Comebacks Are Betta When You Ask Somebodddddaaaayyy About It
This season the Dick/turd Feelers are letting every QB on the planet drive on their defense for winning scores. They let The Incredible Sulk, Jay Cutlerfu*ker do it, they allowed Cornhole Palmer to do it, then deepthroat hot dogs at them in derision. They look at me and say “you violated me in the last minute with your eyes, you did it with your eyes.”
NOW COMES THE LASERFACE TROIKA! THAT’S RUSSIAN FOR “THIRD STRAIGHT DICK KICKING”! YOU ESCAPED THE MARMALARD REVENGE/COACHING KILL TOUR LAST YEAR! YOU WON’T BE SO FORTUNATE NOW!
And this is how I’m gonna do it.
…
…
Ahem!
PLAY ME ON, DOUBLE-L COOL NEGRO!
L.L. Cool J: That’s when Philip Rivers goes all LAST MINUTE TD DRIVE
Yeah. Be more quick about that next time. See, my super soldiers are gonna let you feel good about yourself and have a lead most of the game, maybe even let you pin us inside our 10 inside two minutes while behind four points. THAT’S WHEN A COILED LASERFACE STRIKES! WHAT? HUH? WHAT? ANOTHER CRUSHING LOSS FOR THE SUPER BOWL CRAMPS!!
1st and 10 from own 3 (1:49 remaining) — Fake hand-off to LaToeInjury and kick him in the back of the knee as he runs past, complete 16-yard pass over the middle to Gates
1st and 10 from own 19 (1:34 remaining) — Throw up middle finger at all the retard yinzers, penalized half the distance to the goal
1st and 20 from own 10 (1:34 remaining) — Spike the ball ’cause I don’t give a fuck
2nd and 20 from own 10 (1:32 remaining) — Distract James Harrison by tell him his girlfriend is getting uppity, hit Vincent Jackson down the seam for 45 yards. Call timeout with my cock.
1st and 10 from Steelers 45 (1: 20 remaining) — Mistaken listen to Norv and hand ball to LaToeInjury. Recover his fumble in the backfield while landing on Steeler linebacker’s knee. Clock runs.
2nd and 15 from 50. (One minute remaining) — Take knee for sport.
3rd and 17 from own 47 (:30 remaining) — Norv predictably says run Tiny Darren up the gut. Knee him in his own gut. Execute epic float that hangs in the air long enough for Polamalu to get well and run back onto the field. Drag him down by his bitchy hair and snag float myself for touchdown that I spike on Mike Tomlin’s glasses.
Skip out of town, only after putting one in the pink. THAT’S THE PINK FOUNTAIN, REPROBATE SCUM!
Then I unrape all the girls Ben has given the retard seed to! All I need is some Jonas Brothers records and Chargers jerseys! But not the body paint harlot! Unpure thoughts hand beneath the sky blue!
Tags: marmalard, open thread, picksburgh stillers, san diego chargers, SNFIA, xmas ape
October 4th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I did ask somebody. I’m glad the answer is here.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Win.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
lets go Mendenhall i am counting on you to carry my team so i can go out for steaks and blowjobs since the jets will not be going out for steaks and blowjobs :)
October 4th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Yes, Faith, oh yes.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
“spike the ball ’cause I don’t give a fuck”
Best post ever right after this part.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Faith Hill makes my downstairs feel funny…
October 4th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
First Tiny Darren comparison of the night… Fuck you Al Michaels!
October 4th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Let’s see if Ben is looking past this game because he’s focusing so intently on hosting WWE Raw tomorrow night.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Ben’s rapin’ his way down the field here early
October 4th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Wonder who uses more roids? The Stillers or the WWE Supastas?
October 4th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
“Steeler worthy”… thank you Collinsworth for renaming the MEAST award…
October 4th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I still hate you for these 3 or so hours Ape. But I ruv yoo rong time aftelwalds.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
“CATCH THE BALL BETWEEN YOUR FEET NEXT TIME, LIMPDICK!”
October 4th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
That was outfuckingstanding… Well done. Now let’s hope you’re right.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Roethlisberger is clearly distracted by Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase’s son offering him $1m to beat up John Cena.
October 4th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Lazerface is getting angry… you won’t like him when he’s angry…
October 4th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
THE BENS PEWS DON’T FLOAT AS LONG AS MOUTH EYES PEWS DO.
HARF HARF HARF
October 4th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Merriman is wearing pink to show his support for survivors of breast cancer. He hates the idea that any woman could lose a breast before he has the chance to force her behind a building and grope her.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Please win this game, Laserface…my ex boss is a fucking Steelers bandwagoneer and needs to be made miserable for a second straight Monday.
/ Sorry, Ape’d
October 4th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
I just dropped a missive on the previous post not realizing this is the game thread. Oops. Also, Matt Light just whiffed on taking a beta blocker for a heart condition.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
APE IS ON FIRE!
October 4th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
FLOATFLOATFLOAT.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Silverback didn’t even want to play in this game. If the Chargers want to play the Steelers, they should do it when their schedule doesn’t require them to.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Where’s Slash when I want to /elove instead of watch Norval coach this game away.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Call of Duty commercial during break = full of win
October 4th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I’m a Chargers fan with Rongrastname as my FFB QB…and my Opponent has Rivers…
I don’t know how I should feel…
October 4th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
@Rikadyn:
I’m a Steelers fan who has SD’s Defense going and I need 7 points… Just try and look on the brightside either way.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Now Marmalard, when you said you’d let the Steelers have a lead, we assumed you didn’t mean a 21-point halftime lead.
October 4th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Lil Mike and Tiny Darren… a collision of dwarfic proportions!!!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Was Drew Breeze wearing a vest? Looked a little fruity.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Marmalard will score 21 points in the final two minutes. WITH HIS DICK.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Andrea Kramer’s Michael Jackson zipper jacket?
Epic win.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
i just wanted everyone to know that one of my fantasy teams is “rapelisberger”.
that is all.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
@ slyfinger:
the first thing i noticed when it came on. you are correct, sir.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
This is an absolute asskicking
October 4th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
hmm…Christmas Ape…Christmas Rape?
October 4th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
@Ape… can we blame the 3 hour time difference or something? Good lord, this Chargers team looks beaten.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
And, pleaes, somebody screen capped Lazerface 2.0, right?
October 4th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Drew Brees?
http://tinyurl.com/yc5ty3t
Nice pool though.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
What Ben rapes cannot be undone.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Holy crap, you mean to tell me there’s a Rapier Ape?
October 4th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
@Big Dumb Ben: do not take the Breesus’ name in vain. Not when he has led the Saints to a saintly 4-0.
And the Laserfaced one just watched Ben go all PHILIP RIVERS on his team. 28-0.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
LT = FAIL!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
failfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfailfail
October 4th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Marmalardian Comeback In The Works!!!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
Marmalardian evil genius… plants that punt and Hester Touchdown…
October 4th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
(crosses fingers)
PittsFAIL!!! Make a game of it! Please!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
WITH MY DRUNKEN-MERRIMAN STYLE, I RAPE YOU FOR YOUR FOOTBALL!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
Wow just wow
October 4th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
I hope to God that it comes down to Marmalard leading a successful comeback, especially since that means the Bolts will have had to score 28 points in the final frame (they’re halfway there!)
October 4th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
I wouldn’t want to be Ape’s cat if that happened.
October 4th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Les miles would be happy with that play from Hester
October 4th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Do you see? DO YOU SEE SAN DIEGO DEFENSE?! Mendenhall is such a soft running back all you have to do is tackle the back of his fucking cleats! HOW DID YOU LET HIM RUN FOR OVER 100 YARDS?!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Well, there went that idea.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Did Hines Ward just put the game away?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
Trickeration!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I can’t believe that Hines Wald is allowed to lower his shoulder and deliver a hit like that when he has the ball… I bet there’s a rule change to protect DBs who are trying to tackle WRs next year.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Mr. Mittens can put away the gun now.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
I think those DB’s should take their skirt off and stop complaining.
/Harrison’ed – he’s sensitive to the womenfolk on Breast Cancer Awareness week.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Maybe tomlinson should get a clear visor so he can see where he is runnig
October 4th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
I think Mr. Mittens just reached for it again.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Where was this offense the first 3 quarters
October 4th, 2009 at 11:08 pm
Marmalarde doesn’t know the meaning of the word “Quit”… so would someone please get him a dictionary?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Letting Norv Turner call the plays, Mole.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
@FratManG:
Ouch….
I had a 15pt lead coming into this game, and a 24pt lead atm, so should be safe, I have MIN D for tomorrow night, and opponent has greg jennings, so I should be good…till next week when my whole team is on a bye…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Michaels just said Marm needs to float one in there.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Marmalardian Comeback: Stage 2 in effect.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
WHAT? HUH? WHAT?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
So can we get some early flex scheduling for next Sunday night’s game?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
I agree with Collinsworth… why is Harrison in coverage?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
With that floater he got interfered twice
October 4th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
FUCK YOU!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
(Fingers crossed for another onside kick and another overtime game)
October 4th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Chris Chambers just went all “COMPETENT RECEIVEEEEEER!”
October 4th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Don’t you hate it when you’re (in the process of being) right, Ape?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Perhaps Michaels should mention that a lot of the fans have gone home again.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
No overtime… you’re killing me here.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
I leave to catch the end of “hunt for red october” over on BBC and come back to find that apparently Mike Tomlin has switched brains with Norv Turner.
WTF?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Time to let San Diego’s D take over and allow the Steelers’ to please all the hometown fans…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
heck the fuck?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
@semper… he or collinsworth have mentioned it at least once
October 4th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Oh Ben gonna play he gonna play call of duty harf harf
October 4th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
@ Rob @ myself – failed sarcasm on my part.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Mike Tomlin is gonna choke a bi-sexual chick tomorrow night at 8/7 C
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
There isn’t going to be overtime, San Diego’s D is the wet paper bag of defenses…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
No foolin’– I do like the line love from Collinsworth.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
It’s a shame the Chargers D still sucks or I’d be worried
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
“DONG!!!” – Cris Collinsworth
October 4th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Mendenhall needs to go cut Willie Parkers toe off after the game
October 4th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
@semper
You didn’t use the default sarcasm font.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
/loves that he started Mendenhall in fantasy tonight
October 4th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
LT telling someone else to have heart…get the fuck out of here…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
The San Diego defense is skilled, but ultimately useless when it matters. They’re like a really good wrestlng jobber.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
/Hopes that Ape won after making that call.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
@Ape
/hates the fact you started mendenhall in at least one league tonight
October 4th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
I like it Saveto…San Diego D is the Brooklyn Brawler of defenses…or maybe Al Snow in his WWF run…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Game set match, hoping Willie Parker is done for the season, mendenhall is gold, gold I tell you gold wooo
October 4th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Or, considering the opponent, maybe Iron Mike Sharpe?
October 4th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
@Cold Tub
LaToeInjury telling people to show some heart is like Ray Lewis telling people the best place to stab someone is in the heart. No wait… that came out wrong…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Will Jeff reed cry tonight also???
October 4th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
@ ColdTub See also: Rory Fargo vs Zack Ryder
October 4th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
God.
Dammit.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
WHAT? HUH? WHAT? I DOUBLE DOWN ON THIS NEXT FLOAT!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
/circles “game over” in his notebook
October 4th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Needed more Tiny Darren
October 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
FloatFumble
October 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
YA BETTA SACK SOMEBODDDDDAAAAAYYYYYY!
October 4th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Just for fun mendenhall up the gut for 50 yards
October 4th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Mr. Mittens is saved for another week: http://dcsteelernation.blogspot.com/2009/09/all-is-not-lost-yet.html
October 4th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
Yeah, you just THINK that was a fumble. Marmalard knows better.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Mr. Mittens lives to die another day.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
Well, at least Rivers produced for my fantasy team this week…
…fucking Hell.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:38 pm
I have never laughed so hard. Awesome post.
October 4th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
And still have time for Mad Men before the end of the night
October 4th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Rivers thought Ben’s pregame hat made him look like a pussy: http://i35.tinypic.com/e62kg0.jpg
October 4th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Even King Laserface the Brash couldn’t keep his defense from losing this game for him…
October 4th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Body paint chick has no ass and a tragically misguided fondness for Kassim Osgood. It’s no wonder Laserface isn’t feeling that.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:44 am
That game was unnecessarily close…
Glad its over, win for the good guys.
And gotta love that stat about LT getting 10+ carries for like 86 straight games in which he’s played being broken. Such a contrived stat, and yet you could see his frowny face.
Does anybody else think Ben pays his D to suck so he can get comebacks? Cause that dude just straight lost that onside kick and stuff….
October 5th, 2009 at 1:29 am
Do you think Norv and Wade already know they’re gonna be replaced by Homgren/Shanahan/Cowher next year?Holmgren to the Chargers, Shanahan to the ‘boys. You heard it here first. Cowher to Carolina???
October 5th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Not to take away from the awesomeness that is football, but a YUUUGE FUCK YOU to the Maj and Roman. That’s all.
October 5th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Create cool Profile Comments
Couldn’t pull out this one, could ya, Marmalard?
October 5th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Dear Willie Parker,
Please stay hurt.
Sincerely,
Guy Who Drafted Rashard Mendenhall in 2 leagues
October 6th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
What’s the over/under on Tomlipuss breaking the 100 yard mark this week? That’s 100 yards for the season not the game. He’s sitting on 70 whole yards after 4 games. At least he didn’t save his bitch out for the playoffs this years.