Putting the Super Mario Bros. Above These Hos
The Niners defense is already on my good side for putting up 39 points in fantasy last week, which almost single-handedly gave me a victory over Ufford. Nevermind that they might have a hard time duplicating that feat against a team not as surpassingly awful as the Rams, I still dig ‘em, but mostly because criminally unrecognized linebacker Patrick Willis don’t mess with none of them womenfolk who try to get in the way of his video gaming.
Cosmo: What’s something a woman might say that would turn you off?
Patrick: “If she said she doesn’t like men who play video games, that would be a problem. I’m a video game fanatic!”
YEAH – AIN’T NO PUSSY GOOD ENOUGH TO STOP ME FROM GETTING THE NEW GRAND THEFT AUTO DLC LATER THIS MONTH! YOU GET TO PARACHUTE IN THAT JOINT! I CAN’T PARACHUTE INTO NO PUSSY! YOU GET PUSSYCHUTES, MAYBE WE TALK!
I also greatly anticipate what will likely be a minimum 30 cutaway shots to the finally signed Michael Crabtree on the sidelines during this game. Which hilariously dated cultural icon will be joining him today?
I’m also a little concerned that the Falcons seem to be the overwhelming consensus choice to win this game. DON’T PEOPLE KNOW SHAUN HILL IS 7-0 AS A STARTER IN CANDLESTICK?
In other late game notes:
Tags: open thread, Patrick Willis, pussychute, video games, xmas ape
October 11th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Yeah, the Niners made me pretty much look stupid for not starting them last week.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I’m listening on the radio… are the Broncos running a video game offense?
October 11th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
What the he’ll is Denver wearing?
October 11th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Piss and Shit.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
*hell
Stupid ipod.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
NO fair touching Brady!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
WELKAH!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
That’s my boy, WELKAH!
/he’s damn near invisible in these faggy ass white uniforms
October 11th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
i dont like the pats new uniforms they need to go back to there throwbacks
October 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
*sigh*
/drinks for missing my Seahawks season tickets
//drinks more for being a Seahawks fan
///wakes up on the beach missing a kidney
October 11th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Fucking Jack Del Rio, how dare he bench Sims-Walker AND wait to announce it right before gametime? Fuck his undisclosed violation of team rules, he’s on my goddamn fantasy team and I didn’t have a chance to take him out!!! Fucking fuck face Del Rio, I can’t wait until he’s fired and hopefully gets pancreatic cancer
October 11th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Denver is bringing the fugly with those throwbacks.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Mare is going to fuck this game for us, I feel it.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Don’t look now duchebag. It’s Atlanta 14-0. Are you the one who told the guy in the fantasy/sex mailbag to start Hill over McNabb? Good call!
October 11th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
@PirateSloth
Mare won’t have a chance to lose the game, the Hawk’s D is going to be forcibly ass raped by MJD.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Way to go kicker guy with the long name I don’t want to type.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Wow “duchebag”… 14-0 9 minutes in, and the more they are down the more they throw. I doubt Atlanta wins this one 42 nuthin. Yahoo sports is over there —->
October 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Touche Fish, touche.
Of fucking Torry Holt.
/roomie thinks I’m an alcoholic on Sundays
October 11th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
The end of that Cowboys game made me sick to my stomach. Next up for my Eagles: a trip to Oakland. I’m pumped.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
PirateSloth, be sure ro let us know what the temp is there. Its 48 f on my piece of the Great Plains right now.
/sad
//live on Oahu as a child
October 11th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Too bad Coughlin totally fucked me by benching Eli and putting in ass-faced Carr. I coulda used some extra points.
October 11th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
typeotypeotypeo
October 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Just a typo. 49er is San Franciscan for Matt Ryan’s Bitch………………
October 11th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
McDaniels is just trying to buy time for the SuperAIDS to take effect.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
That call against Mankins was disgusting. Why can’t a 320 pound offensive lineman block a guy more than a hundred yards lighter than him in the back? What is this, touch footballs?
/Ravens’d
October 11th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
It’s 82 and humid. I just ate some Hulu chicken from the church sale across the street from me that they started cooking last night at midnight.
/locals think I’m crazy for listening to football and drinking
//dragged the laptop with the broadcast across the street, somehow the wifi made it
October 11th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Cue the hypocrite New England fans whining about how the league babies quarterbacks too much.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Riley Cooper takes offense to your username.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Don’t look now duchebag. It’s Atlanta 14-0. Are you the one who told the guy in the fantasy/sex mailbag to start Hill over McNabb? Good call!
Actually, that was Punter who recommended Hill over McNabb, dutchfag or gooshrag or whatever the fuck your rudimentary literacy construes as the worse insult.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Did the Broncos steal those ugly unis from some Division II school in 1943? And why the hell do they look like the Stillerz…only more retarded?
/bored by this week
//next week: 5-0 Giants at 4-0 Saints. Bring it on!
October 11th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Very true Ape. Beatdown accepted
October 11th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Cue the hypocrite New England fans whining about how the league babies quarterbacks too much.
That was actually textbook roughing the passer. But, thanks for playing.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
WEEEEEEEELKAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
October 11th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Back in… he’s gritty
October 11th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
MorelOrelHershiser Says:
October 11th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Wow “duchebag”… 14-0 9 minutes in, and the more they are down the more they throw. I doubt Atlanta wins this one 42 nuthin. Yahoo sports is over there —->
Naaaa……………but I’ll take 35-10 at the half
October 11th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Surprised that ATL is working the SF defense
October 11th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I’ll have my tall glass of suck on the rocks please.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Vince Wilfork is not a pretty site in a snow white uniform. Seeing that was a life changing moment. I’m going on a diet, as soon as I finish my beer, ice cream and twinkie stash.
October 11th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
The Pats and Broncos both look like idiots in those hideous fucking jerseys. Denver almost looks as stupid as the Eagles and Jets throwbacks.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Cowboys’ throwbacks looked awesome! KC’s were arite.
/shows drunk self door.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
pussychutes > pussy tubing
Traded Romo and Manningham for Flacco this week. I am so smrt, S-M-R-T.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Woah that sounded horribly creepy.
“I get some young kids so I don’t have to go by myself.”
October 11th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I love that Hass is back.
/drinks more
October 11th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Nance just referred to Matt Light as “much respected.”
Translation: he sucks.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Wow, I feel bad for McCown
October 11th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
@ Professer
Ya I heard that too. Does he honestly think its less creepy to “get some small children” than to go alone? *shudder*
October 11th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Andre Johnson is one baaaaaaaaaad man.
October 11th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I’d forgotten the spectacular fugliness of those old Patsy uniforms. At least Denver’s could pass for a mediocre high school.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Damn, that DEN-NE game looks like a good one. We’re being treated to SEA-JAX (41-0) and ATL-SF (45-10) here on the West Coast.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
I’m surprised CBS hasn’t switched to the Pats/Broncs game.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Those socks that Denver’s wearing are hideous… They remind me of oompa-loompa’s.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Jeebus, the Broncos receivers must have excelled at the Tom Brady School of Calling for Flags on Every Play.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
As soon as I bitched about the quality of the games on TV, CBS switched over to a very watchable Broncos-Pats game. I need to complain in these comments more- it’s like magic.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
NAWT FAYAH!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Am I the only person hoping the Pats blow this solely for the inevitable Bill Simons whine fest given the Sox elimination?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Pats and Broncos involved in Fumble Bowl. I blame the SuperAIDS for making the ball all slick.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Didn’t that Pats player just run into Orton’s knee? Isn’t that supposed to be a penalty, or is that just when Brady is the quarterback?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Kyle Orton needs to hurry up or he’ll miss gameday drink specials.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Even though I’d rather get the Broncos first round pick, I hope they make this field goal.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
SUPERAIDS’d!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Broncos, 5-0. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
Patriots lose. Red Sawk lose. Dark days ahead in Bahstahn.
But at least the Bruins are playing…oh wait, I forgot. No one gives a shit about hockey in Bahstahn, right?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
And it’s …. GOOD!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
I wish somebody could sneak a camera into the Pats’ team plane tonight.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Did McDaniel just pull out a Sieg Heil for the crowd?!?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
holy shit McDaniels going nuts right now…SUPERAIDS FTW!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Did anybody else see the “Sieg Heil” sign McDaniels just gave?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
That’s a fistpump combo even Jeff Fisher couldn’t counter, McDaniels.
October 11th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
SUPERAIDS DEFEATS THE DEVIL!
October 11th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Tawmee from Quinzee: “Fawk all of you hatahs! The Celtics will own the fawkin’ NBA this year! NO ONE DENIES THIS!”
October 11th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
The best live blog for tonights game or the best live blog for tonights game?
October 11th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
There’ll be a few fresh black eyes on the women of Boston tomorrow morning.
/was seriously wrong about McDaniels
/was still right about Orton though. Jesus does Neckbeard suck.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
McD has done a great job SUPERAIDsing his team, but I just don’t see how the he thought Cutler would be easily replaceable. The offense hasn’t been what’s made them 5-0 it’s been the defense. With Cutler this team would be even better I’d have to feel. Oh well, glad to have him in Chicago.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
good job Ape, you managed to jinx both the Niner defense and the Niner offense in just one post
October 11th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Only too happy to oblige, Persiflage
October 12th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Figures. I bench Kellen Winslow, he scores 30+ points.
Bastard.