They Stab! They Rape! They Stab and Stab and Rape! Stab Stab Stab! Rape Rape Rape! It’s the Merriman and Ray-Ray Shoooooowwwwww!
LaToeInjury has shocked the football world by picking a time other than the playoffs to be injured, so Tiny Darren will have to slip beneath the murderous implements of the Ravens defense today. The Chargers will also be missing center Nick Hardwick, so Norv will have to abandon all those grand plans to run Sproles up the gut at Haloti Ngata. Marmalard, meanwhile, was fined late this week for taunting Raiders defensive tackle Gerard Warren in the second half of their Week 1 game.
WHAT? HUH? WHAT? I BARELY GENERATED ANY OFFENSE AGAINST YOUR TEAM!
Ray-Ray’s spastic dances after jumping on piles or Rivers berating everyone in sight? There may not be enough announcer scorn to go around.
In other late-game action:
The Steelers and Bears spot each other a defensive centerpiece being out. The Steelers want to establish some semblance of a running game while Cutler might desire to cut down on the back-breaking turnovers. No, don’t deny me the Sulk-SMIRRE contrast, Jay!
Michael Silver broke the news that Eric Mangini fined a Browns player $1,701 for not paying for a $3 water bottle at a hotel during a preseason trip. At some point during the Cleveland-Denver game, I fully expect both teams to turn on their respective morale-crushing coaches, all while Brandon Stokley grittily steals into the endzone.
The 49ers and Seahawks battle for first place in the NFC West. I actually find this an intriguing contest, but my East Coast bias prevents me from saying so. Big storyline: WILL MATT HASSELBECK BE DOGGED BY NOT LIKING THE INFORMANT LAST NIGHT!?
[Gets drunk quickly to avoid having to come up with something noteworthy about the Bucs and the Bills]
Tags: gigantosaur, gratuitous simpsons references, marmalard, open thread
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September 20th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I will take all my hate for the Pats’ terrible play today through ill will thrown in the Steelers’ general direction. And by cutting myself.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Stokely is Eckstein! Eckstein is Stokely!
September 20th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
PEW PEW PEW.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Chargers-Ravens is already sloppier than Chargers-Raiders.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
WTF? Since when did getting into the end zone against the Rams D become a difficult thing to do?
September 20th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
The Bears D is clearly playing out of the Pats’ D 2nd game plan.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
@BBR Since Zorn’s intensity made JC tuck his dick between his legs.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I am out of the KSK suicide pool. Week fucking 2. WHY didn’t I pick the Saints? Or the Vikings? Sad panda indeed. Chad Ocho Cinco had to ACTUALLY make good on a claim dammit.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Tiny Darren!!!!!!!!!!11!!!
September 20th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Shit the Bills already have 14 points … I could have picked against the Bucs again.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
PEW PEW PEW. If the Steelers don’t win this game by 17, I’ll be shocked. Cutlersulker coming up.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I can’t believe I forgot to make my suicide pool pick. There wasn’t any money on that, was there? Stupid busy week at work.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
NECKBEARD.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
if only ben would’ve pump faked
September 20th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
The first ever Packer game that my daughter has ever listened to, and it’s a loss to the Bengals.
I can’t believe this shit.
September 20th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
1-10-NE 10 (1:48) 12-T.Brady pass short middle to 11-J.Edelman to NE 28 for 18 yards (30-D.Coleman).
1-10-NE 28 (1:24) (No Huddle, Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short left to 13-J.Galloway [77-K.Jenkins].
2-10-NE 28 (1:18) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short right to 11-J.Edelman.
3-10-NE 28 (1:13) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete deep middle to 84-B.Watson (33-E.Smith).
4-10-NE 28 (1:06) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short left to 13-J.Galloway (21-D.Lowery).
TOM BRADY IS SO CLUTCH! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
September 20th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Tawmmmmy can suck my left nut. And Pat fans can cry me a river.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
@cd6:
1-10 NE 17 (1:21) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond to NE 22 for 5 yards (D.Bly, L.Fletcher). Pass 3, Run 2
2-5 NE 22 (:57) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond to NE 30 for 8 yards (A.Williams, T.Polley). Pass 3, Run 5
1-10 NE 30 (:41) T.Brady pass incomplete.
2-10 NE 30 (:41) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond pushed ob at NE 41 for 11 yards (T.Polley, K.Herring). Pass 0, Run 11
1-10 NE 41 (:33) T.Brady pass incomplete.
2-10 NE 41 (:29) T.Brady pass to T.Brown ran ob at SL 36 for 23 yards (A.Archuleta). Pass 14, Run 9
1-10 SL 36 (:21) T.Brady pass to J.Wiggins to SL 30 for 6 yards (D.McCleon, L.Little). Pass 1, Run 5
1-10-NE40 (1:08) T.Brady pass incomplete to D.Branch.
2-10-NE40 (1:04) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 47 for 13 yards (M.Minter; R.Manning).
1-10-CAR47 (:51) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 27 for 20 yards (T.Cousin).
1-20-NE43 (:44) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 44 for 13 yards (T.Cousin; W.Witherspoon).
2-7-CAR44 (:20) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to D.Graham to CAR 40 for 4 yards (M.Minter).
3-3-CAR40 (:14) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to D.Branch to CAR 23 for 17 yards (M.Minter).
Yeah. He sucks donkeys.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Announcer: The Chargers can’t get any penetration.
Gigantosaur begs to differ.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Tyrone Carter murder-suicided Greg Olsen
September 20th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
HUH! WHAT! FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
September 20th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
I swear, the Patriots’ fans can never say, “Well, we got beat today by the better team.” Never. It’s “WELKAHHH WASN’T THEEYAH!” or “TAWWWWMY’S JUST KNOCKIN DA RUST OFF!”.
Jesus. Christ.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Jarrett Johnson graduated from the Ray Lewis School of Finshing Somebody Else’s Tackle.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
The Bears are effectively playing offense? Interesting concept. The Pats might try that.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
@88: I’ll say it: The Pats got beat by the better team today and were lucky last week. The Jets red-zone D was impressive as was their ability to get to Brady almost at will. Young and hungry beat older, slower, and rusty.
The trade of Seymour was correct long-term, but is definitely hurting this team this year as is their inability to groom/find replacements for Harrison, Vrabel, Law, and Bruschi or to find a better LT than Matt Light. 2007 is a long time ago. Pats might win 9 games this year, but I doubt they’ll be back to dominance for much of Brady’s remaining career. The window is closing for him to get that 4th ring with the Pats.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
I think I need to kill whoever recommended drafting Forte in the first round.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I’d like to punch Steve Slaton in the nuts.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Dolphins Colts is MNF? Oh, that could be classically bad.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Gore just GORE GORE GORED for a touchdown. The niners are VERY impressive today.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
NYG @ DAL tonight should be good. I WILL NOT WATCH! That’s sad because I’m a Cowboys fan but I refuse to be tortured by ‘that Network’s’ suckoffage of ol double J. Yep just me and the old sattelite radio. Oh and the grill, and beer loootsa beer.
/suddenly thirsty
September 20th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I usually watch muted. Unless it is blogkakke. Then the joy of making fun of announcers is good.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
This Bears/Chargers game is craptacular.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Ain’t it though…
September 20th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
This Bears/Chargers game is craptacular.
Wouldn’t know, I’ve got PIT/DEN. Cutler had a nice drive, sulkey but nice.
September 20th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
*Cutlerfucker
September 20th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
How does Cutler look sulky just standing there? It is amazing.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
whoops. bears/steelers. I’m not even drinking. jeebus. just knocked senseless by Moss’ line.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
@slothrop: It still works, both games are equally crappy…
September 20th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I thought you were making a joke and piled right on!?!
Fun times.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Sunday night footbaw better be good. Be more entertaining, free entertainment!
September 20th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Since when did the Bears decide that running the ball was unnecessary? The year that I took their running back with the third pick in my fantasy league draft, that’s when. One more reason to hate that team.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Urge to self-mutilate, rising. God forbid the Pats work these quick slants to Moss. Bears do appear to be laying off the line more than the Jets did, but good lord, this Pitt drive looks so easy.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Or not. Doink.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:35 pm
If I could murder a 49ers fan and get away with it – there are 5 of them fuckers in Kalapaki Joe’s that are prime fucking candidates for choking.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
sulksulksulksulksulk. Big play. or something. whatever.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I’ve been an NFL fan long enough to know if you’re a short and/or white receiver in the NFL, you get an infinite amount of “Grit Points” by virtually everyone.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
@mbp: Don’t forget scrappiness!
September 20th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
I can’t believe I drafted Matt fucking Forte over Frank Gore and Chris Johnson
September 20th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Didn’t Matt Forte make his living feasting on the Lions and other crappy teams last year?
September 20th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Bears D got away with a hold and Reed honks another one. wow.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Is Jeff Reed drunk? It sure does seem like it.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Wow, he totally Vanderjagt-ed that kick.
September 20th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Jeff Reed: Whatever, brah. My hair is still bitchin’.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
haha all I could think of with that Jeff Reed close up is “sulksulksulk”
September 20th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
Obligatory “Good as gold!”
/So sick of that phrase
//Bears fan
September 20th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I don’t need this damn helmet! I am Cutlersulker!
September 20th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Harf harf…fumble?
September 20th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Commence with the stomping of Turrible Towels!
September 20th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Laserfaced just went all PHILLIP RIVERS on the Ravens…and the floater got pickerated.
BTW, blogkakke tonight? Or not?
September 20th, 2009 at 7:20 pm
@RBP: no blokakke. Open thread. Ape’s sulking.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
http://www.aww-kittah-aww.com/up/public/96711/Cutler.gif
I think the ref knocked the sulk out of him.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Things are about to get a little more stabby in the Baltimore area.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
@Slothrop: well if he’s going to go all maxipad on us, he could blogkakke the Primetime Emmys. I hear it’s the Gay Oscars.
/NTTAWWT
September 20th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Throwing those floatfloatfloats are tough for Marmalard, and so his hand cramps up.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Ray Lewis made a real play?
September 20th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
@boatdrinks: Yep, he ran right past all the guys who didn’t bother to block him.
September 20th, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Ahhhh that is why!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Where is the new Marmalard post already?!?! YOU BETTER CAAAALLLL SOOOOMBODAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Elvis Dumervil played his own personal game of “smear the queer” on Brady Queen.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:14 am
chris johnson made me come in my pants.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:34 am
“I promise I’m gonna shoot it. He was sitting out there, and I’m like, I’m gonna kill this dude.”
Can I shoot that? Can I shoot that?” Lewis said.
Wait, are we sure Ray-Ray is talking about the Sproles tackle?
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Maybe this is the season where Tomlinson pussies out all season and then actually plays a down in the playoffs.