So here we are. Back to pictures of sexy people on Friday afternoons. Why? Because for the most part, the commenting was superb this week. We had one dumbass on Tuesday or Wednesday, and there was a case of failed sabotage this morning, but all in all the lack of bitching was a true delight for both us and the quiet lurkers who read the comments but don’t contribute. So thank you.

And what’s the best way to say thank you?

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While last week’s individual game picks left a bit to be desired, the prop bets were quite successful. And hey, it worked once, so why not press our luck a bit? Continue after the jump for this week’s picks, a collection of the most enticing proposition wagers available to degenerate internet sports gamblers.

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Last year, the Lions set the benchmark for failure to which all future failures will be compared, at least until the NFL expands its schedule to 18 games and some woebegone franchise (Redskins?) finds a way to lose that many games in a season. This year, the Rams look every bit as bad – possibly even worse – than that Detroit team from a year ago. Other than a matchup at currently winless Tennessee later in the season, this Sunday represents the Rams’ best chance at getting in the win column, seeing as how six of their final eight games pit them against teams with a .500 or better record. As fate would have it, it’s the Lions who could be the guardians of another epic NFL fail. So, WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

Same Ol’ Sorry Ass Rams____________________2008 Detroit Lions

Point differential through seven games

-151_________________________________-98

Number of times shutout

Twice_______________________________Zero

Is there an inconvenient crisis among the prominent industry in town that will lead to innumerable painful bailout jokes associated with the team’s horrid play?

Thankfully not (but they’d still like jobs)______________Oooohhhhh yeah

Are they responsible for Nelly or Kid Rock?

Nelly_____________________________Kid Rock

Pictoral approximation of failure

Medical failure analog

Kidney failure________________________Rectal prolapse

Meager redeeming quality

Avoided Rush Limbaugh as owner (through no fault of their own)______Suckered Dallas into paying big for Roy Williams

Finishing move

Laying down and dying quietly (on top of an animal)_________________Necrophilia fodder

Wow. Some really great submissions this week. I would’ve loved to have gotten to every question, but I really do prefer to keep this shorter than a Gregg Easterbrook column. (Good Lord, could you imagine Easterbrook writing this column? (Sour Play of the Week No.2: When TMQ’s wife refused to lube the strap-on with hamburger grease.”)

Anyway, if you didn’t make the cut this week, please don’t hesitate to hit us up for next week’s column. We (I) prefer to receive mailbag submissions on Tuesday or Wednesday, as this unwieldy monster requires some thought and, occasionally, research. In the space below, we’ll address sex during pregnancy, midseason trades, mismatched sex drives, tattoo turn-offs, Catholic guilt, Marques Colston, and more. (People, do NOT ask us if you need to start Colston. Yes. Start him. Every week.)

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Halloween falls on a Saturday this year, which is tremendous when coupled with the coinciding occurrence of Daylight Savings Time. That’s an extra hour to sleep off all the drinking de los muertes before preparing for a day of sports-related drinking. And we’re counting on Halloween to be good, knowing full well that Fox is preparing to unleash the goddamn Favre Cam on us the following day. Continuing what has become a yearly tradition for us, we’ve compiled a list of costumes for NFL figures. Do enjoy.

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Mark Sanchez: Felt good to get back in the win column again, Thomas.

Thomas Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Who we got this week? Miami? That’s gonna be a toughie.

Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: Heard about Coach Ryan chewing me out in the media over that hot dog?

Jones: Yup.

Sanchez: You think he’s really that mad about it?

Jones: We’ll see.

(door flies open, smell of McDonald’s wafts in)

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Dan Snyder: Greetings, subjects. Welcome to the Bi-Weekly Officially Licensed Redskins Leadership Communique, sponsored by Freecreditreport.com.

Crowd: HAIL!

Dan Snyder: Have the Officially Redskins Branded Harris Teeter Meal Rations been to your liking?

Crowd: HAIL!

Dan Snyder: That is welcome news. Some of my advisers cautioned that downgrading to Grade Q meats would cause undue food poisoning. So I had their voice boxes removed.

Crowd: HAIL!

Dan Snyder: First item: Non-Designated Color Attire is hereby banned from all Officially Licensed Public Redskins Outdoor Settings. Failure to act in compliance with this regulation – one that has always been in place despite what you may have heard or experienced previously – will result in penalty of death. Retroactive violations of this always existing rule – those will result in death. Those who do not report observing others trying to violate this rule – death!

Crowd: HAIL!

Dan Snyder: Second item: All persons currently using Officially Authenticated Redskins Transport Modules to their place of work must pay a Personal Occupancy Fee for each minute waiting at the pick-up station. If the module arrives later than its scheduled time, you will be charged double for those minutes. If the module is at full capacity upon arrival, you will shot to prevent overflow.

Crowd: HAIL!

Dan Snyder: Third item: Any person found with legal tender that is not Officially Issued Redskins GaryClarkdollars shall be forced into a lifetime of vending Miller Lites in the FedEx Field restrooms.

Redskins Fan #35601: But you’ve taken all our money already anyway.

Crowd: [Stunned silence]

Dan Snyder: SEIZE HIM!

Dan Snyder: Because of your impudence, this week’s Officially Redskins Branded Harris Teeter Meal Ration will only include TWO leaflets promoting Eastern Motors. End communication.

Crowd: HAIL!

Tomorrow, in a convergence that is bound to shake the very foundation of these here internets, Peter King will be having a live chat over at Deadspin with Deadspin readers. Good chat. Lofty chat.

Anyway, here’s your chance to query the man in person. I’ll probably abstain from asking Peter any questions, lest it turn out he’s very friendly and an uncommonly good sport. Then I wouldn’t be able to hate his guts, and no one wants that.

So take the time now and then to consider your queries. Prepare the most semi-LeBronesque questions you can. I doubt PK will answer many of the questions you REALLY want to ask, such as, WHEN WILL YOU DIE? I suggest you err on the side of gentle subversion. Peter, how often does your proctologist have to use the shoehorn? Things like that.

So buckle in. Prepare yourself in the comments. It’s fun with Peter King. LIVE.

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DIRECTOR: Alright, everyone are we ready? Great shoot so far, everyone! People are really going to love this new Value Meal commercial. Alright ready lights… ready camera…and–

[cell phone rings]

Ahh, dammit! I have to get this. Everybody take five, alright? [crew disperses] (more…)