Rivers Leads the League in Grit, But Orton Leads the League in Jack
Credit to the Something Awful forums
For the second time in the first six weeks of the season, MNF announcers have pronounced a starting QB to be “leading the league in grit.” First, it was Jake Delhomme against Dallas. Tonight, it was Marmalard against Denver. Of course, both quarterbacks suffered gruesome defeat, so we can conclude grit not only amounts to unbearable whiteness, but suckitude as well.
Even resorting to two-handed granny floats wasn’t enough to ensure victory on this night for Marmalard. Not with Eddie Royal’s zero catches capturing everyone’s attention. Seriously, I look at the stat sheet and I can’t understand the hubbub.
“We lost? Man, the dudes at the skate park are gonna give me so much grief for leaving two-thirds of my hair its regular color. I gotta break my rape cherry and quick.”
Nice facepaint application, toothless bro. Be advised that fake dreads bro looks like he wants to drop epic slammage on your be-blued visage.
Jester caps were highly in evidence with fans of both teams in this game. Was it their prankster god that forced this errant referee toss off Merriman’s head?
Tags: marmalard, mnf recap, neckbeard, Rafael gifs
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October 20th, 2009 at 12:47 am
As a Bronco fan who lambasted McDaniels and predicted a misery laden 5-11 season, I am forced to admit I know nothing about the NFL. Well, other than the fact that Norv is a terrible coach and LT needs to just go ahead and make his retirement official.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:50 am
(”chick?” behind the skater-dude)
So nice to see that one of the Hutts made it to the game. It’s a shame about what happened to Jabba…
October 20th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Where the hell is the Matron Saint?
October 20th, 2009 at 1:52 am
I lost by 4 points in fantasy tonight because of a guy with zero catches. Oh and because Marmalard couldn’t get two god damn touchdowns. I don’t know who to hate more right now!
October 20th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Fucking goddamn fuck…I swear Norv’s face gets a new crease with every loss…
October 20th, 2009 at 3:42 am
Lock your doors, San Diego. Merriman is probably feeling rape-y after being disrespected.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:26 am
@95.5:
I feel you, I lost by 5.5pts because of Gates lack of performance.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:02 am
Gaffney’s bug-eyes are the best part of that picture. Damn.
October 20th, 2009 at 7:00 am
Dude, WTF is up with blue-face’s teeth? Looks like Stonehenge in there…
October 20th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Paul Lukas does not approve of the inaccurate pants striping in the picture of Orton riding a bottle of homoerotic Jack Daniels. ATTENTION TO DETAIL PEOPLE
October 20th, 2009 at 8:12 am
You ever see something during a game and think “that’s gunna end up on KSK” Well that’s what I thought when I saw Jabba’s Boobs in the grey shirt. I was close.
October 20th, 2009 at 8:49 am
That ref is a bad ass. How’d that go?
“Hey, Shawnee, think fast”
“whu?”
*Boink*
“Ha! ha!”
“Hey motherfucker…”
“What’re ya gonna do about it? Hit me? Too bad for you I’m not a 90 pound Asian woman”
“Oh, you got a point there acutally. Well played, ref, well played.”
October 20th, 2009 at 8:58 am
I want that top image framed in my living room.
October 20th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Fake dreads bro is totally about to drop the people’s elbow.
/rides rainbow-shitting bottle of Jack off into the universe
October 20th, 2009 at 9:43 am
KO is 4 real
October 20th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Reflolz is fucking great, even better that it was Merriman.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Holy shit is Tiny Darren Tiny.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Yes, I’m eating a shit ton of crow right now for predicting nothing but misery this season for the Broncos. But last night was beautiful.
Got me thinking last night though how much this feels like Tampa Bay when Gruden arrived. I was living in Tampa when that happened. It felt the same. Young arrogant hotshot comes in to replace beloved but underachieving coach. Fan base is divided. Team rides a suffocating, veteran-loaded defense headed by a great defensive coordinator. Mediocre QB leads an efficient but completely boring dink and dunk, ball control offense to victory. Coach has a high profile dispute with a tall, retarded but awesome wide receiver. Team appreciates the new coach’s enthusiasm and breath of fresh air, which takes them over the hump.
Then if history is any indication, after this inspiring peak, the team begins to collapse as coach brings in all “his” guys and fucks up draft after draft. The players get tired of this “my way or the highway” approach. The fans get sick of the boring offense, and the defense loses its mojo. McDaniels gets fired five or six years from now.
October 20th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Neat to see the image getting some additional play. I do these pretty regular, and post them on my site:
http://www.electrobertjones.com/content.php?sec=proj&dir=sas
(you can use them as forum avatars or whatever, but don’t leech them)
October 20th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Yeah, that illustration is pretty fucking awesome. Next time the Cowboys lose, do one for JJ and the boys. Please.
October 20th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Wait, Slash doesn’t like the Cowboys? Weird.
/sarcasm
October 20th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
On the Westwood One radio broadcast yesterday, Marv Albert described one of Marmalard’s throws as “punt like”. This thrilled me to no end.
October 20th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Did anyone else notice that Jaws used “float” AND “Laser” to describe Philip Rivers’ throwing last night?
It’s like he knows us.
October 20th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
No I’m rooting for the Broncos to get to 18-0, just to see if the Broncos fans can out-douche the Patriots fans. Or worse yet, the Patriots fans jump on the Bronco bandwagon since the coach and half the players are former Patriots.
And fail in the Super Bowl, of course.
/is giddy at the thought of the Redskin shit show next Monday
October 20th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
That ogre behind rapeskate is truly, truly horrifying
October 20th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Excited Bug-eyed Gaffney is making a strong case for me to make an avatar change. That whole Orton/Marmalard/Gaffney/Tomlinson image is freaking amazing.
I love that our fanbase may be getting douche-ier…..it’s a great arbiter of success.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
As a Bronco fan who lambasted McDaniels and predicted a misery laden 5-11 season, I am forced to admit I know nothing about the NFL.
Likewise–andI thought 5-11 was being optimistic–I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but you can’t say that McDaniels wrecked the team.
October 20th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
@Ottoman RIGHT ON I was thinking that! MAybe we can track down the artist and commission a fullsize oil painting haha
I don’t think Broncos have a chance but I’d love to see the fans reaction if they made it somehow
October 20th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Wait….My Jim Beam (or Ancient Age, when I’m feeling thrifty) doesn’t shit out rainbows from the bottom of the bottle, nor let me ride it like some psychedelic rocket transport to Super Bowl XLIV. Might be time to begrudgingly switch to Jack.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
who cares about the guy with the blue mohawk, the chick behind him is expanding very rapidly!
October 21st, 2009 at 11:23 am
Sure was a whole lotta grabass after that play.
DNT ASK, DNT TELZ
October 23rd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
It all comes down to this…Kyle Orton wins games, and Marmalard doesn’t. Think the Chargers deep down in places they don’t want to talk about wonder about that whole getting rid of Drew Brees thing?