Comments on: Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week – Week 7

By: Mo Dred

Mo Dred — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 06:44:52 +0000

Dammit Ced! Kanye said “gonna find him a white girl.” Singular, as in one. Acting like Jim Kelly up in here.

By: Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits

Tim Tebow's Girlfriend's Tits — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:19:55 +0000

I dig that headband Benson is wearing.

By: CobraCommander

CobraCommander — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:06:51 +0000

Fire alarms are awesome when you have a), two babies sleeping peacefully, and b) a very sensitive pitbull sleeping at the foot of your bed. First thing that happens, the dog hears it BEFORE you do, and starts trying to go ALL PITBULL on the alarm (WHICH HE CANT GET TO! SO HE STARTS JUMPING AND TRYING To CLIMB THE GODDAMN WALLS). Second thing that happens, almost simultaneously by the way, is the babies start screaming like, well, babies. It’s 1145PM. WHAT DO YOU DO HOTSHOT??
Do what I did. Get chair. Climb on top of said chair. Punch the alarm until it starts raining plastic. Give the dog a rawhide bone. Put the babies in your bed (where they pass out within, oh, an hour or two) and hope you dont crush them while you sleep. And curse….lots and lots of cursing.

By: Sex Cannon and the City

Sex Cannon and the City — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 13:32:32 +0000

Each dorm at my college has a centralized security/ monitoring system which controls building access, fire alarms, and power distribution. I had the great misfortune of having the damned control center for the thing right outside my door. Now, this system is state-of-the-art, brand new, and very fancy, but the assholes at my school decided to save some cash by wiring it right in to the existing grid of a 40-year-old building with 20-year-old smoke detectors.

It being a college dorm, there were plenty of people who liked to smoke in their rooms. This was against the rules, and set off the smoke detectors. In addition to setting off an alarm in their room and the monitoring center across campus, it also caused the control panel right next to my door to go absolutely bananas. This would have been fine, except due to the faulty wiring in the place, once the alarm went off it took about 3 hours and 5 MIT-trained electrical engineers to get it to SHUT THE FUCK OFF.

Every thunderstorm, every slight power pulse, and every jackass pothead too lazy to walk outside to get high meant that I was not getting any sleep for the next 6 hours.

By: Buster Hymen

Buster Hymen — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:37:28 +0000

A few months ago I was at my friend’s apartment. We were frying on mushrooms, he was watching Apocalypse Now and I was curled up inside a sleeping bag listening to “Eye Flies” by the Melvins on repeat for probably a solid hour up to that point, off in my own little world.

All of a sudden, the fire detector starts going off at around 3AM for no reason. This thing is a shrieking banshee. You could hear it from blocks away. Other people in the building are waking up and angrily congregating in the hallway. The fire department was automatically notified, and would have come directly to the apartment complex if they hadn’t called the security guy who rigs everything in the building, who correctly told them it was probably just a malfunction. The poor guy had to get up in the middle of the night and drive from the next town over to turn it off.

The moral of the story: Fire detectors are sentient beings. They know when you are vulnerable. They are to be feared and respected. This unnerves me. Its death rattle is guaranteed to leave you sleepless or give you a bad trip. I’ve disabled the one in my own home because it also started going off at random due to low batteries. I refuse to feed it more batteries. If I’m too stupid to wake up when I become set on fire, I probably deserve to die.

By: BleachSoda

BleachSoda — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:04:52 +0000

I FUCKED A MERMAID!!!

/hes on a boat motherfucker

By: UbenHadd

UbenHadd — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:59:13 +0000

Matt Cassel=Scott Mitchell v2, minus the playoff appearances of course, but that was Sanders’ doing anyway.

For the people calling for Peyton to be Meast this week…shut the fuck up! I’m a Colts fan, but christ we only played the Rams, Curtis Painter could have kicked their ass. Benson definitely deserves it, especially for doing it against the Bears…and even better by staying in late in the game as his own personal “fuck you” to the Bears.

By: Gern

Gern — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 01:56:16 +0000

Black Guys + No Life Jackets = Trouble

By: Tommy's Tears

Tommy's Tears — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:46:09 +0000

Ah, in 2009, my smoke detector talks. Turn on the oven without opening a window, you’ll hear a very calm female voice that can be heard up and down the entire block say “fire, fire” pause “fire, fire.” I half expect to hear Nitzer Ebb after each “fire, fire.” At 3am, I’ve had the distinct pleasure of hearing “battery low” over and over again until I changed the battery. All the above also sends my German Shepard into Cujo barking mode. I can only imagine how much fun that was with kids.

By: david

david — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:07:14 +0000

how do unpaid college athletes afford this type of lake/river accomodations?? GASP! The NCAA sure doesn’t allow these student athletes to find a way to eke out a living!