Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week – Week 4
This week’s Meast is none other than Jared Allen of the Minnebretta Favrekings. Allen plowed through Green Bay’s Clifton-less line for 4.5 of the team’s eight sacks. He later celebrated by shooting a black bear and feasting on it’s precious sustentative gallbladder.
You can’t have a Meast without a Least, and this week’s ignominious award goes to Eli Manning’s happy feet…
Int. hospital, later that day
Doctor: So Eli, after examining your foot I’m fairly certain that what you’re suffering from is a fairly common condition called plantar fasciitis.
Eli: Planters is fascist? But I love their nuts.
Doctor: No Eli, what I’m saying is that you have something called plantar fasciitis in your foot.
Eli: Can I ask you something?
Doctor: Of course.
Eli: Is Mr. Peanut involved?
Doctor: I’m telling you this has nothing to do with Planters or their corporate mascot.
Eli: Man, I should have known. Moishe has been warning me about that Jew-hating peanut for years.
Doctor: You’re not understanding me. I’m trying to tell you that I believe you have a medical condition inside of your foot that’s causing you considerable pain.
Eli: Okay doc, just tell me one thing. How did Herr Peanut get into my foot?
Doctor: I’m sorry, do you have some sort of guardian I could speak with?
Eli: Mom’s coming to pick me up when the little hand gets to the 7.
Doctor: Very well, perhaps I’ll speak to her then.
Eli: Sure thing doc, but leave out the part about the Nazi peanut. I don’t want Mom getting wrapped up in anything too messy.
Doctor: She doesn’t have to know anything about it.
Eli: Good, because I think I know just the man for this job.
Doctor: What are you talking abo-
Eli: [begins humming Comin' Home]
Olivia Manning: ELISHA NELSON MANNING, I thought I told you to stop playing Inglourious Basterds! Now come with me, we’re going home.
Eli: But Moo-oom, I have to kill Mr. Peanut!
Tags: elisha, Least, Moishe, Nazi Peanut, photoshops by Ape, Sean Taylor Memorial Meast of the Week, This is what happens when Eli watches the Inglourious Basterds trailer too many times
October 7th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Honorable Measty Mention to the Minnesota O-Line. Favre got more protection than Obama at a Middle East Peace Summit.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Come on Maj, we both know that in any given week, Jason Campbell is still more Least than Eli or any part of him
October 7th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Did Eli have a secret mind meld with Ocho?
October 7th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
lofty ‘Shop job, that one.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
If only there were an appropriate animal spokesperson for that brand of peanuts.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
No “Least” for Mark Clayton? Seriously? Not even an honorable mention?
October 7th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
You know what the best thing for a sore foot is? A Super Bowl Ring. Go Giants.
Jared Allen is an animal. Giants/Vikings in the NFC final.
@porky1: I counted a 9 second window one play for favre to find a reciever that got drafted, signed and read the playbook while the Vikings were trying to get to favre.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Peyton didn’t get a Meast!!!! THIS SITE IS A RIPOFF
October 7th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I’ll show myself out, thanks.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Splendid photoshop of Mr. Peanut. made the whole day for me.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
1) Jared Allen: Rock on, you magnificent redneck bastard!
2) The Vikes’ O-Line finally realized pass-blocking is legal
3) Mr. Peanut is defintely a Nazi, but he’s terrified people will find out he’s part cashew.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Mr. Peanut is a Nazi? Who knew the peanut was actually the master legume/race!
I guess it figures since the peanut actually came here from Brazil. Coincidence? I think not!!
October 7th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I mean…Eli was pretty damn good this week.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Hey can you guys set this site up so that when the funny one writes something we get emailed or pinged or something?
October 7th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Uh-oh. Roy’s got his panties in a twist.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I did kinda ask for this yesterday, so I’ll just point out here that Eli threw a TD pass after he got the boo-boo.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
I’d have gone with the Dirty Chimichanga as the Least given his 4 turnover performance.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Beautiful work here. I now have a name and a mascot for next year’s FF team.
October 7th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Roy: here’s some advice from a past mailbag: eat a dick
October 7th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
The queens and fudge-packer game was a let down…favre came out of it alive and aaron rodgers still has one asshole…what gives?
October 7th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
@ JAYISOURQUATERBACK
Were you also first one to come up with “Queens” for the Vikings and “Fudge-Packer” for the Packers?
October 7th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
wtf, not even an honorable mention for Clay Matthews for stealing ADP’s cookies?
October 8th, 2009 at 12:29 am
Worst least ever. Eli had a good game and he’s been playing on that bum heel for most of the season.
October 8th, 2009 at 12:38 am
@Gino: #3 was a great bad pun. +1 for the play on words.
October 8th, 2009 at 3:02 am
Can we get a Nazi Peanut/Nazi Shark crossover?
October 8th, 2009 at 3:46 am
Can’t argue with Jared Allen for Meast. Can’t really put up Peypey this week either. I mean, the guy has only thrown 4 consecutive 300-yard games.
October 8th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Man, I thought for sure there was going to be some Romo hate. Ignoring an opportunity to blast a Cowboys implosion isn’t very KSKish.
October 8th, 2009 at 11:41 am
So Eli had a worse game than JaMarcus Russell, Romo or anyone on the Rams?
errr..notsomuch
October 8th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Wow… by epic proportions this is the lamest least.
So many options for duds like Romo, TO, Where or Merroidman (no sacks for either), dirty Sanchez throwing three picks… and you pick a QB that has 3TDs and 292 yds after a little over 3 quarters of playing time? Eli’s a least because he gets injured?
Needs repeating… incredulously lame choice for least
October 9th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Seriously? Eli was the least?
Sounds like whoever did this post has some issue with Eli…
So many players shit the bed in week 4, like Terrence Newman whining about the ref not calling Brandon Marshall for an offensive penalty on that 50yd catch & run… or the San Diego defense being called soft and bewildered by their front office… or Brady whining like a bitch to the ref about Suggs trying to tackle him…
But nope, you pick a player who played exceptional and got hurt? Whoever made this post, you fail terribly.