Muchas Smoochas, Senor Ocho
The Steelers have won eight straight at Paul Brown Stadium and The Ben has gotten his PEW on in his home state of Ohio, amassing a record of 11-0 there as a pro (a point which will NEVER BE MENTIONED DURING THIS GAME). However, last week the Bengals notched a rare pre-Week 7 victory by virtue of five sacks by previously little-known defensive end Antwan Odom, so pretty much everyone has hopped on them this week to pull another upset. Not to mention Spongetech stock is soaring.
Ocho has vowed to make Steelers corners Ike Taylor and William Gay “kiss the baby” and announced that he has a Spanish-themed TD celebration in the works should he reach the endzone. By that, I mean he intends to take a three-hour midday siesta. Mostly likely, though, he plans to have Chris Berman make 18 more painful and repetitive jokes via satellite about ESPN’s new Countdown weatherlady, Marisol.
Last week: “When it’s raining, Marisol, I’m going to call you Parisol.” (laughs to himself)
This week: “Again, when it’s raining, Marisol is Parisol.” (face almost explodes over his hilarity)
flubby: “Also, parasols are used when it’s sunny.”
The rest of this shitty slate of late games:
The Bills host the Saints in the last game until BEEF MOE returns next week. With Fred Jackson averaging 110 rushing yards per game and 5.1 per carry, coupled with 108 total receiving yards, Marshawn might be able to enjoy some Applebee’s Carside service on the sidelines of future games. More important, however, is which Bills player will have their home ransacked or vandalized this week? First game: Leodis McKelvin. Last week: Donte Whitner. Did Bills fans really let Trent Edwards’ home slip this far.
The Bears revealed this week that they have a self-policing policy on busting ass in the film room, levying a fine of $20 on whoever rips one in there. Defensive tackle Anthony Adams, who disclosed the policy on a Chicago Tribune blog post, said defensive end Mark Anderson is the most flagrant and fragrant offender. Gotta leave that flatus for the field, guys. No Matty Hasselbeck in this game either, so Ufford may have a few post-Fight Gone Bad pukes left in him.
Denver is 2-0. Oakland won last week despite JaMarcus Russell going 7-for 24 passing. Someone I see this game being scoreless until the snap of a last-second punt goes out the back of the endzone for a 2-0 final.
We already previewed the floats to come in the Chargers-Dolphins tilt, so I’ll forgo belaboring that some more Wildcat blather. The Chargers have the 24th ranked run D, so it’s a solid recipe for another 45 minutes of Miami possession time washed away by Marmalard quick strikes.
Tags: ben rongrastname, chris berman, come on Hard Knocks jinx, farts, ocho cinco done lost his mind, open thread, xmas ape
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September 27th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
ROAR!
Er, you mean there’s still time on the clock?
September 27th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Kiss the baby from Stir Crazy (4:35): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8×8RQYc4Zw
September 27th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Seattle’s uni’s are ugly as shit
September 27th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Float Bowl I has made me more excited than I should be…
Well, that or the porn.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@Underpants Gnome
What are they wearing?
September 27th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Hey Cooch! i think we need a new Cooch
September 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Somebody pleas put JaMarcus out of our misery.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
@Carruth
Neon green jerseys
September 27th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Kiss the baby
Holy shit. I haven’t seen “Stir Crazy” in ages. That’s going on the Net Flix cue.
“Thass right! We bad! We bad!”
September 27th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Mike Wallace from Morley Saffer, that’s a HoF connection! (PIT @ CIN)
September 27th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
ticktickticktickticktick
September 27th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Punch, I think you mean “out of our JaMisery.”
September 27th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Mark Sanchez, in post-game interview, is wearing a “Titans of New York” hoodie. Even their shirts are trash-talking.
September 27th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I’ve got a buddy who’s a diehard Raiders fan and he’s taking his lovely bride of three weeks (who doesn’t care about football) to the Raiders-Broncos game in romantic Oakland Stadium. He’s dressed up in some kind of crazy Raiders costume and he’s making his non-sportsfan wife dress up, too. I know they’ll make it as a couple, but she’s gonna use this shit against him for years.
September 27th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I don’t think Rivers floats the ball at all, well, I guess he floats them when he goes deep…but he averaged the most yards per throw last year, and they went deep a lot against the ravens last week. Now Pennington…he can’t even throw 40 yards, and I’ve seen DB’s wave for a fair catch when intercepting one of his floaters.
September 27th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@JMill, Rivers has bounced 2 balls already, on short passes
September 27th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Richard Seymour got a foul for pulling Clady’s hair.
Next defensive move: noogies.
September 27th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
@Sideshow….uh, maybe he should have floated it? I’m watching Breesus…i get my football games through the armed forces network, i have 2 games to choose from, the SD game or the Saints, and right now, I’m watching breesus. Although, since I’m on eastcoast time +7hrs I have to go to bed. I’ll get my NFL highlights by the idiot Chris Berman when I go to work in the morning. God I hate Turkey.
September 27th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Great day today! Jets go 3-0, Yankees clinch AL East, I returned an interception from the endzone for a TD in my league, not that any cares. One of the guys on the team is a huge Vikings fan and all he did all day was talk about how awesome his team is. I kept telling him that the Jets had Favre last year, so he shouldn’t get his hopes up. Favre goes out and wins it and I get a 30 sec voicemail of him talking shit. Why couldn’t Favre have thrown an interception. That would’ve made the weekend perfect.
September 27th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
LASERFACE RUNS! God, what a douche… also, can we get a suicide watch on Zorn? And who needs McNabb when you got Kolb?
/also, i’m drunk
/i love 1 PM games
September 27th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
RE: my earlier “Titans of New York” comment. I’m a moron. I forgot they’re wearing the old jerseys.
September 27th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
WHAT?!? HUH!?! WHAT?!? No Flag!?! FUCK YOU?!?
September 27th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
The Saints win with Breesus throwing 0 TDs? Is that allowed? Is that holy?
September 27th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Child! Please!
September 27th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
So Ape and Maj are getting drunk tonight.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Re: The Bengals.
Yeah, motherfucker! Yeah!
September 27th, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Has anyone checked on Monday Morning Punter? He might have exploded in joy.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Bengarrrs? Niggal prease….
September 27th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
Fun with PK:
To replace Jim Zorn, you need three new people.
So, what he’s saying is, you can’t replace a bad coach who does three jobs because you can’t replace him with one other man. Because no one man can do those three jobs.
So, is Zorn the exception to the rule, or the exception that proves the rule?
September 27th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
so what PK is saying is that Zorn is horrible at all 3 jobs, so the skins have to keep him. Fails logic test.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
After seeing Jay Cutler spend half the game screaming at officials, I have come to love him.
My QB can out-sulk your QB.
September 27th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Is detroit rioting yet??
September 27th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
Kiss Da Baby Ape!
September 27th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Oh dear, thatll teach Timlin to stop joking around on the sidelines at 13-0 in the first half. Might want to concentrate on the game a bit more.
Nice shades tho.
September 27th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
@ Underpants Gnome:
Seattle’s ugly is nowhere near the level of University of Oregon ugly.
Just be thankful Reebok got the NFL contract and not Nike. That’s all I’m sayin’.
September 28th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Fred Jackson’s ascent has left me nervous for Beef Moe’s return. Hopefully he’s taking it easy on the Crispy Fiesta Wrappers, and we get Beef Moe Level 2 next week… http://bit.ly/4AkyiF