Here’s the Deal. Also: Some Notes on Commenting
You’ll notice that this is neither the Friday Five nor Sexy Friday. We got rid of Sexy Friday because too many people bitched about it not being posted by the time they wanted it to be posted, and when we posted it other people would bitch about whichever image of an attractive woman not being sexy enough. So we replaced it with the Friday Five, which has led to three weeks of bitching about there not being a Sexy Friday, without any kind of realization that that’s the exact kind of behavior we delight in punishing.
This is symptomatic of a larger trend. In general, the quality of the comments at KSK has declined dramatically over the last year or so, so let’s get some things straight.
The purpose of the comments here at KSK is to add something humorous to the discussion. We don’t want feedback in the comments. You want to give us feedback? Our emails — individual and collective — are on the right sidebar. The comments should be a humorous extension of the post (whether or not the post itself succeeded at humor).
So no, we don’t want bullshit like, “This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer.” We don’t need to hear how it’s better or worse than some other KSK post by a different writer. And we don’t want handjobs telling us how great it is, either. Dovetail off of jokes. Take the conversation in humorous new directions. Make fun of the KSK staff. Make the other readers and other commenters laugh. BRING THE FUNNY OR GET THE FUCK OUT.
Nowhere in those guidelines is there room for “Wah wah, I want Sexy Friday!” or “Hey, why hasn’t my favorite weekly post showed up yet?” or anything that assumes that YOU dictate the content here. THIS ISN’T FUCKING BURGER KING. If you want to know where the next post is, the answer is always WE ARE FUCKING WORKING ON IT.
So here’s the deal: if nobody bitches for the next week about Sexy Friday — and I mean NOBODY utters that fucking phrase — then next week, you get Sexy Friday. If you get Sexy Friday next week, and nobody calls the hot woman that you’d be fortunate to engage in carnal relations with ugly, and nobody says, “About damn time,” and nobody says how much better it is than the Friday Five, and the following week continues without someone bitching about Sexy Friday, then — and ONLY THEN — you get another Sexy Friday.
So, commenters, consider yourselves on a week-to-week probation. Shape the fuck up. If you add something worthwhile to the site, you will be rewarded. If you make the blog less fun for the bloggers providing the content, then you don’t get what you want. Do not for an instant underestimate just how far we will go to spite the collective for the idiocy of a few. We are angry, petty men, and we don’t care about your happiness.
Have a great weekend! See you Sunday!
Tags: captain caveman, the Friday bitchslap, we have the best commenters on the internet
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Oooo I fucking like it. I love being abused.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
/dick joke?
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Anyone else scared to say anything? I think I just got detention, and I’m old.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Awesome post, Drew!
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Is this like Double Secret Week To Week Probation? Which one of us is Otter? Blutarsky? I’m fucking confused now.
/Doesn’t have a good dick joke to put here.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:50 pm
after a toungue lashing like that, i dont know if ill ever get my dick hard again.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Well it took long enough. WHER R THE GIRLZ?
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
In fact, can we do one of these commenter bitchslaps every Friday? Maybe like the top five worst comments of the week. Every good relationship has a little hate mixed in.
Totally unrelated, I enjoy having my girlfriend punch my dick during sex.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
@bk
dick joke
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:55 pm
And someone shoot chris in the nutsack
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
it seems like out of nowhere there’s ads on the site! is this the proper forum to complain?
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
What a bunch of pussies.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
How about shitty lezbo Thursday? No?
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
/finds Rocco, ties and gags him and throws him into Lake Ontario
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Ranking NFL Weeks:
1) Opening weekend. Destroys all hope built up in the preseason
2) Thanksgiving weekend. Guaranteed 6 games on TV and another if you’ve got NFLN
3) Week 17.
3) Weekend preceding Halloween. This would be next weekend. Don’t fuck this up guys.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
So you’re proactive?
This should be extended to football. Like: if nobody complains about Ike Taylor doing the hand dance after a receiver drops a pass, he won’t do it anymore. Or, if nobody complains about Dick Lebeau not being in the Hall of Fame, he’ll obtain his human form again and take Kim Cattrall as his green-eyed bride.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
/why are we in this handbasket and where are we going??
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Christ! My ex wife is writing at KSK too!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
instead of being little bitches, why dont you just not approve the comments you dont like.
anyway, if this site isnt gonna have half naked chicks, im out man….WHERE THE GIRLS AT?!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:00 pm
I’m going to have that dream again about coming home to my drunk-angry dad…
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Apparently, this is what marriage is like (ie, constant bitching). I also imagine it’s like going out with someone who bitches about never getting anal when he’s getting all the free poon he can handle.
This is why we can’t have nice things…
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Wah wah I want Sexy Friday!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:01 pm
For this Friday we get pics of naked pussy … cats.
/don’t have anything better
//dick joke
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Comments that poke fun at bad comments are most definitely allowed. Sexy Friday is still safe — so far.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
KSK mailbag – My girlfriend and I have a very one-sided relationship. She makes the money, says the funny and gives me the honey. In return she only asks for one thing, that I not be a douchebag. How can I change her to be more realistic?
- loves Count Chocula, hates Frankenberry
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Is this where I ask for advice about my humorous extension?
Where’s the sexbag???
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:02 pm
the quality of the comments have declined… HOLY SHIT AWESOME THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT ME!!! HONEY COME LOOK!!!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Man, I used to go to deadspin to get bitched at about commenting, and now I come here and get bitched at about commenting. It’s like I’m getting double-teamed by sports blogs.
Not that I know what getting double-teamed feels like.
Or blogs. What?
/Takes a shower in the fetal position, crying, and applying conditioner to hair.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Comments that poke fun at bad comments are most definitely allowed. Sexy Friday is still safe — so far.
Given the comments today, that might be a full time job… do you have a 401k and what is your health insurance provider?
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
I feel like daddy just hit mommy.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Thank you sir! May I have another!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
LOLZ! A bunch of homos tired of posting nekked chicks!? Shocking. Whatever, i’ll stop bitching, just keep up the funny!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
You see KSK, I can deal with the bullets, and the bombs, and the blood. I don’t want money, and I don’t want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very comedy I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard, and start to post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
First!
/looks at other Kommenters with smug superiorirty, since they are not first
//powers go-kart with own sense of self-satisfaction
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Well, the dream has died – these men are the real Seymour Skinner.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Ease up, it’s not our fault that BDD is the funny one.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Matt’s just in a bad mood because ESPN’s refusing to confirm his tip that Adam Schefter nailed a chubby intern.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I’ll be honest, I find the Friday Five preferable to Sexy Friday. If I want pictures of hot women, I can use Google image search. If I want humorous observations on random, sometimes sports-related news and issues, this is all I got. We already get the sexbag, which usually includes pictures; I don’t know why we need the KSK crew to find easily-obtainable semi-nude pictures TWO days a week.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
So people complain about not seeing enough naked women on the internet? Is there suddenly a dearth of websites that have pictures of scantily clad women on the site that we need a sports blog to accumulate those images for you? How lazy can you get? Next thing, you’ll want KSK to masturbate for you.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
What is this feeling of power? You mean, if I bitch about the lack of sexy friday, I can deny it to everyone else?
Awesome. I never cared for that feature anyway, and if it means I have the power to deny it to the rest of you- I’m all in!
//I won’t deny it to the rest of you. Because I am a magnanimous ruler.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
How do I make a login so I don’t have put a username/email address in everytime I want to Komment?
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
“Next thing, you’ll want KSK to masturbate for you.”
(door flies open)
Brady Quinn, (in best Lenny and Squiggy voice) : “Helloooooo”
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:19 pm
WHEREZ MY SEXY FRIDAY. COME ON BITCHES PUT IT UP!!!!
/Could care less about sexy friday
/cause I’m gay
/actually, not really.
/unless, i dont know, maybe if Brad Pitt thrust himself on me i wouldn’t push him off
/no wait, seriously guys — not gay
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:22 pm
First time commenter, long time reader
Holy crap (Or Pope Crap), someone is having a bad time of the month. Have a box of Midol, a gallon of Rocky Road Ice Cream, and go watch the Notebook.
And we thought Peter King got upset when they didn’t put cream in his coffee
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:23 pm
All I know is I just masturbated to pictures of three cats who looked like they were quite eager to gobble my cock.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Is providing the most relevant quote from “The Simpsons” or “Futurama” an acceptable commenting direction to go in?
Because that’s all I got.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
juggernaut
http://www.gravitar.com
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Rich – that was pretty funny.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
compliance with these guidelines will result in Sexy Friday
violation of these guidelines will result in Naked Lumberjack Friday.
Tune in next week to see how well behaved people are!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Big fan of the seething hatred. I’ll eat you up I love you so.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
You’re telling me those pussies aren’t for sexy friday? Look at that one in the middle, she’s askin’ for it.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
*In Apu’s voice*
Whow. the beetch is back-uh.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
@Slash: I would like to take issue with your comment, but I have to be at the gym in 26 minutes….
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Unfortunately you can’t tell the internet to sit in the corner and face the wall. There’s always anonymous fuckwits in spades waiting to bitch and moan about every little thing (I’m looking at you and your fail slashy usage OUTofBounds). This is why we can’t have nice things.
/liked sexy friday
//like friday five
///end handjob
////vagina joke
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:34 pm
/note taken
//cries like Jeff Reed
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:35 pm
You could just call it “Irony Friday” and post on Thursdays.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:37 pm
The first rule of Sexy Friday is: you do not talk about Sexy Friday.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:41 pm
/Takes a shower in the fetal position, crying, and applying conditioner to COCK.
Fixed.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Oh yeah!!! Now tell me I’m scum!!
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Sadly, this is the sexiest my Friday is going to get…
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Not seen from this post:
FROM THE DESK OF PHILIP RIVERS
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’m just happy to finally get some recognition for commenting shittily. I only make it look easy.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Can I assume that the team meeting went something like this:
Ape: Uh, just so we’ll know, who’s the Komenters?
BDD: A valid question. [The lights come back on.] We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: They stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.
CC: They look like dorks!
/and, scene.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I don’t know how to dovetail off unfunny jokes.
/rimshot
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Well … that was about as fun as spending a night with Ben Rongrastname in a hotel room.
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:57 pm
“Request Sexy Friday? That’s a night in the box.”
Now THAT would be a Sexy Friday.
/Cool Hand Luke’d
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
ABSTINENCE FRIDAYS?!?
October 23rd, 2009 at 5:59 pm
I couldn’t find your contact info to email you guys individually, so I just want to say I really like this site a lot. I like football, and you right about football. I like the laydees, and you right about the laydees. A couple of things you could do better though:
Stop making fun of Peter King. He’s a good righter.
More box scores. Seriously, what the fuck kind of football site doesn’t have stats?
How about a player comparison tool so I can see how my guys are doing in fantasy football?
Too many ads. I hate those.
Should I user rubber or sheep skin condoms?
How about some fast food reviews, like Sonic vs. In ‘n Out or something.
More Sanchez dude!
Ok, I’m out.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Is dovetail anything like split tail?
/sorry didnt have a dick joke, had to make a vagina one
//goes to corner
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Hell yeah, sweet!!! I’d be totally stoked if we got Sexy Friday back…oh crap I said it…nooooooooooooo. CRAP, CRAP…gotta make it right, okay, just have to cover by saying something funny…come on man think…nothin…god I suck (runs away sobbing)
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I GUESS WE HURT UR WITTLE FEELINGS.
BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
Needs more dick joke
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Daulerio nods approvingly….
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:06 pm
So when do we get to have make-up sex?
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:09 pm
fuck sexy friday and fuck you. there. now take it away and feel like a big shot. pussies.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Ask for Sexy Friday? That’s a paddlin’. Think Marmalard or Double-J should be added to someone else’s post? That’s a paddlin’. Paddlin’ someone’s ass and bragging about it in the mailbag? Oh, you better believe that’s a paddlin’.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
people who troll are fags.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
You should institute Kommenter Kompetitions. Losers have to leave here and join SBNation fansites as commenters. Winners get… the unnamed sacred day that was taken away.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:30 pm
after a toungue lashing like that, i dont know if ill ever get my dick soft again.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Needs more Footsteps Falco.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:36 pm
The Friday Bitchslap is a much-needed wake up call for all of us. Let’s be honest- a few KSK commenters have been treading gravely close to becoming socially-isolated, substance-abusing, NFL homer retards with nothing important or original to say…
Oh, fuck. I guess it’s suicide again for me.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
“IT wasn’t me…….it was the one armed man”
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I see what you’re getting at. Reminds me of a joke: What did the masochist say to the sadist? “Hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me hurt me!”
What did the sadist say to the masochist? “No.”
/play me off, keyboard cat
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:52 pm
So let me get this straight, you’re asking people on the internet to make decent posts and not mention women. Yeah… Good luck with that.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I was going to pull out the double secret probation joke. Sigh. I should not work so hard at the place that pays me, I could have got in with my joke!
I am watching Trey Wingo ask Herm Edwards about Jim Zorn. Oh. The joy. Herm seemed oblivious to the humor and just answered. How very strange.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
as Bender would say “We’re boned”.
/Doesn’t need sexy friday
//5 trillion sites with boobies and gashes, and not too lazy to search.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
What does say that all these guys seem to be cat dudes? Can we discuss why so many G.D. cats are showing up in this and related blogs. I know there’s like a fat-girl/cat thing. Does that apply to work-in-your-chones bloggers, too.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:15 pm
This isn’t funny. I suffer from ailurophobia.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:17 pm
First time commenter, long time reader. I can’t wait until my website gets to the point where I can a) not beg for comments b) tell people to be insightful, funny or STFU. I love it, and I don’t mean that in a “this is me giving you a handjob” sort of way.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:22 pm
If you don’t want Sexy Friday back and you are blatantly trying to make that happen by repeatedly mentioning Sexy Friday here you did not pay any attention to the preceding post. The fine gentlemen(and UM) of KSK will gladly bring it back just to spite you.
Of course now we’re in a tangled web of trying to figure out who they want to spite more. Me, I predict Tranny Friday next week.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
We’re all on Double Secret Probation, motherfuckers. Only nobody is going to ask us to dance with our dates, because none of us have any.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Ya know what’s ironic? I haven’t actually watched Football since Montana retired. I watch now cause of KSK. Let me clarify that, I NOW AM INTERESTED IN FOOTBALL BECAUSE OF THIS SITE. Just bring the funny, Gay Mafia, and fuck the nay-sayers. In the ear. With a chainsaw. If ya’ll need sexy friday that bad, go to flickrdreams, pornhub, or redtube for your pitiful fix of intertube porn.
/would love a tawmee from quinzee post, but whatever, whenever…
//Chuh Chuh!
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:33 pm
You should institute Kommenter Kompetitions. Losers have to leave here and join SBNation fansites as commenters.
NO! DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:36 pm
This blog fucking sucks. It’s little more than a racist hate site run by communist faggots. I hope they all get raped by niggers.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:37 pm
We’re all on Double Secret Probation, motherfuckers. Only nobody is going to ask us to dance with our dates, because none of us have any.
Already there asshole. The next proper Animal House joke was “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”
/feels like a commenter draft again!
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Great, now I’m gonna pee the bed tonight for sure.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:38 pm
@Grimmbles -I’m thinking they want to see how many people try to blatantly sabotage Sexy Friday; they’re sick and twisted like that.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
jay cutlers face on keyboard cat.
now thats funny.
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:49 pm
“Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”
Wait, what? When did that become the rule?
/gets beer, chugs day-go nacho cheese sauce from container
October 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 pm
*day-glo nacho cheese sauce
/dammit
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Can we see a post of the hate emails KSK received over the weekend?
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:04 pm
“Here, have some Sexy Friday. No, wait, I’m withholding it. Look at me, getting off.”
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I assume most of the dipshits complaining about a dearth of titty pictures are 20-somethings (if you’re 20-something and feel this doesn’t describe you, please spare me your faux outrage at being stereotyped) who don’t understand that they should just take what they can get from any website that they’re not paying for and if they don’t like it, they’re free to never return. It’s not like there’s a shortage of websites that want traffic. As a commenter, I appreciate not having to scroll through hundreds of asswipe comments (like on Fark, for example) offering up tired-ass insults in lieu of actual relevant observations. And Fark has moderators. And people know this. But they still whine like little bitches about not being able to post titty pictures like back in the day, or not being able to attention whore a thread by talking about their tits or asking for pictures of someone else’s tits. Christ, isn’t half the goddam Internet pictures of naked women? I think another 25% is LOLcats. And today, about 20% of it is bitching about Hulu charging for content.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
I’m trying to figure out if you are suppose to make a funny or serious comment to this post.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Yes; No; Yes, but only from behind.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I can’t believe I got here so late, had my comment idea, and it was literally the last comment. Screw you, RobinFiveWords.
/outplayedperhaps?
/fortherecord: yes;yes;GODYES!
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
“We are angry, petty men, and we don’t care about your happiness.”
Goodell, is that you you sly dog?
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:40 pm
I recall when Deadspin did a commenter smackdown like this. I guess that means that after a downward slide for a few months, KSK will start posting unsubstantiated rumors about unimportant staffers at ESPN.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Here, here, Slash.
Also, I have to agree with EDinCali…what’s up with all the fucking cat pics?
Are you guys trying to reach out to us and tell us you’re that lonely?
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:42 pm
It’s not the semi-nude pictures people miss – its your commentary and the ability to proclaim shittiness or excellence that people miss.
Yes. Yes. No (I don’t like the black ones).
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Uh…whatever, dude.
If Drew ever decides to launch his own site for all his stuff, we’re gone.
You know that, right?
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:53 pm
@Rob – actually the next proper quote was…..
“You fucked up! You trusted us.”
quickly followed by
CC: The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.
October 23rd, 2009 at 8:57 pm
By the way, has anyone heard from FMRA lately? Do we need to call missing persons?
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Wah Wah Wah. What a little bitch.
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:20 pm
This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer.”
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
A website that focuses on pointing out the flaws of others won’t allow commenters to FUCKING COMMENT ON THE STORY THEY JUST READ? What a fucking joke.
Just turn into Simmons and disable commenting on all stories if you can’t handle people commenting however they fucking please.
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:25 pm
“I can’t believe the commentary on the work I present for free in the most public of arenas doesn’t measure up to my immaculate standards of wit and humor! Ridiculous!”
/sniffs own fart
//is beyond reproach
October 23rd, 2009 at 9:27 pm
But can I have your gloves?
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:13 pm
MAY I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION?
TESTICLES
/drops microphone
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
“I wanted commenters and all you’re giving me is commenter-flavored water!”
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
i honestly dont want sexy friday. i’m addicted to porn. i look at it constantly. i come here for the football and the funny.
does that make me suck?
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:28 pm
WAHHHHHHH!!!!
Cunts.
And yet, you’re still my favorite blog. I must be a fag.
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Eh, this would have been funnier if Falco wrote it.
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Dad? When the fuck did you learn to write a blog? Seriously though, lets all step it up cause ill be damned if KSK gets joe morganed.
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
I really appreciate you posting this before 5 PM. Can you do all the late Friday posts before 5 PM?
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 pm
The Dicks in the Box are thinking about Bringing Sexy Back?
Even Tearin Up my Heart, I Want You Back
For those of you who don’t like it…Cry Me a River
/gay joke
//Off to see the Combudsman
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Oh great. I didn’t know Daulerio posted on KSK now.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
/surprised to see it only took 9 minutes for someone to fuck this up.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:15 pm
I have been thoroughly chastened.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
I heartily endorse this product or event.
/gratuitous Simpsons reference
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
This post is as funny as YOUR mom dying of cancer.
October 23rd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Hell is other commenters.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:12 am
I find this post awful demand-y for someone who makes me laugh once out of every ten attempts or so. Next time have Drew do it, it’d have more oompf.
Captain Caveman telling us to be funny is like a Pats fan calling a Giants fan a douchebag.
/Eagles fan
//yeah so, fuck you.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:16 am
I assume most of the dipshits complaining about a dearth of titty pictures are 20-somethings (if you’re 20-something and feel this doesn’t describe you, please spare me your faux outrage at being stereotyped) who don’t understand that they should just take what they can get from any website that they’re not paying for and if they don’t like it, they’re free to never return. It’s not like there’s a shortage of websites that want traffic. As a ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ….. Huh, what? Sure, whatever you say Slash. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Dammit, I like ugly girls – that’s why I went to a Big Ten school! So bring back the ugly chicks for that Weekly Feature Which Shall Not Be Named.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Holy shit, that’s a lot of demands to live up to…
/feel like I’m again not living up to my parent’s absurd expectations
October 24th, 2009 at 12:24 am
I bought Ape’s book today. I feel entitled to being exempt from this rule.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:27 am
This is why I usually only comment in the LiveBlogKakke forum…so that my sometimes idiotic and unfunny comments can be parsed and chosen for approval. Like separating the wheat from the chaff.
/reads KSK after work, mostly, which makes commenting very untimely
//Who wants to be ‘wheat’?? Who wants to be ‘chaff’??
October 24th, 2009 at 12:36 am
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male+pms
October 24th, 2009 at 12:37 am
If you add something worthwhile to the site, you will be rewarded
Are you handing out stars?!
October 24th, 2009 at 12:44 am
I think me, Otto Man, miamidiesel, fmra, slash, Westbrook and Gino are going to strap you unfunny bastards to your bunk with an unfolded fitted sheet and beat the snot of you fuckers with bars of Lever 2000 inside a crusty tube sock.
Goddamnit some people always gotta fuck it up for everyone else.
/increases funny XPs for this weekend.
October 24th, 2009 at 1:27 am
She was gonna make a pot for me…………What kind of idiot compares Sonic to In N Out??
October 24th, 2009 at 1:33 am
WHEN R U GONA POST FRIDAY FIVE! ITS SAT ALREADY WTF!
October 24th, 2009 at 1:43 am
This post scared the shit out of my cat.
October 24th, 2009 at 1:49 am
This post made me hard anyway, so it’s just as good.
October 24th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Asking about Sexy Friday? That’s a paddlin’.
Asking about your favorite recurring character? That’s a paddlin’.
Saying “This post is as funny as my mom dying of cancer?” You better believe that’s a paddlin’.
October 24th, 2009 at 2:01 am
Did anyone else read this and go “Yes, these men have small children.”?
I will replace a few words here and there from the above post, and voila! Watch, and be amazed:
“So here’s the deal: if nobody WHINES for the next week about BRUSHING THEIR TEETH — and I mean NOBODY utters that FLIPPING phrase — then next week, you get CANDY. If you get CANDY next week, and nobody calls CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES, and nobody says, “DADDY TOUCHES MY NAUGHTY SPOT,” and nobody says how much better it is AT MOMMYS, and the following week continues without someone WHINING about BRUSHING THEIR TEETH, then — and ONLY THEN — you get MORE CANDY.”
The only difference between that and my childhood is my mother swearing. I didn’t realize that fuck, shit, hell, damn, crap, and ass were bad words until I got sent home in the 5th grade for looking at my teacher after she assigned us a particularly boring homework assignment and going “Fuck this shit.”
October 24th, 2009 at 2:16 am
I just learned that I could win Jerome Bettis. My sexy friday is complete.
October 24th, 2009 at 2:49 am
Wait a sec…I can’t give kudos for a middling to great post?
What are you looking at? There’s no comment here! Keep walking before I bust one in your ass! Your call: a bullet or a nut! Gets to steppin’!
October 24th, 2009 at 2:52 am
All 176 ( maybe more by now ) people who posted before me are fucking retarded. Did you miss the golden phrase? “Make fun of the KSK staff. Holy fucking shit, they gave us carte blanche.
1) Drew – You fat fucking whore. Keep bitching about your fucking 6-0 team. You fucked up, dude. You should have saved that for when the Cockslurping Baron runs out of gas in the next 3 weeks and buries your season. It’ll probably happen right about the time when Purple Mary Magdalene breaks her neck putting her head down, a la your prediction, on a once in a lifetime slant route over the middle of the field. Hopefully it will be this Sunday against Polamalu and he breaks his neck too.
2) Ape – How fucking retarded do you have to be to completely fuck up burning a fucking towel on a God damned gas grill? really? I hope Fat Steelers Chick fist rapes you elbow deep for eternity in hell. Pittsburgh is certainly the new New England. Your toothless ilk make me nauseous. I hope your team dies in a fire hotter than Drew’s mom’s herpes outbreak.
Fix yo complaints, dawg.
3) UM? CC? Punter? You’re cool, fellas. I got nothing.
/throws mic down
//walks out
October 24th, 2009 at 3:02 am
I really actually love the new concept here. You sometimes have to spank the broad and tie her to the bedpost metaphorically speaking.
I’m all for it. I will not say that of which we do not speak.
October 24th, 2009 at 3:10 am
Why would people complain about the lack of Sexy Friday? This single post contains more gaping vagina than every Sexy Friday combined.
October 24th, 2009 at 3:14 am
First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.
Then KSK came for the commenters-
I think that speaks volumes for what you all are trying to do.
October 24th, 2009 at 3:28 am
/ Dick Joke
// Slips some Valium into the missing KSK Midol supply
October 24th, 2009 at 4:13 am
Psychiatrist: Drew, stop shitting your pants projecting that Favre wins it all for your favorite team, as you know you can’t deal with that right now and lashing out at everyone doesn’t help. Go to your happy place.
Drew: I could take away mailbag too.
Psychiatrist: No you couldn’t
Drew: Yes, I could.
Psychiatrist: No you couldn’t
Drew: Yes, I COULD because I made bacon FLOAT!
Psychologist: Of course you did (writes prescription).
CC: Wait, what am I, chopped liver?
Uff: Yeah, mofo, who gets what portion of CPM again?
Flubby (masturbating): Damn, we get paid for this?
/loves ksk
October 24th, 2009 at 4:30 am
/////stumbles into KSK for third time ever.
October 24th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Captain Caveman, still bitter over Super Bowl XL, lashes out at the only group of people more pathetic and filled with impotent rage than himself, the KSK Commentatia.
October 24th, 2009 at 6:37 am
Great. That ruined it. I can’t maintain an erection when I’m crying. See, I tried to just use the tears as lubricant, but…
…wait, why am I telling you this?
This blog fucking sucks. It’s little more than a racist hate site run by communist faggots. I hope they all get raped by niggers.
- Some Douche Named Reggie
Wait… so…
…
…
FUCK! My brain is eating itself!
/hoping I’m just too stupid to recognize poorly crafted sarcasm, lest that post actually be real
October 24th, 2009 at 6:38 am
FIX YO COMMENTS!
– KSK staff
October 24th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Yeah I have a two part question…Eli Manning sucks and go Fuck yourself.
/Tosh’d
October 24th, 2009 at 9:17 am
If I’m going to take a tongue lashing like this lying down, someone better be playing with my balls.
October 24th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I think they need to smirre more. Probably ran out of choco toco’s or something.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
thank fucking god for this site. it makes me feel less alone in the world. now fuckoff.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:24 am
But wait, this counts as sexy friday, right? Since it’s the most pussy I’ve seen this year…
/sadly, this is actually true
//can’t be the only one.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
1st time reader, 1st time commenter.
So I get over here because apparently trying to go to deadspin from ESPN crashes my computer.
And this is what counts for funny? A buncha limpdicked basement dwellers alternating between cialis and saltpeter?
CPM – Your rant is marginally better than your boy Eli, class of 2005.
C-Student – More drops than A Raiders WR.
Bill Cowher’s Chiclets and UbenHadd – Apt.
ChickClickThud – Clearly you went to U of M.
In the immortal words of The Rock, “Just. Bring. It.”
Noodle Out.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
oh wait, that was supposed to be directed at the KSK staff. well, it was.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Screw you guys – I’m going to a better place… Shelbyville hospital!
October 24th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
To whoever was asking about FMRA, I think she’s in law school now, which would mean she has very little time to hang out on a football dick joke blog. What little spare time she does have, she uses to stalk her future husband.
October 24th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
My god, some people are dicks.
And I thought Londoners were bad
/in London for the weekend on a free trip. Score.
October 24th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
FMRA was here yesterday!
October 24th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
So for Halloween Sexy Friday:
1. Drew as Fat Bastard rubbing his nipples. No explanation necessary
2. Flubby as the gimp because he hardly ever talks and gets dragged around by rest of the staff.
3. Ufford as Neidermeyer because he’s white, pasty and full of unadulterated rage and likes showing off his “rifle”.
4. Ape as SteelyMcBeam, because he’s gay for the Stillers and has a cat.
5. UM as Whoopi Goldberg, because he’s a black Jew.
6. I don’t know what the fuck to suggest for Punte.
October 24th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@ Big Black Richard – yes she is in law school and working very hard.
/seriously
October 24th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
dm and Black Richard: good to know. We will all need a good lawyer one day that gets us!
October 24th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Hey, where the white women at?
October 24th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Jesus, CC, are you on your fucking period or something?
This is what happens when you put the tampon in sideways, folks…
October 24th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Wow, this site is going downhill fast.
October 24th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
We don’t take kindly to folks who don’t take kindly in these here parts
October 24th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
i’ll just go to redtube for my sexy friday anyway
October 24th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
So, commenters, consider yourselves on a week-to-week probation.
For simplicity, can this be tacked on top of other, unrelated probations?
/picked the wrong week to go on vacation
October 24th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
This is almost a Deadspin-level meltdown.
October 24th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
What a bunch of fucking babies. I haven’t seen this much crying since the last TO press conference.
I only check out this site for sexy Friday and the occasional imaginary Rex Ryan monologue. Pony up or I go back to reading Peter King.
October 24th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
I can go both ways on this, I didn’t really miss Sexy Friday and I was annoyed by the bitching in threads about it dying. Shit like ending posts with “/mixes SexyFriday” and other little references bitching about it, on the other hand this post seems way over the top. KSK has had some great new additions to the family, Rex Ryan comes to mind, but you’ve also killed off some valued family members, namely Sexy Friday who was beloved by many, to make it worse you tried to fill the void with something a lot of people think is stupid.
So you guys make a content mistake, suck it up and admit it, tell people to move on, don’t bitch at them. Lets just all act like adults here. Really the insulting thing here is probatation and the talking down to us shit. I’m not in middle school, I don’t get probatation. Post something up saying “Hey guys, keep it on topic and stop bringing up Sexy Friday.” Be mature about it and save the douchy emoness for the emo QB.
October 24th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
on the real.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Turtles
/did I do it right?
October 24th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Does anyone else find that Cocaine gives them gout?
October 24th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Meh. Cheerleader bios > Near-tits.
The lack of “God Explains Week X” is the true KSK misstep. You tried to replace Me with Andy Rooney? The closest he came to Me is his imminent death. Yeah, that’s the true “TICK TICK TICK TICK.” THOSE ARE MY OMNIPOTENT FOOTSTEPS, GERIATRIC BITCHES! BEST ACT LIKE YOU HEAR THEM!
Also, I was bored with testing the Titans faith through tribulation at about the 3rd second quarter Pats touchdown last week, and I started flipping through the Vedas (that is some funny shit, BTW). Karma…forgot about that little gem. So, looks like those crazy Hindus were actually on to something I totally didn’t intend, but Medamn what the fuck do I care? It’s not like it applies to Me.
It does apply to you. Take away what the masses cherished (see “I Explain Week X,” “Cheerleader Bios,” “#1 SMIRRE LECIEVEL,” etc.) and replace it with a stank, Phoenician pussy like Friday Five and a post bitching about how your parishioners are making your lack of effort “less fun for the bloggers,” then I bestow upon you that silly Hindu thing that sucks.
You know what happened to Me when I tried that bullshit and got lazy? Mormons. BOOM! Don’t bitch to Me about bad commenters. Try listening to 18 MEFUCKINGZILLION prayers a day by crazy fucks who you already damned to hell for their stupidity and they just get keep growing. Jesus from Missouri? Yeah, I don’t need you in Heaven, cockwads.
And what the fuck happened to Todd Haley posts? That guy was the son I never had. BEST BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE HAD THAT ROMAN PERSECUTION SHIT UNDER CONTROL AND WOULD HAVE MIRACLED UP SOME PUSSY TO EVERY ONE OF HIS FOLLOWERS.
Don’t be like the Mormons, KSK.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
^I also don’t get spelling it seems. I need to drink less.
October 25th, 2009 at 12:05 am
A fine example of someones panties being bunched.
October 25th, 2009 at 2:25 am
You’ve been fucking Peter King,haven’t you?
It’s a fucking comments section,not a Triple Latte Fuckacinno that wasn’t served at the correct temperature,you ungrateful little bitch.
October 25th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Fine, I’m gonna make my own website! With blackjack, and hookers!
October 25th, 2009 at 5:51 am
@Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
In fact, forget the website!
October 25th, 2009 at 7:24 am
so what you’re saying is that Sexy Friday is different from Friday Five and that if people bitch about Sexy Friday they don’t get Sexy Friday which is not the same as Friday Five. But if we’re not getting Sexy Friday how do we know it’s not the same as Friday Five which we don’t get either. And how do we know we should bitch about Sexy Friday if we’re not getting Sexy Firday. Should we bitch about Sexy Friday on the Friday Five post? Wait a minute, we don’t get the Friday Five post either, which is not the same as Sexy Friday so why the fuck would we bicth about Sexy Friday on the Friday Five post to start with if we don’t get it. How about just posting Sexy Friday and CALLING it Friday Five instead – that should cover all bases.
October 25th, 2009 at 8:41 am
How fucking gay is wanting, no, NEEDING your commenters to blow you? Not that there’s anything right with that, or with people thinking this is their best source of soft porn.
The sick beauty of Ufford’s riff here is that, if you call him on his whimpering, he’ll claim he did it because it was funny, which allows him to say anything at all. I spanked you because it’s funny! I’m suggesting you shit on a whore’s chest while you give her an abortion because it’s funny! I suck Seneca Wallace’s cock because it’s funny! I hate the Patriots because it’s funny!
Oh, wait. Hating the Patriots IS funny. So’s Seneca Wallace, come to think on it. Totally my bad, then. Carry on.
October 25th, 2009 at 10:09 am
wtf is sexy friday?
/how about content saturday?
October 25th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@NoodleBrainedNeckTard
How about you read some old posts (there are links to ALL of them in the right margin). You might start with a few FRIDAYS that are at least a month old. In the mean time please feel free to shut the fick up.
/noodledickjokebeard
October 25th, 2009 at 11:23 am
*fick* fuck, whatever.
October 25th, 2009 at 11:39 am
You let me down, man. Now I don’t believe in nothing no more.
I’m going to law school!!!
October 25th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Oh Brian Fucking Russell, what can you mess up next?
October 25th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Wow, Cooper taught Pey Pey the ‘Gay Lick’ (sp?)!!
-The More You Know-
Update: Kenny Mayne … still not funny.
October 25th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@StuScottBooyahs
Great idea. First time I’ve seen something in the comments section that doesn’t blow like Mario Cantone in a truck stop men’s room. (there’s your fucking dick joke)
October 25th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Saw Harflesberger wearing totally sweet airbrushed Bob Marley/Lion morph t-shirt to the stadium. Much, much cooler than a wolf shirt. Well played, The Ben, well played.
October 25th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
pathetic. Someone please pull the drama queen out of Drew’s cootch.
Welcome to the internets.
October 25th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
someone else said it best. If Ape or Drew aren’t on this site, no one would read it. Caveman telling the commenters to be funny…… irony is a great dish.
How long til this site is like Deadspin and they approve comments of their choosing?
October 25th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
More like ‘Boo’-kakke.
October 26th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
First deadspin sucks (it was never as good as this).
Then /sp/ bans >my face
now we have to deal with this.
I feel like Jake Delhomme.
(you see because he threw three ints and it was an excuse to bitch about things)
October 27th, 2009 at 12:30 am
how about some nhl posts huh?
October 27th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I don’t live near Lake Ontario.
October 27th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I wonder if Rick Ankiel is aware of FMRA’s enrollment.