The Third Annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive: Fight Gone Bad
(this logo brought to you by Ed Hardy)
We here at KSK are awful people. We sit on our asses watching a violent sport, ingesting fried food and alcohol, and then we devote the rest of our week to telling the meanest, crudest jokes we can think of. We challenge each other to swear in new and inventive ways. We draw on racist stereotypes for cheap laughs and make casual assertions of homosexuality.
We’re all headed straight to hell.
UNLESS! Unless we can use our evil powers for good! That’s right, it’s the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive! In 2007, when our little blog was barely a year old, we raised $1565 for Fisher House, which helps the families of wounded and amputee veterans. Last year, even with the economy at its absolute worst, you fine readers went above and beyond and chipped in $2495 for charity.
This year, I, Matt Ufford/Captain Caveman, will participate in Fight Gone Bad, a brutally punishing workout that raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project (raising awareness and providing aid to severely wounded veterans) and Athletes for a Cure (fighting prostate cancer). That’s right: TWO charities! That’s twice the charities to brag about donating to at your next cocktail party!
What exactly does Fight Gone Bad entail? I’m glad you asked. On Saturday, September 26th, I’m going to head over to CrossFit South Brooklyn and perform three five-minute rounds of a sadistic combination of exercises:
- Wall-ball: 20-pound medicine ball, 10 ft target.
- Sumo deadlift high-pull: 75 pounds
- Box Jump: 20″ box
- Push-press: 75 pounds
- Row
You don’t have any idea what most of that is, do you? Here’s what it looked like last year:
Nice place, right? It’s like working out in a dungeon with windows.
ANYWAY, here’s where you come in. For every thousand dollars donated via my athlete page at FGB, I’ll pay back your kindness by posting one picture of me at FGB in increasing order of humiliation. One thousand dollars and it’ll be me shirtless, which is only mildly embarrassing. Two grand gets you a photo of me making a stupid face and sweating. $3000 and you get me curled up in the fetal position, unwilling and unable to move. Five grand is my goal, and if we hit that you get the money shot: me vomiting into a trash can.*
So please, donate now. I’ve started us off with $50, so we’re already 1% of the way there. The sooner we get to five G’s, the sooner we’ll stop reminding you to please help us support wounded veterans while also fighting cancer. You don’t want the cancer terrorists to win, do you? C’mon, let’s humiliate me for a good cause.
*assuming I vomit, which I almost certainly will
Tags: captain caveman, Fight Gone Bad, KsK Kares
September 14th, 2009 at 10:10 am
You are a fucking savage man-beast for doing this, Ufford. Fight gone bad is hell. Ten minutes of hell. Good luck to you.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I’m assuming we’ll be able to donate to get you to keep your clothes on, correct?
/seriously though – this is outstanding. Great job guys.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:14 am
I mean fifteen minutes. We only did ten when I did fight gone bad.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:47 am
I’ve taken a CrossFit class. You are fucking doomed. I’m willing to pay for that.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:58 am
If PK was reading this, he would call Ufford an “Evergreen”.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Spencer Hall puked in a trash can for my enjoyment for FREE! You can’t compete with that.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Spencer Hall puked in a trash can for my enjoyment for FREE!
But what has he done for you lately?
September 14th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Bunch of slack jawed faggots around here.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Christ, Ufford. Nice knowing you.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
How the hell is that “South” Brooklyn? Good luck to you.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am
15 minutes? That’s it?
September 14th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I’ll double my donation if Rocco joins you.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
South Brooklyn = south of Flatbush Ave. It’s important to separate our part of the borough from Williamsburg.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I’d donate, but I’m going to be doing it myself at my affiliate (Crossfit Rochester).
I will send you some money if there’s video of you failing to get your feet out of the rower in time and puking all over yourself though.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
I’m all for watching Ufford suffer, but last year’s Kharity Drive also featured copious amounts of hot women in various stages of undress. Can we expect a similar effort on behalf of fighting the cancer terrorists this year?
September 14th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Will you be wearing Affliction?
September 14th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I’m in. A-Train I’ll try to get over to Rochester on the 26th, or look into the Buffalo Crossfit. UM, good to see you stepping up the effort.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
UM, good to see you stepping up the effort.
As long as I don’t have to exercise!
September 14th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
I’m a lazy sack of shit, so the box jump is new to me. Is it just jumping up on a box over and over? Because jumping onto a 20″ inch box sounds easy, but doing it repeatedly sounds like quadricep-induced death.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Donated, but a little disappointed there isn’t more of a cage-match feel to it.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
That song makes me want to put on some gaudy fake jewelery, gel my hair, throw on some type of tight-fitting black shirt with stitching on it that costs $280, and go rock with my brahs.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I might vomit into a trash can just thinking about doing that. Good god.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Fight Gone Bad was the worst fifteen minutes of my life. Have fun!
September 14th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
@Cock Flashy: You should have seen the shit we did for volleyball practice. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal now. Plyometrics.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
You should have seen the shit we did for volleyball practice. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal now. Plyometrics.
Sucking cock is only illegal in Utah.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@Cock:
I’ve done box jumps before, not on 20″ boxes though. You jump up on the box then jump backwards off of it. And do it again and again and again.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Box jumps are fucking evil.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
@289: Alright, you got me you fucker. True story: My buddy works in a porn shop distribution warehouse, and he sends daily posts of various state laws regarding sex. Kinda interesting actually.
September 14th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
Happy to contribute to the Kharity drive again. Dick jokes aside, this is a really cool thing that y’all do and a great way to “pay” for the site. I’d double my donation to see Drew participate, so long as there are safeguards in place to make sure I don’t have to see him topless…
September 15th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I finally broke 300 in FGB a few weeks ago starting on box jumps. I think that’s the way to go. That puts the 2 high point earning movements at the beginning and rowing right in the middle and you can halfass that since it won’t get you many points anyway. It still blows though.
September 15th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
@Geronimo:
Changing the order of a crossfit WOD is cheating.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
@Gary:
No, it gets 5 people done at a time. If they spent 17 minutes/person at the fundraiser, it would take all day. Check out the video. At the 38 second mark, the organizer counts down 3, 2, 1 to start the wod and it shows people beginning on the rowers. The order will stay the same, but people will begin at different stations.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:48 pm
You’re right though. In all other cases changing the order is cheating.
September 16th, 2009 at 10:02 am
I didn’t see puking in the video. And the cute 7 year old girl in turquoise around the 3:30 mark definitely changed the tone a bit!
September 24th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
FGB is one vicious mf’er. Have never come close to 300. I usually fall into that 250 – 260 range (6′1/230 lbs/40 yrs) believe I’ve actually died a few times afterwards. Anybody poopooing this has no idea about the CrossFit concept and what it entails. More power to you, Ufford. Two great charities and a great way to generate donations.
BTW, that is one of the most awesome CF “gyms” I’ve seen.