Colts vs. Titans: Because Flex Scheduling Doesn’t Start For Five More Weeks
The Colts are back on prime time television for the third time this season, and thank god, because I was beginning to forget what Peyton Manning looks like. Tonight’s match up isn’t exactly the gem it was supposed to be when the schedule came out, but it can’t be much worse than the average Week 5 game. Jesus, even the close afternoon games made me want to drink bleach.
After sitting through those horseshit games we deserve a prime time affair that’s both competitive and entertaining. Instead we’re forced to make due with with undefeated Indianapolis Colts going up against the winless Tennessee Titans. Fuck.
In case you’re just arriving back home after an eventful afternoon of pumpkin picking, here’s what you missed.
• Chad Ochocinco was nearly decapitated by Ray Lewis…
…but he isn’t mad at his big brother.
Yeah, they should probably book him some time in the CAT scan machine just to be on the safe side.
• Owen Schmitt got a little bit too excited during pregame introductions.
But hey, it worked. Seattle kicked the living shit out of the Jaguars, and eventually Schmitt stopped bleeding.
• Miles Fucking Austin.
Dallas played like crap all day, of course they played the Chiefs, so that wasn’t about to stop them from winning. Austin broke the Cowboys franchise record with 250 receiving yards on the day.
• Dre Bly is going to get a good look at Mike Singletary’s ass after this display of dumbfuckery.
• Denver beat the Patriots in overtime to remain undefeated. Pretty much everyone looked ridiculous. You really have to hand it to Josh McDan…WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?
Did Mr. Peanut put you up to this? You know what, I don’t even care. If being a Nazi helps you beat the Patriots then I say go for it, you beautiful goose-stepping bastard.
• Buffalo’s offensive line had a bit of trouble in their loss to the Browns. They were called for false start penalties an impressive nine times.
NIIIIIIINE TIIIIIIMES
• The Redskins shit the bed, giving another previously winless team their first taste of success this season. Get ready to celebrate, Chiefs, because you’re on deck. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go kill myself.
Enjoy Sunday Night Football, and try to resist the urge to watch baseball.
Tags: Hey it's better than watching the Yankees, Nazis, Never underestimate the power of superAIDS, open threads, Unsilent Majority
October 11th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I’d like to flex her schedule!
Wait, that didn’t come out right…
October 11th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Fuck his SUPERAIDS.
Fuck Neckbeard.
And fuck the cursed throwback uniforms.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
Fuck living in Boston today.
Fuck my 14 year old nephew beating me in the pool.
Fuck Doogie Howser, Head Coach.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I’d like to suck her boobs!
…Is that how you do it?
October 11th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
That chearleader dates the Nazi Peanut.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I would like to throw her back.
/Brandon Marshall’d
October 11th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Go Twins.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Is Al’s hair a Chia Pet?
October 11th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Peyton Manning is the hottest player in the National Football League. Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning. National Football League.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
somehow, I knew when I saw McDaniels goosestepping that it would be on here within an hour.
somehow, I also knew that there would be gratuitous cleavage involved.
/thank you
October 11th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Speaking of gratuitous cleavage…
Does Faith Hill have it in her contract that Costas has to introduce her?
October 11th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Hey, Goosestepping McDaniels:
“Seek Help!”
October 11th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Titans player gets hurt in the first six seconds = Titans season so far in a nutshell.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Is this where I cry about ‘Black Sunday’?
/fuck BSG in the ear. The Sox were not going to beat Anaheim or NYY. And it’s one game against the Donks who’ve owned the Pats for 50 years. Jesus god, he’s a dushy gash.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Question for Pats fans: if Brady is God, and Welker is WELKAH, then who gets the blame for messing up that sure thing TD play in the 4th quarter?
October 11th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
@Wondering: Brady. He left at least 11 points on the field.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Josh McDaniels is the master troll of the NFL.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Collinsworth is “uncomfortable” with gays.
October 11th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
@ Lavarve
Maybe he’s uncomfortable with BDSM, given that they were shackled together.
/Not really. He’s homophobic.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Ugoh — back to the bench, lard lad.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:20 pm
When you’re in Nashville there’s only one way to explain 0-4: terrible country music
They’re headin for the losin side of town
October 11th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
. . . . . . aaaaaaand it’s over, Indy’s got it in the bag, I’m going to bed.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Nine false starts, it should be noted… AT HOME.
To be fair, the booing is quite distracting.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Kyle Orton’s neckbeard is back. Kyle Orton leads the Broncos to victory over the Patriots in overtime. Coincidence? I think not.
October 11th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Wedgie violation. Where was that in middle school?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Collinsworth is a douche and the Titans are just the worst.
I’ll be watching Mad Men and Curb instead of football for the 1st time this season.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
and try to resist the urge to watch baseball.
*Watches baseball*
I’m glad there’s baseball on during such a fucking shitstorm of games. We should start a class action lawsuit against that fucking firecracker for giving us this goddamn travesty of a slate.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
OT : With Paps shitting the bed along with Brady, and the NBA season not having started yet, what “nation” is Boston today?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
@NMC: from what I’m seeing on ‘Patsfan.com,’ it’s ‘Cry Baby Nation.’ I hate to sound like Stabby, but it’s
embarrassing.
/sack up and drink your rye
October 11th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Collinsworth is missing all kinds of opportunities to compare white receivers to himself.
/Kyle gon drank
October 11th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Where was Orton’s bottle?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
OT : With Paps shitting the bed along with Brady, and the NBA season not having started yet, what “nation” is Boston today?
The Bruins haven’t been eliminated yet, have they?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
@ Rob: nope, it’s Bruins nation. And everyone makes the NFL playoffs so they’re all good. Plus, NO DAHKIES.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Sorry, NHL. Woops.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth need to get off Manning’s dick. I know he’s awesome dudes. C’mon. Especially Collinsworth.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Racist Nation?
October 11th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
This chat needs more dick puking.
October 11th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
YOU BEAUTIFUL GOOSESTEPPING BASTARDS
looking ahead to next years’ fantasy team name. i just dumped Hasselbeck for the Bears’ bye week TE
FAIL
October 11th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
It’s surprising viewers can hear the commentary over the thunderous boo’s aimed at Kerry Collins. He must be sober again
/Kerry Collins fails at QB/life
October 11th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Cialis: “when is it time to get out of the tub?”
When the roofies have kicked in
October 11th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Vince Young Sighting!
Did anyone else hear the geniuses in the booth question what a “bar room brawl” was?
October 11th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
is it too much to ask for a hint of nipple?
October 11th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
Jim Fullington aka The Sandman is pissed because Owen Schmidt stole his entrance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE7GTc8p-1A
October 11th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
mcdaniels is just doing his zeke-kyle (orton)
October 12th, 2009 at 12:58 am
@Skylar: That’s like asking Peter King to quit cupping Farve’s balls during a fierce shaft stroke. NOT HAPPENING!
October 12th, 2009 at 1:11 am
I just want to personally thank my fantasy WR corps of Calvin Johnson, DeSean Jackson, and Mike Sims-Walker for their valuable contributions to my team being ass-raped this week.
And oh yeah, Josh Scobee, you were just a great bye week pickup for kicker. Thanks for that as well.
October 12th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Best cheerleader pic ever? Best cheerleader pic ever.
October 12th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
I don’t wish to sound crass or vulgar but I would be on that cheerleader like white on rice.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:57 am
titans winless this season. hope they would get better week to week…