know what? Fuck your boss. That guy sounds like a dick.
KSK,
Fantasy: bye-week replacement at WR–Maclin @Oakland, Clayton @Min, Caldwell vs Hou
Maclin.
Sex: this girl i met two weeks ago made out with me at the bar after our first ‘date’, gave it up on our second (involving, to her infinite credit, coordinated thigh high socks AND matching black underwear).
Good combination. Lofty combination.
k whatever–she ALSO revealed that she is quote, “kinda really into Ren Faires”
Who the fuck is Ren Faires? Sounds French.
Oh.
(going so far as to purchase an ‘Elizabethan Riding Gown’ that involved leather lace) and also reads “way too many romance novels”. should i flee in terror? her butt is quite comfortable and she has a delightful rack.
-RD
Nah, let’s wait and see how this one plays out. But I’m warning you, that rack better be every bit as delightful as you say.
KSK,
I’ll combine my football and sex question for you.
The Jagoffs benched Sims-Walker at 3:00 PM Sunday for ‘violating team rules.’ Starting lineups are due by noon and I started him in BOTH my leagues. In both cases, had I known he wasn’t playing, I’d have started my other WR (in one league that would be TJ Hoosh- would have scored 28, I lost by 14. In the other, I lost by ONE.) Jack Del Rio single-handedly fucked me in two leagues. Here’s my sex question: is it morally wrong to fantasize about Del Rio, Bea Arthur circa 1974, and a 15” strap-on nicknamed “The Reaper?”
Screwed Twice in Texas
Don’t blame Del Rio, blame Walker for getting his dick wet after curfew.
KSK,
FF: I have Schaub, Ben, and Brady in a league where passing TDs are worth 4 and 25 yards is one point. Is it reasonable for me to offer Brady for Dallas Clark to replace John Carlson. Receiving TDs are worth 6 and 10 yards is one point. The other owner turned down a trade of Ben for Kevin Smith this past Saturday, though he does need a QB.
Don’t sell low on Brady, especially if it’s just to upgrade your tight end situation. As Ufford notes, Carlson’s numbers should improve with the Hass back in the saddle. If you are desperate for a new tight end maybe try packaging Schaub and Carlson.
Sex: I am 26 and finally moving out of my parents house. I am hoping to have sex in the apartment I move into. What should I do to accommodate potential lady friends in my new place/bedroom with it’s own bathroom?
- orange line
Good question. For this answer we’re going to bring in the female perspective…
“I had a guy roommate once who was ridiculously clean and tidy. Our apartment was impeccably decorated and his bed was always made. It was creepy. Women he brought home always reacted with raised eyebrows. Some thought he was gay. All of them were a little uncomfortable. Women expect a guy’s apartment to be in some sort of disarray. It makes you cute and a little pathetic, and it automatically makes us want to fix it.
That being said, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, make sure there are no razor clippings or manscaping leftovers in the bathroom. Aside from the visual proof that you often miss the seat, nothing is a bigger turn off. And while you’re at it, make sure there’s extra TP and a trash can in there. The place doesn’t have to be crazy clean, but keep the trash in the trash can. Oh, and clean sheets. A darker color will ensure that if you’re behind in the laundry it won’t be obvious (just watch the man juice stains). Keep a bottle of red wine around in case you bring home a classier girl (make sure you have at least two wine glasses), and always be able to offer water suitable for drinking. Oh, and keep the condoms handy, but not out. Women know that you’ve been with other women, they don’t need the visual reminder.”
Damn, the female perspective sure is wordy. Regardless, it’s damn good advice.
KSK,
Fantasy: half point per reception league, otherwise standard scoring. start 1 QB, 3 WR, 2 RB, 1 Flex. Should I sell high on Ronnie Brown and trade him and LeSean McCoy for Larry Fitzgerald? I already have Randy Moss, Megatron, Sims-Walker, and Lance Moore at wideout, and if I traded those 2 RBs it would leave me with only Pierre Thomas, Ray Rice, and Donald Brown at RB. I’m leaning towards doing the deal, especially with my big 3 wideouts’ bye weeks still coming up and Megatron looking like he won’t play this week. What do you think?
Don’t load up on elite wide receivers at the expense of your running backs. You do not want to leave yourself with Thomas, Rice, and Brown for the rest of the season. Keep that roster balanced.
Sex: My friend’s crazy girlfriend wants to set me up with one of her friends, who I presume is crazy as well. I figure there’s no harm in meeting her, but do you have any tried and true tips on dealing with crazy broads?
-MC
Go out on the date and maintain an open mind. If she does turn out to be as crazy as you expect then walk away and don’t look back.
KSK boys,
First, Fantasy in the form of trade help. I hold TO and Felix Jones. I have been offered a trade for TJ Houshmadaddy and Ricky Williams. Do I hold on to TO and hope he starts producing, or give him a cya? I really don’t want to let Felix the Cat go either, but worry about him getting-staying healthy. (I have him fingercuffed with Barber in this league cause suprise I thought it would be he who would be injury prone) I am undefeated in this league so far, so I am tempted to just keep things the way they are…
Stay where you are. Barber is an injury risk so you’ll want to have Felix available when he goes down. Ricky will have fewer opportunities to carry the bulk of the load than Jones.
Next, Sex. My guy and I live together, been together a bit and sex life is great. He travels out of town about twice a month for a weekend
Which weekend?
and during that time I am always good about sending him dirty texts or pictures while he is away and he loves it.
Oh, I thought you were going in a different direction there.
I just can’t get him to reciprocrate! He is a great guy, and is plenty un-shy and vocal when we are in the flesh, but won’t send me a pic of the meat to save his life. How the hell do I get him to play along? I think he is afraid to send me something I won’t like, but in the situation I don’t have him….I’d be happy with anything dirty he would send me. Help…
-C
Make it plainly evident how deeply you crave his cockmeat. If he’s still reticent it might be out of fear of what you’d do with the pictures if you two were to break up.
KSK,
FANTASY: I’ve got some interesting choices for Week 6 and I want your advice. Non-PPR, pick 2 RB’s (CJ @NE, Rice-a-roni @MIN, Portis vs. KC, Pierre vs. the G-Men), 2 WR (Roddy vs. Da Bears, Avery @Jac, Braylon vs. the Buffaloes, Bryant vs. CAR, Mason @MIN, Burleson vs. Zona) plus a runner up for the flex spot. At this point I figure Portis and Roddy are the two must plays, CJ and Pierre are probables, but I don’t like their matchups. I’m leaning towards Braylon, but Avery is tempting (coming off his best week against a team Burleson destroyed last week). Thoughts?
For the backs I say go with Johnson and Portis (he’s been hugely disappointing this year, but he’s had a ton of success against the Chiefs). As far as the wide receivers go, I’d play Roddy and Braylon.
SEX: I’m a workaholic and I haven’t tried to use my limited skills with the ladies recently, but I may be moving to a new city for work where I won’t know anybody and I’d like to hit the ground running, lest I become a total shut-in. I figure I should get out there and wet my feet (and something else) before I leave. Any advice on how to overcome the lack of time, energy and recent experience to succeed here before I succeed there?
If you’re too busy to socialize properly then you should try to meet women at places you frequent regularly, like the grocery store or a coffee shop. And try to not put too much pressure on yourself to meet somebody immediately.
*Insert stupid nickname here*
Howie
How redundant.
Tags: All SIC, Because "Howie" IS a stupid nickname, the KSK football sex advice mailbag, Unsilent Majority
October 15th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I always know it’s going to be good when I’m mildly aroused by the opening pic.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Single mom guy – walk away, you’ll be doing her son a favor.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Single mom guy, if she has let you meet her kid already she views you as more than a hookup….
October 15th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Butter”fuck”face – you’re a senior and you don’t know that a period doesn’t belong between good and small? What an asshole.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@C
Also what kind of travel situation is your guy in? When I travel I normally end up sharing a room with another engineer, so even if my wife is sending me dirty photos I’m not exactly capable of snapping a photo of a boner and sending it back, without the guy one bed over raising an eyebrow or two. Or if he has a work issue phone where the admins can see all the files on it, that could be a problem.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
This is what happens when KSK waits too long for a reminder, the mailbag gets filled up with shitty questions. Its not your fault, UM, I’m sure you did the best you could with what came in.
Also, is that bride knocked up?
October 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Little Fantasy Help Here: Rivers V.S. Denver Or Flacco @ Minn?
October 15th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I’m sorry – but I chuckled a little bit at the “slampig”
October 15th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Andrew: You’re fucking her, but she keeps bringing her kid around? Sounds like someone wants you to be a daddy figure whether you like it or not.
Butterpants: I don’t care about your sex dilemma because from the way you describe them, I hope both of your girls turn your ass down. But I want to figure out where you go to school…for some reason I’m getting a military academy feeling. West Point? Naval Academy? Are there girls at VMI?
TSW, is that you giving orange line “housekeeping for dudes” advice? That has a decidedly TSW-ish vibe.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Single mom guy – Leave if you don’t want the relationship. Think of the kid.
Ren Faeries guy – Um, she’s kinky and those girls are always good to you. If you want a relationship, stay.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Sounds like Butterpants is a Yellow Jacket.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
RD
Ren Fairies are fucking nuts. Run far, run fast. Unless you enjoy flagons of mead, vests of bear fur, and leather leggings. Those ren people scare the shit out of me.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
@ SafetyDan,
he is usually alone and his phone is not work-admin regulated.
Prob more of what the all-knowing UM is saying…I kinda didn’t think of it that way.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Cheating is cheating is cheating. Oops honey, I got drunk and banged some stranger wouldn’t cut it with any woman I am aware of. Resist, picture her naked in your mind, and jerk off/bang ur significant other.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
@Clare, Butterpants’ school description could apply to any private liberal arts school outside of the South. When I was picking a college I was choosing between Lewis & Clark, Willamette (both in Oregon) and Puget Sound (Tacoma). Each school has at least 60 percent women, roughly 1 percent of whom are even remotely attractive. And if you go to any liberal arts school in the Northeast, be prepared for four years of sex with Gail the Snail.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Butterpants’s question was one of the best?
What were the rest?
“How do I get laid?”
“How do I get anal?”
Can we please simply ignore the douches who email in trying to brag about themselves to a bunch of anonymous people?
Oh and please invite TankGal to write a weekly question, maybe a point/counterpoint with her gf. good times.
“how do I get a threesome?”
October 15th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Call me a sexist (sexist!) or dense (DENSE!), but I never even consider the emails are coming from a woman until the light bulb goes off. Then something else goes off.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Single Mom Guy: RUN. RUN. RUN. I found myself in that situation early this year and at one point found myself laying in bed with her and her daughter curled up between and said this isn’t that bad. I then punched myself as hard as I could in the balls. Plus the second she senses that you’re not in it for the same things she’s going to become a bitch.
orange line: Satin sheets. Make fun of them all you want and you guys will and she will. But the second she’s in them they’ll be soaking wet and she won’t want to leave. Just make sure that they’re black, other colors are definitely gay.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Wedding advice:
Ever see A Beautiful Mind? If not, Russell Crowe tells us that game theory applies to picking up women. Don’t go after the most attractive single woman there; you’re going to face a lot of competition. If there’s a Friday reception beforehand, don’t make any strong moves, just be the affable, attractive friend that women can jump the next night. Don’t hit on a girl unless she’s practically throwing herself at you. Alternate drinking booze and not booze, and no hard liquor until after dinner so you can keep your bearings about you. And the afterparty is your friend. It is a huge friend.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Andrew – if she keeps extra company around, then this chick is obviously down for a threesome.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
ren faires – if you like nerdy girls, stick with her. cause thats what she is. just make sure she doesnt call you orlando bloom in the sack.
also, anyone have thoughts about Carnell Williams? Dump? Start?
October 15th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
@Johnny D: I guess you missed the part where he said all the dudes used to be athletes. A preponderance of jocks/former jocks =/= liberal arts.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
One of the best pieces of advice i ever got was taking dancing lessons. It increases your hookup potential exponentially. Most girls will dance, and a lot of guys won’t. Show even the remotest moves on the floor, and you just get that much closer. Get off the chair, get on the floor.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Barber is an injury risk so you’ll want to have Felix available when he goes down. Ricky will have fewer opportunities to carry the bulk of the load than Jones.
Respectfully totally disagree here, Maj. In standard ESPN scoring (which I think is the same as other standard settings), Cheech is 8th among RBs right now. That Wildcat thing gives everyone lots of carries. Plus they now start a rookie QB and play in a division where all the road games will probably be in bad weather from here on out. And while MBIII is an injury risk, Felix hasn’t stayed healthy even with a three-way share of carries. And they seem to like Choice a lot in Dallas.
Plus, when you add in the upgrade from TO to Housh, I would run to make this trade. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Take your pick for “the slutty one” in the opening picutre ….
Clearly #3 from the left.
1st from left: Trying too hard
2nd from left: Bride, and ugliest of the bunch
4th from left: Not really drinking
3rd from left: Guzzlin like a champ in mid-afternoon, and loving every minute of it. I’ll take her.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Banging With Children: Unless you’re prepared to be a baby daddy, run away, as quickly as possible.
Wedding Guy: Getting laid at a wedding is like fishing with dynamite. You’d have to be a complete retard not to catch something.
Butterpants: You’re a douche. NEXT!
Cheater: Nope, no difference. You cheat, you cheat. The only difference is whether she breaks up with you on the spot, or puts you through hell and then tells you she can’t trust you. Either way, you lose.
TankGal: Your boss is a douche. Fuck him.
RD: One word: corsets. You’re welcome.
Screwed Twice: I trust Jack Del Rio as far as I can kick him. Seeing as I live in Indianapolis and he lives in Jacksonville, that’s not very far.
Orange Line: Assuming you’re moving or already in a major city, I recommend Craigslist. Sure, it’s desperate, but if you get past the spambots and the landbeasts, you’ll find a decent amount of okay-looking women with alright personalities that would be willing to help you christen your new place. Ringing endorsement, isn’t it?
MC: Crazy girls know other crazy girls. Worst case scenario: she sets your car on fire. Best case scenario: crazy sex, and she sets your car on fire.
C: Guys sending pics, for some reason, isn’t as prevalent as girls sending pics. Dirty texts should be encouraged.
Howie: Craigslist. This time, don’t ignore the landbeasts.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
RE Butterpants: I kinda hope one of them (or anybody, really) gives you the herps (if you don’t have the herps already); I don’t normally wish incurable VD on people, but I think you got it coming. Also, have fun graduating into the shittiest economy of the last 50 years.
RE cheating: when someone asks “Is ____ cheating?” or “Are there degrees of cheating?” they’ve either already done whatever they’re asking about, or they just want someone, anyone, to agree with them that what they’re doing ISN’T cheating. This really isn’t that hard to figure out. Cheating is whatever would really upset you if your girlfriend/wife was the one doing it instead of you. Dick sucking? Flirting? Sending naked pictures to someone? If any of that would piss YOU off if she did it, it’s cheating when you do it, too.
RE crazy bitches: Pussy is what crazy bitches use as bait to get you to hang around. The pussy isn’t worth the crazy. You could ask my brother about that. He has a kid with a crazy bitch, now he has to see her (crazy bitch) all the time, whether he wants to or not.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
85- I didn’t realize Ricky was a top ten back. That’s an oversight on my part.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
@ProAthlete’s Twitter Really? The one with the awful blond highlights is the slut? Way to go out on a limb.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I’ll set myself up for a little ridicule here. I have been a RenFest. We thought it would be cool, knights on horses trying to knock each other off and chop each up with swords looks good on paper, but doesn’t deliver in reality. The reality it its just carnies dressed up in cheap costumes. Lame. The only saving grace was mudwrestling, when some decent looking girls went after each other.
Also mead is an underrated beverage. Chilled mead is good and will fuck you up, excellent change of pace drink.
So RenFair guy, you gotta take the good with the bad. This chick likes to dress up, plans ahead for sex (the coordinated stuff) and the downside is you’ll have to go to two or three lame RenFars every summer. Make her drive and get loaded off the beer/mead/whatever. Gotta take with the good with the bad.
I’d take RenFests over the having to go shopping or other shit a lot of girls want as “together” time. The mall doesn’t have booze, a RenFest does.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
85, while I am drooling at Housh and seem to think with the QB sit in Miami that Smokey McSmokerson will be getting more hands, I have a hard time with giving up TO and Felix. Plus, I have MJD in that league already and picked up Choice off freaking waivers after Felix went out, so I have been running Choice in my flex and could continue to do so….IM JUST SO CONFUSED!
October 15th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
@ProAthletes
Since when is a drunk bridesmaid who’s “trying too hard” a bad thing. Especially when she is trying to get more drunk
October 15th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
@ITouchdownThere: What exactly is so tough about giving up on TO? His best game so far is 3/53/1TD. You could get that kind of production from any number of second string tight ends. And in case you missed last week, the Bills’ offense is fucking awful. Housh is an enormous upgrade, more than I can see being necessary to pick between the Ricky-Felix coinflip.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Also, I don’t think the questions are that bad. They can’t all be “I’m thinking about secretly videotaping my naked sister-in-law.”
If at least one question gives us the opportunity to heap mockery and abuse on the writer, it’s all good.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
@itouchdownthere
I second the trade. i think housh is a huge upgrade and ricky is a slight upgrade over felix, so you should go through with it. as for your other problem, i’d agree that he might be worried about what you do with those pics if you guys ever break up or he just hasnt caught on that you want him to reciprocate with pics.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I can provide pictures of cockmeat… rofl…
Everybody’s trade ideas are god awful… Except for the Dwayne Bowe deal, pull that trigger like its a shotgun in front of a zombie.
And cheating is cheating. You can call a drunken encounter “non-pre-meditated” but if you are thinking about it right now as a possibility, then it IS premeditated and you have already tried to justify it as an option down the road. Sorry.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Question- If C sends her pictures to my cell phone…is it cheating?
October 15th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
@ everyone who is helping with my trade quandry…
Thanks and points noted. TO just gives me hope, and it is kinda one of those if it ain’t broke kinda things. I am undefeated, and high points 2 of the 5 weeks so I guess I’m just hesitant to screw with stuff.
I second the cheating is cheating, no matter if you planned it or it just happened. If you feel the need to cheat, then why not just cut the person lose your gonna cheat on.
October 15th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
you know…unless they pay your mortgage and shit.
/i kid i kid
October 15th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Take THAT Howie!
October 15th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
“You can call a drunken encounter “non-pre-meditated” but if you are thinking about it right now as a possibility, then it IS premeditated”
Yeah, I’d say that most of what the letter writer calls “second degree cheating” is really thinly disguised “first degree cheating.” All those “one thing led to another” scenarios are not exactly hard to see coming. “I totally didn’t mean to cheat on you! Sure, I met my ex for drinks, went back to his/her place after the bar closed, and continued to get drunk and talk about our old times together, but I had NO IDEA that would leave to us fucking!”
October 15th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Bridesmaids’ dresses: The female equivalent of a cucumber down a guys pants. Either that or I’m supposed to believe their tits go that far down before turning out.
Wedding guy: Listen to Holy Taco, they are your friends.
Butter: No brainer, the freshman. She’s hot and you’ll be gone in a few months. Consider it a favor to her; she has to learn sooner or later guys are just dicks, relationships suck. Plus she’s stuck there for a few more years and can’t potentially follow you around after graduation like senior girl.
C: If he fears the post-breakup repercussions, tell him you just want a photo of his meat to rub all over you. No faces. I think he’ll respond… And yes, let us know when he’s gone.
RD: I REALLY hope you meant thigh high stockings and not socks
Female perspective? Fuck wordy, there’s gold in them thar hills!
October 15th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
I have a FF question if any of you Hungarian assholes cares to answer. Would you trade Knowshon Moreno and TinyDarren for Randy Moss? My thought process is threefold, and if i was Peter King i would convey those three reasons with 16 bat shit insane bullet-points. One, i start 2 RB’s and 1 flex, standard espn scoring and i already have Pierre Thomas, Cedric Benson, Marshawn Lynch, Mike Bell, Lesean McCoy, Rashard Mendenhall and Felix Jones. Two, Moreno has to play a lot of tough D’s yet (Bal, Pit, Was, SD, NYG, Ind, and Phi) and also still has a bye week, so I don’t think I would start him or Sproles over any of my other backs. And Three, this would give me Moss, Calvin Johnson, and Anquan Boldin at WR, (with CJ being hurt for who knows how long.) The rest of my team is Brees, Antonio Gates, Jets/Vikings and Longwell.
tl;dr Knowshon Moreno/TinyDarren for Randy Moss. Yes or no? Thanks.
October 15th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
@npk, that’s giving up a lot for Moss, but it fits your needs squarely. Pull that trigger. Then again, I love Randy Moss.
October 15th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
@ not peter king:
I think it fits. Moss probably improves as the season goes and Brady knocks off more rust. You have a good RB corps and Tiny Darren is on a shit team this year, and Moreno is kinda iffy. You’re good with Mendy Thomas and Benson.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
Who the fuck signs their email “Butterpants”? Get a set of balls son and tag both of them you fawkin’ pussy. Then get yourself another twisted tea and a respectable handle while your at it.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:24 am
Butterpants might be a Yellow Jacket. Then again, he may very well be a Boilermaker. And I definitely wouldn’t rule out the service academies.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:33 am
“I’m a senior at a good. small college with infamously unattractive girls…where every guy is not only smart but is most likely an athlete”
Not sure what’s funnier, thinking that West Point is a good college or thinking that anyone there is smart…
October 16th, 2009 at 12:42 am
Single mom banger-
She’s either looking for a dad for her oopsie…or she’s a tramp that doesn’t give a shit. It might help to know how old she is. Hope she’s a tramp, though…
October 16th, 2009 at 2:17 am
TankGal,
You are a goddess. We need pics of you and your girlfriend.
As for your boss, what a goddamn fucking cocktard. If you don’t work in any kind of position where you have to face customers or are in any representative quality for the company, he can’t fucking tell you what to do in your spare time. Is this a big company? Go to HR and bitch about him. Fuck, hang him for sexual harrassment. What an asshole.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:20 am
do you have any tried and true tips on dealing with crazy broads?
Stuff her panties in her mouth, flip her over, and fuck her for God and Country.
October 16th, 2009 at 2:26 am
orange line: Satin sheets. Make fun of them all you want and you guys will and she will. But the second she’s in them they’ll be soaking wet and she won’t want to leave. Just make sure that they’re black, other colors are definitely gay.
Satin sheets are the shit, but black? Seriously? Sure, it looks cool, but damn 289, you better be washing those things every day if you’re having sex in it. Unless you like the idea of waking up to giant cumstains…
Get white sheets. The stains don’t show.
Other than that, hells to the yes. Having her just slide up and down on the sheets while lying impaled underneath you is the SHIT.
/owns 3 satins sheets.
//satin bedspreads as well.
///satin sandwich = win.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Wrong take on 4th girl from the left…she is tilting to avoid the suction and allowing for a steady pour down her gullet…she is the keeper.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Good stuff on the apartment advice. Just got unmarried after 12 yrs, and good to know women aren’t expecting too much.
Cheating is cheating, good luck trying this ‘degree’ shit wit a significant other. Sounds more like a way for you to avoid guilt.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Not sure what’s funnier, thinking that West Point is a good college or thinking that anyone there is smart
???
Those idiots at Forbes Magazine seem to think its an ok school. As does pretty much anyone with a brain or any common sense.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I think satin sheets are kinda skeevy, but it’s possible that’s just me. Simply clean sheets are my expectation.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Wrong take on 4th girl from the left…she is tilting to avoid the suction and allowing for a steady pour down her gullet…she is the keeper.
I’d wager large sums of money that those flasks are empty props.
October 16th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Not sure what the comments said about it (didn’t read them all yet), but I’ve found that girls are very impressed with how clean I keep my house. Yes, the gay question gets asked. But it always goes over well that I’m not a total slob, don’t have a sink full of dishes, dust/sweep/vacuum/etc., and espcially keep a clean bathroom. Most people say I’m anal or have OCD. I just don’t make a mess. The bottle or red wine advice is spot on. And that wedding crystal actually comes in handy for something now! Oh, and remember to always have clean towels and a new toothbrush. I use an electric and just say I have a bunch of them from the dentist. And in the summer, planting flowers and keeping the landscaping sharp is a nice touch too. Don’t go crazy on decorating though. Some cool framed photos you took, a few items from trips, etc.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Fuck it, play Maclin and hope Nnamdi Asomugha locks in on Jackson.
FUCK YOUZ GUYS. Jackson needs to step up this week or I’m fucked again!
October 16th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I still don’t get this “Howie/Nickname” thing. Is this supposed to be humorous? If so, please explain in more detail.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Is it just me or do some people put more effort into nicknames for the KSK guys and players than their actual questions?
People TOO involved in Ren Faires freak me out, but this chick seems fine. And I try not to be too judgey (out loud) about that sort of thing, cause we’re all reading and commenting about sex and FANTASY football on the interwebs. Just saying. Everyone has their thing they like. My ex would rather play damn World of Warcraft than have sex. THAT is where I had to draw the line of nerdom.
Speaking of fantasy, I’m a firm believer in not rocking the boat if you’re undefeated. I’m 4-1 and have maintained 2nd place thus far. I have issues I want to fix, but am too scared to touch anything right now. It’s still two weeks too early to really worry, IMO.
October 16th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Butterpants:
a) I am a female Steelers fan, born and raised in western PA (sure I don’t live there now, but, hey..), and 5′9″ 120lbs and definitely don’t look terrible. I am ashamed that Fat Steelers Fan Girl Thing has ruined it for all the actually attractive west PA female Steelers fans out there.
b) No girl, no matter what she is willing to do sexually, is a “slampig.” Are you kidding me?
October 17th, 2009 at 4:35 am
Butterpants: It’s a tough call, but I’m leaning Manningham and Morris. I wouldn’t bench Mason just because he didn’t produce last week, but I would bench him because I don’t think he’ll continue producing this season.
And if you’ve got to choose, go for the younger, hotter girl. It’s a safe bet that whatever “relationship” you end up in won’t last, so the only real question here is who you’d prefer to have sex with.
TankGal: Awesome.
RD: A nerdy hobby, on its own, probably shouldn’t be a deal-breaker.
Screwed Twice: Ignore UM, blame Del Rio. If getting your dick wet after curfew is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
orange line: Don’t even think about trading Brady straight up for a tight end. He’s still an outstanding quarterback with a lot of weapons. Ben or the Schaub-Carlson package for Clark would both be worth considering, but I’d say you should stand pat for another week and see what Hasselbeck does for Carlson.
MC: Moss, Johnson, and Sims-Walker is as good a receiving group as any fantasy owner is likely to have. As awesome as it would be to get Fitzgerald, you don’t need him.
October 21st, 2009 at 3:57 pm
@Nikki – He wanted to do WHAT instead of having sex with you??? WoW is truly evil and you did the right thing dumping him
As for T.O.: You’ve caught his act in Dallas, and even if he keeps his head on straight, his physical skills (read: catching the effing ball) are eroding too fast to make up for an awful Buffalo offense. And let’s be honest, the lack of speed makes him Buffalo’s 2nd receiver in fact if not in name… Do you really want that?