Today… A Drunkard Will Rise! (But Groggily… And Sometime in the Afternoon)
Fine, fine. We’ve had a enjoyable few months using Josh McDaniels as a comedic punching bag around these parts. But the smug little bastard might actually have the slightest (ever-so-tenuous) grasp on what he’s doing. BUT I STILL WANT TO SMACK THE SMUG OFF HIS FACE AND MAKE THE SMUG SIT ON THE BENCH AND WATCH THE BRONCOS FAIL! Nevertheless, the lesson, as always, is that the Cowboys can out-implode anybody.
[Thanks to commenter Greg Olsen is Making Me Sexist for the tip]
Tags: denver broncos, mcdaniels' SuperAIDS, neckbeard, xmas ape
October 5th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Look, the Broncos are my team and I love that they are 4-0, but this game was really more about proving that Dallas sucks than legitimizing Coach McD.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:34 am
I saw/heard the last minutes of the game and the stupid that issued forth from the nitwit sportscasters… One guy said something to the effect that Tony Romo is good at turning a game around. This after Romo apparently threw 2 interceptions. A monkey playing an accordion throughout the game would be better than the bozos they got calling it now. I could do better. I’m no monkey with an accordion, but still…
October 5th, 2009 at 10:36 am
I enjoy when the talking heads last night said “The Broncos are 3-0, but they haven’t beaten anybody respectable yet. Well, until today, when they played Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys!!1!”
If the cowboys that existed in sports pundits’ heads were a real team, they would win every game by 800 points. Instead, the real cowboys have Wade and Romo, and choke even against Neckbeard and Happy-to-be-here McDaniels. Hooray!
October 5th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Those bozos were Buck and Aikman, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that they were so terrible. Buck doesn’t enjoy watching sports and Aikman agrees with everything Joe says. At least this week the guys un the booth could pronounce Knowshon Moreno’s name correctly. Last week it was “Marino runs left,” “Marino runs right,” etc.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:43 am
For now I’m assuming that Mike Nolan is responsible for all of Denver’s success and McDaniels still sucks.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:45 am
That GIF is full of win
October 5th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Well, McDaniels is winning, but at least it’s fucking up that first round pick that the Seahawks are getting from them.
/always look on the bright side of life
dee do da-da dee dee dee-do
October 5th, 2009 at 10:47 am
I wonder if ESPN will trot out the white or the black horse to expound on Denver’s “success” before tonight’s game.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Did you see the look on Wade Phillips’ face at the end of the game? That’s a look of a man who see’s the writing on the wall. I bet by half way through the season Jerrah Jones fires Wade and plays the Garrett Experiment.
Just pontificatin’
October 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Neckbeard really does look like a quarterback from a different age. He’s a man I’d be proud to follow into the bottle.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Orton and Shaun Hill baby…two fat QBs with less than desirable arm strength and quickness who constantly find themselves on the winning end of football games. When QBs like this succeed, people (deservedly) heap all the credit onto the defenses, special teams, playmakers, etc., but there is something so incredibly valuable about a quarterback that doesn’t fuck his own team right in the asshole. The ability to avoid crippling turnovers and mental mistakes are traits that we fans tend to not credit enough, especially when the player’s physical deficiencies are obvious.
/Roethlisberger is what you would get if Orton or Hill had natural athletic ability.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Neckbeard and SuperAids is an unstoppable combo.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Don’t get too excited Bronco fans, the Bills were 5-0 last season.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I’m more excited for the demise of the Cowboys than the talent of McD’s SuperAIDS and Neckbeard.
But I did like the post that snafu wrote… I do think that a QB who doesn’t turn the ball over gets overlooked.
I’d still rather have Ben over Orton or Hill any day, but that’s an interesting thought to ponder while you’re at work, trying to avoid doing anything that taxes the brain today.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Yes, an eminently average QB who doesn’t turn the ball over is the key to success
/vision goes dark
/the words NEIL O’DONNELL flash in letters made of fire and pig’s blood
/goes catatonic
October 5th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Which will unravel faster in the next 60 days: Letterman’s tenure at CBS or Denver’s record?
October 5th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@Slash: Romo is good at turning around a game. He just happens to turn it into a lamp post.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Tony Romo’s a piece of shit, when you look at it.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I thought ‘The Replacements’ was just a movie…I didn’t know Keaunu Reeves could actually play QB in the NFL.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Romo can turn a game around, but in a “he’s a year away from being in one of those ‘we aren’t ready to leave yet’ Buffalo Wild Wings commercials” kind of way. We still want to drink some more lukewarm Miller Lite, put in Romo!
October 5th, 2009 at 11:11 am
It’s kind of funny how the draft pick swap everyone guffawed over (Sea 2nd round for Den 1st round) is not going to wind up nearly as successful as the highway robbery San Francisco pulled by giving up a 2nd rounder for Carolina’s 1st next year.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:19 am
It’s assuring knowing that Korton will usher the team to a nice 10 loss in a row mid season collapse. It’s almost like waiting for Christmas. Sure, I’ll enjoy watching the epic failure of the Broncos, but the anticipation really adds to the excitement. What are the odds that Simmons mentions the Broncos playing that “nobody believed in us” card in this game or future games? You know, that very very real thing that exists and plays a very significant role in determining game outcomes, more significant than coaching, conditioning, personnel, or play calling? That card.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:22 am
As a Bills fan, I am offended by the suggestion that the Cowboys can out-implode anybody. I believe we have shown, time and time again, that we can shoot ourselves in the foot with greater consistency and far greater accuracy than anybody else out there.
/fumbles kickoff
//breaks leg
///suggests the pathetic fuckstick with the bag on his head watch his team wallow in futility for a decade and a half then get back to me.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:22 am
What makes me sad were those pictures of Orton sleeping that some drunk skanks took of him awhile back. Either one was about 3,000x hotter than the tv repairwoman that Ben sexed up in Reno. Sure, Chicago has some of the hottest women in the country but you’d think: 2 Super Bowl rings > Emo hair and a neckbeard.
Oh, after being forced to watch the Cowboys three weeks now, I’ve come to the conclusion Romo is just Brett Favre without the talent.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:29 am
GiantSpaceBeaver makes a valid point.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:32 am
I do think that a QB who doesn’t turn the ball over gets overlooked.
Like Jason Campbell, who only threw six interceptions in 2008.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:37 am
The difference between the Cowboys and Bills is that the Cowboys’ implosions are cheeky and fun. The Bills’ implosions are cruel and tragic.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Sure the Bills are contenders for the title of Biggest Chokers, but we all know they’d somehow find a way to lose.
October 5th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I’m seriously gonna stop drinking. Orton looks worse than Keith Richards in that picture and he boozes like crazy.
/Seriously – he looks damn near 50 in that picture
//probably not gonna stop drinking
October 5th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@ Ryno -
Yeah, I was watching the game yesterday and kept thinking Orton looks like the present day Bob Dylan… Might wanna grow that neckbeard back out again…
October 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Trent Dilfer thinks Orton is a hall of famer.
HE MANAGES THE GAME.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I’m so happy that Neckbeard has grown the neckbeard back out. I wasn’t ready for a clean-shaven Kyle Orton.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
Cowboys fans’ Circle of Hell #5:
Romo will win more games than he loses, but he’ll lose enough that the wins won’t matter.
/misses Quincy Carter.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
While I agree with you snafu, the fact is that those QBs who do just enough “not to lose” are exposed in the worst way come playoff time. Unless of course you are Trent Dilfer or Brad Johnson, supported by a ferocious and opportunistic defense.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
And let’s see how Drunkbeard performs once he faces a real defense – Bengals, Browns, Raiders, and Cowboys do not exemplify this. AT ALL.
I’m LOVING the gif. Probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in quite awhile. And the Jack Daniels is perhaps the reason that Drunkbeard constantly throws 3-yard passes…his double-vision keeps him from attempting to wind up the noodle arm.
Lastly, have the majority of sane people finally sobered up and realized that Tony Homo sucks?
October 5th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Man, I’ve had some pretty aggrivating conversations with the asshole Cowboys fans I know about whether Romo is a giant bag of shit or a top teir NFL QB. I’ll let you guess at which side of the argument I was on. Shockingly, I could not change his mind… but thankfully he did not change mine either. Looks like the facts are continuing to back me up.
I’m looking forward to the Patriots unimpressively beating another undefeated team next week. I’ll take more bad calls, dipshit fumbles by the other team, and easy dropped passes if that’s what it takes. Just win, baby.
October 5th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I must give credit to the folks over a YTMND.com and the creator of the ‘ytmnd’ for the gif. They sure are a motley crew of useful idiots.
//hopes the guy makes on with Rex and a reel of rubbers when Schaub goes down this year.
October 5th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
*one, not on
October 5th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Orton almost looks like he is saluting Hitler at the start.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Come on, man, where’s our Wade ‘n’ Jerry?
October 5th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Ok so I’m hearing that Wade Phillips tripped and fell on his face at some point during or after the game… I really need to see this but haven’t been able to find it. Did anyone see that?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Face it people. 4-0 is 4-0. They may not have played great teams but they still got the W in the end. Thats a lot better than about 29 other teams can say in the league that aren’t 4-0. I think the Broncos look pretty decent and have a good chance at the playoffs……although that’s it.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
@BDiddy: The Bills started 4-0 last year and finished 7-9.
Yeah, that loss just screams for a Wade and Jerry post.