The Last KSK Kommenter Draft: Celebrity/Historic Figure You’d Like To See Enter The Porn Business
It’s our last draft of the offseason. That’s right. Next week, the Maj takes over this slot with his weekly gambling column. So, allow me to take this moment to congratulate you, the reader. It’s all but over. You’ve made through another tedious, horrible offseason. And you didn’t kill yourself or stop doing drugs. Good on you. Thanks the Lord Jesus the NFL has just about arrived.
Now, to the draft.
I’ve always hated celebrity sex tapes. They’re poorly shot. Poorly lit. You don’t really see enough of the things you were hoping to see. Has there ever been a celebrity sex tape or Playboy spread that hasn’t disappointed you? Of course not. This is because celebrities are assholes. They want all the notoriety of having a sex tape, without having to commit to giving you, the masturbator at home, a pleasurable viewing experience. It’s an inherently selfish act, ego masturbation of the very worst kind. THIS IS BULLSHIT, I WANNA SEE BUSH. PAN DOWN.
One day, some celebrity is going to wise up and do a sex tape right. Someone like Kate Walsh will realize the value of hiring Andrew Blake, paying a DP, building a themed set for fucking (ancient Egypt?), putting on a gold lamé garter belt, and getting boned on camera the way people truly WANT to see them. None of this half-assed, bad gonzo shit. Imagine if someone really famous told the world, “Look, I’ve made a sex tape. It’s the only one I’ll ever make, it’s really fucking hot, and I hope you enjoy it.” Would that person be a hero to all? They would. It’s not even a question. Alas.
Anyway, your job today is to pick a famous person you’d like to see enter the porn biz and commit to it fully. High, high, high quality porn. AND you’d get to enjoy the media shitstorm surrounding said career move. Pick one celebrity, living or dead. You get them at the height of their attractiveness. Wait 10 picks, then pick again. Sure, you could pick Megan Fox and have no regrets. But I prefer shock value AND erotic value. So I’m going with Sarah Palin.
No, wait. BRISTOL PALIN.
No, wait. You know what? It’s the last draft. Fuck it. Sarah AND Bristol Palin. Together. Getting their arms broken by Rocco Siffredi. SO WRONG, IT’S RIGHT.
UPDATE: God dammit, YOU do not get to co-star with them. No one wants to see your fat ass on camera.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, ksk kommenter drafts, you let me down noxzema girl
September 4th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Princess Di
September 4th, 2009 at 9:02 am
Erin Andrews
I’ll leave now.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:03 am
Malin Ackerman
September 4th, 2009 at 9:04 am
The obvious choice here is Erin Andrews.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Damn. Ummm Edith Labelle. Former UFC ring girl.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:05 am
Jon Bon Jovi. Oh the double joy of his ass and dick in my sight followed by the shitstorm of bad publicity. Oh, this is a good topic.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Rachael Ray
September 4th, 2009 at 9:09 am
Phew, I can’t believe Oprah fell this far!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Amelia Earhart
She never comes! …back.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Katee Sackhoff.
//frakkin’ fanboys
September 4th, 2009 at 9:10 am
StuScott: ewww.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Jennifer Anniston
September 4th, 2009 at 9:10 am
Groaaaannnn Punte.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:11 am
@BostonWahoo
At least she has a habit of getting naked in her movies (Harold and Kumar, Watchmen)
Ann Coulter. Just to see her get fucked in the ass.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Mata Hari. Why should WWI spies have all the fun?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Michelle Obama
YOINK
September 4th, 2009 at 9:13 am
Katherine Heigl.
Porn set? The Amazon
I am the scientist, she is the naive yet blazingly hot native, who leads me to a hidden waterfall where she proceeds to undress, whereby the lighting gets real soft and we see the water running between her glorious breasts, pussy and legs..and then she turns around, showing us her nice little tight ass…at which point I join her and proceed to unleash a Shock and Awe campaign inside her, an amount of pink destruction heretofore unseen.
Oh yeah.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Michele Malkin. Three words: World’s biggest gangbang.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Michelle Obama? Why don’t you just pick Skeletor?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Sexy Rexy. Because I want to see reality in action. Or not. The comedy factor could be out of control.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Going Hayden Panettiere here.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Cheney. Combo male rape/snuff thingy, but not so much as a sexual thing. (Or at least that’s what I’m telling my PO.)
September 4th, 2009 at 9:18 am
Sofia Vergara: I think I am gonna be the big winner in this draft.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:18 am
AnnaSophia Robb. You’ll excuse me, there seems to be a man in a suit looking for me.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Angelina Jolie.
/draft
September 4th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Katie Holmes. Tom Cruise could stand in the corner and watch, and probably cry softly.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Kate Gosselin. Not gonna lie, seeing how much damage 8 kids can do to a woman’s vag is kinda intriguing…and mildly arousing.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:20 am
As I need a little sorbet after that, I’ll take lil’ Shakira. Little, Colombian, can sound growly or make like a baby. Si.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:21 am
@ HappyGoJacky: Just for you.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_EuBu-c7pox0/SBgUsvmveuI/AAAAAAAACFI/pWsNmcZgNYA/s320/don%27t+call+him+flip.jpg
September 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am
@TB: Aw. Cockles… warmed.
@Gimp: Clown-car fetish?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Alyssa Milano. She looks like she knows her way around a woman or three.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Monica Bellucci… FTW!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:23 am
Sophia Loren. Classic or even now, she’s a GGILF.
/win
September 4th, 2009 at 9:24 am
BIG VALUE getting Christina Hendricks this late.
She will, of course, be in full Joan Holloway regalia.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Miley Cyrus (when she’s of age, of course) for the giant FUCK YOU to Disney and all her retarded “fans”.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Dorothy Dandridge. Here’s a link for the uninformed: http://home.hiwaay.net/~oliver/ddport18.jpg
//Maj, Princess Di was a STRONG pic, man.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Tom Cruise circa Top Gun. Or, he can do it now and be crazy man wild weirdo Oprah couch jumping man this guy is never working in Hollywood again.
And Katie can laugh in the corner and get custody.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:27 am
@ HappyGoJacky surprisingly no. It would just bring a whole new dynamic to the sex tape. Like what can’t she fit in there. I think it would hit all kinds of demographics.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Marilyn Monroe. Easy.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Mike Brown’s daughter, Katie Blackburn
RAWR!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Mother Theresa. Ok, Ok, just kidding.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Nobody? Really?
*sigh*
Fine, i’ll say it.
MILEY CYRUS.
hold on, there’s a knock at the door, i’ll be right back.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Scarlett Johansson.
I’m on a fucking roll!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Sonia Sotomayor, on top of Constitution-themed bedsheets. If only for the hilarity of Glenn Beck’s subsequent 9-state killing spree. (And also because she’s sneaky old-lady Latina-hot.)
September 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Gina Carrano….=D
September 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am
After a quick chat with a well dressed man and a camera crew, it turns out I’d like to change my pick.
I MEANT TO SAY Audrey Hepburn.
Simple mistake. See you in 6 years!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Dorothy Dandridge and Christina Hendricks are excellent, excellent picks.
Bill Clinton. This is what he would have done had that Rhodes Scholarship not come through anyway and after years of plowing Hillary’s ruined nethers he deserves to go ass-to-mouth on Tera Patrick.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Joan Rivers. But only to see if she really is stuffed with saw dust.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Salma Hayek
/win^2
September 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Sorry Merk. Toooooo late. Ms. Cyrus already taken up a ways.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Ant Baby Machete Squad, you’re a co-accused. (and also a faster typer than I)
September 4th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Mary Beth King
Crossing the line?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:34 am
@Westbrook: FUCK
September 4th, 2009 at 9:34 am
Visanthe Shiancoe. It has to be amazing…right?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Britney Spears at the apex of her career? Please. Bad school girl setting FTW.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Kate Mara: Fuck the Giants.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Jessica Alba.
Man I wanted Salma
September 4th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Rachel Nichols from ESPN or
Suzy Kolber FTW
September 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am
@Boatdrinks
You know you aren’t actually fcuking the people right? You’re just watching. there’s plenty of sites if you wanna see well endowed (redundant?) black dudes’ elephant trunks.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Eve
September 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
@ Clamps: I had to read down just to make sure it had been picked. Great pick.
So…Bar Rafaeli. Yeah……
September 4th, 2009 at 9:38 am
Kim and Kourtney Kardashian getting nailed by Khloe.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I’m taking Giada De Laurentiis. Daughter of the famous producer. In a perfect scenario, he would produce her porn film.
http://www.giadadelaurentiis.com/
….
and since I’m heading out the door and can’t do a pick later, my 2nd choice is Monica Lewinsky, with a cigar in every hole!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Ladies ladies and gentlemen, please, we have access to anyone living or dead and you’re falling all over yourselves to pick starlets, singers and actresses, many of whom will barely be famous ten years from now. I’m going with the Marquis de Sade. From Wikipedia:
“He is best known for his erotic novels, which combined philosophical discourse with pornography, depicting bizarre sexual fantasies with an emphasis on violence, criminality, and blasphemy against the Catholic Church. He was a proponent of extreme freedom (or at least licentiousness), unrestrained by morality, religion or law.”
Can you imagine turning him loose in Southern California with modern technology and a hefty budget? The video he’d create would change the world.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Ha… no I am aware I won’t ACTUALLY be partaking.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
I don’t get to pick?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Denise Austin. I wanna see what’s under the spandex
September 4th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Sneak in Rocco. I won’t tell.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Willa Ford.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Hmmm…. value pick: Sheryl Crow, the early years.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am
@ Jesse Katsopolis: One million cocktails to you, sir.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Brooklyn Decker.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Giada De Laurentiis. In the kitchen.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Abe Lincoln, the human tripod president. Interracial porn, in the BangWagon, going down the Oregon Trail.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Helen of Troy. I want to see the Face That Launched A Thousand Ships covered in spooge.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
@Charlie: Historic Pick. Lofty pick. Truly perverse.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
@Charlie Sweatpants: my boner only remembers back to the past few days or so.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Cleo-fuckin-patra
September 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
18-year-old Lohan in that Hermione Granger outfit.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Kinda surprised Kate Beckinsale made it this far down.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Terry Schiavo
September 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Eleanor Roosevelt….game over
September 4th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Marie Antoinette, guillotine porn
/disturbing win
September 4th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Giada DiLaurentiis.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:47 am
Westbrook wins with Salma. i’ll go with Roselyn Sanchez
September 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
There’s some strong picks here, esp. Katie Blackburn.
I say Gillian Anderson.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
So, how many more people are going to draft Giada before people learn how to FUCKING USE CONTROL+F?
September 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Can’t believe she’s still available, unless I missed it.
Jessica Simpson. Huge rack, complete bimbo, naive. Seemed designed for the dredges of the porn industry
September 4th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Danica Patrick.
I would want to hear her make race car noises when im jabbing that delicious pooper of hers.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Two words: PEG SHOT
September 4th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Thank you Westbrook. I pick Heidi Klum and Seal.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Mandy Moore FTW!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Lucy Pinder
September 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Miley Cyrus. Can’t believe she fell this far.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Catharine the Great starring in “Barnyard Bangers.”
September 4th, 2009 at 9:53 am
Mariska Hargitay – so I’m partial to more mature women!
September 4th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Except she didn’t, @ravenouspenguins. Use Ctrl+F. Although Miley is a far better pick to repeat ad naseam than Giada “Fugly Skeletor” DiLaurentiis.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Tsarina Catherine the Great – all that power plus a donkey show.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Rosie O’Donnell+strap on+Donald Trump=Probably one of the most disturbing things imaginable. Make it happen.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Queen Victoria, because I’d love to have a sex tape of perhaps the most powerful woman in history…. what, none of you find power to be attractive?
/Cleveland win
September 4th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Giselle Bundchen-Brady
September 4th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Nadine Velazquez
September 4th, 2009 at 9:55 am
@gimp – plus 50
September 4th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Catherine the Great picked twice in one minute’s time. Oy.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Forget Giada. Paula Deen in a vat of butter
September 4th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Amy Adams. With Uncle Milty.
/Let’s just say I’m not a fan.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:57 am
@ Santonio’s Coffee Thermos
+ infinity
September 4th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Niel Armstrong in Apollo 8 – The Bang Module.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Charlie: Hilarious. Team him up with Osi, Rodney Harrison and Big Ben and it would be the most violent porn ever filmed.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Hmmmm. Hate porn. Let me think. Ah yes, Alex Rodriguez non consent please. With pain on the side.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am
More value in the late rounds w/ Kate Middleton.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:01 am
Jon Benet Ramsey
September 4th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Christina Ricci and Natalie Portman in 2 on Me POV!
September 4th, 2009 at 10:02 am
All this talk about Food Network hosts and nobody picks English muffin Nigella Lawson? Suckers.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Biggest draft ever? Biggest draft ever.
Jane Seymour. Either at 18 (Live and Let Die Jane) or the one from Wedding Crashers.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Marissa Miller.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:03 am
@ROTU:
I actually spit out my coffee upon reading that. Excellent.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:05 am
John Wilkes Booth and Fred Lane’s wife together. It would be a struggle to determine the sexual position. She likes it face to face. He likes coming from behind.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Carrie Fisher, circa 1983, in the Slave Leia outfit
/nerd win
September 4th, 2009 at 10:09 am
A pre Navarro and Rodman Carmen Electra. The first time I saw her in Playboy was one of the greatest days of my penis’ life.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Madame de Pompadour, the most famous and powerful of Louis XV’s many mistresses. She arranged orgies that shocked the French — think about it … her sex parties _shocked_ the French.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Carrie Prejean and an all women cast
September 4th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Mary.
Am I going to hell?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Dr. Ruth. Like being on the mountain top getting the Ten Commandments.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:14 am
WOW Eva Mendes fell this far? Steal of the draft
Rd. 2 – Beyonce
Rd. 3 – Jessica Biel
Rd. 4 – Rosario Dawson
/Championship
September 4th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton in “Women’s Suffering”.
The ironing would be delicious.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:17 am
@NovakAintNoJokovic
Ba-dum-bum. Tish.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Steal: Jayne Mansfield
http://www.sophialoren.org/images/Sophia%20Loren/Sophia_Loren_eyeing_Jayne_Mansfield_tits.jpg
September 4th, 2009 at 10:20 am
+10 to NovakAintNoJokovic
September 4th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Katie Couric….and I dont know why.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Keeley Hazell….oh wait. There’s one already out there!
Hmm….CNN Headline News’ Robin Meade. But she’s gotta leave the boots on!
September 4th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Padma Lakshme. Something in a kitchen setting.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:23 am
@ Doowop
How about Jesus and Mary Magdalene
September 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Roslyn Sanchez, I just watched Chasing Papi last week and I have now picked two of it’s stars! Huzzah. FYI that is a fantastic movie to watch with the sound off and a bottle of lotion.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Isla Fischer. I love me some redheads.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Lady Bird Johnson — No need to make a pun of the film title.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
The 1985 Chicago Bears in SuperBukkake XX
R.I.P. William “Refrigerator” Perry
September 4th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Trish Stratus
/wrestling win
September 4th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Michelle Bachman. She’s got a MILF thing going on and she’ll have to finally shut the fuck up with Lexington Steele’s cock in her throat.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Sappho, the 7th-century BC poet from the island of Lesbos who “invented” lesbianism. Bring her back now (real, not like a zombie because that would be icky). She’d have 2600 years of lesbian horniness built up. Damn.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Jackie Kennedy Onasis — just to see what all the fuss was about
September 4th, 2009 at 10:30 am
@Tracer – awesome choice, being from her district (how can she keep winning??), I’d pay to see it!
September 4th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Spatula, way to go way back.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Milton Berle. Just to see if the rumors were true.
No homo
September 4th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Brett Favre.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:35 am
@ Rufus: How CAN she keep winning? What the hell are you people doing up there? Has the lack of sunshine driven you all mad?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Tim Tebow’s girl
, but only if he has to watch
September 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Kiera Knightley
September 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Mila Kunis. In the study. With the candlestick.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
For my first pick, I’ll take Andy Rooney.
/No, that’s ok, I’ll show myself out.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Angela Lansbury
September 4th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Sportsgal
September 4th, 2009 at 10:41 am
the Elephant man and Star Jones….
September 4th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Samuel L. Jackson…fucking every bitch he wants…Oprah first…
September 4th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Hillary.
Just to watch everyone now have a freak-out.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Westbrook: For that pick I think you deserve to have all the WWE Divas, or whatever they’re called now. Trish, Tori, Stacy, Sable, etc. You don’t have to take Chyna though.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Ok….is Control+F broken, or did I get Jennifer Love Hewitt this late in the draft?
Cute face, amazing rack, just enough “crazy” to be hot in bed. Yes please.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Eliza Dushku: The god-daughter was watching a self-imposed Bring It On marathon last weekend. It provided me with lots of fuel for this draft.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@clue: I see your Mila Kunis and raise you one Kristen Bell.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@Tracer – I wish that were the case, but I think it’s our states way of giving the country all the unintentional comedy it can while keeping MN in the news!!
September 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Barbara Bush
September 4th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Dude. Wouldn’t you rather be known for your flowing Hockey Hair and delicious lutefisk instead?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@ yeah, right?: Mother or daughter?
September 4th, 2009 at 10:50 am
both
September 4th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Freida Pinto, from Slumdog Millionaire. Kiss the baby, y’all.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Katy Perry
September 4th, 2009 at 10:52 am
HGTV’s Sabrina Soto. She’s Cuban, she’s got a nice ass, she can recommend a nice set of bedsheets after.
http://bit.ly/2iGWV
September 4th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I was going to go with the Countess Elizabeth Bathory who influenced Bram Stoker’s _Dracula_, but she was just nasty. Sex is like food — it shouldn’t hurt. So, I’ll go with Shamhat and Enkidu. According to _The Epic of Gilgamesh_ they banged each other’s brains out for seven days. That’s stamina.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@ Greg Olsen is making me sexits Says:
The Oregon trail reference wins it for me.
David Carradine, a rope, and 5 Thai ladyboys
September 4th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Catherine Zeta Jones. OH CMON HERE AND SELL ME A CELL PHONE IN YOUR ASS
September 4th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Late to the party, and I have shit to do, so I’m taking 2:
1. Mrs Vanessa Bryant (Kobe’s wife). But only if she’s fucking Karl Malone.
2. Wade Phillips’ Daughter. With the Double-J.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Sonia Sotomayor and Clarence Thomas starring in Oral Arguments.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Since BDD only mentioned her in the opening post and somehow no one drafted her yet – Megan Fox
/ MEGAN FOX SEX TAPE for the win
September 4th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Liz Taylor
/steal of the draft
September 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@ yeah, right?: Excellent.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Leighton Meester. Just cause she looks like if you force her to do ass 2 mouth, the bitch somehow deserves it.
Too much?
Also- Katy Perry, for the pure freaky sex factor. Setting would be something like A “Cockwork” orange.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Leah Remini, pre baby.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Alberto Gonzalez. Squeal for me, piggy.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Danny fucking Tanner
September 4th, 2009 at 11:04 am
@herc rock
That probably *is* the steal of the draft.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:05 am
since i have adult things to do right now, taking an early pick. Blake Lively. Steal of the Draft and my future wife in Prep School Diaries. FTW
September 4th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Miley Cyrus…and Billie Ray. Someone had to say it. (Sad thing is the tape probably already exists)
I do have to take issue with the no good celebrity sex tape rant. The grandaddy of them all, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee was pretty hot. That girl can suck a dick. The rest have all been shit.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@ Rocco, that’s a deal I’ll gladly take
Next pick, Evangeline Lilly doing LOST-themed porn
/LOST win
September 4th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Peter King’s daughter.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:09 am
You know, I was just gonna sit back and watch the carnage on this draft without participating myself…
Then I CTRL+F’d Olivia Wilde.
In fact, that’s what I’d like the porno to be called… “Control F-ing Olivia Wilde”.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
second pick, Rush Limbaugh fucking an underage Dominican prostitute
again
September 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Since we won’t get to do the “hate fuck” draft I’ve been begging for, I’ll use my no. 1 pick from that draft right here:
Michelle Malkin
September 4th, 2009 at 11:13 am
can we go Lucy Liu and Ziyi Zhang? Please? I’ll buy your stupid book(s).
September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am
In honor of yesterday’s mailbag header pic – Kelly Brook. God’s mathematicians brought their A-game when they put her together
September 4th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Oh, goddamnit, apologies, Tracer Bullet. I actually did do a search for it..actually, wait, I blame YOU for spelling it wrong. Good pick, though.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:19 am
I’m not going to risk giving Malkin another hit on her blog just to make sure I spell her name correctly.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Evan Rachel Wood. Hottest redhead evah. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
September 4th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette.
FTW!
September 4th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Queen Rania of Jordan.
Aside from that fact that she looks great, think of the scandal!
September 4th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@Tracer: in acknowledgement of your pick, I’ll throw you my own batshit crazy congressman, Steve King, free of charge. Twice the congressional crazy!
And while we’re on the subject of Nazis, I’d like to select Ernst Rohm.
Because it’s time we looked at the Third Reich in a whole new way, don’t you think?
September 4th, 2009 at 11:29 am
The Bush twins in “First Daughters’ First Gangbang”
September 4th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@ROTU
Terry Schiavo wins the draft, that is the funniest and most disturbing image I have seen all offseason
September 4th, 2009 at 11:32 am
In keeping with the political theme: Cindy McCain. She looks like her fondest desire to be pinned to a bed and fucked stupid by a giant mandingo.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Ala Passtel
September 4th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Ciara, She is in the newest Bring It On movie, Let me tell you my man, if you cast her in any cheerleader-themed porno would be great.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Wow I can’t believe the mother of all TV milfs dropped this far. Patricia Heaton. Yes please.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Joan of Arc
September 4th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Ginger and Mary Ann anyone?
September 4th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Cindy Crawford, pre Richard Gere version
September 4th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Cloris Leachman = incredible value this late
September 4th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Ursula Andress….her mouth says “Dr. No” but her eyes say “fuck me in the butt”
September 4th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Bea Arthur. You know you want to see it.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Danica McKellar (aka Winnie Cooper). FTW.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Drew’s wife…she has to be the least satisfied woman on the planet
September 4th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Can’t believe I’m getting the ladies of CSI Miami this late. I’ll take Eva La Rue and Emily Procter…
September 4th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
@ Westbrook – Trish Stratus actually has done porn.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
I’m gonna make 3 picks because… well… fuck the rules
1) Peter King as the bottom in really gay porn
2) The Manning Brothers in a devil’s 3 way spit roasting some girl
3) Hitler, I wanna see if that 1 ball rumour has any truth
September 4th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Christy Canyon
September 4th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
shock value AND erotic value, hmm…
id say drew magary would give you the most bang for your shock value buck
September 4th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
sandra bullock. demolition man era
September 4th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Nigella Lawson. She’s got the best kind of british accent for talking dirty, I’d hope she gets super aggressive and says all kinds of fucked up shit while doing it. I kind of suspect that’s how she is anyway.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Dian Fossey. Yes, plus gorillas.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Chelsea Clinton
Let’s not pretend she’s some goody-goody out to save the world. She parties as hard as the Bush Twins and you fucking know it.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
William Howard Taft for the win.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@ Phat Bastard – WHERE CAN I FIND THIS?????
Next pick, the true steal of the draft, Gemma Atkinson
/British win
September 4th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings in the long-lost original version of “Let Me Tell Ya ‘Bout Black Chicks”.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Ashley Banfield
/I like ‘em educated so I can cum on their glasses
September 4th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Nigella Lawson has been off the board for hours.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
All of us dorks here and not one person has picked Olivia Munn yet? YOINK
September 4th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
molly pitcher, I hear she liked it in the poop-shute
September 4th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
@ westbrook is my anti-drug: it wasn’t actually Trish Stratus, just some other blonde chick with an artificially inflated chest who looked like her. I’z done my research on this already.
By the way, did you know that Torrie Wilson and Stacy Keibler used to be roommates in Los Angeles? Think of the porn videos that could have come out of that…
/no pun intended
September 4th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
CNN War Slut Christiane Amanpour.
I’m not sure what sex she is, but I’d like to see the video to find out.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Lady Jane Digby. Any Victorian noblewoman who went from King Otto of Greece to being the queen of an Albanian bandit is a woman who could leave me broken and happy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Digby
September 4th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Judith Light…wheeeee!
September 4th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Its F Friday for F sake (actually saturday here) where be sexy friday?
September 4th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Footsteps Falco?
September 4th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
A threesome with Elizabeth II and Margret Thatcher 69n’on London Bridge while Fergie is tossing Maggs salad humming ‘London Bridge’.
For the climax they’ll all smoke meth while Elton John Peter North’s em.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Your about VORT! VORT! VORT! hours early there Chef.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@Svedish — Read this to keep you entertained
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2008/07/oh-judith-light-i-wanna-f-k-you-so-bad.html
September 4th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Inspiration from afar!
Jim Henson!
/sick
September 4th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Elizabeth Hurley as the naughty secretary. With glasses.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Winona Ryder
/stealer of the draft
September 4th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Rachel Maddow and Elizabeth Hasselbeck in a lesbo porn.
/see what I did there?
September 4th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Justice Potter Stewart. The man knows obscenity when he sees it.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Holy shit, that FSU Cowboy bimbo Jenn Sterger. She should just do it now anyway, since she doesn’t have any other note worthy talents besides looking like she can take a cock. Just get the video out of the way and make us happy, you cock tease.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Most of my brain is screaming “PICK FELICIA DAY”, but the bit that deals with sexytimes realises I don’t particularly want to see Felicia Day getting triple-teamed because she looks altogether too cute and wholesome for that sort of thing. Unfortunately, now I’ve said that, somebody else would inevitably pick her so at least if I do it I maintain control over the whole thing and could probably stop it from ever happening.
tl;dr – Felicia Day.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Elizabeth Banks – She looked hot even in those granny panties.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Emma Watson. She’s legal now.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
seriously…. no one has picked up the Olsen twins in a hot lesbo scene together yet??
September 4th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Ctrl F says she is still available…
Anne Frank.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Dammit flacco… I was thinking about taking the Olsen twins with my first pick, but I couldn’t pass up Stewart. Should’ve known they’d be gone before I got another chance.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Pretty obvious – Suzy Kolber and Joe Namath. The set? On the 50 during the Superbowl.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The Minogue sisters
/down undered
September 4th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Elizabeth Banks
/wins
September 4th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
@Motorboatin
Fuck you. Replacement pick is January Jones.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Bar Rafeli- can’t believe she wasn’t taken yet….
September 4th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Morgan Webb. That huge chin can’t be covered in spooge by one man alone.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
Sahel Kazimi – video will probably not be popular in Tennessee
September 4th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
The AT&T rollover minutes mom.
September 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Hilary Duff
September 4th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Wow, I can still get Caligula? Taken. You can rest assured the man would put together quite a production.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Lane Kiffin’s wife. Boo ya!
September 4th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Blazer Girl
September 4th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Helen Mirren.
/looks around to see who said that.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Danny DeVito. Game. Over.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
My only two picks are still on the board?
Amy Smart
Sarah Michelle Gellar – yes while pregnant
September 4th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Helen Keller — Steal Of The Draft
September 4th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
shock: all 6 KSK guys in the worlds gayest kakke
hot: Abigail clancy, thank you very much
September 4th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Pete Carroll.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Julie Andrews. In a sound of music theme, yodeling while being fucked in the ass
September 4th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Julianne Moore. Yep, It’s the redhead thing as mentioned previously by others.
/feels shame for bad grammar in previous komment
September 4th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Benazir Bhutto
September 4th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Good to see that ROTU and SteelersPride will be joining me in Hell.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Roseanne Barr!!! I’ve been wanting to bang that chick forever (no, I’m not on meds, and yes, I probably should be)! If she were in a porno (with, say, the 1969 New York Jets) my life would be complete.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Elisha Cuthbert… Value pick this late in the draft.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
The entire populations of Sodam _and_ Gomorrah. Now that would be a production.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Melissa Theuriau, French news anchor.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Eunice Kennedy.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I understand a number of her mid-career music videos basically were porn, but fuck, man, Christina Aguilera is hot.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Ingrid Bergman
September 4th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
I feel dirty from picking Anne Frank. So I’ll make a cleaner pick this time.
How about the girls that partied with the vikings players on the Love Boat?
September 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Napoleon Bonaparte. It’s not about the size, it’s how you use it.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Plus the film titles practically write themselves.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Rosa Parks…first movie would be an interracial gangbang on a bus
September 4th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Ellen Page, shes got spunk….in her hair.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Jenna Fischer from The Office, preferrably looking like this:
http://thisrecording.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/jenna-fischer.jpg
September 4th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Maggie Q
September 4th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Kate Mara.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
The original cast of Charlie’s Angels. Of course, in hindsight Farrah probably shouldn’t take it in the butt.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I’d like to see Jane Skinner get top-cocked by Pacman Jones on a Fox News desk. Then I’d send the tape to Roger Goodell for review.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Rachel Bilson. Sneaky hot, she is.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Elizabeth Banks
September 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
John F. Kennedy. It would break the internet.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Stacy Keibler, no brainer
September 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
RuPaul … no one else is into that?
September 4th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Amazing that nobody has tapped into the gymnast pool yet… I’m going to go with Shawn Johnson (who turns 18 in January. Natch). If it was who I’d like to do personally, Alicia Sacramone would definitely be picked first, but since Johnson is America’s innocent lil sweetheart gold medalist, it would be a lot more entertaining to see her take that turn.
Also, if someone told you that you were watching a porn starring “Shawn Johnson” you would immediately assume it was some giant black dude and his ramrod, right? So we’ve got that going for us… which is nice.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Giata
Then Monica Belluci
September 4th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Nicolette Sheriden (from the Sure Thing days)
September 4th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
I just hope there isn’t a KSK sex tape.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
can’t wait 10 picks for this one: Amy Acuff
props to VW for reminding me of the vast Olympian pool to pick from!
September 4th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Anna Kournikova
September 4th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Ana Ivanovic…. Value pick
Dont think Maria Sharapova was said either
September 4th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Kari Byron
September 4th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Shannon Doherty – that dirty little whore should be doing porn about now anyway
September 4th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Jamie Leigh Curtic circa True Lies
September 4th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Mary Daly. She would hate fuck and then bite the head off the man like a Praying Mantis. Or maybe she would just do a lesbo circle pussy squirt with powerful women.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Jackie Kennedy Onassis
September 4th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Emmanuelle Chirqui.
Fuck. And. YES.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Sally Field circa Smokey and the Bandit
September 4th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
No one’s taken Allison Stokke? I win.
Willford: ShawneyJ is full of win… and if you get your way, full of the semen of several dozen black men.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
I’d like to see a girl-on-girl scene with Jill Wagner and the Double Bubble chick from the Rosetta Stone commercials.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Since most of youse seem to have misread UMs pointers about the true spirit of this draft, and have gone instead for the easy hottie picks, I think I have the ABSOLUTE STEAL here, especially when you see how far she’s fallen:
Brenda Warner.
Yup, I envision a “My Wife’s A Whore” scenario, where Kurt sits sheepishly in the corner while Bren is airtight’d by 3 Mandingoes. Her new Ann Coulter-ish blonde look works, but it’s even better if you choose her earlier “salt and pepper” quasi-buzzcut. Bonus points if Kurt actually weeps a little while she’s giving him the play-by-play…
/gets harder than Chinese algebra
//projectile vomits
September 4th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Imagine how outraged Stokke’s family will be.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
OK, if we’re keeping with shock and erotic value – I’m going for the absolute win:
Gloria Allred. Not only a fine piece of ass, but first amendment rights advocate for the eventual shitstorm? Vaya con dios, suckas.
September 4th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
The entire cast of the Brady Brunch in a strange and incestuous orgy. Even Alice and Sam get in on the action.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
OK, since “the Brady Bunch” including Sam and Alice is eleven picks, I’ll go ahead and make my next two:
1. Tim Tebow’s busty girlfriend
2. Matt Stafford’s busty blond friend in the pink bikini
September 4th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@ Ender: Hilary Scott does a great Marcia Brady. Look into it.
Going the Olympics route: Kristi Yamaguchi
September 4th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Nancy Pelosi needs it.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Nicole Brown Simpson…beat that.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Rufus T. Firefly says: Jennifer Aniston
Dude, Lumberg fckd her
September 4th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Ukrainian PM Yulia Tymoshenko. She’s got a sexy Nordic thing going, she wears knee-high leather fuck-me boots with her skirts (a la Sarah Palin) and then there are those signature golden braids. Da!
http://jimcofer.com/personal/?p=1743
September 4th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
+1 for Rikadyn, Kari Byron is an EXCELLENT pick
September 4th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@Stonecutter….thanks much!
@ClickClickThud….11? You figuring Oliver in the mix too?
September 4th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Doris Burke and Dana Jacobson getting Sapphic in ESPN’s fitness center.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Another glasses wearer…
Tina Fey
September 4th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
…..
The Brenda Warner’s one made me realize that an Awesome and Epic porn film would be had if it included Eli Manning’s wife.
The brothers would be off to the side, with Peyton giving Eli the play by play and trying to visually show him what he needs to do to his wife. Eli would just be crying and/or drooling.
I think the last scene to cap it would involve Plaxico giving it to her in the butt, with coughlin at the other end.
September 4th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Damn, all the good ones have been taken…
Dana Perino.
September 4th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Since Anne Coulter is off the board, I’ll pick Laura Ingraham. The tape would be OK, but the fallout would be spectacular, especially after people find out she screams passages from “Mein Kampf” while she’s getting railed.
September 4th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Mary Louise Parker
For this late-round steal, I’m going to go have a celebratory monkey spanking. Toodles!
September 4th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
Eva Braun and a Rabbi for my final pick. Why? Shit, I could go back in time and show the tape to Hitler and just make him go absolutely apeshit on himself and everyone within a 20 mile radius.
/epic win
September 4th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Thrilled to death that I’m getting Chan Marshall.
September 4th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Lizzie Borden: Axe Wounds 5
September 4th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
NO, aXXXe Wounds 5
September 4th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Let’s have an original cast reunion of 90120…. IN BED.
Setting: “Oh no! They’re going to tear down the Peach Pit! I know! Let’s have a-
(Zack Morris crashes through the wall on a motorcylce) “Bikini Car Wash!!”
Cut to: a bikini car wash (gone horribly horribly right.)
September 4th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Ana Marie Cox
/steal
September 4th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Catherine Bell in her JAG days. Military Hotties in No Boys Aloud.
September 4th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
The Virgin Mary
September 4th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Oh and whoever found that Jenna Fischer pick. omg. +1000000. The Wes Welkah of hotties imo. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
September 4th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Alessandra Ambrosio ftw
September 4th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
Having seen Bandslam yesterday, I have to go with Aly Michala.
September 4th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
I’ll take Linnea Quigley (B-Movie hardbody from Return of the Living Dead). She’s a professional screamer, you know she’d be good.
September 4th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I guess this far down I can pick up Vanessa Hudgens off waivers, which is quite a steal.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
Anne Frank
September 4th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, circa 1976.
Christ, she fell this far? And you guys call yourself nerds.
September 4th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Jan Smithers from the old WKRP in Cincinnati
September 4th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Vivian Leigh from her Gone with the Wind days. Alice Kramden would’ve been 2nd.
/older woman fetish
//showing self out
September 4th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Raquel Welch in her fur bikini. Late round victory. And to help with the depth chart, Grace Kelly.
Look them up, youngsters.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Tara Reid is still available?
Yoink.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Irene Ryan.
http://www.librarising.com/astrology/celebs/images2/GHI/ireneryan3.jpg
Guess I’ll start drinking heavily now.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
Buddha. Destroying a religion of asceticism with a hard sweaty threesome with 2 khmer “cherry girls”…yes.
Tyra Banks, circa that sports illustrated cover. And it helps that we all know that she’s batshit insane now.
September 5th, 2009 at 12:15 am
because beauty and historical perspective are in the eyes of the beholder:
1. ann-margret
2. catherine deneuve
3. tiffani amber thiessen
4. eleanor of acquitaine (wife of henry ii, most beautiful woman in christendom, and an absolute wildcat in the sack – especially if her 8 kids are any indication)
5. ava gardner (if she was good enough for sinatra, she’d be more than sufficient unto this cause)
i’ll return to my hyperkinetic fantasy life and leave y’all to your wikipedia searches.
September 5th, 2009 at 12:32 am
man, my first two desires, Giada of Food Network, and Helen Keller were taken by the wise.
I got nothing but scraps left.
Gimme Dakota Fanning. Im sure it will have some creepy shit in it to keep it interesting. Shes legal now? Right? Right?
September 5th, 2009 at 1:14 am
Angie Dickinson
Total steal
September 5th, 2009 at 1:34 am
seriously?
Vida Guerra
September 5th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Abigail Adams.
September 5th, 2009 at 2:00 am
Ginnifer Goodwin….
I might need a minute.
September 5th, 2009 at 3:41 am
Gonna tack one more on here…
Them two conjoined twin chicks. Abigail and Brittany Hensel.. Just do an image search. Amazing possibilities
September 5th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Lady Gaga — We’ll finally know if she’s a hermaphrodite or not.
And for the pick I’d actually LIKE to see, I’ll take Miki Berenyi, circa 1993. Anyone who remembers Lush knows what I’m talkin about. If Emma wanted to join in, far be it from me to tell her no.
September 5th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Final draft, have to make at least one pick … Lacey Chabert (preferably now, not Party Of Five-age). Her career has to be suffering, she might be desperate enough.
September 5th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Rita Fuckin’ Hayworth makes it to day 2? Done and done.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Dakota Fanning.
September 5th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Gotta say, that Katie Couric is still around is mighty impressive.
September 5th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Beat you to it Gary
September 5th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Pope Benedict II
September 5th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Lauren Conrad, oh, like you wouldn’t
September 5th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Come on guys…. how you gonna sleep on Milla Jovovich from Resident Evil. And how about Nikki Cox in her prime on Las Vegas? Redhead, big tits, phat crazy ass…. sheee-itttttttttttt.
September 6th, 2009 at 5:04 am
Maria Sharapova was mentioned, but nobody’s taken her, so I will with my last pick.
September 6th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I just Control F’d “ctrl f”! Orgasmic!! Mind blowingly orgasmic!!! Really, you ought to try it. Just press and hold the ctrl key then hit the f key and a magic little box pops up!!! NO I’M NOT SHITTIN’!! Type your unoriginal draft pick in the magic box and hit enter…ORGASM!!!
September 6th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Keep hitting the enter key … MULTIPLE ORGASM!!
September 6th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Kristen Chenowith
Hit those high notes for Daddy.
September 6th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Thora Birch
Spin around on me like a record.
September 6th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Kari Wuhrer
Yet another victim for Wesley Pipes and Shane Diesel
September 7th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Nancy Grace in a gurgling, assripping gape movie that lasts hours.
September 7th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Late to the party steal pick which hasn’t been mentioned.
While on the theme of now grown-up child stars, I submit this pick if legal.
Raven-Symone.
September 7th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Selena Spice aka Andrea Rincon
I’m the winner!!
September 8th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Caster Semenya.
November 4th, 2009 at 9:37 am
Christie Brinkley in National Lampoons. Kim Bassinger in Wayne’s World
Shock value: Bea Arthur
Kathy Griffin and Lisa Lamanelli on each other.