andy_rooney

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There’s been a lot of grumbling over the years for a national amendment to the Constitution to legalize gay marriage. There are a lot of rights that married couples have that the pillow-biters don’t have. But what about the rights that gay couples have? Like the right to go into a bathroom stall and have sex whenever they want? Being the same gender means they can use the same bathroom. Straight couples can’t do that. This really has nothing to do with football. I just find it interesting.

The Miami Dolphins are one of six teams to start the season 0-3. The others are the Rams, Browns, Chiefs, Titans, and Buccaneers. The Tennessee Titans won their division last year. So did the Dolphins. The Buccaneers almost won their division, but they didn’t. And the Chiefs and Browns weren’t even close to winning their divisions. Winning a division is hard in pro football. It’s not as hard as winning a conference, but it’s harder than winning a single game.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have lost two games in a row, first to the Chicago Bears and then this past weekend to the Cincinnati Bengals. They seem to have trouble against teams from cities starting with the letter C, but why? How would they do against the Carolina Panthers? The team plays in Charlotte, North Carolina. That starts with C, but they don’t call themselves Charlotte, they call themselves Carolina. “Carolina” starts with C, but Carolina’s not a city. It’s not even a state. Maybe its an American territory, like Guam. Lovely summers in Guam, though the child prostitution there isn’t what it used to be.

Brett Favre threw another game-winning touchdown pass last weekend. San Francisco 49ers coach Mike Singletary only played six defensive backs against Favre on that last defensive play, but why? Why not play eleven defensive backs? You know he’s going to throw it? Maybe the next time that happens, Singletary should play ten defensive backs, and one defensive lineman, or perhaps a very angry dog.

Jim Mora Junior seemed pretty put off when his Seattle Seahawks kicker missed two field goals in a game that Mora’s team lost by six points. Coaches and kickers never really get along in the first place, but why? Kickers are usually out of shape and only good at one particular skill. Football coaches are out of shape and only good at one particular skill, and some of them aren’t even good at that. And then there’s Dick Jauron, who’s anorexic and not particularly good at anything. Sounds like my granddaughter, Millie. Her name’s really Angela-Renee, but I like to call her Millie. Sounds less French.

And Detroit won its first game in nearly two years on Sunday. People in Detroit need something to feel good about these days, but why? They’re not building cars anymore. People there can’t afford to live in houses anymore. And the schoolchildren there suffer from low self-esteem since their mommies and daddies can’t afford to buy them all those nice things they see on TV. It won’t be long before Ma and Pa start pimping out these little tikes to the highest bidders in the U.S., Canada, or however far you can send a child with UPS’ two-day shipping. That has nothing to do with football. I just find it interesting.

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