Life Is A Majestic Heap Of Camel Excrement
Life is shit. A gun barrel inside the rectum, blasting up through my yellowed guts and quickly raping through my organs. It is a virus, and we are all born infected. There is no escape for when it decides to pin you down and muffle your screams with its filthy crotch.
And god dammit, when is Clifton coming back? I can barely fucking breathe back here.
/sacked
Oh, virtue. You have forsaken me. You have left me cold and naked on a desolate road, and you have shacked up with a callous and disgusting old man, who will scrape the inside of your labia with his razor sharp chin stubble. Brett Favre, you do not deserve virtue. You do not deserve to take advantage of her naivete. YOU ARE A SUCCUBO. A leech. A raper of hope. That you have found success through sheer manipulation is proof alone that God’s corpse rots up in heaven, and the rain that falls upon us is his embalming fluid.
You dick.
/sacked, stripped of ball
JESUS FUCK CHRIST, BARBRE. WHY ARE YOU EVEN ON THE ROSTER? ARE YOU SOMEONE’S COUSIN?
/sacked while being sacked
Oh, I’m so happy for you, Brett! I’m so happy for you and your wife, Deanna, who I know by name because I have been told she is your wife 50,000 times by the media ghouls who lavish at your milky bloodteat. I’m sooo pleased you’re experiencing such rejuvenation at such an old age. Isn’t it marvelous? Isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t it a sign that the Beast is soon to visit us all?
/spits on picture of Favre
I have a poem for you, Brett. I composed it in longhand. I compose all my poetry in longhand. It is called, FUN.
FUN
Fun is playing the game with love
Fun is slapping your teammates’ behinds
Fun is jumping up and down after you throw a TD
Fun is death.
Fun is Satan’s distraction.
Fun is the devil’s penis in your cerebrum.
Fun is a mask of the world’s death
There is no fun.
There are only LIES.
Your fun is a LIE.
Your fun is a cover-up of cannibalism and dismemberment. Of rivulets of blood oozing out of orphans and flooding the roads of Africa like a red tsunami.
That is your fun. So let us all have FUN.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. (this is a written laugh that is meant to be read in a jeering manner)
Fun is a flayed, rotting carcass.
So let us drink each other’s blood in your honor, Fun Baron.
Fin.
You see how “Fin” plays off of “Fun” there? That is because fun is close to the end. The end of love. Of compassion. Of using Aarom Kampman in a three point stance, WHERE HE FUCKING BELONGS BECAUSE HE’S GOOD AT IT AND WHY WOULD YOU FUCK UP THE BEST PASS RUSHER ON THE WHOLE FUCKING TEAM, CAPERS?
/sacked, raped
Life is the existence of agony.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, glad Favre joined the Vikings there I said now let us never mention it again, goth aaron rodgers
October 6th, 2009 at 10:02 am
glad Favre joined the Vikings there I said now let us never mention it again
*gasp*
October 6th, 2009 at 10:02 am
I see what you did there, channeling Packers-hate and Favre-hate simultaneously. Bravo
October 6th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Goth Rodgers: future line coach?
October 6th, 2009 at 10:07 am
I bet Goth Rodgers was listening to The Sisters of Mercy when he wrote that poem.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:11 am
These are 10 times better, when you imagine goth Aaron Rodgers channeling his inner Ultimate Warrior.. Only thing missing is Gene Oakerland(sp?) and a shitty bluescreen
October 6th, 2009 at 10:14 am
You had me at “/sacked while being sacked.”
October 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
Wow….. just wow.
Excuse me, must go cut myself.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:20 am
“Fun is the devil’s penis in your cerebrum.” Wow. You just captured the life of academics in just one sentence. Just … wow!
/Sorry, I have a pile of midterms to grade.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:22 am
glad Favre joined the Vikings there I said now let us never mention it again
Oh, the conflicted emotions. I’m almost glad to be a Redskins fan now.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Reminds me of the Goth kids in South Park. Good stuff.
As an aside, I’d just like to point out that most NFL QB’s can do pretty well when all their receivers get 1 on 1 coverage because there’s 8 in the box to stop the best running back in the NFL.
Just saying.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:42 am
/sacked while listening to Morrissey
October 6th, 2009 at 10:44 am
As an aside, I’d just like to point out that most NFL QB’s can do pretty well when all their receivers get 1 on 1 coverage because there’s 8 in the box to stop the best running back in the NFL.
Not to mention an offensive line that allowed him to stand in the pocket for 7 1/2 seconds at one point. Bretty was sacked ZERO TIMES. Aaron Rodgers, meanwhile, put up nearly 400 yards and two TDs after getting sacked EIGHT TIMES. That’s measty.
I’d say Ted Thompson made the right decision.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:46 am
“I’d just like to point out that most NFL QB’s can do pretty well when all their receivers get 1 on 1 coverage because there’s 8 in the box to stop the best running back in the NFL.”
Unless that NFL QB’s name is Tarvaris Jackson.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Drew, if the Vikings go 13-3 this year, what will be worse: Hearing the lavish praise of Brett Favre, or all the sportswriters in the nation calling Brad Childress a genius?
October 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I’m completely neutral on both of these teams and even I found myself hating Peterson because his presence makes everything easier for Favre. Thanks to last night’s Favre-fest, I’m now rooting for a devastating knee injury to AP just so we get to see Favre squirm. Let me make this clear – I want AP out and I want Favre to stay in, for as long as possible. Anyone else want to see this happen?
Hell, I’m a Bills fan, so I need to root for something to keep the season interesting. I might actually hate the Vikings more than the Pats right now and that’s saying something.
October 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am
We are winning in spite of Brad Childress, not because of him. Everyone knows this!
October 6th, 2009 at 10:58 am
What about the INT that was called back for pass interference (questionable)? Farve would have had one fewer touchdown and an INT on his stats so it might not have been quite the Farve love in tht it turned out to be.
Love the sacked while being sacked. Rogers was raped out there.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:06 am
The pass interference was questionable, but there was also offsides called on the play, so it was coming back anyway.
/sacked while needlessly correcting people anonymously online
October 6th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Unless that NFL QB’s name is Tarvaris Jackson.
HEY, IT AIN’T AS EASY AS ALL THAT!
October 6th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I wish Favre was playing behind that Packers o-line.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:21 am
@Dancing Baptist. Keeps hands at sides and eyes looking at the ground. Then every three seconds takes a drag from cigarette.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Gruden post before every MNF game now? That last one was eerily accurate… that one stretch where he couldn’t stop talking about Antoine Winfield was too good. Get Jaws in there somehow too cause he’s just as f*cking corny. Tirico’s the best play by play guy out there and they can’t put him with anything but clowns? Begs for a regular ksk skit.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:39 am
I can’t wait until December when they play games that matter and Viking fans are stricken with Schiavo Face as they watch him crumble. It will be glorious when he throws an out to the wrong shoulder or tosses it up for grabs. His sub-500 playoff record speaks for itself. If not, I am going Goth.
@Nate Newton- Couldn’t be truer. If his old balls were behind that line he’d throw six picks a game and end up just like Boggs from Shawshank.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:44 am
We apologize again for the fault in the offensive line. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Drew is glad Favre joined the Minnesota Thank God For Jared Allen Because That’s The Only Reason Minnesota Wons
October 6th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I’d comment on this post if it wouldnt’ make me such a fucking conformist
/puts on Joy Division CD
October 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am
I was watching an NFL game last night but the audio feed was from an x-rated Brokeback Mountain. Let’s hope the extra jizzmoppers the Metrodome hired have time to clean up the booth before the Twins game tonight.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:58 am
“glad Favre joined the Vikings there I said now let us never mention it again”
No amount of booze will ever get the taste of cock out of your mouth. Urm, that’s second-hand information, btw.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Hey, Favrey straight threw the ball to Woodson. It was an endzone pick pure and simple, and it was terrible. The fact that Favrey was saved by the refs’ bullshit flags doesn’t change the reality that he threw a shitty ball. In addition to being 40 this weekend, Favrey is also a retard: he is going to crap the bed this season.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I wish I could get paid millions of dollars to shit the bed.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Hey Drew, last season Jets fans were pretty fuckin’ happy we got Farve after 10 games. After those first 10 games…
/can’t wait for the letdown
October 6th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Goth Aaron Rodgers takes sacks just to feel something, anything
October 6th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
This was so well-written, I must unleash my scrotal blood in sweet anticipation of death, or, at the very least, terminal ennui.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
classic
October 6th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Drews just a cumslinger! He’s a like child molester out there! He’s just having fun!
October 6th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This only makes the fall from grace so much more glorious. Viking’s fans are so fucked.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
The better they play, the more it leaves me eagerly anticipating the epic collapse that’s sure to follow this winter..
October 6th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Well done Drew… having avoided most media outlets here today, but I am somewhat anxious for what the reception in Green Bay will be…
/still want Favrarro put down.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
glad Favre joined the Vikings there I said now let us never mention it again
Ewwwwww……
October 6th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Mmmmm, crow.
/for now
October 6th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Lame. You need to sack this bit.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
That looks like Aaron Rodgers channeling his inner Nicolas Cage.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
“Drew is glad Favre joined the Minnesota Thank God For Jared Allen Because That’s The Only Reason Minnesota Wons”
Oh yeah. Right. Ever hear of some waste named Odom or Leonard Little since he killed that chick? They both had similar days. Hell, Drew would be able to beat Colledge/Barbe for at least 1.5 sacks. That O-line is about as protective as a condom from 1953.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
The fact that, even with the Vikes’ pass rushers having tea parties on his back, Goth Rodgers still had the Packers in that game tells you that Thompson and McCarthy were right to let Ole’ Cumslinger get on his tractor and ride into the sunset…I mean the Meadowlands…I mean the Metrodome…
/sacked while having pancakes
October 6th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I don’t know why, but what Goth Rodgers had to say resonated with me.
/injured Seahawks
It’s like I can identify with his bleak despair.
/injured Seahawks
I try to stay rational, but I can’t help but agree ith the thought that fate is vengeful, antagonistic and evil.
/injured Seahawks
I feel as weak and hollow as Matt Hasselbeck’s ribcage.
/thinking of injured Seahawks causes another Seahawk to get injured
October 6th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Jared Allen used to fuck guys like Aaron Rodgers in prison.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Goth Packers fans are going to cut themselves… another piece of cheese cake.
October 6th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
He’s lured you in, Drew. He did the same thing to us Jet fans last year, and trust me, by the end of this season you’ll hate him more than you ever did before. Sound impossible? You’ll see.
October 6th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Rogers is like a kid out there, runnin’ around and makin’ up plays and realizin’ the pointlessness of his life is the only thing that makes it worth living.
October 6th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Anybody find it funny that when Favre basically threw the Jets under the bus regarding his injury the press really didn’t criticize him? In my book, getting the Jets fined after the fact by snitching is considerably more douchey than waffling about your retirement.
I seriously think Favre knows his body will break down by week 12 but is just such an attention whore that he couldn’t resist the limelight for another season. Ratting out the Jets and himself is just covering his ass for this season. Be wary Vikings fans.
October 6th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
Goth Aaron Rodgers and Emo Eagle should be best friends.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Wow… Inspiring. Lofty even.
Quasi-borderline-psychotic.
October 6th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
WHY WOULD YOU FUCK UP THE BEST PASS RUSHER ON THE WHOLE FUCKING TEAM, CAPERS?
Indeed.
/weeps just a bit more
October 7th, 2009 at 3:26 am
“/sacked while being sacked”
yessss
October 9th, 2009 at 4:06 am
@Monkeypox Knife Fight – A Viking once sacked my sister … Mynd you, Viking sacks Kan be pretty nasti…
/well played, Sir