Jimmy Football Reviews Week 5 of the NFL Season
Hi, it’s Jimmy Football here!
Nobody likes being stuck watching the ugly shit the Browns and the Bills call football. 6-3? What is that? That’s awful!
[Shot of audience members wincing]
So what if we all just did drugs instead?
[Audience looks intrigued]
Introducing the Bud Light Attack Pipe! It’s a crack pipe! In team colors! The police won’t suspect a thing!
Generic Fans in Parking Lot: We’re totally strung out and everybody’s cool with it! I don’t even care that this game blows!
STA-STAMP! Tailgate approved!
Say! You know what’s worse than having John Fox as your coach?
[Audience looks puzzled]
Having Jim Zorn as your coach!
[Audience erupts in laughter]
That’s why our team of scientists developed this – introducing the Bud Light Sherman Lewis!
[Audience stares in disbelief]
It doesn’t solve anything!
STA-STAMP! Tailgate approved!
Hey! Nobody likes having to listen to Boston fans get all melodramatic after one loss! What a bunch of crybabies!
[Audience looks exhausted]
Well, worry no longer. Introducing the Bud Light Bitchblade. It’s a switchblade you use on those Boston bitches.
[Shot of someone gleefully stabbing a person in a Red Sox hat]
One simple motion does all the work!
STAB! WHOOOOOAAAAA! Tailgate approved!
You know what really steams me sometimes?
[Audience puzzled again]
When people complain about the quality of the advertisements during football games.
[Audience nods knowingly]
Jimmy Football’s just trying to earn a living. We all can’t have jobs where we’re charmingly wry and funny. Sometimes we just have to get the goddamn message across and move some product. It’s called hustling. Sor-fucking-ry if this sponsor, who by the way is responsible for bringing you free football on TV, can’t make an entertaining ad. So we came up with this. Introducing the Bud Light TV Couch. You sit on it real nice and you shut your fucking yap while Jimmy is trying to make a sale.
Audience: TAILGATE TESTED!
Jimmy: Tailgate Approved!
DUH-NUH-DUH-NUHHHH DUH-NUH-DA!-DA!
Tags: commercials that aren't jewelry ads, jimmy football, xmas ape
October 14th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
i hate jimmy football.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Is the Bitchblade Mrs. (G)Ape tested?
October 14th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
His expression at “BOOM Whoooaaa!” is priceless. I cannot hate Jimmy though I will keep trying.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
This fucking Jimmy Football douchenozzle is the most annoying fuckface on TV. Who’s in charge of marketing over there? A bunch of bored a-holes in suits that have no more ideas?
I’m glad I don’t drink that swill. I’d hate to support those commercials. Know what’s worse? The idiots who watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. They need their heads examined.
What ever happened to Where’s The Beef?
/sadden over the quality of commercials
October 14th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Ray Lewis is intensely interested in what Mr. Football has to offer.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
This Jimmy Football person is now the spokesperson for Bud Light…but why? He’s a fuckin prick who should be shot.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Jimmy Football? C’Mon Man….
I request a loop of
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/legendary-ads/videos/7684
during all football games from now on.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Hellooooo…. It’s the FUTURE calling…
/ the Bills still suck
October 14th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
The Bud Light Attack Pipe has been around for a while now.
I’m almost certain they were making them in Red, Black, and Yellow during the Len Bias days at Maryland.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@ Cleetus:
That scene definitely isn’t the first time he’s had meat pressed against his cheek.
/dick joke tested, dick joke approved
October 14th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Needs more Don Draper. And January Jones.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I do believe we Kommenters have been scolded! Twice! In the previous post we were chastised for “complaining about our selections for made up weekly awards” and here we get dressed down for bitching about the ad quality during games.
Are our dick-jokey overlords displeased?
/trembles
October 14th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
The Bud Light Sherm Lewis doesn’t solve anything…fucking brilliant.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
But why?
October 14th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
These adds brought us the Grooler. They’re cool with me.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
*ads*
/retard
October 14th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Jimmy Football makes me long for days of the Toyota “Saved by Zero” ads.
And Warthog, everything could use more January Jones.
October 14th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
i like number two.
October 14th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Blech, bring back Andy Rooney.
October 14th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Spuds McKenzie is rolling over in his tiny grave.
October 14th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I watch from the UK on Gamepass and the ads you guys have are relentless.
The Jimmy one makes no sense, just makes them look idiots. I dislike the one with the Steeler lady using her mobile (Sprint?) to call people and tell them their team sucks the most though.
Also can’t stand the one with the Ford truck that can find your tools for you!
/Searches for dick joke
//Fails
October 14th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
The problem isn’t so much this commercial as it is the fact that mindless retards with no sense of humor get offended by funny commercials, regardless of when they air or what they advertise. Take in this stellar ad for a Bud Light product:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZX9Rv_2_C0
This commercial is hilarious (I believe a smart man once said “I do a lot of work in advertising. Good ads, in theory, are the result of very simple, good ideas.”) and infinity times better than Jimmy the turd. Will it ever see the light of TV’s warming glow. Of course not.
Not Bud Light’s fault they have to put mindless shit on the the mindless shitbox.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
I’d totally hit that shit-talking Sprint Steeler fan.
/believes it’s Un-American to drink shitty beer
October 14th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
No, the real problem is that somewhere, there’s a room full of marketing execs going, “Good work, people. Jimmy Football is the best thing we’ve ever done. Raises all around.” And all the boardroom guys are going, “Well, I don’t think it’s very funny, but those unwashed plebeian masses will probably think it is.” And all their employees are going, “Yeah boss, it’s hilarious! You’re parodying infomercials! That’s really great!” And that’s why we’ll be seeing Jimmy Football for the rest of the football season, even though everybody hates him, because corporate advertising thinks it’s a moneymaker.
Because they’re IDIOTS.
October 14th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
If you would consider buying Bud Light at bust-out-retail, you’ll find Jimmy Football quite intriguing…
go to the sound-board at tailgateapproved.com and annoy your friends with Jimmy 24/7
October 14th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Where’s the suprise We’ve Already Qualified for the World Kupkakke liveblog for USA v. Costa Rica?
/ooooohhhhh, FOOTball…
October 14th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Graddy Says:
October 14th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Blech, bring back Andy Rooney.
Agreeing with this
October 14th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Does beer really need a commercial? I mean, I can’t think of the last time a good beer ad made me swear off one or the other. It’s all piss; who cares as long as it gets you drunk?
October 14th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Is anyone watching the Boise St/Tulsa game? Lou Holtz sounds like he eating a bag of dicks.
October 14th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
AB would sell more brew if that burst over Jimmy’s shoulder said “Floozie.”
To me, anyway.
October 14th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Sta-stabkakke!
October 14th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Don’t know if anyone else has brought this up today, but I just read this interesting fantasy tidbit:
“Sims-Walker reportedly missed bed check this past Friday night due to “a late-night rendezvous with a lady friend,” the Florida Times-Union reports.”
If this information doesn’t warrant a new Silky Garrard post, I don’t know what does.
October 14th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
People ask me why I chose to major in marketing. I point to stuff like this and say “If this can get on TV, then I should be able to take a dump on camera and be it would be just as effective…”
October 14th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Ya’ver wonder why the site staff at KSK changes the people who explain the goings on of these football games? Maybe they just get bored of the characters. Sure god is great, but is he the end all be all? One time I was watching the television and two aeroplanes flew into tall buildings. The buildings collapsed a few hours later. Where was God then? Watching football. Not really football, but that pussy soccer shit. Who raises their American born son to play such a sissy sport. That shit should be reserved for the spicks. The niggers don’t even like it, and they run hella fast. You ever see a nigger steal your VCR in the middle of the day? They run so fast. But why? Most of the time people these days are throwing out good pieces of electronics. Can’t they just pick that shit up off the street like they do with their food? When a negro steals your electronics, you can just think of that as future charity. You are going to throw that shit out eventually, so you might as well account depreciation when you write that charity as a tax write off. Then you are make the negros pay proportionally more taxes than they should anyway. None of this has anything to do with football, I just find it interesting.
October 15th, 2009 at 1:34 am
my girlfriend looked up the price of a grooler and the fuckin thing cost $125. for a charcoal grill and a cooler are you out of your mind??!1!
fuck you budweiser. you, your grooler and your lack of drinkability.
October 15th, 2009 at 2:12 am
“I mean, I can’t think of the last time a good beer ad made me swear off one or the other.”
I don’t know, seeing those Coors Light commercials makes me NOT want to drink that kind of beer so I don’t feel like I’m remotely associated with those douchbags that like to have random, made up conversations with washed up and retired head coaches.
October 15th, 2009 at 3:42 am
MBP approves.
October 15th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Jimmy Football” commercial is so bad
October 15th, 2009 at 8:40 am
/bring back “Ray Jay Johnson”.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Why didn’t I write that Sherm joke? Well done, sir. Well done.
October 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am
I don’t know why but I’m slightly intrigued by the weird Asian lady that’s always surprised at what Jimmy Football has to say.
October 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Keep in mind this is the same company that coined the new word “Drinkability” as a slogan.
Piss poor beer, and even worse marketing. People drink this shit because it has blue on the packaging.
October 15th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I’ll take Jimmy Football ads any day over the Retarded Coors Light Coach Press Conference commercials. They’ve been on for, what, 4 years now? And not one of them is remotely entertaining. I want to kill something every time they come on. Fuckin’ Coors Light, suck my dick
October 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am
The Bud spots might be horrible, but the retail merchandising tie-ins are awesome!!
Several years ago I interviewed at the agency that produces the bulk of the Coors advertising. When asked what I thought of their current campaign I said that it sucked and gave my reasoning and how I would fix the problems. Suprisingly, I didn’t get the job.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:55 am
/opens his IC Lights
/pees out the window
October 15th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Did someone really say they’d take “Saved By Zero” over Jimmy Football? At least Jimmy Football is entertaining the first time you see it. I even liked the commercial heading into the 2nd quarter of the week one early games.
October 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I’d totally hit that shit-talking Sprint Steeler fan.
She’s better than the AT&T mom that you sickos drool over.
/not into “MILFs”
October 15th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I still long for the triple T
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzToNo7A-94
October 15th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
GPF – It IS AB-InBev’s fault that they have to put mindless shit on TV. Bud, Miller and Coors never have to put a fucking commercial on TV ever again – that chemical warfare they’re trying to pass off as beer needs no further advertising. Many independent taste tests show that no one can tell the difference between the 3 light beers made by these sorry excuses for “brewers”. Maybe, if they took some of those billions of dollars they spent on advertising, and decided to spend it on making a good beer instead, then they would have something (and trust me, Bud Light Golden Wheat ain’t it).
October 15th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
“Drinkability” is the worst slogan ever for a beer.
Bud Light, it’s drinkable…
That’s what we call beer that we wouldn’t buy for our friends, but we’re cheap enough to drink ourselves.
/Pops open Pabst Blue Ribbon, chokes half of it down.
November 10th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Jimmy Football is the most annoying shit on TV. WHoever supports this crap and finds humnor in ti must be retarded!
November 10th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Paul-God, your plain stupid. Bud Light is genius for bringing this guy in to their marketing. It’s making them tons of money, he’s freaking hilarious and people love him, get over it. He promotes better than any other beer company out there. Thats why they are number one.