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ZOMG! Did you see what Kanye West did at the awards show whose name I can’t remember last week? OMG!!!111!!! He totally interrupted this one girl you don’t care about, telling her some other girl should have won a meaningless award! THAT’S SOME KRAYZEE SHEET! I AM SCANDALIZED! IT’S ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT WITH MY FRIENDS WHILE WE STAND AROUND THE LEG PRESS! IT’S GONNA GO DOWN AS ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING MOMENTS IN MEANINGLESS AWARD SHOW HISTORY!!! DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE WHEN IT HAPPENED?

The VMA awards have been held every year for over two decades now, and each year it becomes less and less relevant, a stunning achievement for something that was never all that relevant to begin with. It’s always fun to watch MTV hand out awards celebrating the art form of the music video when the network itself never airs any of them. If you’re watching the show, this is probably the first time you’ve actually been introduced to these goofy three-minute clips (none of which this year featured an emo band jumping around on treadmills, much to your chagrin). It would be like if Comedy Central handed out awards each year for carpentry, or if the porn industry handed out awards for achievements in the field of neurosurgery, or if CBS handed out awards for watchable television shows. It makes no sense.

This why, of course, MTV goes out of its way each year to manufacture a supposedly “controversial” moment at the VMA’s to get you to talk about them. Oh, did you not know that little Kanye outburst was planned well in advance? Well, it was. MTV producers went to Kanye and said, “Hey, Kanye, can you do that thing where you’re an arrogant prick? Thanks!” Then they went to Taylor Swift and Beyonce and said, “Hey, how would you two broads like to look classy and sympathetic?” And then Kanye went and acted like an arrogant prick. PRESTO.

That’s how MTV works now. They learned their lesson from that Bruno-Eminem stunt this summer you didn’t buy for a second. No, this was a far more canny staging. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was almost certainly fake. Because you weren’t going to talk the next morning about Cobra Starship winning some gay award for some gay video. No, MTV has to do something that makes a show they know is inherently uninteresting interesting. OMG! BRITNEY AND MADONNA KISSED! THAT LOOKED SO SPONTANEOUS!

MTV makes a baby pool look 50,000 fathoms deep.

Oh hey, time for your Meast and Least of the week! This week’s Meast is Adrian Peterson of the Vikings. You might think this is a homer pick. But those two stiffarms vehemently disagree. ENEMY FACEPALM.

And the Least of the week, by your vote, is Leodis McKelvin of the Bills. I voted for Cutlerfucker, but the people have SPOKEN. Tim McGraw will duct tape that ball to your hands, son.

UPDATE: I READ THE POLL WRONG! JAKE DELHOMME WON IT! FUCK YOU, JAKE! YOU SUCK LIKE AN OSPREY!

Image via the excellent KanyeGate Tumblr

 
This week, we’re holding the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive to support Matt Ufford’s participation in Fight Gone Bad, which raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. Please donate at Ufford’s fundraising page.