/Shit, I’m out of vermouth
//No Manhattans tonight
///Thank God for bourbon

You gotta ADD 7 years after dividing your age? Shit…

*calls his 16 year old girlfriend.*

I’d wait until she was 21 and could go to bars. Her universe of potential dates might be smaller at this point and if you take her up on her offer you are really outcompeting 18-20 year old dudes and in hindsight she may think you were an ass for taking her up on her offer. If she has some practice rejecting other 29 year old dudes once she starts hanging out in bars (which she will if she’s hot) and still wants you, then go for it

I give all dicks the benefit of the doubt, so I’m sure it is. Majestic, that is.

RE amirite Says:
“Make a deal. (maybe you give unlimited backrubs, let her do something kinky with you you aren’t into, buy her something she wants, give that facial in a 4 star hotel). People in LTRs should be willing to go out of their way to make the other person sexually satisfied. If you make the effort she should too.”

In theory, this sounds OK, but I suspect that in practice it ends up souring more quickly than Jessica Simpson’s love life. You promise a backrub but don’t deliver, she promises a “facial”, but decides at the last minute she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t wanna have to wash her hair. I think it’s a bad policy to turn sexual favors into a sort of tit for tat deal, where you or she does something you don’t really want to do in return for something else. “Hey, babe, hope you liked that 5-minute backrub. Now lay back while I rub one out all over your face.” “Screw you, asshole, the backrub wasn’t that great. Get me that bracelet we saw in the window at Tiffany’s, then I’ll consider it.”

If someone’s not into something, they’re not into it. Sex isn’t like deciding who does the dishes or takes out the trash. Whether you or she takes out the trash, the only thing that changes is the other one doesn’t have to walk out to the dumpster or the side of the house. Not really the same as getting jizz all over your (ie her) face. Especially if it’s expected to be a regular thing.

/it’s ok, I’m part Irish

I’d send mine in, but I see you already have it.

@Chicago-St. Louis Connection:

If you travel for work all the time, swing by the next time you’re in town. Demand anal, and blast your nut all over her face. If she comes back, she’s yours.

@Planned Parenthood: Sounds like her internship prematurely terminated your relationship. But hey, she can’t get pregnant if you only go anal, right?

@Steelers Guy: You’ve been permanently Friended, but you may have a shot at Tomlin. I hear he likes homers.

I was in a similar situation in that I had a chance to bang a hot girl who was a member of a family extremely close to mine. I chose not to pursue it because I determined that this girl wasn’t interested in merely hooking up, but was looking for something more serious while I definitely did not have same attraction for her.

If the young hot piece in question is only interested in hooking up and not looking for anything beyond that then DEFINITELY, go nuts. But if she’s looking for more than you’re willing to give her, be careful. This isn’t just some girl you met at a bar.

Go fuck yourself with a crowbar.

~Chiefs Fan born one year after their last SuperBowl win.