Here’s the Deal. Also: Some Notes on Commenting

cats-hissing

You’ll notice that this is neither the Friday Five nor Sexy Friday. We got rid of Sexy Friday because too many people bitched about it not being posted by the time they wanted it to be posted, and when we posted it other people would bitch about whichever image of an attractive woman not being sexy enough. So we replaced it with the Friday Five, which has led to three weeks of bitching about there not being a Sexy Friday, without any kind of realization that that’s the exact kind of behavior we delight in punishing.

This is symptomatic of a larger trend. In general, the quality of the comments at KSK has declined dramatically over the last year or so, so let’s get some things straight.

The purpose of the comments here at KSK is to add something humorous to the discussion. We don’t want feedback in the comments. You want to give us feedback? Our emails — individual and collective — are on the right sidebar. The comments should be a humorous extension of the post (whether or not the post itself succeeded at humor).

So no, we don’t want bullshit like, “This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer.” We don’t need to hear how it’s better or worse than some other KSK post by a different writer. And we don’t want handjobs telling us how great it is, either. Dovetail off of jokes. Take the conversation in humorous new directions. Make fun of the KSK staff.  Make the other readers and other commenters laugh. BRING THE FUNNY OR GET THE FUCK OUT.

Nowhere in those guidelines is there room for “Wah wah, I want Sexy Friday!” or “Hey, why hasn’t my favorite weekly post showed up yet?” or anything that assumes that YOU dictate the content here. THIS ISN’T FUCKING BURGER KING. If you want to know where the next post is, the answer is always WE ARE FUCKING WORKING ON IT.

So here’s the deal: if nobody bitches for the next week about Sexy Friday — and I mean NOBODY utters that fucking phrase — then next week, you get Sexy Friday. If you get Sexy Friday next week, and nobody calls the hot woman that you’d be fortunate to engage in carnal relations with ugly, and nobody says, “About damn time,” and nobody says how much better it is than the Friday Five, and the following week continues without someone bitching about Sexy Friday, then — and ONLY THEN — you get another Sexy Friday.

So, commenters, consider yourselves on a week-to-week probation. Shape the fuck up. If you add something worthwhile to the site, you will be rewarded. If you make the blog less fun for the bloggers providing the content, then you don’t get what you want. Do not for an instant underestimate just how far we will go to spite the collective for the idiocy of a few. We are angry, petty men, and we don’t care about your happiness.

Have a great weekend! See you Sunday!

Tags: , ,

207 Responses to “Here’s the Deal. Also: Some Notes on Commenting”

  1. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    Oooo I fucking like it. I love being abused.

  2. bk Says:

    /dick joke?

  3. Cock Flashy Says:

    Anyone else scared to say anything? I think I just got detention, and I’m old.

  4. Grimey Says:

    Awesome post, Drew!

  5. Rob in WI Says:

    Is this like Double Secret Week To Week Probation? Which one of us is Otter? Blutarsky? I’m fucking confused now.

    /Doesn’t have a good dick joke to put here.

  6. Quentin LogJammin' Says:

    after a toungue lashing like that, i dont know if ill ever get my dick hard again.

  7. chris Says:

    Well it took long enough. WHER R THE GIRLZ?

  8. StuScottBooyahs Says:

    In fact, can we do one of these commenter bitchslaps every Friday? Maybe like the top five worst comments of the week. Every good relationship has a little hate mixed in.

    Totally unrelated, I enjoy having my girlfriend punch my dick during sex.

  9. PirateSloth Says:

    @bk

    dick joke

  10. PirateSloth Says:

    And someone shoot chris in the nutsack

  11. pemulis Says:

    it seems like out of nowhere there’s ads on the site! is this the proper forum to complain?

  12. Stonecutter Says:

    What a bunch of pussies.

  13. Gern Says:

    How about shitty lezbo Thursday? No?

  14. miamidiesel Says:

    /finds Rocco, ties and gags him and throws him into Lake Ontario

  15. Lil Lebowski Urban Achievers Says:

    Ranking NFL Weeks:
    1) Opening weekend. Destroys all hope built up in the preseason
    2) Thanksgiving weekend. Guaranteed 6 games on TV and another if you’ve got NFLN
    3) Week 17.
    3) Weekend preceding Halloween. This would be next weekend. Don’t fuck this up guys.

  16. Georger Says:

    So you’re proactive?

    This should be extended to football. Like: if nobody complains about Ike Taylor doing the hand dance after a receiver drops a pass, he won’t do it anymore. Or, if nobody complains about Dick Lebeau not being in the Hall of Fame, he’ll obtain his human form again and take Kim Cattrall as his green-eyed bride.

  17. ITouchdownThere Says:

    /why are we in this handbasket and where are we going??

  18. Bill Cowher's Chiclets Says:

    Christ! My ex wife is writing at KSK too!

  19. beavis's butthead Says:

    instead of being little bitches, why dont you just not approve the comments you dont like.

    anyway, if this site isnt gonna have half naked chicks, im out man….WHERE THE GIRLS AT?!

  20. Shelly Smith's Red-Pimpled Asscheeks Says:

    I’m going to have that dream again about coming home to my drunk-angry dad…

  21. Slash Says:

    Apparently, this is what marriage is like (ie, constant bitching). I also imagine it’s like going out with someone who bitches about never getting anal when he’s getting all the free poon he can handle.

    This is why we can’t have nice things…

  22. James Harrison will taste manflesh! Says:

    Wah wah I want Sexy Friday!

  23. Mike from Stumptown Says:

    For this Friday we get pics of naked pussy … cats.

    /don’t have anything better
    //dick joke

  24. Captain Caveman Says:

    Comments that poke fun at bad comments are most definitely allowed. Sexy Friday is still safe — so far.

  25. Bison Dele 3 hour tour Says:

    KSK mailbag – My girlfriend and I have a very one-sided relationship. She makes the money, says the funny and gives me the honey. In return she only asks for one thing, that I not be a douchebag. How can I change her to be more realistic?

    - loves Count Chocula, hates Frankenberry

  26. J-Lo's Phishy Odor Says:

    Is this where I ask for advice about my humorous extension?

    Where’s the sexbag???

  27. Rich Says:

    the quality of the comments have declined… HOLY SHIT AWESOME THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT ME!!! HONEY COME LOOK!!!

  28. jawning Says:

    Man, I used to go to deadspin to get bitched at about commenting, and now I come here and get bitched at about commenting. It’s like I’m getting double-teamed by sports blogs.

    Not that I know what getting double-teamed feels like.

    Or blogs. What?

    /Takes a shower in the fetal position, crying, and applying conditioner to hair.

  29. Rob in WI Says:

    Comments that poke fun at bad comments are most definitely allowed. Sexy Friday is still safe — so far.

    Given the comments today, that might be a full time job… do you have a 401k and what is your health insurance provider?

  30. Logic Says:

    I feel like daddy just hit mommy.

  31. LaFavre's Next Interception Says:

    Thank you sir! May I have another!

  32. yourteamsucks Says:

    LOLZ! A bunch of homos tired of posting nekked chicks!? Shocking. Whatever, i’ll stop bitching, just keep up the funny!

  33. Animal Mother Says:

    You see KSK, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don’t want money, and I don’t want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.

    I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very comedy I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and start to post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

  34. SonOfSpam Says:

    First!

    /looks at other Kommenters with smug superiorirty, since they are not first

    //powers go-kart with own sense of self-satisfaction

  35. Charlie Sweatpants Says:

    Well, the dream has died – these men are the real Seymour Skinner.

  36. Frank "Grimey" Grimes Says:

    Ease up, it’s not our fault that BDD is the funny one.

  37. BabySexCannon Says:

    Matt’s just in a bad mood because ESPN’s refusing to confirm his tip that Adam Schefter nailed a chubby intern.

  38. Defdude Says:

    I’ll be honest, I find the Friday Five preferable to Sexy Friday. If I want pictures of hot women, I can use Google image search. If I want humorous observations on random, sometimes sports-related news and issues, this is all I got. We already get the sexbag, which usually includes pictures; I don’t know why we need the KSK crew to find easily-obtainable semi-nude pictures TWO days a week.

  39. SystemError Says:

    So people complain about not seeing enough naked women on the internet? Is there suddenly a dearth of websites that have pictures of scantily clad women on the site that we need a sports blog to accumulate those images for you? How lazy can you get? Next thing, you’ll want KSK to masturbate for you.

  40. t3knomanser Says:

    What is this feeling of power? You mean, if I bitch about the lack of sexy friday, I can deny it to everyone else?

    Awesome. I never cared for that feature anyway, and if it means I have the power to deny it to the rest of you- I’m all in!

    //I won’t deny it to the rest of you. Because I am a magnanimous ruler.

  41. Juggernaut Says:

    How do I make a login so I don’t have put a username/email address in everytime I want to Komment?

  42. The Hammer is My Penis Says:

    “Next thing, you’ll want KSK to masturbate for you.”

    (door flies open)

    Brady Quinn, (in best Lenny and Squiggy voice) : “Helloooooo”

  43. OUTofBounds Says:

    WHEREZ MY SEXY FRIDAY. COME ON BITCHES PUT IT UP!!!!

    /Could care less about sexy friday
    /cause I’m gay

    /actually, not really.
    /unless, i dont know, maybe if Brad Pitt thrust himself on me i wouldn’t push him off
    /no wait, seriously guys — not gay

  44. Double Facepalm Says:

    First time commenter, long time reader

    Holy crap (Or Pope Crap), someone is having a bad time of the month. Have a box of Midol, a gallon of Rocky Road Ice Cream, and go watch the Notebook.

    And we thought Peter King got upset when they didn’t put cream in his coffee

  45. Naptown Drew Says:

    All I know is I just masturbated to pictures of three cats who looked like they were quite eager to gobble my cock.

  46. -ajla- Says:

    Is providing the most relevant quote from “The Simpsons” or “Futurama” an acceptable commenting direction to go in?

    Because that’s all I got.

  47. ITouchdownThere Says:

    juggernaut

    http://www.gravitar.com

  48. Joe Slice Says:

    Rich – that was pretty funny.

  49. El Borracho Says:

    compliance with these guidelines will result in Sexy Friday

    violation of these guidelines will result in Naked Lumberjack Friday.

    Tune in next week to see how well behaved people are!

  50. Farthammer Says:

    Big fan of the seething hatred. I’ll eat you up I love you so.

  51. pandamonium Says:

    You’re telling me those pussies aren’t for sexy friday? Look at that one in the middle, she’s askin’ for it.

  52. That'samare Says:

    *In Apu’s voice*

    Whow. the beetch is back-uh.

  53. Big Black Richard Says:

    @Slash: I would like to take issue with your comment, but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes….

  54. BuzZ Says:

    Unfortunately you can’t tell the internet to sit in the corner and face the wall. There’s always anonymous fuckwits in spades waiting to bitch and moan about every little thing (I’m looking at you and your fail slashy usage OUTofBounds). This is why we can’t have nice things.

    /liked sexy friday
    //like friday five
    ///end handjob
    ////vagina joke

  55. Mayo Says:

    /note taken
    //cries like Jeff Reed

  56. ProfessorPher Says:

    You could just call it “Irony Friday” and post on Thursdays.

  57. PlayoffBeard Says:

    The first rule of Sexy Friday is: you do not talk about Sexy Friday.

  58. Cock Flashy Says:

    /Takes a shower in the fetal position, crying, and applying conditioner to COCK.

    Fixed.

  59. seahawk matt Says:

    Oh yeah!!! Now tell me I’m scum!!

  60. Ron Dayne's Strict Diet Says:

    Sadly, this is the sexiest my Friday is going to get…

  61. Enrico Pallazzo Says:

    Not seen from this post:

    FROM THE DESK OF PHILIP RIVERS

  62. Biggus Rickus Says:

    I’m just happy to finally get some recognition for commenting shittily. I only make it look easy.

  63. CooperIsSuper Says:

    Can I assume that the team meeting went something like this:

    Ape: Uh, just so we’ll know, who’s the Komenters?
    BDD: A valid question. [The lights come back on.] We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: They stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.
    CC: They look like dorks!

    /and, scene.

  64. dudebro Says:

    I don’t know how to dovetail off unfunny jokes.

    /rimshot

  65. Purple Jesus Diaries Says:

    Well … that was about as fun as spending a night with Ben Rongrastname in a hotel room.

  66. Zamboni Says:

    “Request Sexy Friday? That’s a night in the box.”

    Now THAT would be a Sexy Friday.

    /Cool Hand Luke’d

  67. Philip Rivers Says:

    ABSTINENCE FRIDAYS?!?

  68. whowillsexmutombo? Says:

    I couldn’t find your contact info to email you guys individually, so I just want to say I really like this site a lot. I like football, and you right about football. I like the laydees, and you right about the laydees. A couple of things you could do better though:
    Stop making fun of Peter King. He’s a good righter.
    More box scores. Seriously, what the fuck kind of football site doesn’t have stats?
    How about a player comparison tool so I can see how my guys are doing in fantasy football?
    Too many ads. I hate those.
    Should I user rubber or sheep skin condoms?
    How about some fast food reviews, like Sonic vs. In ‘n Out or something.
    More Sanchez dude!

    Ok, I’m out.

  69. ITouchdownThere Says:

    Is dovetail anything like split tail?

    /sorry didnt have a dick joke, had to make a vagina one

    //goes to corner

  70. DDT Says:

    Hell yeah, sweet!!! I’d be totally stoked if we got Sexy Friday back…oh crap I said it…nooooooooooooo. CRAP, CRAP…gotta make it right, okay, just have to cover by saying something funny…come on man think…nothin…god I suck (runs away sobbing)

  71. MYASS Says:

    BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I GUESS WE HURT UR WITTLE FEELINGS.
    BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
    Needs more dick joke

  72. Drunken_Donuts Says:

    Daulerio nods approvingly….

  73. El Bandito Blancito Says:

    So when do we get to have make-up sex?

  74. blah Says:

    fuck sexy friday and fuck you. there. now take it away and feel like a big shot. pussies.

  75. J.L. White Says:

    Ask for Sexy Friday? That’s a paddlin’. Think Marmalard or Double-J should be added to someone else’s post? That’s a paddlin’. Paddlin’ someone’s ass and bragging about it in the mailbag? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddlin’.

  76. Quentin LogJammin' Says:

    people who troll are fags.

  77. T-Rac's Posse Says:

    You should institute Kommenter Kompetitions. Losers have to leave here and join SBNation fansites as commenters. Winners get… the unnamed sacred day that was taken away.

  78. Buttsmack O'Kelley Says:

    after a toungue lashing like that, i dont know if ill ever get my dick soft again.

  79. herc rock Says:

    Needs more Footsteps Falco.

  80. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    The Friday Bitchslap is a much-needed wake up call for all of us. Let’s be honest- a few KSK commenters have been treading gravely close to becoming socially-isolated, substance-abusing, NFL homer retards with nothing important or original to say…

    Oh, fuck. I guess it’s suicide again for me.

  81. Big Al Says:

    “IT wasn’t me…….it was the one armed man”

  82. Monday Night Marmalard Says:

    I see what you’re getting at. Reminds me of a joke: What did the masochist say to the sadist? “Hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me!”

    What did the sadist say to the masochist? “No.”

    /play me off, keyboard cat

  83. Cutlerfucker Says:

    So let me get this straight, you’re asking people on the internet to make decent posts and not mention women. Yeah… Good luck with that.

  84. Boatdrinks Says:

    I was going to pull out the double secret probation joke. Sigh. I should not work so hard at the place that pays me, I could have got in with my joke!
    I am watching Trey Wingo ask Herm Edwards about Jim Zorn. Oh. The joy. Herm seemed oblivious to the humor and just answered. How very strange.

  85. Lou Holtz' lisp Says:

    as Bender would say “We’re boned”.
    /Doesn’t need sexy friday
    //5 trillion sites with boobies and gashes, and not too lazy to search.

  86. EDinCali Says:

    What does say that all these guys seem to be cat dudes? Can we discuss why so many G.D. cats are showing up in this and related blogs. I know there’s like a fat-girl/cat thing. Does that apply to work-in-your-chones bloggers, too.

  87. sonic tooth Says:

    This isn’t funny. I suffer from ailurophobia.

  88. Bob Says:

    First time commenter, long time reader. I can’t wait until my website gets to the point where I can a) not beg for comments b) tell people to be insightful, funny or STFU. I love it, and I don’t mean that in a “this is me giving you a handjob” sort of way.

  89. Grimmbles Says:

    If you don’t want Sexy Friday back and you are blatantly trying to make that happen by repeatedly mentioning Sexy Friday here you did not pay any attention to the preceding post. The fine gentlemen(and UM) of KSK will gladly bring it back just to spite you.

    Of course now we’re in a tangled web of trying to figure out who they want to spite more. Me, I predict Tranny Friday next week.

  90. MexicanJesusNY Says:

    We’re all on Double Secret Probation, motherfuckers. Only nobody is going to ask us to dance with our dates, because none of us have any.

  91. JAFO Says:

    Ya know what’s ironic? I haven’t actually watched Football since Montana retired. I watch now cause of KSK. Let me clarify that, I NOW AM INTERESTED IN FOOTBALL BECAUSE OF THIS SITE. Just bring the funny, Gay Mafia, and fuck the nay-sayers. In the ear. With a chainsaw. If ya’ll need sexy friday that bad, go to flickrdreams, pornhub, or redtube for your pitiful fix of intertube porn.

    /would love a tawmee from quinzee post, but whatever, whenever…
    //Chuh Chuh!

  92. Mike from Stumptown Says:

    You should institute Kommenter Kompetitions. Losers have to leave here and join SBNation fansites as commenters.

    NO! DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

  93. Reggie Says:

    This blog fucking sucks. It’s little more than a racist hate site run by communist faggots. I hope they all get raped by niggers.

  94. Rob in WI Says:

    We’re all on Double Secret Probation, motherfuckers. Only nobody is going to ask us to dance with our dates, because none of us have any.

    Already there asshole. The next proper Animal House joke was “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”

    /feels like a commenter draft again!

  95. BigRedEd Says:

    Great, now I’m gonna pee the bed tonight for sure.

  96. Lou Holtz' lisp Says:

    @Grimmbles -I’m thinking they want to see how many people try to blatantly sabotage Sexy Friday; they’re sick and twisted like that.

  97. Rowdy Roddy Peeper Says:

    jay cutlers face on keyboard cat.

    now thats funny.

  98. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”

    Wait, what? When did that become the rule?

    /gets beer, chugs day-go nacho cheese sauce from container

  99. Fat Polamalu is my idol Says:

    *day-glo nacho cheese sauce

    /dammit

  100. PirateSloth Says:

    Can we see a post of the hate emails KSK received over the weekend?

  101. Big Black Richard Says:

    “Here, have some Sexy Friday. No, wait, I’m withholding it. Look at me, getting off.”

  102. Slash Says:

    I assume most of the dipshits complaining about a dearth of titty pictures are 20-somethings (if you’re 20-something and feel this doesn’t describe you, please spare me your faux outrage at being stereotyped) who don’t understand that they should just take what they can get from any website that they’re not paying for and if they don’t like it, they’re free to never return. It’s not like there’s a shortage of websites that want traffic. As a commenter, I appreciate not having to scroll through hundreds of asswipe comments (like on Fark, for example) offering up tired-ass insults in lieu of actual relevant observations. And Fark has moderators. And people know this. But they still whine like little bitches about not being able to post titty pictures like back in the day, or not being able to attention whore a thread by talking about their tits or asking for pictures of someone else’s tits. Christ, isn’t half the goddam Internet pictures of naked women? I think another 25% is LOLcats. And today, about 20% of it is bitching about Hulu charging for content.

  103. bmf1314 Says:

    I’m trying to figure out if you are suppose to make a funny or serious comment to this post.

  104. RobinFiveWords Says:

    Yes; No; Yes, but only from behind.

  105. MiamiMagic Says:

    I can’t believe I got here so late, had my comment idea, and it was literally the last comment. Screw you, RobinFiveWords.

    /outplayedperhaps?
    /fortherecord: yes;yes;GODYES!

  106. IAmTheLaw_clerk Says:

    “We are angry, petty men, and we don’t care about your happiness.”

    Goodell, is that you you sly dog?

  107. A-Rod2Remember Says:

    I recall when Deadspin did a commenter smackdown like this. I guess that means that after a downward slide for a few months, KSK will start posting unsubstantiated rumors about unimportant staffers at ESPN.

  108. Lou Holtz' lisp Says:

    Here, here, Slash.
    Also, I have to agree with EDinCali…what’s up with all the fucking cat pics?
    Are you guys trying to reach out to us and tell us you’re that lonely?

  109. TwoHundly Says:

    It’s not the semi-nude pictures people miss – its your commentary and the ability to proclaim shittiness or excellence that people miss.

    Yes. Yes. No (I don’t like the black ones).

  110. DPingSuzyKolber Says:

    Uh…whatever, dude.

    If Drew ever decides to launch his own site for all his stuff, we’re gone.

    You know that, right?

  111. CooperIsSuper Says:

    @Rob – actually the next proper quote was…..

    “You fucked up! You trusted us.”

    quickly followed by

    CC: The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.

  112. Lou Holtz' lisp Says:

    By the way, has anyone heard from FMRA lately? Do we need to call missing persons?

  113. Dick Fart Says:

    Wah Wah Wah. What a little bitch.

  114. Jack Schitt Says:

    This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer.”

  115. Freddy Says:

    A website that focuses on pointing out the flaws of others won’t allow commenters to FUCKING COMMENT ON THE STORY THEY JUST READ? What a fucking joke.

    Just turn into Simmons and disable commenting on all stories if you can’t handle people commenting however they fucking please.

  116. DrBoddington Says:

    “I can’t believe the commentary on the work I present for free in the most public of arenas doesn’t measure up to my immaculate standards of wit and humor! Ridiculous!”

    /sniffs own fart
    //is beyond reproach

  117. Ed Reed's Gloves Says:

    But can I have your gloves?

  118. C-Student Says:

    MAY I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION?

    TESTICLES

    /drops microphone

  119. The New Adventures of Old Chris Snee Says:

    “I wanted commenters and all you’re giving me is commenter-flavored water!”

  120. dude Says:

    i honestly dont want sexy friday. i’m addicted to porn. i look at it constantly. i come here for the football and the funny.
    does that make me suck?

  121. Pants Dumper Says:

    WAHHHHHHH!!!!

    Cunts.

    And yet, you’re still my favorite blog. I must be a fag.

  122. Otto Man Says:

    Eh, this would have been funnier if Falco wrote it.

  123. pierre garcon, glen coffee Says:

    Dad? When the fuck did you learn to write a blog? Seriously though, lets all step it up cause ill be damned if KSK gets joe morganed.

  124. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    I really appreciate you posting this before 5 PM. Can you do all the late Friday posts before 5 PM?

  125. Heimlich for Leyland Says:

    The Dicks in the Box are thinking about Bringing Sexy Back?

    Even Tearin Up my Heart, I Want You Back

    For those of you who don’t like it…Cry Me a River

    /gay joke

    //Off to see the Combudsman

  126. Kaycee Says:

    Oh great. I didn’t know Daulerio posted on KSK now.

  127. Tomlinson's Pain Tolerance Says:

    /surprised to see it only took 9 minutes for someone to fuck this up.

  128. Visanthe Shiancoe's horse cock Says:

    I have been thoroughly chastened.

  129. Westbrook Is My Anti-Drug Says:

    I heartily endorse this product or event.

    /gratuitous Simpsons reference

  130. NovakAintNoJokovic Says:

    This post is as funny as YOUR mom dying of cancer.

  131. J.L. White Says:

    Hell is other commenters.

  132. Michael Says:

    I find this post awful demand-y for someone who makes me laugh once out of every ten attempts or so. Next time have Drew do it, it’d have more oompf.

    Captain Caveman telling us to be funny is like a Pats fan calling a Giants fan a douchebag.

    /Eagles fan
    //yeah so, fuck you.

  133. LaFavre's Next Drink Says:

    I assume most of the dipshits complaining about a dearth of titty pictures are 20-somethings (if you’re 20-something and feel this doesn’t describe you, please spare me your faux outrage at being stereotyped) who don’t understand that they should just take what they can get from any website that they’re not paying for and if they don’t like it, they’re free to never return. It’s not like there’s a shortage of websites that want traffic. As a ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….. Huh, what? Sure, whatever you say Slash. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

  134. ClickClickThud Says:

    Dammit, I like ugly girls – that’s why I went to a Big Ten school! So bring back the ugly chicks for that Weekly Feature Which Shall Not Be Named.

  135. TheFish Says:

    Holy shit, that’s a lot of demands to live up to…

    /feel like I’m again not living up to my parent’s absurd expectations

  136. ProfessorPher Says:

    I bought Ape’s book today. I feel entitled to being exempt from this rule.

  137. Mathemagician Says:

    This is why I usually only comment in the LiveBlogKakke forum…so that my sometimes idiotic and unfunny comments can be parsed and chosen for approval. Like separating the wheat from the chaff.

    /reads KSK after work, mostly, which makes commenting very untimely
    //Who wants to be ‘wheat’?? Who wants to be ‘chaff’??

  138. UbenHadd Says:

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male+pms

  139. DeepFriar Says:

    If you add something worthwhile to the site, you will be rewarded
    Are you handing out stars?!

  140. jackin'4beats Says:

    I think me, Otto Man, miamidiesel, fmra, slash, Westbrook and Gino are going to strap you unfunny bastards to your bunk with an unfolded fitted sheet and beat the snot of you fuckers with bars of Lever 2000 inside a crusty tube sock.

    Goddamnit some people always gotta fuck it up for everyone else.

    /increases funny XPs for this weekend.

  141. Gern Says:

    She was gonna make a pot for me…………What kind of idiot compares Sonic to In N Out??

  142. Annoying Kommenter Says:

    WHEN R U GONA POST FRIDAY FIVE! ITS SAT ALREADY WTF!

  143. City of Industry Football Corporation Says:

    This post scared the shit out of my cat.

  144. Harry Pelotas Says:

    This post made me hard anyway, so it’s just as good.

  145. Human Mailbox Says:

    Asking about Sexy Friday? That’s a paddlin’.

    Asking about your favorite recurring character? That’s a paddlin’.

    Saying “This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer?” You better believe that’s a paddlin’.

  146. Monkey Business Says:

    Did anyone else read this and go “Yes, these men have small children.”?

    I will replace a few words here and there from the above post, and voila! Watch, and be amazed:
    “So here’s the deal: if nobody WHINES for the next week about BRUSHING THEIR TEETH — and I mean NOBODY utters that FLIPPING phrase — then next week, you get CANDY. If you get CANDY next week, and nobody calls CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, and nobody says, “DADDY TOUCHES MY NAUGHTY SPOT,” and nobody says how much better it is AT MOMMYS, and the following week continues without someone WHINING about BRUSHING THEIR TEETH, then — and ONLY THEN — you get MORE CANDY.”

    The only difference between that and my childhood is my mother swearing. I didn’t realize that fuck, shit, hell, damn, crap, and ass were bad words until I got sent home in the 5th grade for looking at my teacher after she assigned us a particularly boring homework assignment and going “Fuck this shit.”

  147. Massadonious Says:

    I just learned that I could win Jerome Bettis. My sexy friday is complete.

  148. Mo Dred Says:

    Wait a sec…I can’t give kudos for a middling to great post?

    What are you looking at? There’s no comment here! Keep walking before I bust one in your ass! Your call: a bullet or a nut! Gets to steppin’!

  149. CPM Says:

    All 176 ( maybe more by now ) people who posted before me are fucking retarded. Did you miss the golden phrase? “Make fun of the KSK staff. Holy fucking shit, they gave us carte blanche.

    1) Drew – You fat fucking whore. Keep bitching about your fucking 6-0 team. You fucked up, dude. You should have saved that for when the Cockslurping Baron runs out of gas in the next 3 weeks and buries your season. It’ll probably happen right about the time when Purple Mary Magdalene breaks her neck putting her head down, a la your prediction, on a once in a lifetime slant route over the middle of the field. Hopefully it will be this Sunday against Polamalu and he breaks his neck too.

    2) Ape – How fucking retarded do you have to be to completely fuck up burning a fucking towel on a God damned gas grill? really? I hope Fat Steelers Chick fist rapes you elbow deep for eternity in hell. Pittsburgh is certainly the new New England. Your toothless ilk make me nauseous. I hope your team dies in a fire hotter than Drew’s mom’s herpes outbreak.

    Fix yo complaints, dawg.

    3) UM? CC? Punter? You’re cool, fellas. I got nothing.

    /throws mic down
    //walks out

  150. Andy Says:

    I really actually love the new concept here. You sometimes have to spank the broad and tie her to the bedpost metaphorically speaking.

    I’m all for it. I will not say that of which we do not speak.

  151. Phelptron9000 Says:

    Why would people complain about the lack of Sexy Friday? This single post contains more gaping vagina than every Sexy Friday combined.

  152. citeme! Says:

    First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
    Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist;
    Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
    Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
    Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.

    Then KSK came for the commenters-

    I think that speaks volumes for what you all are trying to do.

  153. citeme! Says:

    / Dick Joke
    // Slips some Valium into the missing KSK Midol supply

  154. Butshelooked18 Says:

    Psychiatrist: Drew, stop shitting your pants projecting that Favre wins it all for your favorite team, as you know you can’t deal with that right now and lashing out at everyone doesn’t help. Go to your happy place.

    Drew: I could take away mailbag too.

    Psychiatrist: No you couldn’t
    Drew: Yes, I could.
    Psychiatrist: No you couldn’t
    Drew: Yes, I COULD because I made bacon FLOAT!
    Psychologist: Of course you did (writes prescription).

    CC: Wait, what am I, chopped liver?
    Uff: Yeah, mofo, who gets what portion of CPM again?
    Flubby (masturbating): Damn, we get paid for this?

    /loves ksk

  155. Luke Winkie Says:

    /////stumbles into KSK for third time ever.

  156. H.C. Frick Says:

    Captain Caveman, still bitter over Super Bowl XL, lashes out at the only group of people more pathetic and filled with impotent rage than himself, the KSK Commentatia.

  157. Man Bear Pig Says:

    Great. That ruined it. I can’t maintain an erection when I’m crying. See, I tried to just use the tears as lubricant, but…
    …wait, why am I telling you this?

    This blog fucking sucks. It’s little more than a racist hate site run by communist faggots. I hope they all get raped by niggers.
    - Some Douche Named Reggie

    Wait… so…


    FUCK! My brain is eating itself!

    /hoping I’m just too stupid to recognize poorly crafted sarcasm, lest that post actually be real

  158. LI Matt Says:

    FIX YO COMMENTS!

    – KSK staff

  159. deweynet Says:

    Yeah I have a two part question…Eli Manning sucks and go Fuck yourself.

    /Tosh’d

  160. TheFightingAmish Says:

    If I’m going to take a tongue lashing like this lying down, someone better be playing with my balls.

  161. Berg Says:

    I think they need to smirre more. Probably ran out of choco toco’s or something.

  162. warvette Says:

    thank fucking god for this site. it makes me feel less alone in the world. now fuckoff.

  163. James Harrison will taste manflesh! Says:

    But wait, this counts as sexy friday, right? Since it’s the most pussy I’ve seen this year…

    /sadly, this is actually true
    //can’t be the only one.

  164. NoodleArmedNeckBeard Says:

    1st time reader, 1st time commenter.

    So I get over here because apparently trying to go to deadspin from ESPN crashes my computer.

    And this is what counts for funny? A buncha limpdicked basement dwellers alternating between cialis and saltpeter?

    CPM – Your rant is marginally better than your boy Eli, class of 2005.
    C-Student – More drops than A Raiders WR.
    Bill Cowher’s Chiclets and UbenHadd – Apt.
    ChickClickThud – Clearly you went to U of M.

    In the immortal words of The Rock, “Just. Bring. It.”

    Noodle Out.

  165. NoodleArmedNeckBeard Says:

    oh wait, that was supposed to be directed at the KSK staff. well, it was.

  166. chris - vodka collins Says:

    Screw you guys – I’m going to a better place… Shelbyville hospital!

  167. Big Black Richard Says:

    To whoever was asking about FMRA, I think she’s in law school now, which would mean she has very little time to hang out on a football dick joke blog. What little spare time she does have, she uses to stalk her future husband.

  168. Spotthedog Says:

    My god, some people are dicks.
    And I thought Londoners were bad
    /in London for the weekend on a free trip. Score.

  169. spanky datass Says:

    FMRA was here yesterday!

  170. dm72 Says:

    So for Halloween Sexy Friday:

    1. Drew as Fat Bastard rubbing his nipples. No explanation necessary
    2. Flubby as the gimp because he hardly ever talks and gets dragged around by rest of the staff.
    3. Ufford as Neidermeyer because he’s white, pasty and full of unadulterated rage and likes showing off his “rifle”.
    4. Ape as SteelyMcBeam, because he’s gay for the Stillers and has a cat.
    5. UM as Whoopi Goldberg, because he’s a black Jew.
    6. I don’t know what the fuck to suggest for Punte.

  171. dm72 Says:

    @ Big Black Richard – yes she is in law school and working very hard.

    /seriously

  172. Boatdrinks Says:

    dm and Black Richard: good to know. We will all need a good lawyer one day that gets us!

  173. IrishCream Says:

    Hey, where the white women at?

  174. Needs More Cheerleaders Says:

    Jesus, CC, are you on your fucking period or something?

    This is what happens when you put the tampon in sideways, folks…

  175. Meow Says:

    Wow, this site is going downhill fast.

  176. Suicidal Rams Fan Says:

    We don’t take kindly to folks who don’t take kindly in these here parts

  177. Aquaman Says:

    i’ll just go to redtube for my sexy friday anyway

  178. Kid Presentable Says:

    So, commenters, consider yourselves on a week-to-week probation.

    For simplicity, can this be tacked on top of other, unrelated probations?

    /picked the wrong week to go on vacation

  179. Visanthe Shiancoe's horse cock Says:

    This is almost a Deadspin-level meltdown.

  180. Whipperwil Says:

    What a bunch of fucking babies. I haven’t seen this much crying since the last TO press conference.
    I only check out this site for sexy Friday and the occasional imaginary Rex Ryan monologue. Pony up or I go back to reading Peter King.

  181. SafetyDan Says:

    I can go both ways on this, I didn’t really miss Sexy Friday and I was annoyed by the bitching in threads about it dying. Shit like ending posts with “/mixes SexyFriday” and other little references bitching about it, on the other hand this post seems way over the top. KSK has had some great new additions to the family, Rex Ryan comes to mind, but you’ve also killed off some valued family members, namely Sexy Friday who was beloved by many, to make it worse you tried to fill the void with something a lot of people think is stupid.

    So you guys make a content mistake, suck it up and admit it, tell people to move on, don’t bitch at them. Lets just all act like adults here. Really the insulting thing here is probatation and the talking down to us shit. I’m not in middle school, I don’t get probatation. Post something up saying “Hey guys, keep it on topic and stop bringing up Sexy Friday.” Be mature about it and save the douchy emoness for the emo QB.

  182. sexy friday can suck my dick Says:

    on the real.

  183. MorelOrelHershiser Says:

    Turtles

    /did I do it right?

  184. Auckland Says:

    Does anyone else find that Cocaine gives them gout?

  185. Me Damns You Says:

    Meh. Cheerleader bios > Near-tits.

    The lack of “God Explains Week X” is the true KSK misstep. You tried to replace Me with Andy Rooney? The closest he came to Me is his imminent death. Yeah, that’s the true “TICK TICK TICK TICK.” THOSE ARE MY OMNIPOTENT FOOTSTEPS, GERIATRIC BITCHES! BEST ACT LIKE YOU HEAR THEM!

    Also, I was bored with testing the Titans faith through tribulation at about the 3rd second quarter Pats touchdown last week, and I started flipping through the Vedas (that is some funny shit, BTW). Karma…forgot about that little gem. So, looks like those crazy Hindus were actually on to something I totally didn’t intend, but Medamn what the fuck do I care? It’s not like it applies to Me.

    It does apply to you. Take away what the masses cherished (see “I Explain Week X,” “Cheerleader Bios,” “#1 SMIRRE LECIEVEL,” etc.) and replace it with a stank, Phoenician pussy like Friday Five and a post bitching about how your parishioners are making your lack of effort “less fun for the bloggers,” then I bestow upon you that silly Hindu thing that sucks.

    You know what happened to Me when I tried that bullshit and got lazy? Mormons. BOOM! Don’t bitch to Me about bad commenters. Try listening to 18 MEFUCKINGZILLION prayers a day by crazy fucks who you already damned to hell for their stupidity and they just get keep growing. Jesus from Missouri? Yeah, I don’t need you in Heaven, cockwads.

    And what the fuck happened to Todd Haley posts? That guy was the son I never had. BEST BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ROMAN PERSECUTION SHIT UNDER CONTROL AND WOULD HAVE MIRACLED UP SOME PUSSY TO EVERY ONE OF HIS FOLLOWERS.

    Don’t be like the Mormons, KSK.

  186. SafetyDan Says:

    ^I also don’t get spelling it seems. I need to drink less.

  187. Matt Millens Mustache Says:

    A fine example of someones panties being bunched.

  188. FredO Says:

    You’ve been fucking Peter King,haven’t you?

    It’s a fucking comments section,not a Triple Latte Fuckacinno that wasn’t served at the correct temperature,you ungrateful little bitch.

  189. Low Commander of the Super Soldiers Says:

    Fine, I’m gonna make my own website! With blackjack, and hookers!

  190. Man Bear Pig Says:

    @Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

    In fact, forget the website!

  191. OGN Says:

    so what you’re saying is that Sexy Friday is different from Friday Five and that if people bitch about Sexy Friday they don’t get Sexy Friday which is not the same as Friday Five. But if we’re not getting Sexy Friday how do we know it’s not the same as Friday Five which we don’t get either. And how do we know we should bitch about Sexy Friday if we’re not getting Sexy Firday. Should we bitch about Sexy Friday on the Friday Five post? Wait a minute, we don’t get the Friday Five post either, which is not the same as Sexy Friday so why the fuck would we bicth about Sexy Friday on the Friday Five post to start with if we don’t get it. How about just posting Sexy Friday and CALLING it Friday Five instead – that should cover all bases.

  192. Landru Says:

    How fucking gay is wanting, no, NEEDING your commenters to blow you? Not that there’s anything right with that, or with people thinking this is their best source of soft porn.

    The sick beauty of Ufford’s riff here is that, if you call him on his whimpering, he’ll claim he did it because it was funny, which allows him to say anything at all. I spanked you because it’s funny! I’m suggesting you shit on a whore’s chest while you give her an abortion because it’s funny! I suck Seneca Wallace’s cock because it’s funny! I hate the Patriots because it’s funny!

    Oh, wait. Hating the Patriots IS funny. So’s Seneca Wallace, come to think on it. Totally my bad, then. Carry on.

  193. NoodleArmedNeckBeard Says:

    wtf is sexy friday?

    /how about content saturday?

  194. spanky datass Says:

    @NoodleBrainedNeckTard
    How about you read some old posts (there are links to ALL of them in the right margin). You might start with a few FRIDAYS that are at least a month old. In the mean time please feel free to shut the fick up.

    /noodledickjokebeard

  195. spanky datass Says:

    *fick* fuck, whatever.

  196. Robut M. Nixon Says:

    You let me down, man. Now I don’t believe in nothing no more.

    I’m going to law school!!!

  197. Spotthedog Says:

    Oh Brian Fucking Russell, what can you mess up next?

  198. spanky datass Says:

    Wow, Cooper taught Pey Pey the ‘Gay Lick’ (sp?)!!

    -The More You Know-

    Update: Kenny Mayne … still not funny.

  199. 3rdDownandDirty Says:

    @StuScottBooyahs

    Great idea. First time I’ve seen something in the comments section that doesn’t blow like Mario Cantone in a truck stop men’s room. (there’s your fucking dick joke)

  200. Bolt Upright Says:

    Saw Harflesberger wearing totally sweet airbrushed Bob Marley/Lion morph t-shirt to the stadium. Much, much cooler than a wolf shirt. Well played, The Ben, well played.

  201. lode Says:

    pathetic. Someone please pull the drama queen out of Drew’s cootch.
    Welcome to the internets.

  202. Clint Says:

    someone else said it best. If Ape or Drew aren’t on this site, no one would read it. Caveman telling the commenters to be funny…… irony is a great dish.

    How long til this site is like Deadspin and they approve comments of their choosing?

  203. tech n9ne's tribute to falco Says:

    More like ‘Boo’-kakke.

  204. Andrew Says:

    First deadspin sucks (it was never as good as this).
    Then /sp/ bans >my face
    now we have to deal with this.

    I feel like Jake Delhomme.
    (you see because he threw three ints and it was an excuse to bitch about things)

  205. canadianbacon Says:

    how about some nhl posts huh?

  206. Rocco Says:

    I don’t live near Lake Ontario.

  207. Rocco Says:

    I wonder if Rick Ankiel is aware of FMRA’s enrollment.

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