Early Games: Marquee Matchups, Land Baron, Stafford and Sanchez Debuts, Ocho Tweets and Forced Revenue Sharing
Sunday again, Sunday again, jiggity jig. The early frame is highlighted by the twin bill of four playoff teams from last year, the Panthers-Eagles and Falcons-Dolphins. This being Week 1, there are no truly inconsequential games, just horribly lopsided ones. Let’s look at the remainder of the slate of, what? Football? Yes, glorious, glorious football.
Brittfar gets his first start? Hey, great. Wake me when he’s injured. Will T.O. be the first one to break the news that Derek Anderson is brought in in the second half?
Jerrah Jones was reportedly fined at least 100,000 by the Ginger Hammer for talking bad about revenue sharing. YEEEE HAAAWWWWW I AIN’T NO DANG SOCIALIST! Meanwhile, the Cowboys are playing the Bucs and we all pray for the early season hilarity that would spring from a surprise loss.
Denver, the team Simmons’ retardedly picked to go 10-6, hosts baby-kissing Estaban Ochocinco, his ghostwritten Twitter feed and his wedding dick packing compatriots from Georgetown College. Broncos win? Chai please.
New Orleans at Detroit is just the sort of on-paper fantasy bonanza that has Drew Brees owners salivating their keyboards into short circuiting, meaning, of course, Jim Schwartz will find a way to make this only a 20-10 Saints win.
The only way the Jags-Colts tilt is interesting is if the Colts lose, thus setting off a frenzy of doubt in the new Jim Caldwell regime. That or MJD fails to fulfill the promise of emerging to top-flight fantasy status and cedes half his carries to Rashad Jennings, plunging many a top 3 drafter into heavy late summer drinking.
The Chiefs, one of those teams that fired their offensive coordinator within the last two weeks and starting Brodie Croyle (!), have the privilege of getting steamrolled by the Ravens in Bawlmer. I have enough confidence in the highlight shows to capture the Todd Haley meltdowns, meaning I don’t have to spend any lengthy amount of time with this bloodbath.
As a Whitlock-approved bonus, here’s the Uncle Rico Jeff George tryout tape after the jump. Does your team need a quarterback capable of throwing behind uncovered receivers running slant routes? Line starts over there, guys.
This entry was posted
on Sunday, September 13th, 2009 at 12:18 pm and is filed under Uncategorized.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
227 Responses to “Early Games: Marquee Matchups, Land Baron, Stafford and Sanchez Debuts, Ocho Tweets and Forced Revenue Sharing”
looks like I can see the DEN @ CIN game or the MIA @ ATL game this morning … hmmmm
The choice is obvious, although on the other hand, I am interested in what precisely Ocho’s Twitter “loophole” turns out to be since losing his Twitter and UStream would be like losing his Johnson.
I can’t see SF vs ARI at all today. Shit sucks ’cause I have Vernon Davis and Isaac Bruce on my bench. Pretty much all my other players are playing for sure today.
@Christmas Ape: sounds like Nnamdi Asomugha is playing tomorrow actually – sure, he’s coming off an injury, but if anyone with Vincent Jackson has a decent replacement, you might plug him in instead just to be safe
Fox announcers, “The timing isn’t there yet between Brett and his receivers.” How is that possible with all the practice they had in training camp? Oh, ya, that’s right.
Oh and the Louis Delmas just gave the Lions an unsportsmanlike conduct 15-yarder. Proof the Lions know how to shoot themselves in the foot like no one else (pay attention Cincy!)
Boys/Bucs halftime obs.
DAL D can’t stop the run.
TB kicking game blows goats.
B. Leftwich,K. Winslow, A. Bryant, J. Stevens are not going to win you games. They are going to fuck you.
Romo started as stale as the dead hooker in my basement.
That is all.
Tell me about it. I’ve got Andre and Schaub, and I’ve got a steaming pile of shit from them so far. It doesn’t help that I also have fucking Dwanye Bowe as my #2.
Schaub might be the guy with the most undeserved “injury prone” tag out there. Take away those late hits from Haynsworth and that ugly one from Jared Allen and he’s fine.
CBS just decided to pollute my TV screen, showing a graphic that showed that Brett Favre has many more career starts, yards & TDs than Mark Sanchez. Really? I’m so very much more informed right now!
Of course, Sanchez tries to emulate the pick-oholic by throwing an interception of his own. Gungslinger Junior is a kid who’s just playing like a kid out there!
What happened with Houston’s TD? Was the interception fumbled, then recovered and run for a TD? Because it’s not looking like it’s counting as a Def. TD and that will make me murderous.
FOX guys for the Vikings game talking about how the only 40-year-old pro bowl QB ever was Warren Moon, and no 40-year-old QB led a team to the playoffs. The announcers are clearly trying their hand in foreshadowing, in that they’re foreshadowing the astronomical cock-sucking that they’ll give Favre on the air.
How is this replay in the KC-Baltimore game even in question? It’s so obvious it’s not funny. And the fact that it took the refs that long makes me question why they don’t have mittens pinned to their uniforms.
That was fun. One of my dogs had a seizure, and I had to take him to the vet just as the second half started. What’d I miss? Checks scores, listens to talking heads. Apparently, nothing.
I’m just happy that it’s once again the time of year where my entire week can be ruined over a 3 hour period. I love you football, you heartless bitch.
@ Dr. Steve Brule: I try to forget Rodney Peete whenever possible. But not Holly Robinson-Peete’s bootylicious booty back in her “Hanging with mr. Cooper” days.
Andy Reid is an idiot. Up 31-10 and you run a QB sneak? Maybe, and this is crazy talk I know, you draft some 250lb back from middle-directional-tech state for that purpose?
September 13th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Fuck Comcast! My cable box is on the PUP list. This is obviously a government conspiracy. I saw squibs going off. Or maybe it was the drugs.
September 13th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Fuck u Anquan Boldin! are u playing or not? i needsta know.
/fucked if i sit him
//fucked if i dont
September 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I need a decision here!?! Help me you degenerates!
September 13th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Isn’t Nnamdi hurt? Seems pretty easy.
September 13th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
looks like I can see the DEN @ CIN game or the MIA @ ATL game this morning … hmmmm
The choice is obvious, although on the other hand, I am interested in what precisely Ocho’s Twitter “loophole” turns out to be since losing his Twitter and UStream would be like losing his Johnson.
September 13th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
I can’t see SF vs ARI at all today. Shit sucks ’cause I have Vernon Davis and Isaac Bruce on my bench. Pretty much all my other players are playing for sure today.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Christmas Ape: sounds like Nnamdi Asomugha is playing tomorrow actually – sure, he’s coming off an injury, but if anyone with Vincent Jackson has a decent replacement, you might plug him in instead just to be safe
September 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Hochuli at the Jets/Texans game, with a holding call on the opening kickoff. Just couldn’t wait to bring out the guns out of hibernation.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
So this tennis match is awesome. I mean, Jets/Texans is a great, great matchup. Whoo!
September 13th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
And down goes Romo.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Quite an opening drive by Favre
September 13th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
And the Jets and the Texans both still without a first down. awesome.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
@Ape, At least his arm will stay in shape with those 2-yard shovel passes.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
We have our first “gritty” white player mention of the year – Ravens’ Jarret Johnson after a sack
September 13th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
whoa, I just went to Atlanta. And the first play, a short pass, no gain. So, really, no difference from Jets/Texans.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Cable is back. I’m a quasi fuckin’ tech genius! I unplugged and replugged the cable box, defining clutch.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@LeVavre: Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Leftwich winds up to pass and … waiting … waiting … waiting …
September 13th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Fox announcers, “The timing isn’t there yet between Brett and his receivers.” How is that possible with all the practice they had in training camp? Oh, ya, that’s right.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Guhh, why did I have to be such a homer?! Pey-Pey’s fucking me over and Wayne, Clark, and Addai aren’t helping.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@ Slothrop – No logjammin’ today.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Dierdorf: ‘Michael Turner’s a guy who semi-scares you.’
Second quarter, and I yet again fully hate Dierdorf.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Anybody else snicker when we heard the Fox guys talking about, “Expect something HUGE from Visanthe Shiancoe?”
September 13th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
The Ravens just asked the Chiefs to fix their TV.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
FUCK SACKED.
/suicide
September 13th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
dude, that redhead dissing Puddy in the latest “Get a Mac” commerical is a hot little thing
September 13th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Unibrow Safety!
September 13th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Wait, a call for the Ravens? I thought the NFL conspired against them, or so their fans constantly claim
September 13th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Pat White just got introduced to the NFL. Crushed.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Jamal Lewis is hurt.
September 13th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
DeSean Jackson!
Not starting for me!
/guhhh
September 13th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
COME ON SAINTS. Brees torches for 2 scores and now they’re letting the Lions come back!
/are who we thought they were
September 13th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@Ape: That’s a shame. Oh, he’s starting for me? GIGGITY.
and Delhomme has how many TOs already?
September 13th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Drew Brees against Lions D = Brees racks up points for his owners. And then he just threw a SUPER INT! DAMN IT!
September 13th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
BTW, is anyone hoping Curt Menefee breaks in on a game to say “And bad news for Vikings fans as Brett Favre has been shot by a Browns defender”?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Bit of an overthrow by Pat White
September 13th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Texans remember how to play offense, just in time to fumble back to the Jets.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
There is never, never, never anything unfunny about Jeff George. He is the Groucho Marx of football players.
And, by the way, isn’t Brian Billick one hell of a broadcaster? The Chico Marx of color commentators, I would say.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Colts D better fuck up Silky Garrard
September 13th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
is the jets tight end really named hardsock?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
1st and goal, and Cleveland finds a way to fuck it up.
The more things change…
September 13th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Namath sighting in Houston?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
@Boss Godrey, I wish Billick was the Harpo Marx of broadcasters
September 13th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
bwahahahaha, Dolphins. TE just got drilled on the five and coughed it up for a huge return.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Goddddaaaaaaammmm you Romo. You are going to get me bounced from the suicide pool the first fucking game of the season, I can tell.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
LINE OF SCRIMMAGE!!!! YOU NEEDED 20 yards asshat.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@Spatula
Or the Gummo Marx of broadcasters, who just quits the business. This guy is awful.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Drew Brees: 3 TDs.
That is all.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Okay, maybe the Saints will pour on the points after all.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
@RBP: Seconded. Breesus is singlehandedly keeping me in the lead in my first game.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Oh and the Louis Delmas just gave the Lions an unsportsmanlike conduct 15-yarder. Proof the Lions know how to shoot themselves in the foot like no one else (pay attention Cincy!)
September 13th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are my only hopes for winning.
Also, 63-yard field goal attempt? LOL
September 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
And Matthew Stafford just got sacked for the first time in his NFL career. I sense it won’t be the last time Stafford is eating carpet this season.
Welcome to the NFL, rook!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Browns just broke a punt return for a TD. Childress is mad, but his beard is angrier.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
3-0 at the half. The Broncos and Bungles define clutch (if by “clutch” you mean rank incompetence).
September 13th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Goddammit Bucs.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Huh? They scored? Tony!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
best part of that Cleveland return for TD was Brit Firr’s attempted tackle
September 13th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Zeppo Marx reference, anyone? OK, Brady Quinn.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I see that Minnesota fixed their special teams this offseason
September 13th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Did Haley just run off the final two minutes with the ball at midfield when trailing by three? Oh, AFC West coaching insanity
September 13th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
And Shockey made a great catch! Breesus with 4 TDs in the first half!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
DAMN IT – the guy starting against me this week has Shockey
September 13th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Drew Brees is destroying me
September 13th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Brees. I love you. Seriously. <3.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Somehow I got both Andre and Calvin Johnson.
They have a combined 4 points
WTF
September 13th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Lions doing nothing to change the winning Suicide league strategy. This is of course still Millen’s fault.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Boys/Bucs halftime obs.
DAL D can’t stop the run.
TB kicking game blows goats.
B. Leftwich,K. Winslow, A. Bryant, J. Stevens are not going to win you games. They are going to fuck you.
Romo started as stale as the dead hooker in my basement.
That is all.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
FFS, 2nd fumble from Reggie Bush on a damn punt return. And he gives it to the Lions at the 20!!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Does anyone have Jeff George’s number?
Childress might need it.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
re: Fox Halftme Show in MIN@CLE
“Wildcat Offense” is the new “West Coast Offense” of instantly tiresome sportscaster cliches
September 13th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
And Stafford gives it right back with an INT on the endzone! Ha ha! Welcome to the Lions!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
One more ob.
FOX game coverage is in mid-season form….shitastic!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
@DavidtheUnderpantsGnome
Tell me about it. I’ve got Andre and Schaub, and I’ve got a steaming pile of shit from them so far. It doesn’t help that I also have fucking Dwanye Bowe as my #2.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Thomas Jones is the new Shaun Alexander.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Favre doesn’t look rusty at all
September 13th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
People laughed at me when I reached for Miles in the 8th round.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
That’s still a gigantic reach. He’s a FA in our league.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
And of course as I say that about Jones, he gets a one-yard TD. Maybe he really is the new Alexander.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Soooooo
About that trendy “Texans win the AFC South” pick?
Pls. disregard
kthanksbai
September 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Cedric Benson has held onto more catches this game than Lavernius Coles…I think Cincinnati may be in a spot of trouble this year…
September 13th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
FLACCOCEPTION!
September 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
And the Unibrow gets picked off bwahaaaaa
September 13th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Is it me, or is EVERYONE playing like shit today?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
FUCKKKK
September 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
The chiefs have 3rd and 95?
Nice job nfl.com
September 13th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
The Ravens are losing at home to THE CHIEFS sans Matt Cassel in the second half.
They’ll still most likely win this game but this is HIGHlarious.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Yeah, David, this week almost seems surreal. Everybody (other than Brees) that should be getting 10 points easy are struggling to get 3.
FUCK. Moreno goes down.
September 13th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Ben – “Everybody that should be getting 10 points easy are struggling to get 3.”
yep, we need some shit to happen in the 2nd half (and I don’t mean Shockey getting 2 more TDs)
September 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
What’s goin on with Atl-Miami?
September 13th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
It’s bizarre. Now that Croyle’s not starting he suddenly remembers how to play football.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Well, at least I got to watch Michigan v Notre Dame and USC v Ohio State yesterday. Sheeeeeit. I may go do some chores.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Dolphins bwahaahahaha part 2. This is the 1-15 Fish again. Still, Atlanta’s not that much better, only up 10 with three take-aways.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
@LaFavre: Everyone is bad. That’s about all there is to say.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Purple Jesus is bleeding like hell from his arm.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Atlanta scores—Gonzalez is ridiculous.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
TD MEGATRON!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Also, Megatron needs to get me some points.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I also need a new job and some coin.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Jake Delhome is in playoff form (3 INTs, fumble lost).
September 13th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
WAS IT CALLED BACK?
September 13th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
And the Matt Moore era is about to start in Carolina.
Either that or the Wildcat on every play era
September 13th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
If it wasn’t for my fantasy team, I’d leave and go to work at overtime. (Dolphins fan). /sigh
September 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Looks like Delhomme has picked up right where he left off.
Any gifs forthcoming?
September 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Well, at least the fans won’t have to force Vick to become the starter now
September 13th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
bwahahahaha pt. 3. TO number 4 for the Fish.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
…aaaaaaaaaaand McNabb decides to get a jump start on his season-ending injury. He’s writhing in pain in the end zone right now, clutching both knees.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Mike Carey and the NFL refs are fucking sucking this game now!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I can’t believe the Texans are not a playoff-caliber team; I thought a bad offensive line + injury-prone QB = success!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
And the Lions finally cross the plane of the goalline…wait, he DIDN’T get across!!!! WTF?!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Also, thank you FOX for realizing that people here in Southern California would be enthralled with this Vikings/Browns matchup. FIX YO DISTRIBUTION!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Delhomme, wow. Just, wow.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
@ J.L. White
Schaub might be the guy with the most undeserved “injury prone” tag out there. Take away those late hits from Haynsworth and that ugly one from Jared Allen and he’s fine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcqjClE7cuk
September 13th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@J.L. White: +10
It’s the same in central California. Everyone in CA was just dying to see the Favre game.
Fuck you, Fox, fuck you.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
RE: Fox’s distribution:
It is absolute shit, last year we got the fucking rodeo after the first batch of games.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Jason Elam doinks a FG off the upright. Schadenfreude abounds in the GA Dome.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Favre tackling Percy Harvin? Seething. With. Rage. Watch yourself there, old man.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
At least the Texans can score on defense
September 13th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Namath picked off!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@JLWhite
No kidding WTF. Neither Cleveland nor Minnesota is anywhere near Los Anguleez. And the Philly game sounds choice.
Also, since I’m in LA, I am offering to kill the Fox halftime show cast AND CREW if any of you offer enough of a bounty.
//Since I will have to buy a gun, there may be a waiting period involved. If there is, I’m on the clock (WITH OVERTIME).
September 13th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Jim Bruer doing Pizza Hut ads? GoatBoy weeps. And then baaaahs.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Pennington is asymmetrical.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
SOCCOP!
SUCK UP
SOCK CUP!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
CBS just decided to pollute my TV screen, showing a graphic that showed that Brett Favre has many more career starts, yards & TDs than Mark Sanchez. Really? I’m so very much more informed right now!
Of course, Sanchez tries to emulate the pick-oholic by throwing an interception of his own. Gungslinger Junior is a kid who’s just playing like a kid out there!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
What happened with Houston’s TD? Was the interception fumbled, then recovered and run for a TD? Because it’s not looking like it’s counting as a Def. TD and that will make me murderous.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I maintain that Succop is a fantastic name for an athlete.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I’m psyched that I didn’t draft Larry Johnson this year.
/burned me too many times
September 13th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
85: You don’t live in the 706 do you? If so, no, that never happened. If not, yes. That’s exactly what happened.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Hoo boy do I need big games from the Pats’ O tomorrow.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Billick raves about Brittfer when he GETS SACKED
September 13th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Billick just put me to sleep. What happened?
September 13th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
FOX guys for the Vikings game talking about how the only 40-year-old pro bowl QB ever was Warren Moon, and no 40-year-old QB led a team to the playoffs. The announcers are clearly trying their hand in foreshadowing, in that they’re foreshadowing the astronomical cock-sucking that they’ll give Favre on the air.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Anyone know if Boldin is playing today?
His replacement would be Lee Evans, and since my wrists just finished healing, I’d prefer not to /wrists.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
McCown probably just got his ACL torn on a sack. Guess who’s back?
Good ol’ Picky McInterception Delhomme.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Boldin was warming up. Should play.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Of all the days to bench the PHI D, I pick the game where they ern 30 points. GAH
September 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Romo with his 3rd TD. And a nice bowl of shut it stew is being delivered to TO’s hotel room in Boston.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Nevermind, even John Fox was smart enough to keep Jake firmly planted on the bench.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Someone please tell me that someone made a .gif of that “Brady Quinn loses the ball behind him even though no one touched him” moment.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Drew Brees to Devery Henderson splits the double coverage. Bye bye! 5th TD!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Watching the NFL Red Zone channel feels like what it would be like to be high on PCP.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Braylon Edwards dropped another pass – shocking
September 13th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Ugh. Brees is killing me. Without him I’d be winning by a large margin. Fuck.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I’m starting the bounty on Drew Brees’ mom at $50. What? She’s dead and he hated her? Ok, a double sawbuck on his Achilles’ tendon.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
May have to change my name from Reggie Bush’s Pimp to Drew Brees’ Fangirl
September 13th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Purple Jesus just ran wild for 64 yards.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
How I love to watch the Chiefs gash the supposedly all-world Ravens d
September 13th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Brady Quinn looks super with the 2 yard passes.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
Fuck you, Willis MaGahee. With a rusty spoon.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
@Slothrop: I will end worlds if anyone takes out Drew Brees. I do not need to see Mark Brunell in there till the 4th qt.
Oh and Stafford just threw INT #2 of his NFL career.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Nice to see Jake picking up right where he left off.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Lions pick up a fumble and run it back for a TD! Why the fuck can’t we hang onto the damn football?!!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@Ape: shut yer piehole.
/hates Balamer, started their D.
//fool
September 13th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
K. Winslow just fucked Leftwich …right on the field. I mean really, his own QB, right in the ass. Love. It.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Is Cam Cameron retarded? You throw a jump ball there?
September 13th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Billick is complimenting himself now
September 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Wow the Bucs’ D is horrendous. Out of position, slow, lazy, and can’t tackle.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Thanks to Brees and Thomas Jones finally waking the fuck up I am running AWAY with my first fantasy game. I’m slated to win 120-60.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Oop. No, it’s Clancy Pendergast as usual who goes full retard
September 13th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Fuckholes calling Minnesota/Cleveland do not know the difference between Standard time and Daylight time.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Huh, that’s weird. One of the hosts of Men On Football is apparently reffing the Broncos/Bengals game.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
If this is anything like the Chiefs’ two minute drive to end the first half, it should be three Larry Johnson runs up the gut
September 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Thanks CBS for going to Cincy Denver. It’s neckbeard time!
September 13th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
And he damn near throws the pickerception on the first play of the drive.
September 13th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
And Gus Johnson just shot all his jism like John Holmes, that X-rated ni**a.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????????
87 yard Neckbeard TD play with a tip to Brandon Stoakley. JESUS HOPSCOTCHING CHRIST!
September 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Way to fumble a chance to score, Croyle.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
CLEVELAND SCORES A TOUCHDOWN!
/who cares
September 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Might be time for Cinci to pack it in. When you lose like that to Kyle Orton, it’s not your year.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
And that’s why you’re the Bengals.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Whew, an offensive TD! Everything’s coming up Cleveland!
September 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
dumb luck
September 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Fuck me…damn Bengals…
September 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Is Cam Cameron retarded?
Severely.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
I got switched from the Jets to the Broncos and what the fuck did I just watch
September 13th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Poor Punter. That was just cruel. Even for the Bungles.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
“Cincinnati Bengals Dejected Sideline Look” starting early this year.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Most often heard in Browns game. “Down goes Quinn.”
September 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
@LaFavre: Correction, Most often heard in gay bar in Cleveland. “Down goes Quinn.”
September 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Ah, no CBS, that’s not the play of the day.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
How is this replay in the KC-Baltimore game even in question? It’s so obvious it’s not funny. And the fact that it took the refs that long makes me question why they don’t have mittens pinned to their uniforms.
Neckbeard FTW, btw.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
We just had a stat on Wade Phillips first coaching game on Bucs first game ever when Raheem Morris was 9 days old. Umm. What do I do with that????????
September 13th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Croyle is PK’s definition of clutch.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I am ecstatic. We won. WE WON!
Of course this means we’ll lose the next 15 games.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Drew Brees just threw his 6th TD. 1 away from the record.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
Ooh, Wash-Giants game 2. Down goes Maj.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
“I think he’s the best quarterback in the NFC.”
-Cowher referring to Drew Brees
No shit, what next, the Steelers have the best defense in the AFC?
September 13th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I still want to choke Drew Brees. He killed me in fantasy. Against a guy I desperately wanted to demolish. And made a small side-bet with.
I’m a fucking idiot.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Jeebus, Reggie, you have 8:29 left on my online clock. Drew could throw TWO more.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Seattle counted on the Rams to be fuckups…
and it worked out.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
YES!!!!!!!! MCGAHEE WITH THE USELESS TD TO COVER THE SPREAD!!!!! MY BATSHIT INSANE PARLAY IS STILL ALIVE!!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
OOOhhh 5 seconds, first Giant Injury!
September 13th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Holy fuck. Brees with another one.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Joe Buck describes sprained wrist as upper body injury. Did Bellichick teach an announcers course?
September 13th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
That Dolphins game was balls in my mouth…. I guess I’ll try to ease the pain with 6 more hours of football
September 13th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
That was fun. One of my dogs had a seizure, and I had to take him to the vet just as the second half started. What’d I miss? Checks scores, listens to talking heads. Apparently, nothing.
/Dog’s fine
September 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
3rd INT by Stafford. He’s living to that standard set by Scott Mitchell, Andre Ware, Joey Harrington and so many other Lions legends.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@J-Lo’s Phishy Odor
Agreed. I skipped the girly drinks and went straight to the Rum. My husband is waiting to follow since he’s a 9ners fan.
/drinks
//cries
///dick joke
September 13th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
@Spatula
Yeah, aside from the Johnson-splosion that was the Denver/Cincy game, today has been pretty crappy.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
@Reggie Bush’s Pimp
Rodney Peete. You’re forgetting Rodney Peete.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
6 touchdowns by Brees. Unreal.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I’m just happy that it’s once again the time of year where my entire week can be ruined over a 3 hour period. I love you football, you heartless bitch.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
@ Dr. Steve Brule: I try to forget Rodney Peete whenever possible. But not Holly Robinson-Peete’s bootylicious booty back in her “Hanging with mr. Cooper” days.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
hahahahahahaha holy shit stokely hahahahahahahaha
/dick joke
September 13th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Stokley, idiot.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Golf update: Tiger Woods is good.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I don’t know why, but that statement made me imagine John Madden covering golf.
“You see, what he did here was tap the ball with his putter. Not everyone knows that. Only experience teaches you that.”
September 13th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
WNBA update:………….I got nothin’.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
MLB Update: Who the fuck cares.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
LPGA Update: Natalie Gubis misses Ben.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Professional Curling Championships Update: Scotland Upsets Canada
September 13th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Dead Hooker Update: Still dead.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Tila Tequila update: still could use some choking.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Fantasy Football Update: I will choke Andy Behrens tonight…at dawn.
September 13th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
SuperAIDS Update: The guy who tipped the pass to Stokley was injected with SuperAIDS by McDaniels when he wasn’t looking.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Joe Buck update: Still a dick
September 13th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Gus Johnson Update: Considering calling his physician as he is experiencing an erection lasting more than 3 hours
September 13th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Thank god AD went crazy, guy Im playing had brees. AD actually got 1 more point according to Yahoo.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Quizono’s update: still toasty.
September 13th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Did anyone else just hear “You don’t pussyfoot around Mike Holmgren”? Did I have a stroke and imagine that?
September 13th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
DiGiorno’s update: Still not delivery.
September 13th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
Redskins update: waited 58 minutes to play offense
September 13th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
HEY. I get some Niners. Awesome.
September 13th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Hey I got Brees and McGahee on my squad. Don’t hate me, I’m just the MOTHERFUCKING MAN!!!
Oh yeah…GO COWBOYS!!!
September 13th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
I am SO stoked for God’s explanation for this week.
September 14th, 2009 at 7:12 am
Andy Reid is an idiot. Up 31-10 and you run a QB sneak? Maybe, and this is crazy talk I know, you draft some 250lb back from middle-directional-tech state for that purpose?
September 14th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I mean, it’s a video recorder. You should be able to edit those dropped balls out.
It’s new technology, dammit.