Plaxico Denied A Microwave
10.05.09
Plaxico Burress had a couple of visitors over the weekend, unfortunately they brought along some contraband that didn’t make it back to his cell.
Burress’ visibly pregnant wife, Tiffany, and their 3-year-old son, Elijah, visited him Saturday and again yesterday. On Saturday, his wife attempted to bring him a GE microwave oven but was turned away by guards and had to lug it back to her white Range Rover.
Plaxico and Tiffany had a brief conversation before the guards made her leave with the microwave, a transcript of which follows.

Plaxico: What the hell is this?
Tiffany: You said you wanted a cake.
Plaxico: This isn’t a cake.
Tiffany: No, that’s a microwave. Good one too. Same one Jack Donaghy uses. You can use it to make cake.
Plaxico: But that’s not what I asked for.
Tiffany: You know I don’t cook!
Plaxico: [looking inside the microwave] What the hell is this, some kind of prison microwave cake recipe book?
Tiffany: No, that’s a file.
Plaxico: A file?
Tiffany: You said you wanted a damn file in the cake. Man, what the hell’s wrong with you?
Plaxico: I meant a metal file.
Tiffany: Are you stupid or something? You can’t put metal in the microwave!
Plaxico: [applies palm of hand to his forehead region]


It’s TIM Donaghy
That is my microwaves little brother!
*beeeeeeeeeeeep*
Oh! Lunch!
waaaaaa waaaaaa
and now please welcome to the stage Randy Travis!
…but does it have the Third Heat?
Facepalm!!! I love it lol
Brilliant
I’d trade TWO cartons of cigarettes for that one right thurr.
The Human Torch was denied a bankload.
Plax is the smart one? You just blew my mind!
great one. Having it end with him shooting himself would have been a nice touch, but I like the facepalm ending
I’m sure he’ll have access to plenty of (fruit)cakes and (peda)files in prison. ha ha ha…….so sad.
I’d laugh, but it reminds me too much of my ex.
I’m confused, why was Vinnie Johnson denied permission to see Plax?
Metric measurements? Did he go to prison in Canadastan?
We have the same one in MY breakroom, too, Ryno! Wait a minute – do you sit down the hall?
Does yours burn the corners of your Simply Asia noodle brick too?
Needs more (prison) rape.
He don’t need that.
Just ask Bernard Hopkins how to MacGuyver a microwave in prison
No Hot Pockets for Plaxico. What remains unanswered, given the protective custody, is whether he prefers jelly or syrup.
Plax should invest in a George Plimpton Hot Plate…it’s great for soup!
Did she get it at the thrift store? because that’s an old damn microwave.
I miss carboat and bacon dust.
same shitty microwave in my office breakroom.
Glad that was funny. Read the linked story and it was really quite depressing.
That’s funny.