More Details of McNair Murder Come to Light, Sherlock King Is On the Case

sherlockking
A single puff and you’ll swear you were strolling through a Turkish market.

Armen Keteyian’s investigation into the death of former Titans quarterback Steve McNair has ignited renewed skepticism surrounding the apparent murder/suicide. While revelations about the alleged shooter and her relationship with the young man who provided her with the murder weapon may be old news to the police tasked with investigating the crime, it has opened the door for outside observers to don their sleuthing hats. One such amateur crime solver has taken to Twitter to air his suspicions. Good suspicions. Lofty suspicions.

PK tweet twist

You know what’s a reallystrange twist? Lemon in your coffee!

Only in LA, people!

PK tweet open

Open like the bar at Amanda Bowers’s wedding (congrats, kiddos, and enjoy the illy sampler pack).

PK tweet relationship

Those two exchanged more texts than Brett and I did all of last season.

PK tweet powderburns

Smells like Italian roast, with just a hint of…MURDER.

Seriously though, how many calls/texts is too many? If they had exchanged 25 texts would your suspicions wane?

PK tweet book signing

If I buy a gun can we discuss my theory that McNair was murdered by the Freemasons? I am not a crackpot.

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52 Responses to “More Details of McNair Murder Come to Light, Sherlock King Is On the Case”

  1. Frank Gaffington Says:

    peter king’s sleuthing ability is like the missing nutmeg to this cold case’s lasagna

  2. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Gasp! No positive ID of powder burns! Wait I’m getting another tweet: King now questions how on earth Oswald could have made a shot like that from that distance with that kind of rifle. SMELLS FISHY TO ME.

    There is nothing on this planet that I hate more than dipshit conspiracy theorists. And that’s what this is, really. It’s the same reasoning process: 1) Feel smarter than everyone else for questioning the official story, 2) collect a bunch of random facts that don’t quite make sense but could have other causes, easy enough to do because no investigation ties up every single last tiny loose end, 3) dump them in a big pile and try to overwhelm people with the volume rather than the significance of the facts, 4) heavily imply an alternate possibility despite a complete lack of evidence and then deny that you believe in such an alternative possibility by saying you’re “just asking questions,” 5) Rinse and repeat.

    Peter King, I dub thee King of the McNair Truthers.

  3. GonePostal Says:

    It was the Freemasons, in conjunction with the Rand Corporation AND the reverse vampires, all in a fiendish plot to destroy Tennessee Titans football. We’re through the looking glass here people!

  4. Enrico Pallazzo Says:

    Does Barnes and Noble sell grenades? Because I would like Beef of Cholice King to autograph a grenade.

    SCUM, FREEZEBAG!

  5. Mo Charlo Says:

    Hooray, sensationalism! There are other unsolved murders in Nashvegas. Would King care to try his hand at one of those?

  6. CobraCommander Says:

    It was the butler, with the candelabra, in the study.

  7. stealofthedraft Says:

    I have a raging clue.

  8. Man Bear Pig Says:

    Yet another gratuitous Simpsons reference tag gone missing. Most underutilized tag ever.

  9. Unsilent Majority Says:

    I could have sworn I had one in there earlier. Should be fixed now.

  10. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Freemasons run the country!

  11. Head Bee Guy Says:

    I think we’re all overlooking the obvious suspect here: Steve Sax.

  12. spanky datass Says:

    ‘A clue. A clue. A clue!’

    “Gesundheit!”

  13. Nimby Says:

    The killer was none other than!….

    (door flies open)

  14. Fearsome Ravens Fan Says:

    Was it Steve Phillips?

  15. Headbutt Says:

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_hjaatmQu7bU/R8Mh0TZgGdI/AAAAAAAAA8A/wkmRsi3f_7E/s200/Chief_quimby.jpg

  16. J.L. White Says:

    After listening to Armen Keteyian on Sirius NFL Radio with us this morning, I’m convinced the McNair case needs to be re-opened. Wide open.

    Yeah, that case needs to be GAPING. That case needs to be properly lubed, and then stretched open by a huge, meaty, throbbing…. subpoena for the girlfriend’s credit card statements.

    Then soaked in Brett Favre’s cum.

    /doesn’t know anything about McNair murder beyond this post

  17. Brady'sLeftKneeCap Says:

    A “casual” relationship? Like, they both enjoyed a nice cup of organically grown Kenyan dark roast and a scone from time to time?

    Or do you think he means “causal,” as in “My eyes are bleeding and every sphincter has failed, creating a complete dry-cleaning emergency. Peter King’s mindless effluvia are the causal agents.”

  18. Ronnie Mund Says:

    This sounds like a case for the Hardly Boys.

  19. Zack Says:

    I can’t wait for Peter King to close this case, so he can say “BAKE HIM AWAY, TOYS!”

  20. spanky datass Says:

    So glad you used ‘Sherlock King’ instead of ‘Peter Holmes’ because the latter might have given me a disturbing mental image.
    Oh shit! Now i’ve mind-fucked myself!

    /scrubs brain with flamethrower

  21. LaFavre's Next Interception Says:

    Who killed Sexy Friday?

  22. Right Says:

    Has there been a muhduh?

    /Angela Lansbury’d

  23. Matt Ryan's Cock Says:

    Or was it……. MURDER!?!?!

  24. Bugg Says:

    Peter King-s SI’s fatter, dumber and more caffeinaed version of Quincy. It was MURDER, SAM!

  25. Mo Charlo Says:

    McNair was killed with a gun… we all know Vince Young has a gun… that’s enough circumstantial evidence for PK!

  26. Slothrop Says:

    I have ruled out dingos, as they are indigenous to Australia, not Nashville, but what about lupus?

  27. Brando Says:

    Get Tom Bosley to play Peter King and I think we’ve got ourselves a mid-season replacement here.

  28. twoeightnine Says:

    After listening to Armen Keteyian on Sirius NFL Radio with us this morning, I’m convinced the McNair case needs to be re-opened. Wide open.

    Yyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

  29. dannynoonan Says:

    Ray Lewis kills fools. And he was at the funeral. And we all know murderers always attend the funeral. Case f-ing closed.

  30. Big Daddy Drew Says:

    It was the Falcons that did it. They’re very quiet. TOO quiet.

  31. Benglish Says:

    Let’s face it … Peter King’s just an asshole.

  32. Tracer Bullet Says:

    I thought men like you were usually called a fruit?

  33. Cleetus Says:

    And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!

    /Scooby-Doo’d

  34. Cock Flashy Says:

    King’s earlier warning now seems so prescient in retrospect: “Two words, people: sleeper cells.”

    That asshole actually said that shit.

  35. mick Says:

    It was fucking AROD! It’s always fucking Arod ! Goddamn fucking Arod… Arod fuck it, shit.

    sincerely,
    the yankee fans.

  36. Frank Gaffington Says:

    …not like those shifty menonites

    ‘roll dem bones!’

  37. Jon Says:

    McNair was killed with smiles, seems like the work of Tony Romo

  38. JaysonAych Says:

    Peter just wants SI to send him to Nashville so he can learn more about this slavery thing that his eyes were recently opened to.

    Also, he suspects the murder might have been a duel gone wrong, in pure Nashville tradition.

  39. Dan Says:

    It was that fagget Drew Bledsoe!

  40. Nimby Says:

    Where was King’s evil twin Biff on the night of the murder?

  41. Andy Says:

    I’m super serial! It was ManBearPig!!!

    Honestly what the hell does it matter? Both people, including crazy ass black chick, are dead. There is nothing to be gained from this.

  42. chicken-feather-salad Says:

    Here is how PK will run his stakeout:
    I see PK sitting in a car, dressed all in black while sipping on a fresh Starbucks cup, food smeared on his face, holding a pair of greasy binoculars and taking notes. I then see him turn to a large stuffed bear, who he refers to as Tubbs, in the passenger seat. Together, they will find the real killer. As long as he doesn’t sneak up beind them and jam a banana in their tailpipe.

  43. Gern Says:

    I’m not falling for the banana in the tailpipe……………..

  44. Millen's Eye For Talent Says:

    I don’t know who the murderer is, but he looked just like Derek Jeter.

  45. Slash Says:

    Hmmm, a CBS News investigation vs. Nashville police investigation into the murder of a black man.

    I literally cannot pick a side here. Given the people involved, we’ll likely never find out what actually happened.

  46. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:

    “Who killed Sexy Friday?”

    Now there is a case that fucking needs cracked.

  47. Squatch Says:

    Peter King: “Are you… are you… Deep Throat?”
    Deep Throat: “Yes. Yes, I am.”
    PK: “So… are you in CIA? Trilateral Commision? The… the President’s own Defense Council?…”
    DT: “Uh, no. I’m a hooker. $50 bucks. And you need to wear a condom. Where we goin?”
    PK: “Ummmm…. I’m not sure the folks at Montclair would approve. Can I get back to you?”

  48. Impersonal Jesus Says:

    Back. And to the left. Back. And to the left.

  49. McNair's Ghost Says:

    vengeance is miiiiiiiine! Ooooooh yeeeeaaaahhhhh!

  50. Son of Dad Says:

    It was MARMALARD!

  51. Khaaaaaaannnnnnn! Says:

    He tasks me. He tasks me, and I shall have him. I’ll chase him ’round the moons of Nibia and ’round the Antares Maelstrom and ’round perdition’s flame before I give him up.

  52. Ray Lewissssss! Says:

    From hell’s heart, I stab at thee. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee.

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