This week’s Meast is none other than Jared Allen of the Minnebretta Favrekings. Allen plowed through Green Bay’s Clifton-less line for 4.5 of the team’s eight sacks. He later celebrated by shooting a black bear and feasting on it’s precious sustentative gallbladder.
You can’t have a Meast without a Least, and this week’s ignominious award goes to Eli Manning’s happy feet…
Int. hospital, later that day
Doctor: So Eli, after examining your foot I’m fairly certain that what you’re suffering from is a fairly common condition called plantar fasciitis.
Eli: Planters is fascist? But I love their nuts.
Doctor: No Eli, what I’m saying is that you have something called plantar fasciitis in your foot.
Eli: Can I ask you something?
Doctor: Of course.
Eli: Is Mr. Peanut involved?
Doctor: I’m telling you this has nothing to do with Planters or their corporate mascot.
Eli: Man, I should have known. Moishe has been warning me about that Jew-hating peanut for years.
Doctor: You’re not understanding me. I’m trying to tell you that I believe you have a medical condition inside of your foot that’s causing you considerable pain.
Eli: Okay doc, just tell me one thing. How did Herr Peanut get into my foot?
Doctor: I’m sorry, do you have some sort of guardian I could speak with?
Eli: Mom’s coming to pick me up when the little hand gets to the 7.
Doctor: Very well, perhaps I’ll speak to her then.
Eli: Sure thing doc, but leave out the part about the Nazi peanut. I don’t want Mom getting wrapped up in anything too messy.
Doctor: She doesn’t have to know anything about it.
Eli: Good, because I think I know just the man for this job.
Doctor: What are you talking abo-
Eli: [begins humming Comin' Home]
Olivia Manning: ELISHA NELSON MANNING, I thought I told you to stop playing Inglourious Basterds! Now come with me, we’re going home.
Eli: But Moo-oom, I have to kill Mr. Peanut!
I want more like this!
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