“My dad would have known I didn’t mean to offend anybody.” The Kansas City Chiefs have told running back Larry Johnson to sit out the next few plays following his embarrassing Twitter meltdown on Sunday night. [KC Star]
UPDATE: The Chiefs are releasing Larry Johnson. [RealGM via SB Nation]
Image via The Sporting Blog
When we last left map-eschewing porkquistador Peter King, he was decrying the price of Yankee Stadium’s hot chocolate (it’s 30% cacao!), praising the Saints for their edgy attitude, and deeply regretting ordering the Kung Pao cheeseburger spring rolls at Panda Express in the JFK airport.
What about this week? Will he ever find the Providence airport? Will it be another ho hum week for Wes Welker, ONLY THE FINEST WIDE RECEIVER EVER TO GRACE A FOOTBALL FIELD? And how did the Caldwellmen do? Join me, a day late, as we dive into the nether regions of one man’s very thin soul…
IN SUMMATION, THE REDSKINS ARE NOT GOOD AND SHERM LEWIS IS A BETTER BINGO CALLER THAN COACH. Apologies for the lack of a recap last night, but I figure people would want to relive that abortion of a game as little as possible. Plus, I only got three decent screencaps before drunkenness and disinterest caused me to tune out early in the second half. Before the game, we did marvel at the repugnance of Chris Cooley’s adoption of the Eminem look. According to Maj, he was on the radio this morning saying “he was all excited because he wants to keep it and grow it out and keep going whiter and whiter. Then he got in the car last night and Christie basically told him he looked stupid and he needs to dye it back.” Sorry your cheerleader wife doesn’t approve of you turning into Jeff Reed, Chris. Also, here’s the Geico caveman tailgating before the game. No way Daniel Snyder arranged for him to be caught by cameras for money. And here’s a sad ‘Skins fan who’s liable to be the first guy to hang himself with a letter. And, as always, here’s the Matron Saint. Oh Suzy, you deserve better than this game.
You must have some really pivotal fantasy starters in this game (they better be on the Eagles) or else we need to look into some kind of live blog addiction intervention for the lot of you. This game will not be good. It will not be entertaining in the least. Don’t say you weren’t warned. I’m only tuning as a sick form of self-abnegation and to see whether Dan Snyder will dispatch his stormtroopers to cudgel the first poor sap dumb enough to stick a sign in front of an ESPN camera that suggests the team should be sold. Six Flags in PG has been an internment camp for such foolhardy fans for the previous three years. Somehow nobody has noticed.
You’re not gonna believe this, but Jake Delhomme had another piss-poor outing yesterday, this time against the almighty Buffalo Bills. Really, Jake? The Bills? Delhomme’s three picks led to a 20-9 loss against the Bills, a 56.5 passer rating, and speculation that the Louisiana-Lafayette product might be left to throw nothing but tantrums from the bench. The irony of the Delhomme regime finally being overthrown in Charlotte is as delicious as those roadside boiled peanuts.
It’s too bad, because we could have added the Panthers to the Bucs, Browns, and Rams grouping of teams that will never, ever beat the spread for the rest of the year. Who knows if A.J. Feeley or Matt Moore can provide the same pickerative goodness that the Flailin’ Cajun could. Yeah, I know that doesn’t rhyme. Eat me.
Many thanks to The Mustard Tiger for the latest .gif file–good luck with that luchadore career. Read the rest of this entry »
And now, answers to the Peter King crossword puzzle: 
ACROSS
3. Most humane train (ACELA)
5. You should respect it (SUN)
10. Land baron (FAVRE)
12. Johnny Damon lookalike (MARKSANCHEZ)
13. Criminally melted candy (KITKAT)
16. Extraneous urban asset (CAR)
17. The perfect save (VOICEMAIL)
18. Alarming new fashion trend 9UGGS)
19. Disturbing trend on I-95 (TRAFFIC)
DOWN
1. No room at the Inn? (WESTIN)
2. Led NFL in smiles during 2008 season (TONYROMO)
4. Unknowable science (CHEMISTRY)
6. Crime committed by film companies (EXTORTION)
7. Favre? (FAVRE)
8. Chain restaurant with coffee-flavored water (JILLIANS)
9. Ohio home of Toone P. Wiggins (SIDNEY)
11. Two wonderful? (JETER)
14. Moniker for SI scribe Banks (BRASCO)
15. Pre-ferred prefix (SEMI)
16. Car part, defined (CLUTCH)
Brad Childress will only rush him once every three plays inside the opponent’s one-yard-line, but Purple Jesus made the most of his opportunity to flatten Steelers cornerback William Gay (says flubby: FROM… LOUISVILLE!) Of course, Peterson’s truckage was wasted a few plays later when Brett Favre and Chester Taylor conspired to put the ball in Keyaron Fox’s chest* and cost Minnesota the game.
*”Really all the refs’ fault” – bitchy Vikings fans
A reader sent this screencap of sudden receiving threat Miles Austin showing off his ghastly shark-like teeth yesterday. Truly disturbing. It’s like he swallowed the Vampire Fleshlight.
I don’t need to tell any regular reader of KSK what’s in store for them after the jump.
Over the weekend, we were flooded with emails, texts, telegrams, and letters sent via Pony Express that made us aware of Sunday’s New York Times crossword puzzle, which was built around Peter King’s request in his column — the one that is occasionally about football — that he be in a New York Times crossword puzzle. Sigh.
As it just so happens, your weekly King eviscerator Drew Magary is unavailable today, so this PK-themed crossword puzzle will have to satisfy you until Drew’s MMQB breakdown drops tomorrow. We’ll post the answers in a few hours.
ACROSS
3. Most humane train
5. You should respect it
10. Land baron
12. Johnny Damon lookalike
13. Criminally melted candy
16. Extraneous urban asset
17. The perfect save
18. Alarming new fashion trend
19. Disturbing trend on I-95
DOWN
1. No room at the Inn?
2. Led NFL in smiles during 2008 season
4. Unknowable science
6. Crime committed by film companies
7. Favre?
8. Chain restaurant with coffee-flavored water
9. Ohio home of Toone P. Wiggins
11. Two wonderful?
14. Moniker for SI scribe Banks
15. Pre-ferred prefix
16. Car part, defined
Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread
Another precious Sunday afternoon has come and gone, leaving just one game left before another work week begins. The New York Giants host the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday Night Football, so sit back and enjoy the game with KSK. Who knows, maybe Crying Giants Fan will make his return to the comment section? Eh, probably not. After all, the Yankees game is on.
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