Peter King Appreciates The Not-Really-Underappreciated
When we last visited Peter King, he was letting the light beer flow with Matt Ryan and pining for another bag of delicious, salty, crunchy kettle chips provided complimentary for him on AirTran, CONTINENTAL’S WORST NIGHTMARE.
Well, the season has finally begun and that means it’s time for a whole NEW season of fun with our lofty scribe. But first, an important mandate.
We mentioned this on Friday, but King is now tweeting during games, and it is a joy. It’s like watching the game with a freshly relapsed alcoholic uncle. Romeo Crennel’s doing a Coors Light ad? I’LL BE DAMNED! If Jack Bowers ever gets a Twitter feed too, this could be the greatest season in history. Now, onto this week’s batch of brain drool. Does God still owe King another summer? Will the Marriott’s shampoo let him down? IF you think writing this column is easy, Peter will pull a stolen foul ball out of his Blackberry Storm! Read on…
Trends: The NFC is catching up. The Wildcat suddenly looks old. Whatever the Saints are doing is working.
Yeah, who knew the Saints liked passing the ball? That’s crazy!
Stories: Kyle Orton’s 1-0, Jay Cutler 0-1.
An amazing story, like the time Donnie Banks went to buy some Corn Nuts and the cashier gave him a nickel back instead of a dime!
Rex Ryan is winning, and throwing zingers.
I’ve seen Rex Ryan. That man would never throw away a zinger.
Mmmm… zingers…
Mike Singletary might know what he’s doing. Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin both outgained Brett Favre Sunday — and that might be the key to his survival
Favre will be awesome as long as he doesn’t have to do anything!
The two successors to Favre, Mark Sanchez (Jets) and Aaron Rodgers (Packers), are doing just fine, thank you.
Sanchez in particular. The Yanks can’t seem to lose these days!
Better than fine. So fine that no one in New York or Green Bay seems to miss Favre.
You mean they don’t want their washed-up turnover machine back? BUT BRETT THROWS TEAM-BUILDING, ILLEGAL CHOP BLOCKS LIKE NO OTHER.
He was uncanny on third-and-medium-to-long. Watching the game, I kept think, He’s converting a lot of thirds.
I kept think, him play goodly.
Then I went back and looked at the gamebook. On the first seven third-and-seven or longer situations of his NFL career, Sanchez was seven of seven, converting five for first downs.
If Johnny Damon keeps this up, he’ll match Teddy Ballgame’s record!
Coach Brad Childress and offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell have figured a good way to preserve Brett Favre — don’t expose him to the kind of hits a quarterback normally takes.
It’s a brilliant strategy, really. He can’t get hit if he never throws the ball longer than two feet. It’s the kind of canny coaching move that helped make Tarvaris Jackson such a force in the league.
Here’s what I think: (Josh) McDaniels deserved some magic in his life.
Yes, Josh McDaniels did deserve some magic in his life, after willfully trading away his quarterback and alienating an entire state. Can’t this guy get a break after purposely ruining an offense? He’s more than earned the right to go to Disneyworld and ride on the teacups.
A head coaching job is supposed to be a reward for a long apprenticeship of hard work. And ever since McDaniels got this job, the Broncos led the league in headaches.
They need to do better in SMILES, dammit!
McDaniels has gone over lots of odd game situations in practice.
“So remember men, if the ball travels less than ten yards during an on-side kick, have those feces ready for facial smearing.”
Shockey hadn’t caught a touchdown pass in 22 months. In the span of three minutes against Detroit, he caught two. “Reminds me of my buddy Derek Jeter, trying to get that hit the last week or so [the hit that propelled Jeter past Lou Gehrig as the Yankees' all-time hit leader.] You just want to get it so people stop asking you about it.” Shockey said.
And that’s why Jeremy Shockey is the greatest player of my lifetime. What gumption.
The story of this great drought by a former star tight end, and how the drought ends, is a cute story
It is?
When it comes to Jeremy Shockey, I’ll only find it heartwarming when he’s found face down in the gutter outside the Hard Rock again seven months from now.
The Fine Fifteen
6. Chicago (0-1).
Did you not see the Bears attempt to play football last night, Peter?
Lovie Smith challenges that ranking.
8. Philadelphia (1-0). Bet you a grande hazelnut latte that Donovan McNabb plays Sunday against the Saints.
Okay, well Jay Glazer has already reported that McNabb is out for Sunday. You owe me a grande hazelnut latte, Peter. AND MAKE IT A DARK ROAST. ONE WHIFF AND I AM KING OF SUMATRA.
Quote of the Week I
“I watched Brett Favre today. Very impressive. Went the whole game without retiring.
-Jay Leno, interviewed by Bob Costas at halftime of NBC’s Sunday night game.
That’s just the kind of fresh, topical humor that keeps hospital patients too weak to reach a remote control coming back to Jay.
Offensive Players of the Week
Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota.
(microphone seized)
I LOVE YOU ADRIAN, BUT REGGIE WAYNE HAD ONE OF THE BEST RECEIVIN’ DAYS OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME! Y’ALL KNOW IT! I AM TIRESOME AND UNTALENTED!
As much as he is celebrated (as least by me), Brees, I believe, is the most underappreciated player in football.
Drew Brees? That hack? The one who’s gone to three Pro Bowls, been given a $60 million contract by the Saints, was the first QB taken in most every fantasy draft, and is worshipped now by the entire state of Louisiana for both his great play and his charitable doings? Pfft. What a loser. Didn’t even know who he was until just now. Gimme Spergon Wynn any day over THAT asshole, King.
Trailing 16-13 in the fourth quarter, San Fran got a touchdown throw from (Shaun) Hill to Gore to, essentially, win the game. A clutch day for Hill.
It defined workmanlike.
Defensive Players of the Week
Patrick Willis, MLB, San Francisco. Willis is becoming the heir to Ray Lewis.
LOOK OUT! HE’S GONNA STAB A GAY!
Enjoyable, Aggravating Travel Note of the Week
Three German tourists walked into a Starbucks at Seventh Avenue and 55th Street in Manhattan Saturday morning.
HEY FUNBOYS, GET A LATTE!
This particular Starbucks is a touristy place. Two males, one female. One male had a little Canon camera and took a photo of the 50ish man and woman walking into the coffee shop, then of them in line at the coffee shop (from three different angles), picking up the drinks at the coffee shop, sitting at a table at the coffee shop. They noticed me staring in amazement at all the photos, and the photographer said to me, “Coffee!” I nodded. “Everyone likes coffee!”
“Hey fat boy, why don’t you follow me into this giant oven, yeah? WE MAKE GOOD LOFTWURST OUT OF YOU!”
Then he went over to the shelf with souvenirs on it and picked up a mug and held the mug in front of himself and took a picture of that.
You see all kinds of things in New York.
All kinds of boring, pointless things.
There is no way — and if I’m wrong on this, I will fire myself — that Crabtree would get picked better than 10th in the 2010 draft without playing this year and having the over-inflated salary demands he has.
C’mon, Al Davis. Make my dreams come true, you old bastard!
Keep playing like that, Tony Romo, and nobody will have to mention Terrell Owens anymore.
Tony, did you know Dan Patrick has a 1967 car?!
Brady Quinn held his own against a very good defense, but he hardly put a vice-grip on the starting job in Cleveland.
Well, unlike Peter, I actually watched that game and saw Quinn go full retard for four quarters, so I will dispute that he held his own.
I think the most interesting thing about the two new NBC guys is that they weren’t pining for the field at any point over the weekend. I asked Rodney Harrison during rehearsals Saturday at the NBC studios in New York if it felt strange to not be preparing to play a game for the first time on a September weekend in 30 years.
Funny, I heard Bob Costas ask the same question of Tony Dungy on air, WHEN ALL I WANTED WAS TO SEE HIGHLIGHT OF THE FUCKING GAMES. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING ON TV. SHOW ME FOOTBALL, ASSHOLES.
Hines Ward hurting so much for fumbling near the goal line and almost blowing the Thursday-nighter. That’s the attitude I want in my franchise receiver — I want him to feel pain when he makes a huge gaffe. Shows how much he cares.
I want him to be willing to sever his own finger after disgracing his family’s name like that.
Tremendous Job of the Week By a Scribe: Mike Reiss of the Boston Globe (well, I can’t really say that anymore; Reiss goes to ESPNBoston as of today) performed one of the great services a football writer could perform on Thursday in the Globe’s NFL Preview section. He printed the starting lineups, including punter and kicker, of every team in the NFL That’s 768 pieces of very valuable information for his readers who really love football.
Or they could have simply looked up depth charts on any team’s website and not bothered to plunk down fifty cents for a dated, shitty newspaper that will go bankrupt.
Minnesota, with the best defense in the NFC, going against one of the worst offenses in football, giving the Browns a short field on a game-opening onside kick in Cleveland. Just dumb. If Cleveland starts at its 25-yard line 10 times against Minnesota, it might score once. Maybe twice. If it starts at midfield, it has to go 20 yards to get a field goal. The Browns went 31 yards and opened with a field goal. Why the onside kick? Why?
I’m not pasting this to make fun of Peter. I just wanted to reiterate the point: That was a putrid call and Brad Childress should be glad Lovie Smith was around last night to not make him look like the biggest retard to walk an NFL sideline. Jesus fucking Christ, what a stupid thing to do.
Jay Cutler surrendering not only four interceptions but also 129 interception return yards … to zero and zero for Green Bay. You think that wasn’t a huge factor in the Sunday-nighter?
No. I thought it was utterly incidental to the outcome.
I think every future Pro Football Hall of Famer needs to get a copy of Michael Jordan’s 22-minute induction speech Friday night at the Basketball Hall of Fame. Perfect. Just perfect.
Oh, you mean the one everyone called petty and vindictive?
What made Jordan’s speech so perfect was the overarching story of his career — this insane motivation he derived from everything — and the fact that he told stories. Story after story after story.
About longtime assistant Tex Winter trying to prevent Jordan from bighead syndrome by telling him there is no “i” in team, and Jordan responding, “Yeah, but there is an ‘i’ in win.”
It’s a great story, because he’s a selfish prick.
b. Re: Michael Jordan and the Hall of Fame. Well, I’ve got my Jordan story. I was a 25-year-old college basketball writer at the Cincinnati Enquirer in 1982, covering the Final Four. North Carolina beat Georgetown in New Orleans, and Jordan, a freshman, made the winning shot from the left elbow in the final seconds.
The next morning, early, a few writers (I remember college friend Tony Grossi of the Cleveland Plain Dealer) went out to the lakefront airport in New Orleans to see the team before it jetted back to Chapel Hill. There, we spoke to James Worthy and Matt Doherty about winning the title, and off in the distance I noticed Jordan, who’d thrown down the winning shot nine hours earlier, in a coat and tie with a shirt about three neck sizes too big, with his big gym bag slung over his shoulder, carrying a film projector in his right hand and eight or nine canisters of film in his left hand. Yes, film. Those were the days of real film, not videotape. I said to Doherty: “Why is Jordan carrying all that stuff?” Doherty said, “The freshman always carries the film and the projector.”
c. Read that, college coach enablers.
a. When Michael Jordan was a freshman, he had to do bullshit freshman jobs.
c. Talk about a unique way of doing things!
2. You should look into it sometime, you college coach jackals!
Keith Olbermann is very worried about A.J. Burnett. And he’s a big Yankee guy.
Olbermann is a Yankees fan? He roots for a heartless corporate behemoth that smashes anything in its way? HE’S RAPED MY LIBERAL VALUES!
a. Saw The Hurt Locker the other day
And I said to it, “Hurt Locker, you are a good movie and a likely Oscar contender.” What a democracy.
It’s one of the best you-are-there movies I’ve ever seen, and as you can imagine, a you-are-there movie about IEDs is rather enervating. A shame it’s on a limited run around the country.
As a result of movie studio EXTORTION!
Coffeenerdness: I tried to be a good citizen, Starbucks, and support your efforts in Africa by buying a pound of that “Red’ coffee you’re pushing.
Why wasn’t the dark roast used to help Africans? It’s the darkest blend they have!
I should have guessed it might not be my cup of coffee when the front of the bag advertised brown spices and citrus.
Those are not the flavors Peter wants in his coffee. He wants his coffee hot, and black, with just a soupcon of taint sweat.
Let’s just say the Red coffee is, well, an acquired taste. It would be better, Starbucks, if you just put a donation jar on the counter.
Next time, I’m making an empty societal gesture at Peatt’s!
First former SI guy Josh Elliott doing “SportsCenter,” and now Rick Reilly. Who’s next? Phil Taylor? Selena Roberts? Nice job, Rick.
Nice job, you ASSHOLE.
This week, we’re holding the third annual KSK Kares Kharity Drive to support Matt Ufford’s participation in Fight Gone Bad, which raises money for the Wounded Warrior Project and Athletes for a Cure. Please donate at Ufford’s fundraising page.
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
September 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am
I can’t believe king actually gets paid to write that drivel.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:35 am
What’s a loftwurst, and where can i get one?
Also, FIX YO ITALICS
September 14th, 2009 at 11:41 am
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that Peter King found that awful MJ speech inspiring. Fuck me, he is such a douche hole.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
KSK could use a “loftwurst” tag.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
You know, you can actually witness tourists taking stupid pictures all over this great nation. What an age we live in. Now, who wants to hear about the time I went to NYC and saw, get this, a man asking passers-by for spare change? I prattled on for hours about this to the lucky guy in the seat next to me on the flight home.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am
Don’t cry, CR. It explains PK in a nutshell. Everyone with a brain and a clue watched MJ and said, ‘wow, what a douche.’ PK, lover of all-things Favrian until this month, watches it and thinks that MJ’s self-aggrandizing and decades-long-petty-grudge-holding 22 minutes is lofty.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:52 am
dammit King! What were Rex Ryan’s zingers? How is he playfully ribbing Belichek? Don’t tease me like that!!
“head coaching job is supposed to be a reward for a long apprenticeship of hard work” Not for 22 year old Josh McDaniels it’s not. It’s something dumped in your lap for having Tom Brady as your quarterback.
September 14th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Everyone knows you dont go full retard
September 14th, 2009 at 11:58 am
“Brad Childress should be glad Lovie Smith was around last night to not make him look like the biggest retard to walk an NFL sideline”
Everyone knows you don’t go full retard, but Childress manages to pull it off.
And one thing even PK didn’t mention about Favre, he was voted team captain by his Viking teammates. I guess he only repeats what Favre texts him. What a douche.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
When it comes to Jeremy Shockey, I’ll only find it heartwarming when he’s found face down in the gutter outside the Hard Rock again seven months from now.
So does that mean you’re picking him up off the waiver wire this morning?
I DON’T GIVE A SHIT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING ON TV. SHOW ME FOOTBALL, ASSHOLES.
EXACTLY. Why do the morons at the WWL or on FNIA really think we want to see them interview their new analysts like we’ll be able to grade them during the season on their insight or some such shit? I want to see highlights plain and simple and if you can add a smidgen of insight to something we may have missed then great. Otherwise STFU and get out of the way.
I also have to say that Collinsworth is still a prick, but he is a MASSIVE upgrade to Madden in the booth. Dude was pointing out all kinds of things we might have missed during the game and made a lot of sense in the booth IMO. Let’s see him keep it up this season.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
In the Obese Caffienated One’s MVP discussion mentions 7 players, all QBs and RBs. From the games I watched yesterday, if each stays healthy, Kris Jenkins and Osi Umeniyora have to be in that conversation. And only a superficial name-dropping toolbag doesn’t recognize offense is only half the game.
Childress sure is a genius to have the Land Baron hand the ball to Peterson 25 times. Who saw that coming?
September 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Phew … that’s just the MMQB from week 1 of NFL … we have 16 more regular season weeks to go … and then post season, Super Bowl … a lot more MMQB … more of Favre … more coffee … more Eurppean tourists … more Sunday night telecasts with King pretending to say something intelligent …
/pukes
/wonders if someone can open up a iHatePeterKing Twitter page??
September 14th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
The fucking nerve of those German tourists. How dare they take pictures inside a Starbucks!
September 14th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
“I’m not saying Chicago has a better record than the Eagles. All I am saying is on a neutral field, in the middle of nowhere, with no one around, if Jay Cutler doesn’t throw four interceptions, if Lovie Smith is no longer the coach, if Rod Marinelli is not associated with this team, if they were to find a competent receiver, if Brian Urlacher wasn’t hurt, the Bears would win.”
September 14th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Hey Peter, ya like fishsticks?
/doesn’t work as well in type.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Can we pull a Kanye West on him and snatch his MacBook Air from him and type something like, “Peter King you are great …
/thinking, yeah right! heh! heh! heh!
… but there are other fans who write better articles and tweetups than you!” – that would be a highlight on MMQBTE!
September 14th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Keith deserves to be worried about the Yanks thanks to the pair of ass-kickings they’ve taken over the past couple of days.
/first and last time I will ever talk about this “bases ball” game on this site
Also, I contend that the Bears didn’t even come close to ATTEMPTING to play football last night.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Loftwurst made my day already. Coffee flavored meat wrapped in a melted kit katty skin?
September 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Why didn’t Childress challenge the on side kick? What a dumbass.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Ok, without coming off as somebody who wasn’t annoyed by Jordan’s speech, I really didn’t think it was that bad–or, I guess more accurately, I didn’t think it was surprising in the least. And other than the whole “hey Jerry Krause, players win championships, not your fat ass, so get fucked. With all respect,” part, I didn’t think Jordan’s speech was nearly as bad as people have been moaning about. I mean, it was painful, but what, exactly, were people expecting from one of the few people we’ve seen in our lifetimes with a game good enough to back up a jumbo-sized ego? A humble and modest Jordan would have been great, just like it would have been great if I had walked outside this morning to find a new Bugatti in front of my house. Sadly, I only found the same old pickup that is waiting for me every day, and Michael Jordan is still an overly competitive prick (one of, if not the main reason that he made the HOF in the first place).
All that said, PK can still go fuck himself. Jordan’s 22-minute speech was about 20 minutes too long. As much as I wasn’t surprised at the tone his speech took, I was sick of it damn quick.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
What’s up with this new non-clickable Red Zone banner on either side of the page? It is interfering with my KSK browsing experience.
FIX YO SIDE BANNERS!!!
September 14th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
A clutch day for Hill.
How the… what the… holy FUCK. How can you have a clutch DAY? Being clutch means coming through in a big moment. You can’t be clutch when you get out of bed, jerk off, or take a shit (probably). Or even when you complete a pass on first down in the first quarter sometime. If you are clutch for an entire day, then by the very definition of the word “clutch”, you are not being clutch.
You define shithead, you fucking idiot.
By the way, Kings of Sumatra are totally played out.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
“…a soupcon of taint sweat”
Lofty use of soupcon.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Brady Quinn held his own against a very good defense, but he hardly put a vice-grip on the starting job in Cleveland.
Or the football.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
and as you can imagine, a you-are-there movie about IEDs is rather enervating.
That word does not mean what you think it means. Put down the “word of the day” calendar, Peter.
September 14th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Wait, there’s an ESPNBoston now (the part about Mike Reiss)? Or did ESPN just drop all pretenses and change their name officially?
September 14th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
He printed the starting lineups, including punter and kicker, of every team in the NFL That’s 768 pieces of very valuable information for his readers who really love football.
Are you shitting me? Are you fucking shitting me?
Are we absolutely sure Peter King isn’t an elaborate prank being pulled on NFL fans?
September 14th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
also, it’s “vise” not “vice,” fucknut.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
The weirdest part of that column is where he slams Serena Williams for her behavior at the Open, yet genuflects in front of the deity known as Jordan. Can you say “cognitive dissonance?” Having lived in Chicago my whole life, of course I loved the guy as a player – but inviting those “guests” to attend just so you can rip into them one last time in public? Pathetic.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
What a pompous bastard. The Bears lose Urlacher and Cutlerfucker looks like shit, and because they’re his Super Bowl pick, he leaves them at #6.
Meanwhile my favorite part of Drew’s post was when he spelled Pete’s Coffee as “Peate’s,” just a total inside joke that you had to read a Fun With Peter King from two weeks ago to get. He’s like “Arrested Development” that way. You have to pay attention to every post and remember all the past jokes to get present jokes.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Of course PK would love Jordan. Who doesn’t love players who never knew how to step away from the game in a dignified manner, and tried to win games for personal vendettas.
September 14th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Of course he doesn’t know what “enervating” means, he’s a sports journalist. He comes from a long line of dipshits misusing words in an attempt to appear smarter, e.g. “notoriety” and “nonplussed.”
September 14th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I wish PK would do some Porn Movie reviews in his spare time.
“That Alexis Texas has a rump that moves like a fresh batch of pizza dough, keep an eye on it.”
“Jenna Haze has the face of an angel, but the things she does on film with groups of guys really is filthy. And I don’t mean filthy in a bad way. More like filthy as in what Brett Favre’s post game uniform undies would taste like if you simmered them in a nice cup of chamomile. Simply fragrant with just enough bite.”
September 14th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I’ve been to that Starbucks … for all the Collinsworth Quality Young Tourist Snizzy in their UGGS that walk through that place … and that’s the best story he could tell? Pfft.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
So Cutler gives up 4 INTs and commits the dumbest 4th down turn-over by a man in a mustache since I dunno…(my memory sucks, let me ask Dr. Z for an old 4th down turnover – “zurrrgggllbbb”..gee thanks Dr. Z) but they’re ranked AHEAD of my Colts who came up with a good win over the Jags – and the Eagles who trounced the Panthers?
PK, you fucking tub of lard – at least WATCH the games please.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Costas: Tony, how does it feel to not be preparing for a game at this time of year?
Dungy: Well, Bob, it feels weird. It was tough to stand there quietly in Tampa with great defensive personnel that I didn’t draft or really call plays for while we consistently underachieved. Then I came to Indianapolis which already had an offense in place, so our defense was always playing with a 17 point lead and knew the opposition had to pass. The workload was just incredible and now I have more time to concentrate on my real passion: hating faggots.
/hopes Dungy chokes on his “Quiet Strength” – what an overrated shitstain of a coach
September 14th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
“I’m such a good person that I bought something I would have bought anyway (coffee) in a variety for which Starbucks will donate a couple of pennies to some charity that will mismanage the money and use only a small portion of it to benefit Africa. This way, I get to feel good about myself and Starbucks gets to shield itself from criticism of their incredibly hypocritical pairing of idealism and unsustainable sourcing and unethical exploitation of a labor force.”
Go eat a bag of dicks, Peter King. I’ll donate $3 to Aids in Africa mitigation if you do.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Ranking New England as the #1 team over teams who have actually won games? Including the defending SB winners who beat one of the top AFC teams? Good to see the Boston water is kicking in. AH RANKING IS AH BETTAH THAN YOUAH RANKING.
September 14th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I liked the part where he referred to Shaun Hill as “Smith”.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Don’t forget this little deuce that salty drippings up there wrote:
“Cribbs is the best special-teams player in football, and if he continues on this path, he’ll be as powerful a factor in games as Steve Tasker was in the Bills’ run of greatness.”
Sooooo. if Cribbs keeps scoring TDs on punt and kick returns and runs the wildcat effectively enough to keep the Browns in the game and catches a few passes on Offense, he might be as good as STEVER FUCKING TASKER? The same Steve Tasker that went to the Pro Bowl as a special teamer because THAT’S ALL HE EVER PLAYED? The same Steve Tasker that didn’t run back kicks or punts but instead covered them making these gritty, gutty, cerebral plays?
FUCK YOU IN THE NECK STOMA PETER KING. YOU SIR ARE TRULY A MORON.
September 14th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
a you-are-there movie about IEDs is rather enervating. A shame it’s on a limited run around the country.
enervate, tr. verb: to deprive of force or strength; destroy the vigor of; weaken.
Yes, it is a shame. That is exactly what I want from my movies.
Also, remind me, Drew: isn’t a limited release extortion?
September 14th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
jackin’4beats
You’re forgetting. Steve Tasker is white. He’s saying, someday Cribbs will be as good as a white man.
September 14th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
PK actually said that Peyton Manning was “Evergreen”…whatever the fuck that means.
/lofty tree
September 14th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
loftwurst. truewurst. landwurst.
im from north carolina. jordan can be as big of a goddamn prick as he wants to be. even if he were a nice guy, people would still hate him because thats the way the world spins.
September 15th, 2009 at 4:54 am
Even if he were a nice guy, people would still hate him? Ummm, no. Dead wrong. I defy you to find someone who hates Julius Erving. I defy you to find someone who hates Magic Johnson.
People don’t hate Jordan for being a good player. They hate him for being a crappy human being. THAT’S the way the world spins.
September 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Listen. LISTEN. For PK to acknowledge the reality of MJ’s status as a terrible human being wrapped around the spirit of the greatest basketball player, or Favre’s delusional narcissism, he would have to ignore the marketing, and maybe not elect to sit inside s fucking STARBUCKS in the middle of Manhattan. I’m pretty sure PK was watching the MJ speech and humming to himself, “Like Mike, I wanna be like Mike…”
PK jerks off to Thomas Friedman books.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
“I defy you to find someone who hates Julius Erving…”
That would be Turquoise Erving, his ex-wife
“I defy you to find somone who hates Magic Johnson…”
That would be Tahhmy from Quinzee or any other garden variety Celtics fan
September 15th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Or at T.O. likes to say “There’s no T-E-A-M in ME.”
September 16th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Someone needs to take PK out behind the barn and give him the Old Yeller treatment. How this shitstain still has a job is totally beyond me.
September 16th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
1- McDaniels got a job he didn’t yet deserve, immediately started looking to get the player he left behind (which makes me think why didn’t you stay where he was playing if you liked him so much) and then pissed off everyone with multiple attempts to piss off Cutler THEN Cutler gets himself traded… MCDANIELS doesn’t deserve jack.
2- Enervating? You used ENERVATING? A movie about war…hmmm. How about Horrific, eye opening, traumatic, just to name three. Not a word that means to make tired.
3- Ummmm. PK? People on vacation like to see things that they don’t have back where they are from. Recently, in Mystic, my friend and looked at and bought candy made with Cranberries! Who knew? What were we thinking?
4- Brady Quinn held his own. As in didn’t pull his pants down and literally SHIT on the field? Held his owns nuts in the huddle? Didn’t run screaming into the stands crying for his Mommy? How are you comparing this “held his own” concept to reach that conclusion?
I must stop now, I can’t do this all column. It is possible, but I must move on. I need to save vitriol for future weeks!
November 3rd, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Love the PK porn review above. Hilarious. I’m horny.