Always Be Covering: A Salute to Prop Bets

salute
Stand at attention.

While last week’s individual game picks left a bit to be desired, the prop bets were quite successful. And hey, it worked once, so why not press our luck a bit? Continue after the jump for this week’s picks, a collection of the most enticing proposition wagers available to degenerate internet sports gamblers.

Total Sacks Of Aaron Rodgers Week 8 vs the Minnesota Vikings OVER 3.5

Let’s see, the Vikings average just over 3.5 sacks per game and the Packers have yielded a league-worst 4.1 on average. Book it, and hope that Chad Clifton is still gimpy.

Total Receiving Yards for Miles Austin Week 8 vs the Seattle Seahawks OVER 79.5 (-125)

baraka

Assuming of course that he’s not too busy leading an attack on the Shaolin Temple, in which case I’ll be very disappointed.

Which will be higher on Sunday November 1st 2009?

Donovan McNabb TD Passes vs the Giants (-130)
Ryan Howard Hits vs the Yankees EVEN

Sure, sounds good to me.

What will Alex Smith throw more of Week 8 of the 2009 NFL Regular Season?

TD Passes (+105)
Interceptions (-135)

In his first start since 2007 Smith goes up against a Colts defense that has surrendered exactly two passing touchdowns on the year. I don’t think we’ll be seeing a continuation of the Vernon Davis touchdownkkake this week. Of course he’ll probably throw one of each for a push, because he’s completely useless like that.

If Jake Delhomme starts Week 8 vs the Arizona Cardinals, what will happen first?

He will throw a TD Pass 3/2
He will throw an Interception 1/1
He will get pulled from the game for another QB 5/1
Large scale riots leaving the city of Charlotte in total ruin* 10/1

Even money on Jake Delhomme throwing an interception? God bless America…and Antigua (or wherever the fuck my money is going these days).

*Or was it “None of the above?” Eh, fuck it. Enjoy the games, and be sure to punch anybody dressed up like Jon and/or Kate this weekend.

All lines via Bodog
Image via SI

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25 Responses to “Always Be Covering: A Salute to Prop Bets”

  1. Spatula Says:

    I feel so damned patriotic now. God bless America

  2. G.G. Says:

    “…be sure to punch anybody dressed up like Jon and/or Kate this weekend”

    AND kick anyone in the stomach dressed up as the Octomom. But be SURE it’s a costume! Cuz last year, I uh…you know? Just forget everything I said.

  3. Ryno Says:

    I’m going as agnst and staying in

  4. Grimey Says:

    /fighting urge to point out that I made the “Miles Austin as Baraka” joke first
    //failing miserably

  5. Unsilent Majority Says:

    Grimey wins

  6. Zack Says:

    I’m definitely going to have to find a spot for Miles Austin in next year’s NFL/D&D column, assuming I’m not bankrupt by then.

  7. Gamecock'n'Balls Says:

    FLAWLESS VICTORY (better be for Miles, as picked him up in my fantasy league this week)

  8. Sean Taylors Ghost Says:

    If you’ve ever had the joy of marking the #0 when 6 different asians are playing $25 in singles on BLACK AND RED. You’d have a more hands on understanding of how gay 1:1 is

  9. Jon and Kate Plus My Dick Says:

    I wonder how PK bets

  10. Mo Charlo Says:

    Whatever, Grimey. I started that turn-of-the-century trucker hat and aviator sunglasses trend.

  11. chicken-feather-salad Says:

    % chance: if you play a drinking game where you take a drink for every ass sucking compliment favre gets on sunday that you’ll be drunk= 100%
    % chance: brett favre gets too hyped up and epically blows the game with a late game pick=100%

  12. Grimey Says:

    I also invented post-its.

  13. pfah Says:

    Miles Austin, and his teeth, will be shut down on Sunday. If I’m wrong (doubtful), you may call me all kinds of terrible things at 4pm on Sunday.

    GO SEAHAWKS!

  14. Rocco Says:

    It’s settled. I’m going home and playing some Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis.

  15. chicken-feather-salad Says:

    i have an invention… you see it’s a mat…with different conclusions on it…and you jump to a different one…a jump to conclusions mat.

  16. Farthammer Says:

    Rocco – ABACABB

  17. Vicious Says:

    http://www.mortalkombatwarehouse.com/mk2/baraka/moves/fatality1.gif

  18. Needs More Cheerleaders Says:

    Christ, the tummy of that blonde on the left… I want to eat cherries off that tummy for a year…

    /in love.

  19. starksgotejected Says:

    Which will be higher on Sunday November 1st 2009?

    Donovan McNabb TD Passes vs the Giants (-130)
    Ryan Howard Hits vs the Yankees EVEN
    Maj himself (-250)

  20. ndhwn Says:

    Farthammer – Ah yes, the gore code. That sure brings back memories. Unfortunately, I had to settle for the sweat-filled SNES version.

  21. Monica Dickey Says:

    Damn, barracka got pretty ripped over the years

  22. Gino Tourettsa Says:

    Cheerleader on the Far-Left: I commend you on your sacrifice and honorable commitment to physical hotness.

  23. jackin'4beats Says:

    Did someone say something about Mortal Kombat? Raiden kicks Baraka’s ass.

  24. Big Black Richard Says:

    Yeah, well I invented the question mark.

  25. Andy Says:

    The Jake Delhomme props are really bizarre… Really, him getting benched should be like 50/1.

    The prop is WHAT HAPPENS FIRST? Well I imagine a pick (the 1/1 bet) is necessary to get a guy kicked. Its kinda an impossible one. Unless he just fumbles like 3 times.

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