From L to R: Guy who’s not James Brown, annoying hillbilly, jackass, annoying jackass, dude who
used to be kinda chill but now appears on television with hillbillies and jackasses, and chick
who thinks wearing two belts is going to fool someone.
FOX and Burger King apologized to Jessica Simpson for a cartoon sketch that poked fun at her weight during last Sunday’s “FOX NFL Sunday.” Why Burger King would think it’s a good business decision to mock the overweight is beyond me. Who do they think eats all those Triple Whoppers with cheese (1200 calories)? Poor Jess will probably take her business to Jack in the Box.
However, if it weren’t for this apology, I would not have been aware of the offending bit. [Here’s a link if you feel the need to watch a bad recording of an unfunny cartoon.] I didn’t see it when it aired originally because, as you are probably aware, “FOX NFL Sunday” is fugging lousy and I avoid it like a bad case of the clap. Over the years I have developed a strict pregame show viewing hierarchy which kept Fox’s pregame “humor” from my notice. Since you are dying to hear more about it, here goes:
1) Spend vast majority of the time watching NFL Network’s “GameDay Morning”. It’s not perfect, but it’s on the air first and the cut-ins to the various stadiums is usually handy for last minute fantasy football lineup changes—which offsets having to put up with Michael Irvin. The addition of Stacey Dales this season didn’t hurt and she’s waaay more bearable than Berman.
Gratuitous picture of Stacy Dales.
2) If that’s at commercial, then I flip to ESPN’s “Sunday NFL Countdown”. ESPN could wrest away my number one spot if they would just put Berman out to pasture. Cris Carter has come a long way since his days on HBO’s “Inside the NFL” and Keyshawn’s buffoonery is usually entertaining.
3) If both programs are at commercial and it looks like it will be more than 30 seconds until commercials are over, I grudgingly flip to CBS’s “The NFL Today” and pray that Shannon Sharpe isn’t talking. I think Bill Cowher is on this show, but I make it this far down the list so infrequently that I’m not entirely sure about that.
4) If all three are on commercial: surf for porn and/or play Farmville.
5) If I’ve already done 1-4, then silence and contemplative reflection—but no FOX pregame.
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When are they gonna bring back that hottie Stacey Dales Shulman?
Shame on Fox Sports and Burger King.
Stacey Dales is clueless about football. I’m sure that’s not her main purpose on the show, but her awkwardness is clearly because they’re not talking about the WNBA. I do agree that NFL network takes the #1 slot- but can they please get rid of Warren Sapp? I swear he’s on every channel now.
gotta agree with the hierarchy. i do enjoy espn, but ditka and his inability to finish a sentence before starting a new one drives me nuts.
“would still hit that” clearly refers to Shannon Sharpe
“silence and contemplative reflection” = New term for jackin’it?
I feel dumber for having watched that cartoon. And dumber for having read the apology.
RE OJ Incandenza Says:
“@Slash: as I understand it, Farmville is a means for hipster Facebookers who got the fuck out of their rural hometowns to pretend they have farms for some reason.”
Do they pretend to fuck livestock and drag black dudes behind their trucks, too?
slow painful death>Farmville
Pre-game show hierarchy? Did I accidently click my Simmons bookmark?
Tom Jackson gets a pass for life for asking Michael Irvin what we were all thinking by questioning his mental capabilities live on-air.
Oh and Farmtown > Farmville
Fantasy Football Now. Because I’m selfish and only care about what *I* can gain from this Sunday, besides the palpitations in my heart for the ensuing schadenfreude of the afternoon.
FarmFlaWa!
@Irishcream – you have aunts on Facebook?
This is why I won’t ever have Facebook. My family having my email is pestering enough for me.
flubby, did you also find out the first letter of the name of the person you’re going to marry?
@Slash: as I understand it, Farmville is a means for hipster Facebookers who got the fuck out of their rural hometowns to pretend they have farms for some reason.
//lives in IA, ain’t gonna judge
Farmville Porn, brought to you by Rule 34:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw7JcxPLjMY
Two of my aunts pester me to accept their invite to Farmville. I refuse because I have testicles and a little bit of dignity left. Not a lot, but a little bit.
@Animal Mother: It should be, although watching FOX’s pregame show is like a bad acid trip.
FOX apologized to Jessica, but where is FOX’s apology for giving us the retarded hillbilly every sunday morning?
If ESPN actually used some (I said some) of the ideas they have on their commercials I might actually watch it for more than 2 seconds or until Berman started talking, which ever came first. Who wouldn’t want to see Snoop going over some pregame for the Giants-Saints. Plus, you could do a bong hit whenever Snoop did a bong hit. And isn’t wake and bake really everyone’s pregame ritual?
Can’t believe I’m about to defend Jessica Simpson, who almost redefines “shallow” and “immature” and “dim,” but Fox couldn’t think of anyone better to mock? How about Peter King? Or Jon and Kate? Or Donald Trump? Or any number of assholes on the various “reality” shows (whose very existence is the justification for mockery)? I suspect if they made fun of every chick who ever fucked an NFL player and then put on a few pounds after a bad breakup, their pre-game show would be nothing but similar “sketches,” all year long.
Also, what the fuck is Farmville?
Damn, every time Strahan smiles I don’t know if I should laugh or kick a field goal
Does “Would still hit that” refer to Tom Jackson?
You’re not fooling me flubby. I know that’s a picture of Kim Zoliack and not Jessica Simpso….
Well I’ll be god-damned.
Why does anyone need to apologize to Jessica Simpson for anything? Did she apologize to us for getting fat?
Gratuitous picture of Stacy Dales.
No such thing. Bring on more!
/still not over loss of Sexy Friday
silence and contemplative reflection
Dear God anything but that
Tom Jackson is about the only guy on ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown. The rest is just too much, as Berman’s schtick is old, Keyshawn is played out, and Dickta (misspelled on purpose) is just awful as well. But, it beats the rest by a mile. I don’t get NFL Network (Damn you Time Warner Cable!), so it’s ESPN, or if I really need a change of pace, CBS.
I refuse to go to FOX for anything except my game, since I’m a Lions fans (insert old and tired joke about the Lions here.)
/Longs for the days of when CBS had NFC and NBC had AFC games, just to cut FOX and their ability to ruin football out of the picture.
There’s a good case of the clap? I guess if you catch it from Marisa Miller.
So you’re telling me that you don’t like the BK Fired Up segment where Howie Long goes on a 3 minute rant about the perfect symmetry of his hair?
Oh Jess!
/eeeediot
‘Would still hit that’: Tom or Stacy there Romeo??
Postgame choice is clear, at least for me. Eisen–Sanders–Mooch at 1030pm CST is simply awesome. But pregame? usually just stare at my two fantasy teams hoping they will morph into something decent. Oh, and intermittenly search for porn. But thats a given no matter the day.
I hate Farmville and all the other lousy Facebook games. No, I don’t care that you need a helping hand to take out that crew of killers in Mafia. Stop pestering me!
And Jessica may be fat, but I’d still ride that wave.
“surf for porn and/or play Farmville.”
or search for Farmville porn
Farmville isn’t acceptable under any circumstances. Unless you’re a 16 year old girl. Are you a 16 year old girl? Maybe we can put your hair up in curlers for you, Homina.
“Why that would be delightf….HEY!”
ZOMG ADD ME TO YOUR FRIENDS ON FARMVILLE!!!11!11!!!
/regressed to a 13 year old
//chugs beer to feel 31 again
Frank Caliendo would have been able to make that sketch funny.