Brian Russell Finally Does Something Good for the Seahawks
Longtime readers of this site know that I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with aging white safety Brian Russell — in that I would love it if he died, because I hate him. But ever since the gritty veteran (read: slow and talentless) got cut by the Seahawks, I no longer wish him death.
Instead, I want him signed on a week-to-week basis by whomever the Seahawks play on Sunday. The animated GIF above shows Russell in his new Jacksonville threads getting blown up by Justin Forsett, Seattle’s 5′8″, 194-pound third-string running back — possibly my favorite highlight in a 41-0 ass-stomping that involved four passing touchdowns, a defensive touchdown, and the self-bloodied visage of psycho hillbilly Owen Schmitt.
Delicious schadenfreude, or deliciousest schadenfreude? Oh, deliciousest for sure. Your failure sustains me, Russell.
[via Field Gulls]
Tags: Brian Fired Russell, captain caveman, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSA, schadenfreude, seattle seahawks
October 13th, 2009 at 10:35 am
As I watched that play, i couldn’t help but think of how awesome it was…as well as the likelihood of Brian Fucking Russell gettin’ mentioned on KSK..
October 13th, 2009 at 10:41 am
You got knocked the fuggg out!
October 13th, 2009 at 10:46 am
I’m sorry, Ufford. Your third string running back will just have to blow up Sabby Piscitelli.
October 13th, 2009 at 10:47 am
I’d appreciate if the same could be done with Maroney and whoever the Pats are playing. THAT FAHCKIN DAHKIE.
October 13th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Is it typical of Patriot fans to not know the team’s opponents for the next week?
You play the Titans, who don’t start a white safety. Sorry.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I think a failed steroids test looms in Schmitt’s future. Or if he manages to pass it, Merriman might be calling Schmitt’s trainer.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:13 am
But…but…but he’s like a coach on the field! Grit! Hustle! Leadership!
/The Steelers had a guy like this once called Brent Alexander.
//He was black, which is probably even more pathetic.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:16 am
@jizzthrasher
Come on, man. What I meant was that I’d like to unload Maroney on our weekly challenger because I’m tired of seeing his ass run into a wall at the line and put up numbers like 7 carries for 6 yards against the Ravens. Damn, dude.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Don’t forget Scott Shields, manflesh. He was a terrible white safety for the Steelers earlier this decade.
/has mostly blocked out the post-Carnell Lake, pre-Polamalu days
October 13th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@ bahstahn – It’s fun when people let their hate for the Pats get in the way of basic though processes.
Maroney is horribad, I’m 100% with you on that, let’s ship him to any other team anywhere ever forever.
October 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am
I always loved these posts:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/?s=brian+russell
October 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
And the Seahawks give up a second rounder for Tom Zbikowski in 3….2….
/haven’t you heard, he’s a boxer too!
October 13th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I thought the Seahawks were disbanded after the refs cheated them out of the Superbowl. Wah, wah, wah, we wuz robbed.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I thought the Seahawks were disbanded after the refs cheated them out of the Superbowl. Wah, wah, wah, we wuz robbed.
Number of people bitching about Seahawks fans bitching > number of Seahawks fans bitching.
Let it go, dude.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Your failure sustains me, Russell.
I feel the same way about Tucker Max.
October 13th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
Gee, is it any wonder why the Jags have the 30th worst pass defense in the league this year? And 30th overall?
Brian ‘fucking’ Russell will not be outdone by the Raiders and Chiefs!! He doesn’t care how many missed tackles and blown coverages he has to perform, they will be number 32!!
/Rams get their first win this week?
October 13th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Justin Forsett: Cal grad. Yeah, we’ll pretty much cling to anything now.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Ape: Scott Shields, terrible as he was, actually did have talent. He was huge and fast. His problem was a complete lack of grit (he hated contact). Also, as far as I can recall, he pretty much never saw the field. Alexander had a Brian-Russell-like way of hanging onto a starting job until his contract ran out, not being re-signed because he made pass defenses suck, and then being signed by some other team to start.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Brian, that is more embarrassing than dying after getting hit by a Smart Car. I hate to tell a professional athlete to quit a multi-million-dollar job, but….retire already. I no longer feed off of your failure; I just feel pity for you now.
/pity began moment after Jags game ended
October 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Forsett must have smelled Russell’s gaping gash from a mile away. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get trucked that bad before.
October 13th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I have a man crush on Schimtty. Why can’t we give that crazy fucker the ball more often.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
It’s almost worth watching every Jacksonville game this year to see Brian Russell do shitty arm tackles and whirlybird QB takedowns gone wrong.
/almost
October 13th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
God it’s so much more satisfying seeing Brian Russell sucking more cock than a Thai transvestite now that he doesn’t play for the ‘hawks.
/cue the “You got knocked the FUCK out” .gif
October 14th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I really like how 79 on the Seahawks (I’m not gonna look him up) stops and checks on Brian Russell mid-play just to make sure he’s all right.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
and all it cost you was another leather jacket for Del Rio!
October 15th, 2009 at 12:55 am
At Mike D:
#78 is 4th string left tackle Kyle Williams.