LaToeInjury has shocked the football world by picking a time other than the playoffs to be injured, so Tiny Darren will have to slip beneath the murderous implements of the Ravens defense today. The Chargers will also be missing center Nick Hardwick, so Norv will have to abandon all those grand plans to run Sproles up the gut at Haloti Ngata. Marmalard, meanwhile, was fined late this week for taunting Raiders defensive tackle Gerard Warren in the second half of their Week 1 game.
WHAT? HUH? WHAT? I BARELY GENERATED ANY OFFENSE AGAINST YOUR TEAM!
Ray-Ray’s spastic dances after jumping on piles or Rivers berating everyone in sight? There may not be enough announcer scorn to go around.
In other late-game action:
The Steelers and Bears spot each other a defensive centerpiece being out. The Steelers want to establish some semblance of a running game while Cutler might desire to cut down on the back-breaking turnovers. No, don’t deny me the Sulk-SMIRRE contrast, Jay!
Michael Silver broke the news that Eric Mangini fined a Browns player $1,701 for not paying for a $3 water bottle at a hotel during a preseason trip. At some point during the Cleveland-Denver game, I fully expect both teams to turn on their respective morale-crushing coaches, all while Brandon Stokley grittily steals into the endzone.
The 49ers and Seahawks battle for first place in the NFC West. I actually find this an intriguing contest, but my East Coast bias prevents me from saying so. Big storyline: WILL MATT HASSELBECK BE DOGGED BY NOT LIKING THE INFORMANT LAST NIGHT!?
[Gets drunk quickly to avoid having to come up with something noteworthy about the Bucs and the Bills]
Maybe this is the season where Tomlinson pussies out all season and then actually plays a down in the playoffs.
“I promise I’m gonna shoot it. He was sitting out there, and I’m like, I’m gonna kill this dude.”
Can I shoot that? Can I shoot that?” Lewis said.
Wait, are we sure Ray-Ray is talking about the Sproles tackle?
chris johnson made me come in my pants.
Elvis Dumervil played his own personal game of “smear the queer” on Brady Queen.
Where is the new Marmalard post already?!?! YOU BETTER CAAAALLLL SOOOOMBODAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!
Ahhhh that is why!
@boatdrinks: Yep, he ran right past all the guys who didn’t bother to block him.
Ray Lewis made a real play?
Throwing those floatfloatfloats are tough for Marmalard, and so his hand cramps up.
@Slothrop: well if he’s going to go all maxipad on us, he could blogkakke the Primetime Emmys. I hear it’s the Gay Oscars.
/NTTAWWT
Things are about to get a little more stabby in the Baltimore area.
http://www.aww-kittah-aww.com/up/public/96711/Cutler.gif
I think the ref knocked the sulk out of him.
@RBP: no blokakke. Open thread. Ape’s sulking.
Laserfaced just went all PHILLIP RIVERS on the Ravens…and the floater got pickerated.
BTW, blogkakke tonight? Or not?
Commence with the stomping of Turrible Towels!
Harf harf…fumble?
I don’t need this damn helmet! I am Cutlersulker!
Obligatory “Good as gold!”
/So sick of that phrase
//Bears fan
haha all I could think of with that Jeff Reed close up is “sulksulksulk”
Jeff Reed: Whatever, brah. My hair is still bitchin’.
Wow, he totally Vanderjagt-ed that kick.
Is Jeff Reed drunk? It sure does seem like it.
Bears D got away with a hold and Reed honks another one. wow.
Didn’t Matt Forte make his living feasting on the Lions and other crappy teams last year?
I can’t believe I drafted Matt fucking Forte over Frank Gore and Chris Johnson
@mbp: Don’t forget scrappiness!
I’ve been an NFL fan long enough to know if you’re a short and/or white receiver in the NFL, you get an infinite amount of “Grit Points” by virtually everyone.
sulksulksulksulksulk. Big play. or something. whatever.
If I could murder a 49ers fan and get away with it – there are 5 of them fuckers in Kalapaki Joe’s that are prime fucking candidates for choking.
Or not. Doink.
Urge to self-mutilate, rising. God forbid the Pats work these quick slants to Moss. Bears do appear to be laying off the line more than the Jets did, but good lord, this Pitt drive looks so easy.
Since when did the Bears decide that running the ball was unnecessary? The year that I took their running back with the third pick in my fantasy league draft, that’s when. One more reason to hate that team.
Sunday night footbaw better be good. Be more entertaining, free entertainment!
I thought you were making a joke and piled right on!?!
Fun times.
@slothrop: It still works, both games are equally crappy…
whoops. bears/steelers. I’m not even drinking. jeebus. just knocked senseless by Moss’ line.
How does Cutler look sulky just standing there? It is amazing.
*Cutlerfucker
This Bears/Chargers game is craptacular.
Wouldn’t know, I’ve got PIT/DEN. Cutler had a nice drive, sulkey but nice.
Ain’t it though…
This Bears/Chargers game is craptacular.
I usually watch muted. Unless it is blogkakke. Then the joy of making fun of announcers is good.
NYG @ DAL tonight should be good. I WILL NOT WATCH! That’s sad because I’m a Cowboys fan but I refuse to be tortured by ‘that Network’s’ suckoffage of ol double J. Yep just me and the old sattelite radio. Oh and the grill, and beer loootsa beer.
/suddenly thirsty
Gore just GORE GORE GORED for a touchdown. The niners are VERY impressive today.
Dolphins Colts is MNF? Oh, that could be classically bad.
I’d like to punch Steve Slaton in the nuts.
I think I need to kill whoever recommended drafting Forte in the first round.
@88: I’ll say it: The Pats got beat by the better team today and were lucky last week. The Jets red-zone D was impressive as was their ability to get to Brady almost at will. Young and hungry beat older, slower, and rusty.
The trade of Seymour was correct long-term, but is definitely hurting this team this year as is their inability to groom/find replacements for Harrison, Vrabel, Law, and Bruschi or to find a better LT than Matt Light. 2007 is a long time ago. Pats might win 9 games this year, but I doubt they’ll be back to dominance for much of Brady’s remaining career. The window is closing for him to get that 4th ring with the Pats.
The Bears are effectively playing offense? Interesting concept. The Pats might try that.
Jarrett Johnson graduated from the Ray Lewis School of Finshing Somebody Else’s Tackle.
I swear, the Patriots’ fans can never say, “Well, we got beat today by the better team.” Never. It’s “WELKAHHH WASN’T THEEYAH!” or “TAWWWWMY’S JUST KNOCKIN DA RUST OFF!”.
Jesus. Christ.
HUH! WHAT! FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Tyrone Carter murder-suicided Greg Olsen
Announcer: The Chargers can’t get any penetration.
Gigantosaur begs to differ.
@cd6:
1-10 NE 17 (1:21) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond to NE 22 for 5 yards (D.Bly, L.Fletcher). Pass 3, Run 2
2-5 NE 22 (:57) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond to NE 30 for 8 yards (A.Williams, T.Polley). Pass 3, Run 5
1-10 NE 30 (:41) T.Brady pass incomplete.
2-10 NE 30 (:41) T.Brady pass to J.Redmond pushed ob at NE 41 for 11 yards (T.Polley, K.Herring). Pass 0, Run 11
1-10 NE 41 (:33) T.Brady pass incomplete.
2-10 NE 41 (:29) T.Brady pass to T.Brown ran ob at SL 36 for 23 yards (A.Archuleta). Pass 14, Run 9
1-10 SL 36 (:21) T.Brady pass to J.Wiggins to SL 30 for 6 yards (D.McCleon, L.Little). Pass 1, Run 5
1-10-NE40 (1:08) T.Brady pass incomplete to D.Branch.
2-10-NE40 (1:04) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 47 for 13 yards (M.Minter; R.Manning).
1-10-CAR47 (:51) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 27 for 20 yards (T.Cousin).
1-20-NE43 (:44) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to T.Brown to CAR 44 for 13 yards (T.Cousin; W.Witherspoon).
2-7-CAR44 (:20) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to D.Graham to CAR 40 for 4 yards (M.Minter).
3-3-CAR40 (:14) (Shotgun) T.Brady pass to D.Branch to CAR 23 for 17 yards (M.Minter).
Yeah. He sucks donkeys.
Tawmmmmy can suck my left nut. And Pat fans can cry me a river.
1-10-NE 10 (1:48) 12-T.Brady pass short middle to 11-J.Edelman to NE 28 for 18 yards (30-D.Coleman).
1-10-NE 28 (1:24) (No Huddle, Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short left to 13-J.Galloway [77-K.Jenkins].
2-10-NE 28 (1:18) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short right to 11-J.Edelman.
3-10-NE 28 (1:13) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete deep middle to 84-B.Watson (33-E.Smith).
4-10-NE 28 (1:06) (Shotgun) 12-T.Brady pass incomplete short left to 13-J.Galloway (21-D.Lowery).
TOM BRADY IS SO CLUTCH! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
The first ever Packer game that my daughter has ever listened to, and it’s a loss to the Bengals.
I can’t believe this shit.
if only ben would’ve pump faked
NECKBEARD.
I can’t believe I forgot to make my suicide pool pick. There wasn’t any money on that, was there? Stupid busy week at work.
PEW PEW PEW. If the Steelers don’t win this game by 17, I’ll be shocked. Cutlersulker coming up.
Shit the Bills already have 14 points … I could have picked against the Bucs again.
Tiny Darren!!!!!!!!!!11!!!
I am out of the KSK suicide pool. Week fucking 2. WHY didn’t I pick the Saints? Or the Vikings? Sad panda indeed. Chad Ocho Cinco had to ACTUALLY make good on a claim dammit.
@BBR Since Zorn’s intensity made JC tuck his dick between his legs.
The Bears D is clearly playing out of the Pats’ D 2nd game plan.
WTF? Since when did getting into the end zone against the Rams D become a difficult thing to do?
Chargers-Ravens is already sloppier than Chargers-Raiders.
PEW PEW PEW.
Stokely is Eckstein! Eckstein is Stokely!
I will take all my hate for the Pats’ terrible play today through ill will thrown in the Steelers’ general direction. And by cutting myself.