YOU CAN’T FACK US OVAH, NATIONAL FA—OT LEAGUE!
Well, well, well! Looks like the National FAGGOT League has it in far Patriot Nation once again! You faggots in the New Yark League Headquahhhtahs thought you could get one ovah on us! BUT NEVAH UNDAHESTIMATE THE POWAH OF RED SAWX NATION TO FARCE SOME ASSHOLE FROM FACKIN’ BUFFALO TO COUGH UP THE BALL WITH THREE MINUTES TO GO!
(orders Snakebite at bar)
Oh, you tried to FACK us, NFaggotL, but you couldn’t! You know damn well that hit by Vince Wilfark, and that othah hit by Whatshisdahkieface Thomas were clean! NO ONE DENIES THIS! Those were-ah clean, hahhhd, Welkerian hits! They ahhh a reflection of ow-uh cultahhh! We wark hahhd! We play hahhhd! And we fack hahhhhd!
(puts on Affliction t-shirt with sleeves cut off)
YOU HAVE SET UP THESE NEW RULES TO PUNISH THE PATS FAR BEING SO BAWSTONISH! THAT IS NAWT FAY-UH!
(sees Aaron Schobel sack Brady)
WHAT THE FACK WAS THAT?! He hit Brady too hahhhhd! THERE NEEDS TO BE A RULE!
(phones rings)
Ooh! Ooh! That’s my friend BlueBug!
(picks up phone)
Who the fack is this?
BlueBug: Tawmmmmmmy!
Tommy: THE BLUEBUG! Hey, remembah when we went to Vegas last weekend? NO ONE DOES VEGAS LIKE WE DO VEGAS! WE DRINK AND STAY UP LATAH THAN EVERYONE, AND PEOPLE NOTICE THIS!
BlueBug: Hey Tawm, what the fack is with these new Patriot unis?
Tommy: Oh, I know! They’re so fackin’ weird-ah! I’ve never seen them before-ah! They look kind of old-fashioned and faggoty, if you ask me! That guy awn the helmet looks like he’s taking a dookah!
BlueBug: I know! I prefer-ah the original Pats design. But I have to tell you, Tawmmy, I dunno about this team. No Bruschi. No Seymour-ah. No Rawdney. I dunno if these guys ahhh good enough. Maybe this team isn’t warth following. I mean, Shaawwn fackin’ Springs?
Tommy: I thought that, too! If they ahhhn’t good enough to win, then they ahhhn’t good enough far us! FACKIN TERRY FRANCONA. WHY AHHH THE SAWX ONLY FAR AND A HALF GAMES AHEAD IN THE WILD CAHHHD! I GIVE UP ON THIS SAWX SEASON, EVEN THOUGH THE TEAM HAS WON FIVE IN A ROW! MLB AND THE NATIONAL FAGGOT LEAGUE DON’T WAWNT US BE HAPPY! FACK YOU!
This week, we’re holding the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive to support Matt Ufford’s participation in Fight Gone Bad, which raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. Please donate at Ufford’s fundraising page.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, those calls really were terrible, Tommy from Quinzee
September 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Did you know that Tom Brady is… a MAGICIAN!? It’s true! While other men are only fit to toil and sweat under the standard laws of physics, Tom Terrific spent the past off year refining his mastery of the Dark Arts. The Bills didn’t lose b…ecause of an untimely turnover or a defense that had been on the field for nearly 100 plays. They were ENSORCELLED! Never mind that Brady was merely average for 90% of the game because everyone knows the 4th quarter is the WITCHING quarter! And Tom didn’t father Giselle’s baby-to-be with lowly human procreation… he fathered it with MAGIC! He… ok, I’m done.
/God it hurts being a Bills fan.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
weak
September 15th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Here’s a quote on my facebook from a Pat’s fan.
“I went from “Holy Crap the seasons over, to, yeah were going back to the Superbowl!!”
Typical fucking Pat’s fan.
And that screen cap of BlueBug with the score on the bottom made me throw up again.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am
“Whatshisdahkieface Thomas” is my grandfather’s name.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
You wanna talk shitty calls last night?
September 15th, 2009 at 10:16 am
We wark hahhd! We play hahhhd! And we fack hahhhhd!
Ahhhhh the truth. God bless you, Drew.
/that 15 yarder on A.D. was horseshit
//it’s a good thing the bong was nearby to tone down my inner Tawmmy.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Hey Tawmee-
Everyone knows you say “cultahhh” as kult-chahhh in BAWSTON!!
PS – I was at a Pats bar last night, and the place CLEARED THE FUCK OUT with about five minutes to go …
September 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Why is it that all Pats fans point to their Red Sox hats?
September 15th, 2009 at 10:26 am
my reaction last night: “NOOOO!! DON’T RUN IT OUT YOU FACKIN FACK!! THIS IS A BONEHEADED IDEA! NOONE DENIES THIS!”
So fuckin happy right until that asshole decided to blow the game. And I’m not even a Bills fan; the Patriots losing to a team predicted to go 2-14 and with a week old offensive coordinator gave me such a goddamn huge hate-boner.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
i er-uh thought, er-uh, that game was ov-ah. thank gawwd tawmmy is er-uh hee-ahhh.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Beautiful.
Also I know it’s commonplace to bemoan all the late hit rules and how they don’t let them play football anymore, but that Thomas hit was absolutely a penalty. Since when is it legal to piledrive a qb into the ground after the whistle has blown? Man I wish the fuckin Patriots lost.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Oh, I get it. Because they’ve only recently become fans.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
MC, with piledriving I believe you land on top of him….
Since I picked NE in the KSK suicide pool, better Buffalo than me. I still hate the Pats though.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:35 am
I don’t know if Buffalo is good or if the Pats defense is fucking terrible. But when the Falcons go to Boston in week 3 – if we don’t give Turner 30 carries against that pussy ass defensive line, I’ll be pissed.
If the Steelers played NE right now, I’d make the line Pittsburgh -7.5
September 15th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Brady might still be knocking off some rust, but Boston fans are already in midseason epic douche. From Bill Simmons’ chat to launch ESPN Boston last night:
Bill Simmons (7:06 PM): My prediction for tonight: It unfolds like Saints-Lions – way over and lots of points. Something like Pats 45, Bills 20
Tiny (Charlotte): I am trying to decide how to replace my Richard Seymour jersey now that he has been sent to our minor league affiliate in Oakland. Do I go with someone like a Welker or a Mayo jersey or do I make a custom jersey with my name and fav # so it always stay relevant. I dont want to keep buying jerseys since we turn over our roster faster then Usain Bolt runs the 100m. As for tonights game I am counting the minutes to the first F U touchdown by Brady to remaind everyone he is back
Bill Simmons (7:41 PM): This could be my last chat ever. It’s becoming clearer and clearer that I am controlling the outcomes of these games just by logging into our chat system.
Benti (Southboro, MA): Ok, let’s just pretend we were messing with them for the first quarter.
John L. (Lincoln, RI): I realized that my Tom Brady jersey has the highest “‘Times Worn’, To ‘Times Being Drunk While Wearing’” ratio of anything in my wardrobe. I really only wear it when the game is on, and I almost always drink heavily for football. It is not yet winning the coveted “Most Times Throwing Up While Wearing” because my college party robe wins that battle.
You can’t even make this shit up anymore. It’s times like this I’m thankful that my team made sure we live in an 18*-1 world rather than a 19*-0 one at Super Bowl XLII.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:40 am
That call on Thomas was a joke. Would it have been better if he gave Edwards a corsage and gotten down on one knee and asked Edwards nicely to please down himself?
If that is the type of roughing call the officials intend to make, maybe they should bring back the “in the grasp” rule. Which we all hated as I recall.
/dick joke
September 15th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I almost had a haht attack!
September 15th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Hey Tawm, what the fack is with these new Patriot unis?
+1,000,000.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Hey Tawm, what the fack is with these new Patriot unis?
Guess they never played Tecmo Super Bowl.
/facebook is unbearable this morning. Fucking Bills fans. God I hate living here during football season.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:54 am
That Thomas call is going to be called everytime.
The Wilfork penalty was the worst one. Thats a reputation call for being a cheapshot artist.
If I saw Tommy right now, I’d probably want to stuff him in a Yale building wall.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@rocco, what’s wrong with Bills fans…. NOBODY CIRCLES THE….. i give up
the Wilfork call was bad, the Thomas sack was definitely roughing. funny though, the Wilfork call was the new Brady rule.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am
To all Pats fans bitching about bad calls, I have 2 words that helped birth your abortion of a “dynasty”…TUCK RULE.
Please, may all Pats fans and players catch the superaids and fackin die.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:00 am
This was one of the comments… “Besides, if people didn’t care, there wouldn’t be 55K season ticket holders…..”
NO ONE SUPPORTS MEDIOCRITY LIKES WE DO!!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!
September 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
I know! I prefer-ah the original Pats design.
+1
BTW, either Simmons has cloned himself or half the comments in his chat room are his.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:10 am
@ Punch – Yes. Yes, I’d like to talk about shitty calls. So. Clearly. A. Touchdown.
PS – Listening to Greenburg was like having someone drill into my brain.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@ssb, all Boston fans sound the same, they’re pretty much interchangable/disposable
September 15th, 2009 at 11:18 am
As soon as they zoomed in on that Pats fan last night, I knew he would end up on this site.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:23 am
SUE WALDMAN FROM BOSTON PROVES THEORY THAT JOBA HAS TELEKINETIC ABILITIES.
I know this has nothing to do with football but I was listening to the Yankee game on radio ( sadly I was in my car and had no other choice ). Some angel hits and dribbler and Waldman blurts out ( and I paraphrase )
“That wahz a great play by Jawwbahhh. He just willed that bawl to go foul.”
I want to stick knives in me ears.
Would you New Englanders please take her back?
September 15th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Pray tell, what is the actual definition for “BAWSTONISH”?
September 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
I’m not a Raider’s fan, but that was a touchdown. Period. Two feet and a hip down while holding the ball = no touchdown? Bullshit call.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@upstate underdog: typical. Oh we lost a game!!! I renounce this team!
Also why were so many Pats fans wearing helmets last night?
/retards
September 15th, 2009 at 11:36 am
When I saw BlueBug during the game, I thought “I hope KSK gets a screencap of that guy.”
Thank you, gentlemen. You are my gods now!
September 15th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Why did Brady snub the Matron Saint? What an asshole. As if I needed another reason to hate Brady.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Totally a TD.
Wilfork call = bullshit
Thomas call = 100 percent correct. The whistle blew 2 seconds before he slammed him.
Nobody is talking about it because it didn’t affect anything, but what about the magical first down the Patriots got on the next to last drive? Faulk is tripped after 8-9 yards, suddenly the ball is placed on the wrong hash mark, and the announcers are startled that a first down was awarded.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:46 am
You know a team sucks when even Toronto is like “nah..we’re good with the Argonauts thanks”
September 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I am not going to sit here and defend my fellow Massholes. They shame me. How do these people a) afford such tickets when their frontal lobes have clearly been removed, and b) walk into Gillette without some non-wet-brains going, ‘Dude. Stawp. Either take off the invahted toiletbowl hat oah we’re takin it off fa ya’?
/dips whole can of K-bear.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Bruschi would have just been another slow, out of position defender who couldn’t tackle Fred Jackson all night. He will not be missed.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Needs more stage directions
September 15th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
The Adalius Thomas call is a pussy call, but it’s a pussy call I saw coming before I saw the yellow come out. It might be a bad rule, but everyone knows that it is, in fact, the rule (NO ONE DENIES THIS). Hate on the rule sure, but I don’t blame the refs in last night game for making that call.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I love that Brady blew Suzy off. Brady or not, is it really necessary to have some broad right in a player’s face after the game?
September 15th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
“Hey, remembah when we went to Vegas last weekend? NO ONE DOES VEGAS LIKE WE DO VEGAS! WE DRINK AND STAY UP LATAH THAN EVERYONE, AND PEOPLE NOTICE THIS!”
That pretty much sums up everything in a nice little packages. Well done!
September 15th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Why is it that all Pats fans point to their Red Sox hats?
Why are all Bills fans so depressing and whiny? We may never know the answers to these questions.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@mick
She’s yours forever, as proven by the following ridiculous episodes of insanity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8m6CRBsWb3U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fdtn0Z4o8cM
Stick it.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
@Rocco…
What the fuck kinda logic is that. I personally would love a broad in my face after a game, especially a comeback…
And thats the matron saint you’re talkin about!
That game just frustrated me to no end. I love two things in the NFL, A steelers win, and a Patriots loss. Both bring nearly equal joy. And the Bills fucked it up. Figures.
September 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
To all Pats fans bitching about bad calls, I have 2 words that helped birth your abortion of a “dynasty”…TUCK RULE.
Not that it needs to be said for the quadrillionth time, but the Tuck Rule was a CORRECT interpretation of a bad rule, not a bad call. The rule was retarded and logically the Pats should have lost that game but by the rules (in that case) they were in the right.
September 15th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
…But seriously, did anyone see the Tom Brady interview on 60 minutes [or some other bullshit?] I don’t have the time/energy/patience/give a fuck enough to find the direct quote but Brady says something along the lines of “You are not entitled to anything in this game. If you think you’re entitled to something, sit out for a year and then talk to me about entitement.”
He fucking said entitement. and He fucking won again. I. fucking. hate. the. patriots.
someone save me from the black-hole of idiots in boston. please.
September 15th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
For the first, and the last, time in my life, I saw a dahhhkie wearing a Welkah jersey today… I’m sure Tawmmy would disahpprove
September 15th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Even though the Pats won, it was hilarious watching Wel-kahhh drop all those passes.
September 15th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
nothing makes me happier than the hate. GIVE IT TO ME i live on it and bathe in it like water. and soap, i guess.
September 15th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
single greatest comeback in SPORTS HISTORY?
no, that would be the 2004 alcs.
but this is 2nd.
amen. try to deny it.
ATTEMPT DENIAL!!!!!!!!
September 15th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
@ raider fans
Not a TD. Ball was coming out, ball hit the ground and rolled away. Its right there in the rule book.
At least the refs (correct) call only cost u 4 points ant a potential tie. Their incompetence probably cost the Bolt’s center every ligament in his knee.
September 15th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Not only was that not the 2nd greatest comeback in sports history… it wasn’t even the 2nd greatest comeback in sports history against the Bills. Might not even make the top 5…. those poor wretched bastards.
September 15th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I gawt so facked up on twisted tea, I missed Tawmmy given the Bills the what fahr.
September 15th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
@Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend’s Tits
Could it be the 4 losses in the superbowl? Hell, at least my team has the courtesy to be 1 and done in the playoffs or not go at all. (Dolphins)
September 15th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
@wasn’t a TD
Define “possession” for me. Does it mean control of the football when two feet, a knee, or any other body part besides hands hit the ground? The ball was not coming out until he rolled over.
September 15th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@ Punch
The ball was moving in his grasp. One of the camera angles showed it starting to move. The moving ball hit the ground without him cradling it. No catch.
September 15th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Hahaha, you all sound like a bunch of sour vaginas. Do your teams suck that bad? Yeah fuck the pats, whatever, but why do you spend so much time obsessing over them? You guys sound like the dude everyone knows with the tiny prick and the huge pickup. Get over it, any time a team wins this consistently, everyone tends to hate that fan base, happens every time (early 90’s cowboys anyone)? Should New England just stop rooting for the pats?
/go fist your grandma
September 15th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Hahaha, you all sound like a bunch of sour vaginas. Do your teams suck that bad? Yeah fuck the pats, whatever, but why do you spend so much time obsessing over them? You guys sound like the dude everyone knows with the tiny prick and the huge pickup. Get over it, any time a team wins this consistently, everyone tends to hate that fan base, happens every time (early 90’s cowboys anyone)? Should New England just stop rooting for the pats?
/go fist your grandma
Says the sour vagina griping about the commentary.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
hah yes, great simmons reference
September 15th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
McKelvin’s lawn vandalized:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4476626&campaign=rss&source=NFLHeadlines
September 16th, 2009 at 12:52 am
@ your team sucks
You forgot to add: NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!111!!!! Go back to the Barstool forum, faggot.
/puts on Affliction t-shirt with sleeves cut off
Thanks Drew. You owe me a new keyboard.
September 16th, 2009 at 11:28 am
faggot?
September 16th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
@ Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson
I’m going to go ahead and assume that the Barstool forum is some gay male forum that you moderate. I’ll be sure to check it out; is it at the same URL that i found all those giffs of your mom blowing Belichick? Nice zinger though with “faggot”, you really make a great case about all New England fans being classless. Your vivid description of my sexual proclivities is a great counter argument to your homo erotic obsession with all things Patriots.
/horse insemination intern
September 17th, 2009 at 1:26 am
@ your team sucks
Exactly where was I saying that all New England fans are classless? And exactly how does me calling you out for being the bitch that you are equate to me having a “homoerotic obsession with all things Patriots”? Jesus, dude, no need to get your panties in a bunch. To be honest, I’m more surprised that a goon like you actually knows what words like “vivid” and “proclivities” mean (or, to go one step further, I’m surprised you actually know how to use a computer to begin with). Maybe I should send you another Welkah jersey as part of an olive branch.
On second thought, fuck off, troll.
@supermike
Agreed, not the best choice of insult there.
September 17th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Dudes calling people faggots on football message boards probably shouldn’t be questioning other people’s intelligence. Sorry if i offended you, i was really just trying to stick up for the Pats and be a little funny at the same time (little being the operative word). I’m not a troll, i just wanted to drop some dick jokes, is that so bad?
/not drunk anymore
September 17th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@your team sucks
Overprotective Boston fans who don’t understand the meaning of the term “dick joke” probably shouldn’t be questioning anyone’s intelligence either. If you can’t see the Tawmmy posts for what they are (or should that be “what they ahhhhh”), then you probably shouldn’t post here. Nice job pretending not to know what Barstool Sports is, by the way.
September 17th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson
Wow, you really are a crazy asshole. Jets fan? I actually think the Tawmmy character is hilarious, laughed my ass off as usual, my original comment was just that SOME of the commentators, like you, take your patriots hating to pathetic extremes. But no big deal, who am i to talk, i overreacted too, no worries. And no, i don’t know what “Barstool Sports is”, but unlike you, i’m not currently sitting on a giant butt plug. Not sure what you mean by not understanding dick jokes, but my obsession with dicks can’t match your passion for man meat, so i won’t question you on this. And i’d much rather be an over protective fan than a dickless cum dumpster that dreams of Brady and Belichick every night. Go back to your kiddie porn and enjoy a lifetime of virginity.
/Pats shit all over the Jets this week.
September 17th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson
Oh, and if you’re ever in the nyc area, we should meet up and smoke a bowl. I love me some Tecmo, and all dick jokes aside, i wouldn’t mind getting baked and playing some Tecmo with a fellow KSKer. I’ll even play as the pink shirts!
September 17th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
@your team sucks
Crazy asshole? Ooooh, that one hurt. And your obsession with talking about dicks and constantly attempting to make them relevant clearly indicates that you are an extremely insecure closet case (not that there’s anything wrong with that). It’s still hard for me to believe that you don’t know what Barstool Sports is given that you came across originally as the type of person who would frequent that forum. Your “dickless cum dumpster” insult and suggestions of kiddie porn/virginity did provide me with a chuckle, however, and your general tone indicates that you at least have a sense of humor about yourself unlike the douchebags at Barstool. But why would I dream of Brady and Belichick every night, especially given how much I hate both of them? I didn’t quite get that part.
Oh, and I would take you up on your offer but I live in LA (so who am I to call anyone a faggot, right?) and don’t plan on going to NYC anytime soon (especially considering that I hate NY state as a whole, NYC included). If it makes you feel any better, I also despise the Jets, who have the worst team chant of all time, and encourage any piling on against them and any other NY team in any sport. I also hate all teams from Boston, Buffalo, Chicago and Philly.
I think our little flame war has run its course, and since I know you’re like me and always have to try and get in the last word (that and we’re both too stupid to know when to say when), I’ll be kind enough to let you do that.
September 18th, 2009 at 6:26 am
yeah, for all the talk of protecting players on special teams, the refs turned a blind eye to the helmet to helmet hit on Leodis on that fumble play. You can tell from the replay that he just goes limp and drops the ball.
Fuck the Pats and the officials that never call shit on them on their “miracle” plays.