Screamy Taskmaster vs. Washed-Up Star and STD Repository. WHO YA GOT?

balloonshockey

The unbeaten Giants travel to the Superdome Sunday to play the undefeated Saints. It’s a supremely consequential game that could play a large part in the eventual make-up of the NFC playoff picture. But let’s not that allow all that meaningful subtext to get in the way of petty grudges one player holds against the team that made him a star. But it’s not just any former player – it’s a heroic douchebag that the more obnoxious members of the Giants fanbase still cling to as though he invented chin strap facial hair and chain smoking. Meanwhile, that player is promising to have his best game of the year against his former team. Since he’s already has two TDs in one game, he must be promising three. Will he deliver. WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Tom Coughlin______________________Jeremy Shockey

What’s his specialty?

SCREAMSCREAMSCREAMING_________________Bearing unique cocktails of STDs

What did he do to frighten Eli?

Use non-inside voice while inside__________________Get non-temporary tattoos

Has he passed out in Vegas?

CAN YOU PASS OUT FROM SCREAMING?! THEN YES!______________Blacked out anytime not on field

Can he get away with mixed race marriages in his state?

DON’T CARE! TOO BUSY SCREAMING!___________________Guess not

Does he remain a Giant or is he Jeremy Shockey?

waleshockeywyg

Did Anyone Hear Him Screaming “Falcon, Falcon”?

One redeeming accomplishment

That Super Bowl he won___________________Screwing Vida Guerra

Finishing move

Being relevant_________________________Being lucky enough to have Drew Brees throwing to him

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26 Responses to “Screamy Taskmaster vs. Washed-Up Star and STD Repository. WHO YA GOT?”

  1. n.o. Says:

    Needs more Shockey premature celebration.

  2. Cutlerfucker Says:

    The Heene family is pig disgusting. Nothing but attention whores.

  3. Mo Charlo Says:

    Wow, apparently Larry King has sunk pretty low, too. Also, Maj is going to get you for posting a link to a Wale vid before he did.

  4. Reggie Bush's Pimp Says:

    One redeeming accomplishment: Screwing Vida Guerra

    But is that really an accomplishment if half of Jersey has done it too?

    In any case, I hope Shockey spreads his STDs all over the Giants’ linebackers and defensive backs. The Breesus could use having another multiple TD game.

  5. dm72 Says:

    Any other city would’ve quarantined Shockey. So yeah, New Orleans is perfect for him.

  6. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Does he remain a Giant or is he Jeremy Shockey?

    +1

    /obvious

  7. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    I’m not sure whether to be pissed at the Heene family or stand up and give them the slow clap for the ballsiest publicity stunt in history.

  8. ITouchdownThere Says:

    Jeremy could still Shock-me…

    /I will go to the corner now.

    //I really like the douchebags sometimes…..ugh

  9. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Mo- http://deadspin.com/5343755/bruntletts-unassisted-triple-play-closes-out-the-mets

  10. Schuyler's Boat Says:

    The Heene family deserves “The Strangers” treatment. Fucking whackjobs. Anyone who calls themselves an extra-terresstial hunter should be sent to Auschwitz and forced to relight the furnaces before being shoved in by Mel Gibson.

  11. Rob in WI Says:

    So… who’s cocktail of STDs kills first? Urlacher or Shockey?

  12. ITouchdownThere Says:

    sigh.

    I miss Sexy Friday already

  13. Mo Charlo Says:

    I would also like to point out that Shockey’s tattoo of a bald eagle wrapped in an American flag is pretty cool. If you’re into giant tattoos.

    And Maj – I figured you already had. I’m just glad it wasn’t on this site. Then I’d look REALLY stupid.

  14. Brian Says:

    STD repository = Reggie Bush

    Give credit where credit is due.

  15. Otto Man Says:

    Normally, when you see a picture of Reggie Bush next to someone labeled “Washed-Up TV Star and STD Repository,” she has a bigger ass.

  16. DixieNormess Says:

    Jesus. I would ratherbe be raised Joe Jackson. The one WITH the shoes.

  17. PlayoffBeard Says:

    Wale references should be put into every post.

  18. Sam Says:

    Coughlin pops black and gold bottles like he’s pro New Orleans, but shawty he’s far from a Saint

  19. spanky datass Says:

    I believe that ditty by Wale is what the kids call the hipping and the hopping type music.

  20. DMV Says:

    Agree with PlayoffBeard. That would really make this blog flyer than the rest of em.

    /still got his Nike boots

  21. mick Says:

    Shockey pfft. What a fucking cockgobbler. Overrated as they come. I loved how he would jump around after an inconsequencial 3 yard catch in his own territory in the first quarter. Is he still doing that?

  22. Bluenatic Says:

    Eff Shockey. Giants are 19-3 in their last 22 on the road. 17-2 ATS in their last 19. Take those 3.5 points and run.

  23. jimmy dolan shake n bake Says:

    I am convinced when Shockey played for the Giants he did something to his helmet that made it pop off easier. That shit was always coming off when he got hit.

  24. Kryptonic Says:

    Did no one else besides Brian and me assume that Bush was the STD repository upon seeing the picture?

  25. Big Black Richard Says:

    I assumed it too. With Bush’s dating habits, I’m pretty sure that he’s being studied by the CDC to see if any new STDs are evolving.

  26. Monica Dickey Says:

    Man I bet Bush would make more money as a biological STD weapon research experiment than he does playing ball lol

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