Plaxico Denied A Microwave
Plaxico Burress had a couple of visitors over the weekend, unfortunately they brought along some contraband that didn’t make it back to his cell.
Burress’ visibly pregnant wife, Tiffany, and their 3-year-old son, Elijah, visited him Saturday and again yesterday. On Saturday, his wife attempted to bring him a GE microwave oven but was turned away by guards and had to lug it back to her white Range Rover.
Plaxico and Tiffany had a brief conversation before the guards made her leave with the microwave, a transcript of which follows.
Plaxico: What the hell is this?
Tiffany: You said you wanted a cake.
Plaxico: This isn’t a cake.
Tiffany: No, that’s a microwave. Good one too. Same one Jack Donaghy uses. You can use it to make cake.
Plaxico: But that’s not what I asked for.
Tiffany: You know I don’t cook!
Plaxico: [looking inside the microwave] What the hell is this, some kind of prison microwave cake recipe book?
Tiffany: No, that’s a file.
Plaxico: A file?
Tiffany: You said you wanted a damn file in the cake. Man, what the hell’s wrong with you?
Plaxico: I meant a metal file.
Tiffany: Are you stupid or something? You can’t put metal in the microwave!
Plaxico: [applies palm of hand to his forehead region]
Tags: "Oh honestly. At Chino they get to stay up 'til 9!", Do prison cells have recepticals?, Photoshops by Ufford, Plaxico Burress, Unsilent Majority
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October 5th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
That’s funny.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Glad that was funny. Read the linked story and it was really quite depressing.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
same shitty microwave in my office breakroom.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
I miss carboat and bacon dust.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Did she get it at the thrift store? because that’s an old damn microwave.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Plax should invest in a George Plimpton Hot Plate…it’s great for soup!
October 5th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
No Hot Pockets for Plaxico. What remains unanswered, given the protective custody, is whether he prefers jelly or syrup.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
He don’t need that.
Just ask Bernard Hopkins how to MacGuyver a microwave in prison
October 5th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Needs more (prison) rape.
October 5th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
We have the same one in MY breakroom, too, Ryno! Wait a minute – do you sit down the hall?
Does yours burn the corners of your Simply Asia noodle brick too?
October 5th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Metric measurements? Did he go to prison in Canadastan?
October 5th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I’m confused, why was Vinnie Johnson denied permission to see Plax?
October 5th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I’d laugh, but it reminds me too much of my ex.
October 5th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I’m sure he’ll have access to plenty of (fruit)cakes and (peda)files in prison. ha ha ha…….so sad.
October 5th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
great one. Having it end with him shooting himself would have been a nice touch, but I like the facepalm ending
October 5th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Plax is the smart one? You just blew my mind!
October 5th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
The Human Torch was denied a bankload.
October 5th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I’d trade TWO cartons of cigarettes for that one right thurr.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:15 am
Brilliant
October 6th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Facepalm!!! I love it lol
October 6th, 2009 at 5:15 am
…but does it have the Third Heat?
October 6th, 2009 at 11:25 am
waaaaaa waaaaaa
and now please welcome to the stage Randy Travis!
October 6th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
That is my microwaves little brother!
*beeeeeeeeeeeep*
Oh! Lunch!
October 6th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
It’s TIM Donaghy