Sean Taylor Memorial Meast Of The Week – Week 5
If you watched the end of the Broncos-Patriots game as I did, you remember sitting there for a solid minute or two after Matt Prater’s game winning kick as CBS cameras gleefully followed Bill Belichick around as he tried to search through the crowd on the field, in vain, for his lost love Josh McDaniels. It was just like the subway scene at the end of Crocodile Dundee.
Belichick wandered around for ages in his gay little hat, looking around for McDaniels so he could grudgingly shake his hand. “mumblemumble where is that little fucker so I can get this over with mumblemumble.” All the while, you have Jim Nantz being a fucking dipshit and telling you how much these two love one another and how much respect they have for one another. They should just call Nantz the fucking Whitewasher and get it over with. EVERYONE GETS ALONG IN NANTZLAND!
Then, eventually, at the end of the above video, Belichick starts running toward the tunnel and gives that “oh, fuck it” look and jogs in the tunnel without ever having seen McDaniels. It’s a delight of comic unfulfillment. “mumblemumble well FUCK HIM THEN, I guess mumblemumble”. Meanwhile, McDaniels is on the other side of the field going all Howard Dean on the crowd BEEYAAAWWWWW!!!! All by himself. Is there anything these two men do that doesn’t plumb the nadir of social awkwardness?
Anyway, your Broncos were certainly measty this week, BUT NOT ENOUGH! Your meast of the week is Matt Hasselbeck of the Seahawks.
I know Peyton is already guaranteed the MVP. But holy shit, does Seattle miss this man when he’s gone. There may not be a larger drop in quality from starter to backup anywhere else in the league. It’s staggering how awful they are with Seneca Wallace at the helm, and how capable they are when Hasselbeck is healthy. Also, Hasselbeck isn’t married to a screechy yapcunt.
For this week’s Least of the Week, there was some debate. Do you give it to Horse Balls for completing just two passes, or do you give it to the team that LOST to Horse Balls and his two formidable completed passes? Such a tough choice… no, no. We have to go Horse Balls. Man, that was one historically shitty passing day.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, horse balls, Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week
October 13th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
While Horse Balls is certainly a Leasty pick, my vote goes to Dre Bly. What a complete dipshit.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Beeyahhhhhhhh = Howard Dean, not Al Gore.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
“McDaniels is on the other side of the field going all Al Gore on the crowd BEEYAAAWWWWW!!!!”
- Woof. Either that’s an extremely obscure political reference, or you’re thinking of Howard Dean. Either way, its obvious at this point you need to spend some quality time outside DC.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
My “least” vote goes to Mike Sims-Walker. If you’re going to break a team rule and get suspended for a game, at least do it on a Wednesday so fantasy owners don’t get fucked over by your selfishness.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Dre Bly was indeed a complete dipshit… as his dipshittery (getting repeatedly ABUSED by Roddy White AND fumbling after the gimme pick) was of the TWO-WAY variety.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
That moron Howard Dean did that, NOT the greatest human ever who taught us the dangers of Manbearpig
October 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Well deserved Meast…and Horse Ballerific Least.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
According to McDaniels, Belichick and his son came to visit postgame in the locker room.
No speculation as to what went on.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
No least of the week for the K.C. Defense getting handed 3 turnovers, and 13 penalties for 90+ yards and *still* losing the game in OT? At home. Against the sub-mediocre Cowboys. In a game that was dedicated to one of the most important figures in pro-football history who happened to be the team’s owner’s father. That, sirs, was the least of the week. Or maybe I’m one of the only 13 people left who gives a shit.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I just don’t see how the Least isn’t the Bills. Horseballs may have gone 2-17, but what I don’t get is how is passer rating went up between 2-12 and 2-17. Doesn’t that mean you had five more incompletions? How does your rating improve?
October 13th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Buffalo’s defense did their job, but their offense was the least. Although they did score more points than the Jags this week.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
So we can safely assume that Jamarus is an Honorable Mention Least of the Week every time he takes the field?
That man is terrible.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
my least of the week…dan snyder….can we get a “SNYYYYYYYYDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR” chant going this sunday please?
October 13th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
“There may not be a larger drop in quality from starter to backup anywhere else in the league.”
Really? I mean, really? You honestly think that the drop from Hasselbeck to Wallace is as great as the drop from, say, Peyton Manning, Future Hall of Famer, to Jim Sorgi, who once auditioned to be the Maytag Repairman? That’s 100% true, by the way.
“I know Peyton is already guaranteed the MVP.”
Yup. The only way he doesn’t get it is if the voters go “You know what? We already gave him 3 of these. Hell, we just gave him one last season. Fuck this. He can wait to be the only guy to win 4 NFL MVPs.” Or if someone else just has a ridiculous season and Manning goes from “Superhuman, possibly godlike” to “Future Hall of Famer”.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2009/10/12/mcdaniels-belichick-agreed-not-to-do-handshake-met-after-game/
October 13th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
My vote for Meast: Miles Austin. 250 yards. Saved Coach Phillips’s job, thus continuing the Wade ‘n’ Jerry series. Hero.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
The smallest drop in quality from starter to backup anywhere else in the league? Brady Quinn to Horse Balls
October 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@ Leigh & @ newhopeinKC
Miles Austin wasn’t as measty as the KC D was leasty. There’s my vote for least.
/homer vote for Jeremy Maclin as meast
October 13th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Let’s not forget that last year Seattle was 1-6 in games where Hasselbeck played. I don’t really dispute anything that Drew said, but I do think the Seahawks are vastly overrated even with Hasselbeck at the helm.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Sorgi can at least manage your offense. Seneca looks as nervous as a 16 yeard old virgin seeing his first pussy and not knowing what to do with it, clumsily paws at the breasts, then fucks up the bra, trips over his pants when taking them off, rolls the condom on inside out, aims for the wrong hole, tangles her hair, and blows his load in 2 minutes.
Wait, thats me. Nevermind.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
HorseBalls would like to thank his wide receivers, running backs, and tight ends for making this award possible by dropping 8 or 9 catchable balls.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
@ newhopeinKC:
13?
October 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Be specific, Drew. I think you meant that MATT Hasselbeck isn’t married to a screeching yapcunt. But doesn’t Matt deserve a least of the planet award for NOT dumping potato salad over Elisabeth’s guant, demonic visage at the family Memorial Day Barbeque?
October 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Even though Horse Balls sucked his nickname, he had nine official drops. Nine!
October 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
I think Matt’s brother Tim is the one married to the shrill bitchy yapcunt.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
@ grungedave
I got a nice 0 as a result. Fuck you Mike “warts on the genitals of society” Sims-Walker
October 13th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
@G.G.: http://www.nfl.com/gamecenter/2009101104/2009/REG5/cowboys@chiefs#tab:recap/recap-channels:cat-post-recap-full-story
(right next to the “NFL Red Zone” advertizement).
/I hope I’m not violating any terms of use thing by posting this link. If so, I apologize to everyone.
@Westbrook: I agree.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Wow – can’t believe that none of the commenters has brought up Roddy White! He prison raped the niners secondary this past week.
October 13th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
“I know Peyton is already guaranteed the MVP.”
Brett Favre and his legion of knob swallowers in the media would beg to differ. He’s going to pull a Jeter, i.e. have a decent season, but the media falls all over itself to proclaim him the MVP despite not really doing anything great, just playing on a team of stars. Or in Favre’s case, handing the ball off 30 times to AP and not throwing pick 6’s.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Listen to Animal Mother, people (and possibly sheeple. I don’t know who I’m talking to). My perception of the average Vikings game goes like this:
*Favre hands off to Peterson on the Minnesota 1. Peterson dodges eight tackles, runs backwards thirty yards so he can make James Harrison look like a bitch twice then stiff-arms Troy Polumalu so hard his nose explodes*
“FANTASTIC PLAY FROM FAVRE THERE JIM, THAT MAN REALLY KNOWS HOW TO HAND OFF A FOOTBALL”
*Jared Allen takes advantage of Max Starks and Chris Kemoeatu mistaking one another for Vikings and rips Rongrastname in two at the waist*
“FANTASTIC PLAY FROM FAVRE THERE JIM, THAT MAN REALLY KNOWS HOW TO INSPIRE HIS DEFENSE”
*Favre throws an interception to…whoever that Pittsburgh player is I don’t hate, missing his intended target Percy Harvin by approximately sixty yards*
“FANTASTIC PLAY FROM FAVRE THERE JIM, TOO BAD HARVIN LOST TRACK OF HIS ROUTE”
Summary: Fuck Favre.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I hate to ruin some good Favre hate with facts, but he’s averaging better than 200 YPG, has a 9:2 TD to INT ratio and a 104.1 rating.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Biggus: and the Eye Discipline stats! Don’t forget those!
“historically shitty” — Careful, there. Don’t you know Bill Simmons invented that use of “historically”? NO ONE DENIES THIS!
October 13th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Thanks Biggus for proving my point. Wow! 200 ypg? Why didn’t PK mention this in his weekly knob slobbing of Favre.
Favre – 214 ypg, places him 20th behind such QB luminaries as Jason Campbell and Kerry Collins.
104.1 QB rating places him 4th behind PeyPey, Eli and Brees.
9 TDs puts Favre tied for 4th with Flacco and Brees and behind Eli and Schaub.
And only 2 INTs so far? Give him time, Vikings fans would welcome only 2 INTs from him in just one half in the playoffs.
Now those are facts that prove my point, nothing special, but the media will try and give him the MVP.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@Animal Mother-
I’m as big a Vikings rube as any, and I shudder to think that Favre would get MVP consideration during the year that Pey-Pey is having (and that Brees and AD may resume having). Trust me, as someone who has watched every game- he is doing well and has won us at least one game, but that does not an MVP make. Unfortunately, you know he will still get plenty of votes.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
“There may not be a larger drop in quality from starter to backup anywhere else in the league.” Seriously? Consider the Vikings – Favre to T Jack? If that isn’t the largest drop in quality – it’s gotta be close.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Horse Balls went 2 for 17, for 23 yards … and he’s starting next week.
To me, that makes Brady Quinn the Least. If Mangidiot won’t sit Horse Balls after that, when will Quinn ever play?
October 13th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I challenge Aaron Rodgers to Matt Flynn as biggest drop… I mean, Matt Flynn? The fuck is a Matt Flynn?
October 13th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Matt Flynn is the guy that won LSU’s most recent National Championship.
/just saying
October 13th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Can we just replace Hasselbeck’s back with a titanium rod and call it good? The next time I see he’s questionable due to his goddamn back I will go over and personally take a baseball bat to it so he has something to complain about.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Thank You TurlyGirlie…
Matt Flynn D1, backup with potential, engineered a TD drive
T-Jack(off) D2, backup who wasn’t even trade bait, engineered a turnover.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Matt Flynn is the guy that won LSU’s most recent National Championship.
After he couldn’t beat out JaMarcus Russell for the full time job…
/also saying
October 13th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
I wasn’t arguing he deserves the MVP. I’m just pointing out that he’s played well. Pey-pey might be the best QB to play in the NFL thus far. Brees is carrying his offense. Blah, blah, blah. Favre is good though, provided his arm doesn’t die.
October 13th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Biggest dropoff at QB is Drew Brees to Mark Brunell, no contest.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
What? No love for the Cutlerfucker to Caleb Hanie drop-off?
October 14th, 2009 at 2:00 am
@Rob
That fact alone would make me quit football if I was Matt Flynn.
October 14th, 2009 at 2:49 am
@rodgers_neighborhood
That’s because the Broncos are required by Colorado law to draft Colorado State’s most recent starting QB (i.e. Hanie, Bradlee Van Pelt, Justin Holland)
/former CSU student
October 14th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Heard somewhere Mangini has a potential uprising of locker room if he uses Brady Quinn again. Think it was on Dan Patrick show
October 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
@ Mike from Stumtown:
That would be a valid point if Cutlerfucker still played for the Broncos… but he’s the backup for the Bears.
I feel like I need to at least mention that Brady’s only backup is currently undrafted rookie Brian Hoyer, and that scares the shit out of all of us Patriots fans.
I’d also like to suggest Matt Shaub to Grossman/Orlovsky, Matt Ryan to Chris Redman, Carson Palmer to JT O’Sullivan, and Laserface to Billy fucking Volek. Let’s just agree there are some horrible backup quarterbacks out there.
/David Carr can’t believe he’s not on this list
October 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Oh also, I’d like to suggest myself for Least of the Week for dropping Kerry Collins (9.96 pts) to start Horse Balls (-14.38) to lose by 16 points. I mean… FUCK. I could have started Marc Bulger, David Carr, or TAVARIS JACKSON and won my game. I could have started FACKIN Edelman in my QB slot and won! You’re dead to me, Cleveland. Never again.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Regarding the biggest drop in talent – most of you are throwing out names of unknowns who have never encountered a live NFL snap. Who really knows what will happen when some youngster is shoved into the spotlight? I still say that Favre to T Jack is, quite possibly, the biggest drop simply because T Jack’s ability to kill a drive by throwing a pick is well documented.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I wish Nance would stop calling me “friend”…at best we’re acquaintances.
October 15th, 2009 at 12:12 am
@ Vince Wilspork
Imma need a co-least of the week with you because this dumbass also started horseballs. Lost by 10 points. I would have been better off with jamarcus fuckin russell
October 15th, 2009 at 2:03 am
@ Vince Wilspork
Good catch. I guess that proves how little I care about Cutlerfucker.
October 15th, 2009 at 2:05 am
@ Vince Wilspork
Good catch. I guess that proves how little I care about Cutlerfucker (or Broncos or Bears).
/(sulks) whatever