And so it is: the 10 most handsome quarterbacks in the league, as determined by something as arbitrary as facial symmetry (and probably also fellatio prowess). This criterion, of course, was expressly put in place to exclude Tarvarington.
Many will be surprised that Dreamboat does not top this list, and indeed, I find it curious and disturbing that Ben Roethlisberger is rated sixth, for no other reason than I enjoy the latent homoeroticism that underpins Pats fans bragging about how attractive Brady is and how many models he bangs. Personally, I’m perfectly cool with my team’s quarterback being a big, dumb lummox who wins games and then beds (BUT DOESN’T RAPE!) ugly cowboy broads in Reno.
Also, Marmalard’s inclusion on the list stems from the equal intensity of the lasers on both sides of his face. WHAT? HUH? WHAT? I’M HOT!
Full list after the jump.
Player, Team ______ Symmetry Rating
Matt Ryan _________ 99.82%
Brett Favre _________ 99.78%
Aaron Rodgers _______ 99.59%
Matt Hasselbeck ______ 99.56%
Kerry Collins _______ 99.49%
Ben Roethlisberger _____ 99.43%
Shaun Hill __________ 99.35%
Tom Brady __________ 99.14%
Philip Rivers __________ 99.04%
Kurt Warner __________ 98.98%
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/haleysteelers-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/redskins_thin_man1-150x150.jpg)
Nice post, cant wait for another post..
Come on dude, questi fatti e la prova * * Voglio dire che è distacco * lol: P
wonderful! i’ve made my own journal
There’s only one TRUE handsome QB list, and it’s five lines of the words “Koy Detmer” written in bubble letters and peppered with hearts.
Silky Garrard must be fuming over this list. Matt Ryan can’t pull no hoes! Brett Favre mows his own yard! Silky makes his hoes cut his grass!
//Seriously, this list couldn’t be more white if it had been bleached repeatedly. WTF.
So-if Spongebob Squarepants was in the league, he would be more handsome than Mattie?
Tarvarington has a neatly chisseled, well-groomed, drop-dead handsome face. He’s like a rough diamond that needs a little polishing, that’s all.
Brady Quinn just found a new date list.
i just want joe flaccos eyebrow symmetry percentage
What I learned from this list is that black people aren’t symmetrical.
Laserface might be symmetrical, but he’s one ugly son of a bitch.
Jason Whitlock is OUTRAGED that Jeff George isn’t on this list.
Dear Mathemagician,
fuck you
cordially yours,
The “I HATE Alex Smith SF Singletary Fanclub”
MV7 isn’t on the list…..is there a separate list for non-Caucasian QB’s or did Kerry Collins pull rank?
I’d like to call into question the qualifications of Shaun Hill. Not for his looks, but as a “quarterback”…
Neckbeard’s blood-symmetry-content: 0.12
Wake up, people. This is just the latest incarnation of the National Eungenics Program the Wall Street Journal has been calling for since the ’30s.
Data obviously skewed without a single mention of Rexy. I call bullshit.
OWWAH QUARTEHBACKS FACE IS MORE-UH SYMMETRICAL THAN YOUR QUARTEHBACKS FACE. THATS WHAT MAKES IT SO EASY FOR ME TO REACH MAH CLIMAX WHEN I PICTURE HIM IN MY MIND WHILE I DRUNKENLEH FAHK MY PASSED OUT SISTAH! AND THANK FAHK THERE AINT NO DAHKIES SOILING THE INTEHGRUTY OF THAT LIST! THIS JUST PROVES WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYIN THIS WHOLE TIME ABOUT DAHKIES BEING INFUHRIOR TO OUR MASTAH RACE! NO ONE DENIES THIS!
@j4b
Don’t you fret about the Cumslinger. He’s the #1 rated handsome QB on the injured list. He’s had that spot for every season except 2006.
Where the fuck is Kyle Orton? Are neckbeards not handsome all of a sudden?
Also, how pissed is Peter King right now that Matt Ryan beat out Favre.
I’ve been on the series of tubes known as the Internets for some time and this WSJ article and it’s “symmetry” conclusion is one of THE dumbest things I’ve read. My double chin and receding hairline are perfectly symmetric!
/would actually like to see a WSJ series on fellatio prowess and corporate mobility
El Cumslinger would like to have a word with the queen who prepared this list. And by “like to have a word” I mean bang his mother.
you mean to tell me that the pan-faced, neckbearded, kyle orton and the porn ‘stache rockin’ charlie frye aren’t the sexist qb’s in the league? this bullshit list is biased.
/slams keyboard and walks away pissed
Roethlisberger is equally fat and ugly on both sides of his face.
@Otto: Modeling just sucks.
/and they made me take off my top!
After the game Tarvarington likes to unwind with a nice purple drank with a microbrew back.
Try 40%
Favre, Rodgers, Hasselbeck and Warner. Who else has? Regardless, the rest of the league needs to look out or be prepared to file a grievance to the league regarding Green Bay’s monopolizing of handsome, er, symmetrical QB’s.
50% of them have been a part of the Packers, crazy
Cowboy broad = cowbroad
Brady totally better watch his ass if Aaron Rodgers takes a liking to Giselle!
@Grimey: It did leave a beautiful dent.
Natalie Gulbis hasn’t been the same since Ben raped her.
Are we sure that’s not Kerry Collins’ BAC?
How symmetrical was Roethlisberger’s face before it hit that van?
/has no idea what happened to his previous post
//n00b
Since the Mouth Eyes image has the exact same mouth pasted over each eye (http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/01/philip-rivers-would-like-to-read-you-a-bedtime-story.html), wouldn’t that nightmare inducing picture actually rank higher than Laserface’s real picture on the symmetry/attractiveness scale?
/study flaw’d
handsome boy quarterback school
“I am a male model, not a male prostitute!”
–Sparkles, Professional Male Model
Drew Brees’ birthmark is sorry for continuing to ruin his chances at a Top 10 finish.
I heard Drew’s face is a perfect circle.
Aaron Rodgers at #3 Ummm…whatever you say Wall Street Journal.
What kind of Symmetry Ratings do the KSK staff have?
I dunno, but the stroke that paralyzed the right half of my face ain’t helping.
way to put the % in the wrong spot, dildo.
Cuntlerfucker________%97.whatever
Fetusheads____________14.56%
@Gino–
Fearful.
This list reeks of white supremacy. Just sayin’.
What kind of Symmetry Ratings do the KSK staff have?
el duke ftw
Perhaps mushing his face into Jessica’s fun bags threw off the symmetry of Romo’s head, thus (wrongly) excluding him from this prestigious lists.
Aaron Rodgers is never going to escape Favre’s sexy shadow.