drewapewygksk

They wrote books you probably didn’t buy. They like teams you probably don’t like. They’re gormless lazy fapwits who spend many days without pants formulating idiotic one-note caricatures of football players and coaches, all who yell and cuss a lot. It sometimes reaches a kind of crude brilliance, but mostly it doesn’t. But now their teams face one another in regular season battle reeking of quasi-LeBronish import. IT’S A FIVE-THROWGASM GAME! [Quick aside: I will be at this game because, unlike Drew, I don't rely on Gawker (which has its head so far up the ass of some midlevel ESPN employee that no cares about - much better than getting a flight booked correctly) for getting around]. Anyway, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Big Fatty Drew_____________________________Michael “Christmas Rape” Poonison

Which team do they constantly fluff without regard to anyone’s actual interest?

Minnesota Favreholes____________________________Pittsburgh Omigod They Only Win Because of the Refs

Player he’s totally gay for who just so happens to be leading the NFL in rushing or receiving yards

Purple Jesus___________________________Numbell one smaltest smirretime leceivel and steleotype

smirrepurple

Retarded Vikes “When I Come Around” Spoof That Makes Drew Run Through a Goddamn Brick Wall

Why do you long for their team to lose?

Because if they win the media slathers Favre ejaculate on your face and hair_________THE RESULTING YINZER CELEBRATION! WE’RE FROM THE TOWN WITH THE GREAT FOOTBALL TEAM BOM BOM BOM BOM

Quick shorthand mocking points

Fat, craps on towels, fat, eats breadwiches, wears salmon polos, roots for Favre, fat_________Lives alone with cat, has Fathead on wall, owns alternate gray jersey, possibly too handsome

Character flaws you may not know about

Wanton attention whore, hangs on Simmons’ every written word___________Picks protracted fights with only the most retarded commenters

Whose was the second huge black cock he ever saw?

Visante Shiancoe_________________________________Santonio Holmes

Let’s see someone bash their stupid book

This is what I call a complete waste of time and money“______”easily the worst book I had read in my life

Finishing move

Passing off Simpsons quotes as original humor_____________________Reciting the next line in the episode