Coaching Tree Infighting: Mumblechick vs. McSuperAIDS. WHO YA GOT?
Last year, Josh McDaniels was tasked with making Matt Cassel look like an adequate quarterback, and by employing the daring strategy of exploiting a stacked receiving corps, he was able to accomplish just that. Having done so, it was certainty that some foolish team would be willing to let him run their team into the ground. That team turned out to be the Broncos. As with so many of his other underqualified underlings, Bill Belichick was content to let him out into the world to destroy another franchise’s hopes at competency. But McDaniels has stubbornly flouted the established Belichick disciple model and found a measure of success (or at least taken the credit for the success Mike Nolan’s defense has gotten him). Is McDaniels crazy enough to try to beat his former master. Knowest he nothing of fealty? Anyway, WHO YA GOT?
Bill Belichick_______________________Josh McDaniels
Age
TOO OLD (or so claims Simmons when the Pats lose)___________Thirty-three (THAT’S FACKIN LARRY LEGEND’S NUMBAH! SUPER BOWL!)
Has he fully harnessed the power of the hoodie?
He was the first to wield it!_______________________Not really
Hobbies
Starring coldly at you until you ask a different question_____NASCAR, a little golf
How has nepotism helped him?
Father was a college coach_________Got first coaching job because his dad is friends with Nick Saban
HOW MANY GRITTY FACKIN’ WHITE RECEIVERS THEY GOT?
AND HOW MANY NO-GOOD SHIFTLESS GIRL-PUNCHING DAAAAHHHHKKIIIEEE RECEIVERS?
Randy Moss_______________________________Brandon Marshall
Noted illicit means of gaining advantage
Spy cameras______________________________SuperAIDS
Methods of counteracting said advantage
Tattling former assistants, come-hither looks from married women____SuperMAGICJOHNSONCURE
Finishing Move
Not listing your death on the injury report___Spreading more lies about Swedish lesbian lumberjacks
Tags: Bill Belichick, denver broncos, greatriots, I know the lumberjacks are real THEY HAVE TO BE, mcdaniels' SuperAIDS, who ya got?, xmas ape
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October 9th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Does Uproxx have enough money to have me investigate the Lumberjack town in Sweden? I promise to get the flight date correct.
October 9th, 2009 at 9:15 am
Mumblechick = fantastic
October 9th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Ed McCaffery would have evened the fackin’ stakes!
The pick: PATRIOTS.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:26 am
The fuckin spacing and column width is horrendous. It was almost to painful to read. I actually wish I had SUPERAIDS instead of trying to decipher that garbage comparison.
MY EYESSS OMFG MY EYES
October 9th, 2009 at 10:31 am
FIX YO KERNING, APE
October 9th, 2009 at 10:34 am
yeah Ape, FIX YO FORMATING
/rolls eyes
//face palm
October 9th, 2009 at 10:37 am
The fuckin spacing and column width is horrendous. It was almost to painful to read.
The format is specially designed to hurt people with bleeding gashes between their legs.
+1 for that scale Photoshop.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Ed McCaffery would have evened the fackin’ stakes!
True, but allowing the Pats to include Donte Stallworth would have locked up the “AND HOW MANY NO-GOOD SHIFTLESS GIRL-PUNCHING DAAAAHHHHKKIIIEEE RECEIVERS?” category.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:49 am
The week of lofty ’shop jobs, this one.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
The number of gritty running backs favors the Broncos.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
is it just me, or did Simmons just bite the fuck out of Drew’s “October is the best month” angle??
October 9th, 2009 at 10:51 am
What______ does
Bleed_____in_________g gas____he_____ mea______n_______?
_______________________________________
October 9th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@Dick Bigdickinson It means Brian Urlacher thinks you have a pussy pussy.
October 9th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@____Digg___ler
things?
October 9th, 2009 at 11:05 am
I don”t know, maybe you have an out-of-date browser. Most people don’t seem to have that much difficulty reading it.
October 9th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Or perhaps he’s fucktarded. There’s always that.
October 9th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@CPM
No need to curse. I hope you don’t blow your dog with that mouth.
October 9th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Yup. He’s fucktarded. That proved it.
October 9th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
The number of gritty running backs favors the Broncos.
No it doesn’t. What about Laurence Maron…
Oh, sorry. I thought you said “gay,” not “gritty.”
October 9th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I doubt that Swedish lesbian lumberjacks who live in a secret town forbidden to men would be very sexy. I’m thinking they’d all look like Dolph Lundgren and would call you a pussy for not doing your own carpentry.
A secret town full of Swedish lesbian librarians, on the other hand- that would be awesome.
October 9th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
/in the voice of Homer Simpson
Mmmmmmm… Swedish lesbian librarians… Aaaaahhhhhhhh…